So, this story... It's my baby. I've been working on this since last June, probably. Back when I first fell madly in love with the amazing that is Teddy/Dominique. I love this so much. It's going to be a three-shot, because I've never done a three-shot, and I like to branch out from drabbles and insanely long shots and poetry.
I probably shouldn't be starting this now with everything else going on... Screw it. I'm uploading.
The music in this story is the work of the amazing Ellie Goulding. I'm so obsessed with her. The songs are the bits in italics. The song for this chapter is The Writer.
Reviews are much appreciated.
...
You wait for a silence,
I wait for a word,
Lying next to your frame,
Girl unobserved.
...
She's a contradiction. Bold and brash, but sometimes it feels like she's invisible. Like she's screaming at the the top of her lungs, but someone's pressed mute.
She's stubborn and tell-it-like-it-is, but if you'd ask what's on her mind she'll lie.
The girl who's spent her hold life trying not to care. Pretending she's not insecure, pretending she just doesn't give a shit. (She does.)
In the end, she's just an actress and all of this is just a stage.
And sometimes it feels like she's just waiting for her credits to roll.
...
You change your position,
You're changing me,
Casting these shadows,
Where they shouldn't be.
...
She realizes she loves Teddy Lupin when she's fourteen, and she can think is: Shit.
So what if she's had crush on him since forever? She just pushed away those feelings, hid them until they came bubbling up again. Just like she pushed away everything. If she doesn't acknowledge it maybe it'll just go away.
It was a childish crush, she convinced herself. (Lies, lies, lies. Maybe if she repeats them enough, she'll believe them eventually.)
It isn't supposed to be her - Dominique. It's supposed to be Victoire because she's built like a supermodel, more beautiful than she'll ever be, and just so fucking perfect. She's the wrong sister.
She wonders if her sister evens loves Teddy, or if he just a playing piece in her mind.
It's not like she meant to fall in love with him. But... it's just that their hands brush and her heartbeat quickens and why is he looking at her that way?
She can't love him. She can't. Because he won't love her back, and she's not sure if she'll be able to handle that.
So, she just gives him a weak smile and just hopes he smiles back.
...
We're interrupted,
By the heat of the sun,
Trying to prevent,
What's already begun,
You're just a body,
I can smell your skin,
And when I feel it,
You're wearing thin.
...
She hates looking the mirror. It always feels like she's stepped into a hall of fun house mirrors. Because all she sees are imperfections. The little voices in her head chorus, "That's ugly, you're ugly, you're not her."
Her skin is too pale, her strawberry blond hair's full of frizzy curls, her nose is too big... She hates it. How did she end up like this, when her family is so fucking beautiful?
She punches the mirror and shatters the glass. Shards of glass stick in her knuckles and scarlet blood seeps out. She wraps her hand up and doesn't bother fixing the stupid mirror.
...
But I've got a plan,
Why don't you be the artist,
And make me out of clay?,
Why don't you be the writer,
Decide the words I say?
...
It's the end of the year, and in a way she's happy. She loves Hogwarts, but it'll be a relief to get away.
She's sitting on the long, narrow benches at the House tables wondering where hell everyone is. Keeping a carefully blase look on her face, she just sits, kind of pushing her eggs and sausage around her plate for a few minutes before Teddy sits down nest to her.
"Hey, Dom." He says, grinning his lopsided grin that makes her stomach do acrobatics.
"Hi, Teddy." She smiles back, trying not to stare at him. "What's up?"
"Not much... It's just... Your sister's insane, you know that?" He was just confiding in a friend. A friend who happened to be in love with him.
She isn't sure how she can un-love him. She doesn't think anything will work.
Weakly, she manages an eye roll, "Try living with her, bub."
Teddy laughs, and gives her on of those affectionate half-hug things.
And she's not going to lie and say it didn't make her day.
...
Cause I'd rather pretend,
I'll still be there at the end,
Only it's too hard to ask,
Won't you try to help me?
...
It's Gryffindor's first Quidditch victory, so naturally there's a party in the Common Room. Butter-beer and Firewhiskey are flowing, her head's already starting to spin. A few lovestruck couples are practically groping each other on the couches. Everyone's screaming and cheering and dancing. The music cranked up to the highest volume and it practically courses through her veins.
But she's sitting alone in her corner, drinking a shot-glass of Firewhiskey. She might've scored fifty points in the Quidditch match but no one seems to notice.
It's all so predictable she almost wants to cry. Because this is her life and sometimes it feels like she's just reading a script.
Suddenly, her attention's turned to the center of the room, where a large crowds is cheering obnoxiously.
Her sister and Teddy Lupin are standing there in the circle of people. She sees it all happening before it happens. Their heads tilt, their eyes flicker closed.
She wants to scream; to make everything stop. To press pause. But her voice is hoarse and her eyes prickle and she can't pretend anymore. But just for a second. Then her facade is back in place.
Because what no one knows can't hurt them, right?
Teddy and Victoire kiss at the party. She can't quite understand why she feels physically sick and so damn empty inside.
Yeah, she knows they've kissed before many, many, many times (Merlin, stop, just stop now), but that's not a jarring and painful to actually see it.
That's painful.
Lorcan appears next to her. He's a lot taller, so she kind of has to look up to see his face. His eyes are gray and he feels so broken. She wonders if she looks the same way.
He doesn't say anything. He can tell by the way she bites her bottom lip. By the way her eyes follow him. She feels like Lorcan is looking behind her eyes, picking her apart and he can see everything.
"You love him, don't you?" Lorcan didn't ask; it was a statement.
"Is it that obvious?" She whispers, her throat closing up again.
"No, everyone's just that oblivious." He answers.
She leans her head on his shoulder, and promises herself she won't cry.
...
But I've got a plan,
Why don't you be the artist,
And make me out of clay?
Why don't you be the writer,
Decide the words I say?
Cause I'd rather pretend,
I'll still be there at the end,
Only it's too hard to ask,
Won't you try to help me?
...
They form a weird friendship. It's heavily based on the fact they're both sarcastic, and fairly snarky. They have the same kind of jaded humor. Like they've been shattered and are just barely remembering how to live.
In a way they become each others' constants. The only thing that never, ever leaves.
Most of the time they sneak out to Hogsmeade, get drunk, and end up by the Black Lake watching the stars. She only ever sings when they're wasted, her voice slightly dizzy, but clear and soulful.
"Do-Dom? Do you ev-ever feel like you'll just... like, ex-explode? Because yo-you just love someone too much." Lorcan slurs. It's the kind of question he'll only ask after five Firewhiskeys.
"Yeah, sometimes I-I do, Lorc. S-sometimes I do..." She whispers, her eyes catching a shooting star. But she's looses sight of it.
...
We're interrupted,
By the heat of the sun,
Trying to prevent,
What's already begun,
You're just a body,
I can smell your skin,
And when I feel it,
You're wearing thin.
...
They're sitting under the shade of a tall oak, facing the Black Lake. The wind whips her hair around and she's wearing too much eye-liner. She's not quite sure why he's here, when he could be with her. They're friends. But she supposes that's all they'll ever be, and it kills her inside a little bit each day.
She's not the one he wants, she doubts she ever will be.
Abruptly, she stands up, "I'm going to the water. Coming, Teddy?"
He nods, slowly, and gets up to follow her, because really neither of them can say no to each other.
So, they sit down at the edge of the Black Lake, take off their trainers, and line them up together. She plunges her feet in the water, gasping, slightly surprised by the icy cold.
"Aren't you afraid of getting bitten by the mermaids, Dom?" He teases, nudging her arm. Her breathe hitches in her throat; he's so fucking gorgeous, sometimes she thinks she'll just die.
"I'm not afraid of much anymore." She says, her electric green eyes locking with his.
Absently, she reaches for her bag next to her, pulling out a packet of cigarettes and her scratched silver light. She flicker the switch on the lighter of a few times, lighting the cigarette. Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, she puts it to her lips and inhales. The smoke seeps out of her lips in puffs and she closes her eyes.
"Those bloody things'll kill you one day, Dom." Teddy says, barely masking his disgust.
"Maybe that's the point."
He looks across the lake, sparkling in the sunlight, and pretends he doesn't know what she means.
Maybe they're both liars.
(Liar, liar, we're on fire.)
...
Sat on your sofa,
It's all broken springs,
This isn't the place for,
Those violin strings,
I try out a smile,
And I aim it at you,
You must have missed it,
You always do.
...
Today is the worst day of the year. Because it makes her feel broken up and she's so tired of being broken. She just wants to be whole.
"You look amazing, Dominique." Teddy grins, that infectious grin of his that makes her smile to. She loves how he used amazing and Dominique in the same sentence.
She doesn't feel amazing.
She's wearing a green dress, and it makes her feel awkward and fidgety. Her hair's straight and silky, a big improvement from it's usual mop-top state. Before, she has considered doing it like this everyday, but it never felt like her. She only did it because in was the day after the anniversary of the war (the day after Victoire's birthday). Today's the everyone gets wasted and parties and is thankful they're even alive.
"I look stupid." Because that how she feels.
"You're beautiful, Dom, okay?" He promises. There might be something more than friendship in his voice, but she ignores it because she's done with getting her hopes up just to have them crushed.
And it's been a long time since she's used this smile.
...
'Cause I'd rather pretend,
I'll still be there at the end,
Only it's too hard to ask,
Won't you try to help me?
...
"You should get over him." Lorcan say, his ashy blond hair flopping over his eyes.
There's a sharp, painful look of longing in her eyes. And she's trying so hard to hide it, but she doesn't having an erase emotion button.
"You should get over yourself, Lorcan." She snarls, because she's hopelessly original like that.
(Build up you fortress walls, Dominique.)
"He's such a dick." Lorcan mumbles, his storm cloud eyes dark.
He turns away, sharply. Furiously, she follows him, practically sprinting to keep up with Lorcan's long stride.
Grabbing his shoulders, angrily whipping Lorcan around, she narrows her green-hazel-green eyes. Because she's in love and young and stupid like that.
"Why do you hate him so much, huh?"
Lorcan sneers at her, "Well, sorry for not loving the guy who fucked up my best friend!"
"He didn't fuck me up." She snaps, defending him for some reason, "I was already fucked up."
"He broke you, Dominique!" He explodes, anger boiling his blood, "It's his fault!"
"I-uh...I-I..." Disjointed, stuttering syllables fall from her lips. She's finally run out of words.
"Why, Dom? Just why?" Lorcan is practically spewing venom and she hates it. Confrontation her specialty, but not with him. Never with him. "Why do love him?"
He might have as well asked why the sky's blue. It's just one of those facts of life. Dominique loves Teddy. The sky is blue. Simple as that.
"He can't reciprocate! Merlin, you could do so much better! You deserve so much more!"
"I-I'm not the only one who's broken. You are, too." Her whisper, shadowy and strangled, seems to echo, "Who broke you?"
Sometimes they back each other into corners with questions they can't seem to answer.
...
You wait,
I wait,
Casting shadows,
Interrupted.
...
"Being in love is so fucking stupid." Yeah, she promised herself - and Lorcan - she'd get over him. She lied.
"I know." A gust of air flies out of his mouth, like he's letting go of his words. They fly away and evaporate.
"I never knew you were in love..." It scares her sometimes how well they know each other and how well they don't. They're missing important pieces of each other's pasts.
"There was a girl... And I loved her. A lot. Kind of like you love him. It wasn't... It didn't... She... She didn't love me. At least, not like I loved her, anyways."
This is scarily uncharacteristic of Lorcan. He's too tough. They're both the strong ones. He's steady and she's unpredictable as the a volcano, but maybe they are both made of porcelain at times.
Her eyes skim his face, fresh with hurt, "I'm so sorry, Lorc."
Turning away from her eyes, he mutters something under his breath that sounds way too much like, "You always are."
(Acting like she doesn't hear just like she always does.)
...
You wait,
I wait,
Casting shadows,
Interrupted.
...
Perfection eludes her time and time again.
And, maybe she's got a few cracks. She wears a sign that's saying, "Fix me." No one reads it. Except for maybe him.
...
You wait
...