Disclaimer: I don't own FFIX

Moonflower

I turned in my bed again that night. Tomorrow is the big day…it's the day when we go to fight Kuja. I turned over on my side again and saw Dagger lying in the bed across from me. Her face looked peaceful for once. Comforted by sweet dreams.

"Dagger…" I call her name into the silence of the room. She's the reason for me doing all of this. I sat up and looked at the moon through the window. We were staying in the Black Mage Village that night. It was close by the Iifa tree and we wanted to be somewhere without too much commotion.

I shifted in the sheets and sat up against the headboard of the bed. I heard Rusty's snores all the way from the other side of the room. I gave a small chuckle before looking back out at the moon…and the memory came back.

I've been trying to bury it in the back of my mind ever since we came back, but it appears that I can't. I'm lying to myself when I say "It's okay, I've forgotten it all…" The truth is…you can't forget. You can't forget that you could've been the one that killed everyone…instead of saving them.

Angel of Death…

Garland called me his Angel of Death. Thinking about it, I realized that I could have been the one that killed Daggers's mother instead of Kuja. I could have been the one that caused all the grief that she experienced…and Kuja? Well…Kuja could have been me.

Who would I be then? Would I still be Zidane? Or would I be Kuja?

Thinking about it makes me it makes me feel like screaming. Screaming until it all comes out. All that I've felt while traveling. Everything...

I feel trapped in this body. Like it is my prison for some wrong I have committed and I never knew what I did in the first place. Will the feeling ever go away?

I turn to look at my companions in the dark…my eyes land on Dagger once again. The pretty little princess that knew nothing about the world. So naïve…like a small child. Innocence...purity…she was un-tainted. It struck me as odd when she asked me to kidnap her that day on the theater ship. We went to kidnap her and she wanted to be kidnapped.

I remember when I saw her for the first time. I guess you can say it was love at first sight…but no. It was different. Because in my heart, I had a feeling that something big was going to happen. This was no ordinary kidnapping. When we left Lindblum that time and she ran off without us knowing, the only thing that went through my mind was "I have to find her again."

And I did…back in Alexandria when the ugly ass Queen Brahne was going to kill her own…

…I can't really say daughter, since Brahne isn't Dagger's biological daughter. But…when I found out she was going to kill Dagger, I felt a fire brewing in my heart. I had to get to Dagger. I had to make sure she was safe.

We went through a lot on the Outer Continent. Dagger found out her true origins and we met Eiko…they were the last two summoner's in existence. When I saw Dagger cry at the tree…I felt my heart break along with hers. It hurt me to see her in pain….and I felt myself beginning to change even more.

Back in Alexandria, I was dazed. I didn't know what to do anymore. Garnet was now Queen…and I knew I was being selfish but I didn't care. I didn't want to express my feelings to the others. I just wanted to be left alone. Dagger lost her voice after Alexandria was destroyed. All I could do was comfort her and tell her everything would be okay.

She did eventually get her voice back and we went to Terra…where I found out the truth. I snapped and turned my back on everyone. I didn't want to burden them with such a "selfish bastard". They tried to convince me that they didn't care who I was. I was still Zidane. And they still wanted to be my friend.

I didn't want to listen. I told them to shut up. I could take care of myself. Dagger was the one that made me finally realize the truth. That I had to chose which side I was on. She hoped I would stay with Gaia. And…I did. If I didn't, I most likely wouldn't be here right now.

She turns in her sleep and gives a small mumble and snuggles further into the sheets. Dagger's changed since she's traveled around the world…we all have.

Vivi was afraid that he wasn't human. He was afraid of dying. He overcame that fear after finding the Black Mage Village and his own sense of self.

Eiko…she's not alone anymore. Against her grandfather's wishes, she left Madian Sari. She may still be a kid, but she's got the mouth and brain of a young lady.

Rusty…hehe, Steiner. I guess I can say he's changed. He's given Dagger more room. He's not as overprotective of her as he used to be. Guess he's learned a thing or to from this country bumpkin, eh?

Quina. Er…she/he hasn't really changed. I mean, we hardly know anything about her/him. Quina really just…likes to eat a lot…and I guess she's figured out there's more than one type of frog in the world…if you know what I mean.

Freya…still chasing after Fratley. She saw with her own two eyes that he hasn't died and that he still lives on to this day. Her pain was eased, knowing that the love of her life is not gone forever.

Amarant...I guess I still don't know how his mind works, as does he mine. I wonder if he still wants a rematch for me kicking his ass back in Madain Sari…oh well…I guess we'll never understand each other.

I turn on my side and look back into the darkness. The only light is the moonlight coming through the window. I gave a sigh and fell back into the pillows on the bed. Turning on my side, I try to get comfortable.

I turned again, this time my arm hangs off of the bed. After 5 minutes, this position doesn't work. I turn again this time on my back. I close my eyes.

Rusty's snoring is keeping me up…

I get out of bed and cross the floor over to his bed. Taking a spare pillow I find off in the corner I put it over his face. That muffles the noise some...

He swats at the pillow and it falls off.

I give a sigh and looked at my bed. To hell with it, I'll just go sleep outside…

Believe it or not, I actually like sleeping outside. It gives me a sense of peace, and I need it with all that's happened. My thoughts go back to Terra. Just what did Garland do to me that made me act that way?

I felt so empty…

Nothing made sense to me. I felt like a vessel. I didn't have a soul. It felt like I was dying…I knew nothing. I was nothing. Is that what it would feel like if I was just a regular Genome?

I close my eyes briefly, but someone calls my name. "Zidane?" I open one eye. It's Dagger. She looks at me for a moment and then asks me "What are you doing out here?"

"Rusty kept snoring." I said. My tail gives a small wiggle as if confirming this.

She gives a small chuckle and then looks me in the eyes. She sits down at my feet and looks down at the ground. "Zidane…are you nervous?" she asks.

I look at the dark sky and shake my head. "There's nothing to worry about…" I said. What I'm saying is a lie. I don't know how I kept it together this long…nothing but lies…

"I'm sorry Dag…" I said, sitting up.

She gives me a confused look. "What do you mean?"

I scratched my head. "I'm not myself…" I said.

She stood up and shook her head. "Zidane…are you still…"

I looked away from her. I knew what she was going to say. Am I still worried? Worried that I might become the Angel of Death?

"Zidane…it's over, there is no need to think about it any longer…" She said.

"I know but…" I began. She interrupted.

She gave a sigh and turned around to look at me. "Zidane Tribal! There will be none of this sadness while I Queen Garnet Til Alexandros the 17th am around!" She put her hands on her hips.

I looked at her. She tried to give me her best menacing face and a small smile was making its way across my lips. "I am so very very sorry Your Majesty!" I said in a mocking tone, and bowed my head.

She gave a small giggle and walked over to me. "Zidane…were here for you if you need someone to talk to, remember that, alright?"
She paused and then gave me a small kiss on the cheek, causing the both of us to turn bright red. "I'll…I'll see you in morning. Goodnight Zidane…please cheer up, okay?"

I nodded and gave her my best reassuring look. "I will."

She smiled at me and then headed in. I looked back to the moon. I am Zidane Tribal. I'm not Kuja. I'm not Garland's Angel of Death, I am Zidane. I'm no one else. And that's all I need to be…

Dagger…Thanks…

Fin