Putting the Sex Back in Neverland

And it's the Honest-Truth, mateys!

"Now," Carly insisted.

"Sh! The creative juices are bubbling!" Kate put her fingers to her temples.

"Come on, eh?" Carly moaned.

"I've got it!" An evil gleam came over Kate's face.

"Crickey! Took your time!"

"Yes… well… Once upon a time there was a fierce pirate,"

"Ooh! I love pirate stories!" Carly interrupted.

"Carly!" Kate cried indignantly. "Every night you beg for a story and you riddle it with random comments! I can't work like this!"

"Yes you can, you always have and always will."

Kate grumbled something obscene but returned to her tale. "The fierce pirate had a hook in place of his left hand. He was known as Pirate Jim."

"Pirate Jim?" Carly laughed. "What an awful name for a pirate!"

"Well, that was before he became the sexy Captain Hook." Kate wiggled her eyebrows knowingly.

"Imagine trying to get it on with a man with a hook for a hand," Carly stuck her tongue out in disgust. "Though getting it on with anyone would be disgusting. Except for…" she sighed, "Ron Weasley or Peter Pan."

"You," Kate started, "are incredibly weird. Now back to the story. Pirate Jim fought his way to the top through lying, cheating and an impressive repertoire of thievery. His ship was the most luxurious ship in the entire world!" Kate spread her arms wide to demonstrate her point.

"Wow," Carly grinned. "What about his crew, mate?"

"I was just getting there," Kate glared. "His crew was as fierce as a crew could be, but also just as stupid as your common illiterate scum-bunny from Tennessee."

"Hey, what's your beef with Tennessee?" Carly asked.

"I don't have a beef with Tennessee." Kate said.

"Then why did you say 'common illiterate scum-bunny from Tennessee?'"

"I don't know. It just sounded right."

"Well, change it." Carly said.

"Fine. His crew was as fierce as a crew could be, but also just as stupid as your common illiterate scum-bunny. Period."

"That's better," Carly leaned back against her cot.

"CARLY! KATHLEEN!" A shrill voice echoed to their room. The girls jumped up in terror. This was the fifth time that week that they had been late for dinner. They scrambled from the room and nearly tumbled down the stairs. Kate crashed into Carly at the bottom who in turn ran straight into fat old Miss Gertrude, toppling her over.

"Oh great," they groaned together.

Miss Gertrude lay growling on the floor underneath Carly. Carly rolled off of her. Kate yanked Carly to her feet, leaving Miss Gertrude to push herself up. Clutching one another, they prepared themselves for the onslaught from hell. They were not disappointed.

Miss Gertrude drew herself to her full height and towered over them (she was at least six feet tall.) Face redder than Santa's pants and her nostrils as wide as saucers, she opened her mouth to shout at them. Kate and Carly squinted in preparation (Miss Gertrude tended to spit when she yelled.)

"ALWAYS late for EVERYTHING! It's as though you two are LOST IN some NEVERLAND! I DEMAND you stop your FOOLERY at ONCE! And WHAT ridiculous COSTUMES are you WEARING?! This is NO WAY for young ladies to be ACTING!"

"I'm a pirate," Kate said, brandishing her toy sword. "Argh!"

Miss Gertrude threw her hands up in despair. Girls from the mess hall were poking their heads cautiously around the wall to get a good look at what was going on. It was always good fun to see Kate and Carly getting in trouble, which happened often.

"I can't bear the sight of you! Off to bed! Go!"

Carly and Kate wasted no time running up the stairs. At the top they spun on their heels and ran for their bedroom. Cautiously, they closed the door.

"I hate this place," Carly moaned.

Kate nodded her agreement.

The two girls went to bed obediently, knowing that Miss Gertrude would soon be up to make sure they weren't fooling around. Kate shifted her eye patch to the top of her head and closed her eyes. For a sixteen-year-old, she could certainly act like a ten-year-old. Carly was fifteen and had come to the orphanage four years ago when her parents had died. She found Kate's boundless energy uplifting and had fit right in with her roommate. The other girls in the orphanage had once been smitten with Kate's story-telling and role playing, but were soon taken with boys and other such nonsense. The younger girls still came to Kate's room from time to time, but only Carly was by Kate's side at all times.

Before they drifted off to sleep, a faint breeze crept over the room. They assumed that Miss Gertrude was looking in on them, so Carly began "snoring." Kate felt a shadow over her face, but the shadow left and hovered over Carly.

"Which one is it, Tink?"

There was a jingling noise.

"But they're both really pretty,"

Carly shifted around under the covers, wondering if she was dreaming. Kate sat up and brought out her cheep plastic sword. She brought her feet out of the bed and paced cautiously over to the boy. He was a tall boy and by his head was a glittering fairy zinging about excitedly. She pushed the sword right close to him and said:

"Aha! I have you now, scurvy cur!"

The boy, rather than turning around, shot into the air and clung to the ceiling.

Carly fell out of bed in surprise.

"Who- who are you?" Kate asked, lowering her sword in amazement. The adolescent boy put his hands on his hips.

"Peter Pan,"

Carly and Kate stared in wonderment at him.

"How'd you get in?" Carly asked.

"Through the window, of course!"

"See? I told you it was a good idea to leave it open!" Kate laughed happily.

"But… you're… about… our ages!" Carly cried.

"I came to listen to your stories so much that I got a little older," he said, landing silently on the floor. "I especially like the ones about me."

"You arrogant little twerp!" Carly ejaculated.

Kate laughed. "Will you take us to Neverland?"

Peter grinned. "Only if you swear to never grow up!"

"I solemnly swear I will never grow up!" Carly and Kate chimed. Kate saluted Pan with her sword, which suddenly became real as corn. It was hefty, but Kate knew she could hold it. Her clothes became torn and tattered just like she wanted. She felt like a real Lost Girl. Carly was still in her jim-jams but grinned excitedly none-the-less. Peter beamed at them. Footsteps could be heard in the hallway.

"What's all this noise?" Miss Gertrude's shrill voice penetrated the door.

Peter Pan grabbed onto Tinker Bell, sprayed them both quickly with golden fairy dust and cried "Think a happy thought!"

"Like that's hard," Carly muttered sarcastically and shot into the air.

(So? Is it good? Is it worth continuing? Eh? Oh yes, this will get mighty fine later on my chaps. Whether or not it burns and crashes, my friend Carly and I enjoy the mere idea of this.)