This is my first fanfiction so please be gentle to me. It's based on the song Style by Taylor Swift (and my understanding about it). I own nothing, just the story. It really is a one shot but we'll see where it goes. So please review you awesome nerds
Last time I checked the time is 12:15. It's midnight and why does this little devil with a really sexy smirk outside my house?! Okay, I haven't take a look outside to see that godly sexy smirk but I'm pretty sure she's doing it. I keep on staring at the text she just send me a minute ago
"Look outside ;)"
Okay, I'm not hallucinating. She really did texted me. To be honest, seeing her name pop to my phone screen makes my heart race. She affects me like this and I don't know why or how. I take a look outside to see if it wasn't a prank or something. While nearing the window my heart beats faster and faster like it would ripped off my chest. Then, I see her in that mustang she love. I can't clearly see her face because it's dark but I totes see that smirk that I love. I knew it! She just turned off her headlights and tapping her fingers to the steering wheel. It's funny how I see my relationship with her is like the headlights. It just goes on and off, like one day it will just end. There's a buzz on my phone that jumps me back to reality.
"Let's go out :)"
The text that makes my heart skipped a beat. This feelings of excitement, nervousness or is this just really a panic attack because I haven't reply to her. Yet. Well, I didn't know what to say! What are you gonna say to a woman, whose your "girlfriend" that haven't contact you for a long time? Not even a hi or hello or how are you doing. There's just nothing which hurts. You have the girl of your dreams and then suddenly she's gone. But now she appears again and you hate yourself for preparing and dragging yourself down to her. What am I expecting to this? I know, I'm just hurting myself but why do I feel I need to see her? After all she's done. Ugh, just tell her to leave. Yeah, that's right. Tell her to leave because she hurt you a lot. You don't want to feel that again. Tell her that. Sighing I turned the door knob and there she is. Beca Effin Mitchell is outside my house. The hottest dj and in demand music producer in hollywood. She's still breathtakingly gorgeous.
"Hi Beautiful" Beca said with a smirk
"Umm... uhh.." get your shit together Beale! Tell her to leave. You know how this relationship will end. You don't want to be hurt anymore. Wipe that smirk in her face "Hello..." and that's all you came up. Why can't you just leave her? Chloe Beale is an independent woman who doesn't want to get hurt again. But she loves Beca Mitchell too.
"Let's get on the road, shall we?" Beca open the door to her car and allow me to get in. When she settles on the driver seat, I stared at her eyes. I miss those eyes. It's full of dreams that you can't just stop starring. She might have notice me starring because suddenly I felt those soft lips that I crave everyday. It was a soft kiss but I still think it's amazing.
"I love that red lip of yours and I can't just stop myself" she said as she starts the car. Our drive to somewhere, which I really didn't ask where went by silence. She put some music on but still the silence between us is so loud. I just take this opportunity to think. Do I really want this? I love her. I know that, heart and soul but does she love me back? Yes, we're each other's girlfriend, even the media knows but why is she like that? Am I not important to lend even a couple of time? Does she know she's hurting me? Beca please give me a sign here. What's really on your mind?
"I love your skirt" she mumbled. What wait? Did I said that out loud?
"What?" I asked
"I love that skirt of yours. You always wear it" she smiled
I look at her properly and scanned what she's wearing. Oh, of course she's wearing her black leather jacket and that white v-neck that I love. Those jeans and her combat boots. I know, she's a badass bad girl type which is so opposite to my good girl faith self. What can I say? Opposites do really attract. I didn't know how much time had passed since we're here. She stopped her car and quickly got out to open my door.
"We're here" she smiled
I scanned the place and it was the beach. As soon as my feet touch the sand, I felt the ocean breeze. I lean in to her car and closed my eyes. The breeze, that salty smell and those crushing sounds of the waves always makes me calm down. It's been an hour or so and it clears my mind. I know what to do.
"Beca, we need to talk" I shuddered. She took of her jacket and put it on my shoulders "Sure"
"Okay... umm... so how are you doing?" I asked
"I'm good. Been really busy with work. You know how many artist wants to collab music" she said
"I know..."
"How about you?" she asked
"I don't know" I honestly said
"Why? You know, this new album that I'm working on with Rihanna is really gonna be epic. I've been looking forward to work with Beyonce too. If she pick me to do her album that would be the best of the best. Does that make sense? It kinda does..."
"You're crazy" I cut her
"What?" she asked
"I said YOU'RE CRAZY!" I yelled
"What? Dreamin..."
"See?! CRAZY!" I cut her "You have this many exciting things you want to do. I totally get that but you're crazy! Didn't you just heard what I said? I don't know. I don't fucking know how I am?!" I snap
"Why?" she asked
"Why? Why?! Are you fucking serious right now?!" I asked in disbelief
"I know, I've been busy"
"Yup. You've been so busy that you can't call your girlfriend even once! No hi or hello. Hell, you didn't even call to know how I've been. Not to mention you didn't even reply to those messages I sent you!" I said, tears threatening to leave my eyes
"I've been busy with work" she said in a low tone
"Don't give me that bullshit Mitchell! It's been 5 to 6 months and not a single call or text from you? What a girlfriend does that?! Oh, I know. You do!" I said in a high pitch tone
"Chloe, I..." she starts
"No! Don't cut me. This is the time I say my feelings okay? So please just listen to me" I said tears already flowing in my face, she nodded "The moment that we met is the best thing that happen to my life. I get to meet my soul mate and that's you Beca Mitchell. You have that dreamy eyes and that smirk that I happen to really love. Everybody said that you're just trouble. That we shouldn't be together because you'll just hurt me or because you're not my type. But guess what? I broke my rules for you! I said to myself that they just don't know my Beca. She might be the badass bad girl type but I know she will be good to me. And those months that we spend together was.. no.. is really amazing. You prove me I was right. That we're in this together. You and me against the world! Then, one day, you go back to your life and decides to never talk to me again. No words said. No nothing. You left me hanging Beca! You left me hanging like I didn't meant shit to you! And you want to know what really make it hurts?! The fact that you make it look so easy. Because if that was me, I couldn't do it and I know you know that because of how many missed calls and messages I left you. Beca... why? Am I not worth your explanation? Am I not worth your time? Am I not even worth it for you?" I look in to her eyes while crying like a mess
"Chloe... I.. um.. I'm sorry. I understand your feelings. I know it's a really dick move but I'm... I'm sorry. I got scared" she whisper, I nod at her for her to continue "I got scared because you make me feel things that I don't want to feel. You make me care about you that I really want to deny it. It's not me. I'm the closed off girl that everybody hates and you loved me. I leave because I'm scared that one day you'll eventually hate me and I can't take that risk"
"Well, there's no difference now is it?" I asked in annoyance
"I know. I hurt you so now, you hate me. I'm really sorry Chlo. I'm sorry for hurting you. Sorry that I got fucking scared" she cries
"You should have told me" I said in a hush tone. We cried in silence. Both trying to calm ourselves up by looking in the ocean. I know she wants to touch me but we both know it's not the right time to do that. Minutes had passed and I remember something
"I heard, that.. umm.. t-that you've been out and about with some other girl" it came out like it was a question
"To be honest? What you've heard is true but I can't stop thinking about you" she said
"Ohh..." that is all I came up. I want to believe that those rumour aren't true. That she'll deny it. I don't know what to react about her honesty. I just felt a huge pang in my heart. Tears are starting to form in my eyes again. I can't breathe. It's like the world's falling apart and there's nothing I could hold on. Walking to make a little distance to her and as I close my eyes, I let out a shaky breath. Focusing to the sounds of the waves. Calm down Chloe Beale. Just calm down. Think about your next move and leave this pain your feeling in this ocean. I think half an hour had passed, well I don't really know. I stood up, my thoughts are cleared and I walk up to her. She's like a mess like me. Though, she wiped her face fast and give me a sad smile which turns into frown. Old habits don't die. Softie on the inside then badass on the outside
"Take me home" I cleared my throat
"Chl.."
"Just take me home" I said sternly
"Okay" she said in defeat. I gave her jacket back and quickly got on the car so she couldn't do that chivalry. Disappointment is evident in her face while she hop on and starts the car. The ride home was not as awkward like earlier. It's like the tension just drop since we both knew the story of each side. But it doesn't make me stop to think about my next move. Looking out in the window and I'm lost with my thoughts. Time had passed and there it is. Hom.. "Home" she said. I got out of the car and make my way to the door. When I was about to turn the door knob, I heard her get out of the car. Sighing, this is your next move Chloe Beale. It needs to be done. Taking a breath and I turned my way to her. We meet halfway and this is it
"We need to break up" there I said it. The word vomit. It's like a poison to my mouth. I look into her eyes which is a big mistake because all I see is sadness. She was about to cry again and I caused it.
"What?" she asked in a low tone
"I'm breaking up with you" I look straight into her eyes
"Chlo, please. You're all I think about. Please. I.. I.."
"Beca" I cut her "I can't do this anymore. I'm tired of guessing if you really want this. If you really want me."
"I want you Chloe. I know I shouldn't cheat and trust me when I say she's nothing" she cried
"I can't just sit in this carousel relationship!" I yelp
"Carousel relationship?" she asked
"Yes! The moment that I decided to leave is where you attracts me to stay. We're just going around this cycle! It's not healthy anymore. I'm tired, okay? I'm sick and tired of trying for us. And don't you dare say that I'm the one who wants this so maybe I'm not hurting. Guess what? This thing that I'm doing is hurting me too. So much.." I whisper "But I know this is for the best. I need to let you go even if it kills me. We need to grow. We can't be just stuck in one page and just re-read it again."
"How about a new chapter?" she whispers
"We'll have a new chapter but sadly we can't be together in that" I sighed
"I'm sorry" she look deep in my eyes "I'm sorry for all the shit I've done to you. I'm sorry that I'm the one who caused you pain. I'm sorry because I got scared and let the best thing in my life slip away. I know sorry can't fix us but I'm just sorry. I.. I understand you Chlo. You don't deserve all those shit that I've done. You deserve much better than that. Umm... ugh... god! I'm so stupid" she laughed bitterly
"You're not stupid, Becs" I reach her hands
"Yes, I am" she kissed my hands "Otherwise we won't break up. You're the one and only Chloe Beale. The one who love my imperfections" she let go of my one hand and cupped my face "And my one big mistake is for letting her go"
"Just because we can't be together doesn't mean I won't love you Beca Mitchell. You know I will always love the big BM" I lean into her hand
"And I to you. You're such an amazing woman Chloe Beale. You are so amazing that you're so powerful" she took off her hand to my cheek and she look sincerely to my eyes "Why are you so powerful? You're taking all the power I have to walk away from you" she spilled a tear and I couldn't just help myself. I lean in and kiss her. It was slow but passionate. I could taste the saltiness from her tears. She move her hand to the back of my neck to deepen the kiss. It's amazing. Like the world just stop turning and you just want to pause this moment. But, unfortunately, you can't and this is your last kiss. I pull out and we're both catching our breath. Foreheads touching and you're just savouring this moment.
I love you Beca Mitchell "Goodbye Little Dj" I said in a low tone
"So long Chlo Bear" she said in a hush tone. It's been so long since I heard her say that pet name. Dragging myself to the house. My feet felt so heavy. When I was about to close the door, I heard her whimper. I didn't look back because I know I'll give in. I can't do that because we both need this. As I got to my room I heard her car starts and she's gone. I lounge in my bed and then I lost it. I cried and cried. I just want all of this heavy things I'm feeling inside my chest to be gone.
"Beca Mitchell. Maybe, one day we'll meet again. When we're slightly older and matured. That time I'll be right for you and you'll be right for me. You... and maybe you'll be ready to fall in love with me by then. I can't wait for that time. Always take care my little dj." I smiled. It's a sad smile. I drift into slumber as my thoughts remain to her.