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Crepes & Cream
Karol aimlessly roamed the forest near their campsite, ever watchful not to lose sight of the fire. The last thing he wanted in that moment was getting lost and screaming for help again. But help was exactly what he needed at that moment.
He had been pondering for quite a while now. It would only be so long till they ran into the Hunting Blades again, and with that, Nan. His beloved Nan. He would do anything to finally conquer her heart and yet, at every opportunity he would say something stupid and drive her away again. He had no idea what to do but turn for his friends for advice. But who?
As he could recall, Yuri was said to be bad with women and Karol didn't know if he'd even ever had a girlfriend. Or wanted one. Estelle would surely love to help him any way she could, no doubt. The problem was more about her obvious lack of life experience. She would never understand such a complex girl like Nan. Rita would just laugh at him and tell him to get lost. He could ask Judith, but that would be way too embarrassing, and he never made sense of what she was talking about anyway. Which left him with only one option: Raven.
Surely Raven would have more than enough to talk about girls, considering his advanced age and...demeanor. Yet, Karol didn't know if the old man's tips would be any good, or if he would make fun of him for even trying. Aimlessly he wandered...
"Come on, Karol! If you can't bring yourself asking for help, you will never cough up the courage to ask her to be you girlfriend," he murmured to himself.
He took a deep breath and walked towards the camp, trying to look strong and determined. He stepped out of the woods and took a look around. Yuri was already asleep, using Repede as his pillow. The two girls were goofing around in their tent, their silhouettes visible on the cloth wall. But wait a minute, where they...kissing!? Nah, couldn't be, they were both girls. And one of them was Rita, after all. Anyway, no sign of Judith, as usual, but also no sign of Raven.
"Ah well, it was worth a try..." Somewhat relieved, Karol shrugged and moved towards his bedroll.
"Hey, you're back!" Raven shouted from behind him.
"Aw, crap."
Karol turned around, sprouting a weak faked grin.
"Y-yeah, I think it's time for me to take a nap, and all. It's late."
"Yep, you young'uns should see about gettin' enough sleep, 'specially when they've yet a lotta growin' ta do." Raven gave him a wink. "But so should the elderly. So, g'night ma boy."
"Yeah, right," Karol chuckled nervously.
He could do it. He just had to ask him, no biggie. For Nan.
"Umm, Raven?"
"Yeah? You need a good night kiss from ol' Raven?"
"Wha-? No!" Karol stomped his foot. "I just wanted to talk to you about...something."
"Easy boy, you're waking the others." The old man patted his head. "So, watcha wanna talk about?"
"Maybe we could...um...go somewhere more private?"
"More private? Now you've gone and peaked that old man's interest, heh. Lead the way."
Karol led them behind a nearby rock, close enough for a bit of light, but far enough to ward against prying ears. Not that there would be any. He sat down, back against the stone, and pulled his knees to his chest.
"So, what's up?" Raven placed himself on a smaller rock in front.
"Promise me you want laugh."
"Aw, come on! Ol' Raven would never laugh at someone's problems." His sleazy grin didn't help to dissipate the boy's doubts.
"Okay..."
"'Is it about girls?"
"How d-? I mean, what do..."
"Now, now," Raven interrupted him. "It's plain to see for everyone."
"It...is?"
"Cause it is. You've been down in the dumps the last coupla days now. And women are my specialty, so naturally, you'd ask me 'bout help."
"Looks like you got me there, hehe." Karol sheepishly examined his shoes. "Well, it's about..."
"Nan," Raven finished his sentence.
"That obvious, heh?"
"Or are there any other girls you've got the hots for? Is it Rita?"
"Eww, no! I'd rather date a bug!"
"Ah, I'll make sure ta let 'er know."
"Hey! You're supposed to help me here!" Karol grumbled. "It's about Nan and no one else."
"Alright. What's the problem?"
"The problem? She hates me! Nothing I do will ever be good enough for her."
"So forget about her. There are plenty of cute girls out there."
"But I like her! Very...much. I want to tell her what she means to me, but...but I just can't"
"Ma boy, you've done well to ask ol' Raven for help." He stood up for an expressive posture. "Lemme introduce you to the secrets of winnin' a woman's heart!"
"Are you sure you can make her...like me?"
"Pfff," Raven scoffed. "When I'm done with you, she'll want you!"
"So, what do I have to do?" Karol's eyes began to gleam.
"Step one: don't be yourself. She doesn't like you and nothing will change that."
"But..."
"Instead..." he made a dramatic pause. "You hafta find someone she likes and be like that guy."
"Hm. She said she likes strong men. Like Clint."
"Bingo! Be like that big guy, only...smaller. Try ta speak like him, act like him, do stuff he does and all that."
"Are you sure this will work?"
"What, do you want my help or not? You know, I could be sound asleep, dreamin' of sexy Judy instead..."
"No, no! Please continue, I'm sorry."
"Alright, step two: Don't. Be. Nice." He poked Karol's knee with every word.
"What?"
"Think 'bout it. Is this Clint fella ever nice to her?"
"Um, no...?"
"Does she get the big-eyes for him?"
"I guess so."
"You see? Nice guys always get the short stick. Show her who's boss and she'll come runnin' for you, not the other way round."
"Well, he does treat her somewhat bad..."
"Step three: bake crepes for her. All girls love crepes."
"But wouldn't it be, you know, nice to make sweets for her?"
"Yeah, but that's kinda an exception to the rule. Be rough, make crepes. Guess you're too young to catch the logic behind that."
"No, I think I get it!" Karol jumped up, smiling triumphantly. "Show her you care for her, but not so much she can put you on a leash."
"Um...yeah. That's...about what I meant. Anyway, step four: be like Raven. Cause Raven gets all the cute girls he wants."
"But I thought I should be like Clint."
"What? Oh yeah, you see, if Clint and ol' Raven had a baby..."
"Umm..." Karol looked visibly confused.
"Just...just forget that. Imagine this Clint guy as the crepe, then Raven is the sweet cream on top. A little Raven makes everything better," he winked.
"Okay..."
"And that's about it. Think you got everything?"
"So I have to be like a very rude crepe with Raven-cream on top, serving...another crepe."
"Rudely."
"What?"
"Well, you shouldn't go to her like 'Hey honey, I made you this tasty treat because I luv you so very much, nu nu nu.'" Raven faked a ditzy girl's voice.
Karol just stared at him blankly.
"You give her the plate and say 'Hey babe. Made this for you, so eat up!'"
More staring.
"Trust me, chicks dig that!"
"If you say so."
"She'll be all over you before you know it, promise."
"Well, thanks. I guess."
"You should get some sleep now. Think about watcha gonna do and next time you see her, you'll sweep her off her feet!" He patted Karol, then stretched his arms. "G'night ma boy."
"Night, Raven."
After the old man was gone, Karol kept sitting there for some minutes, thinking about Raven's words. He wasn't sure he understood every part of it, but he appreciated the help. It would take some time to learn how to behave like his former boss and his crepe-skills could need some improvement too. But he would manage. For Nan.
Several days later, at Karol's request, the party was paying Dahngrest a visit. The boy had spent the time honing his rough image, albeit in secret, and fixing crepes for the group at every possible opportunity. He also tried to imitate Clint's appearance, attaching a huge metal ring to his belt buckle and he even convinced Estelle to style his hair, much to the princess's amusement. But to achieve his goal, he would endure every mockery of his unwitting friends.
"What? Why!?" Rita snarled at Karol's request.
"Please, you're about the same age and she won't suspect anything if you ask her. Just tell her to wait by the bridge."
"Forget it."
"Oh come on, Rita. Just this once!" Estelle came to the boy's aid. "For me?"
"Argh, fine!" she sighed. "But you owe me one, twerp."
"Thanks!" Karol's sudden attempt to hug Rita was thwarted by a blood-freezing stare. "O-okay. I'll be in the kitchen fixing some crepes, the rest of you can rest here at the inn."
"Oh Karol, that's so sweet of you! I'm sure she'll be very touched by your gesture," Estelle chirped. "I'm rooting for you!"
"Making crepes for the girl you love..." Judith raised an eyebrow. "I wonder who'd taught you that."
"Yeah, well, I'll be going now, hehe. See you later!" Karol shot for the kitchen.
"Ahh, ain't that somethin'. They grow up so fast." Raven swung his feet onto the table. "Almost brings a tear to ma eye."
"You've got something to do with that, old man?" Yuri asked.
"What, me? Nah, ol' Raven's just happy the boy's finally takin' a step, that's all."
"Sure it is..." His eyes followed the blue-haired Krytian's steps towards the door. "And where are you going?"
"Oh, I heard the bridge is lovely this time of the day. Or do you intend on staying here?" The corner of her mouth formed a slight upward curve.
"Hm, might as well." Yuri grabbed his sword and rose to his feet.
"Count me in. Ol' Raven's never skippin' on a good show."
"Hey, I'm coming, too!"
The four of them left the inn and gathered at a good spot where they could observe the bridge without being too evident.
"There's Nan!" Estelle pointed at the girl.
"Cheerful as always," Yuri snidely remarked.
"I hafta admit, Boy's got a good taste. Give 'er five years and I'll show her th- Oww!" Raven winced in pain. "Judy darlin', I'm hurt!"
"I'll hurt you a lot more if you don't keep shut," she smiled.
"Quiet. She'll hear us," Yuri hushed them.
After few minutes lying in waiting, Karol finally appeared at the scene, plate in hand, hustling at first but as he neared the bridge, falling into a more relaxed pace. Like he had practiced so many times recently, he put his chest out and was taking big, manly steps, the heavy iron ring pulling dangerously on his belt...
Hearing him approach, Nan turned towards him, confused by the sight presented to her.
"Karol."
"Hey Nan." He slapped on his best tough-guy grin.
"What's with you? You look ridiculous."
"Nah, I look manly. Don't you dig my new style?"
"No. Did you want something?"
"Uh, yeah." He looked at the plate. "Ol' Karol made you somethin', so you better eat up, babe!"
"What the..."
Just as Karol leaned forward to present the plate, the draw on his belt was finally too much for his garment to handle and his pants were yanked to his ankles, flashing his teddy bear briefs for the world to see.
Instinctively, he let go of the food to hold up his dignity, only to watch the plate, along with his dreams, shatter on the cobblestone in slow-motion.
"CRAP!"
"I think it's pronounced crêpe," Nan noted straightfaced.
"I-I wanted to g-give that to you, but...rudely," Karol stammered, tears welling up in his eyes. "You can still eat it, there's just a little dirt and shards..."
"Karol."
"Huh?"
"Stop. You are only making a fool out of yourself trying to be someone you are not."
"B-but I..."
"You haven't learned anything." Nan turned away from him in disgust. "Get out of my sight."
Karol tried to protest, but the tears choked up every word he tried to utter. Defeated, he slumped to the ground, fists clenched in despair.
"Guess it didn't go so well," Yuri said plainly.
"Poor kid. Maybe I should see to cheer him up tonight." Judith made a sad pout.
"Raven's terribly suff'rin with the boy, I think I need some cheer-up t- Oww!"
"There you are!" Rita rounded the corner, arms crossed. "Huh? The old man in pain and Karol crying? What's to celebrate?"
"Rita, please be considerate of Karol," Estelle intervened. "It didn't go very well and we should all try to support him, as his friends."
"So she told him?"
"Um...told him what?"
"About her boyfriend. What else would he be sobbing about?"
"SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND?!" Karol screamed from behind her.
"Oops."
Tears streaming down his face, Karol leaped from the bridge into the water below and died. The end.