A/N: Well, I'm not sure what to say about this one, so let's just cut to the chase. It'll be three chapters long, with one chapter per day. First attempt at some resemblance of romance, and after so long since writing something, got to say this feels weird, for some reason. Very weird. Anyway, I'll save comments for later.

Disclaimer: I do not own Tales of Xillia 2.

Burden and Feelings

The smoke in the room has settled down. Rideaux was swiftly enough to dodge Ludger's bullets and create a smokescreen to escape. Cursing, the young man twirled his guns back into their hostlers. He was doing his best to maintain his calm demeanor, succeeding mostly because of shock, if nothing else. Looking back, Chancellor Marcia was approaching him, Jude supporting her. A blond woman stood at his side, her face expressionless.

"Please, don't push yourself Chancellor. I did all I could to dispel the sedative effects, but it still going to take some time for the effect to be completely gone."

"Do not concern yourself, young man. You have my thanks." She slowly approached Ludger. "As well as all of you. You're from Spirius, right?" She extended her hand.

"Yeah…" He extended his right arm, but before he could grab her hand, he stopped. The image of a blond woman slipping through his fingers and falling into the abyss was still too fresh on his mind. "Milla…" He stared at his own hand, holding back his feelings just barely.

Slowly, the chancellor dropped her hand, a confused and slight offended look on her face. The woman at his side eyed him with concern.

A childish voice whispered. "Hey, Ludger… Where's Milla?" Ludger closed his hand into a fist, looking sideway while trying to hide his guilt.

"The other one… is gone." Milla said with a distant voice, her face unreadable.

"Hum… Madan?" Marcia looked towards Alvin. "Out of curiosity, did you see what happened here or who was giving orders?"

"No, forgive me. After they captured the ship and imprisoned me, they blindfolded me and gave me some sort of injection. I had trouble understanding what they were saying and my body felt completely numb."

"Yeah, I was afraid of that…" Alvin had a displeased look as he faced Ludger, who barely managed to hide the anger on his face.

The way back was made mostly in silence, save for a few words exchanged between Jude and Milla. It seemed that most of their conversation was made through body language, with very few words needed. Watching the two interact brought mixed feelings towards Ludger. Elle was sitting at his side, a look of distraught in her face. She would occasionally steal glances towards Milla, but would keep her thoughts to herself. Alvin was staring back at the SS Pelune, his thoughts lost at memories from the past, relief and guilt equally mixed in his mind.

The small group was greeted with surprised faces and gasps of relief as everyone dotted on Milla as soon as she was in sight. Even Gaius broke his usual stoic demeanor when he noticed her. Watching everyone' smiles brought a small measure of relief to Ludger. It came with no surprise, considering with how much tenderness they spoke of "their Milla". The same thing couldn't be said about his little companion though, who finally decided to break her silence.

"S-she's not Milla! Don't you guys see it?! She has the same face but she's different! Where's Milla?! I want MY Milla back! I… I…" A hand fell on her shoulder.

"Hush, Elle…" Ludger said softly as he pulled her into a hug. "It's alright…"

"I'm… I'm worried about her…"

"What happened here?" Gaius said as he returned to his more stoic persona.

"Well…"

As Jude explained the situation that occurred at the ship, Ludger comforted Elle, who seemed emotionally numb. He himself wasn't faring much better, but was able to keep things under control. Still, talks about peace treaty and sacrifice among his friends passed through his ears, but were not listened. His thoughts were focused in the times he spent with a woman with impossible long hair and conflicting behavior. He really didn't know what to make of the situation. Chancellor Marcia approached him and gave him her thanks, along with an amulet. She said something that Ludger's mind didn't really hear. He merely smiled weakly and nodded. She gave him a sympathetic look before bowing and leaving with her assistant. The party began to discuss their next move before someone interrupted them.

"Stop calling her Milla! Every time I hear it, I wanna barf!"

Elle's scream and subsequently dash towards the other side of the city broke Ludger out of his reverie. The party looked a little surprise at Elle's outburst. Milla watched with concern as the girl disappeared into the brigde.

"Ernh… I'm sorry about that, everyone." Lugder bowed. He looked towards the blond woman. "Please down hold against her… Milla. She's ju-"

"No need to apologize, Ludger. I understand. You should go after her." Milla said with a somewhat distant voice.

"R-right… Thank you." He nodded before going after Elle.

"Heh… They really do act like father and daughter, don't they?" Leia said with a sad smile.

"Indeed." Rowen absently stroke his beard as he spoke.

Ludger was trying to make sense of his feelings. He was surprise that he hesitated in calling the woman "Milla". Her face and body may be the same, but the tone of her voice, her body language, the way she looks towards him, everything about her felt different, even if they did look the same. But why did this bothered him so much? He did care about Milla, and it's natural to be upset if you see someone who looks just like a recently deceased friend, right? Especially if they died because you weren't strong enough to save them. But at the same time, he felt that it wouldn't be the same if it had happened with anyone else.

"When did things became this complicated…?" He wondered, though he already knew the answer.

He reached the other side of Marksburg. A quick glance and he spotted Elle sitting on the harbor. Her expression was frozen. To his surprise, there was no sight of crying. Her eyes were a little teary, though. He cautiously approached her and sat at her side, quietly. The two of them shared the silence, Ludger gazing at the sky while Elle watched the gentle flow of the ocean.

"Hey, Ludger…" The man sighed. He knew exactly what her next words would be. "Why'd you do it?"

"It's what Milla wanted to." He looked at his hand. And he knew that's the truth. She did ask him to let go of her and save Elle. But still, part of him couldn't help but blame himself for letting her go. His mind kept getting back to her last words.

"But… That doesn't make sense. Why would she want that? She wasn't stupid, so she knew she would… disappear, right?" She turned towards him, her eyes apprehensive.

"More than anything, she wanted to keep you safe." A strangely familiar voice came from behind. Ludger's heart skipped a beat, his expression quickly going from melancholy to surprise, returning back to melancholy before anyone noticing.

Elle's eyes became sour as she glanced sideways. She quickly got up, staring back at the Milla in front of her.

"And how would you know, huh?!"

"I just do. She was her own person, but she was still Milla Maxwell." She spoke with a matter-of-fact voice as she knelled. "But by my sword, I swear to you, that the loss of your Milla was not for nothing." Her voice had a proud, asserting tone that lacked the abrasive demeanor of the woman he knew. It seemed out of place in Milla's mouth, but at the same time, it felt strangely right.

"I guess this Milla is also not too good with kids, but in a different way…" Ludger thought to himself.

Elle's glare turned into sadness as she looked to the side, her hands protectively holding the shoulder straps of her bag.

"I'm just a kid. Get to the point, would ya?"

"Fair enough. I'll say it more simply, then. Elle, I want to go with you to the Land of Canaan." At that, Ellen looked directly at Milla with surprised eyes. "I want you to see what I do there."

Elle's eyes showed mixed feelings. She looked down, thinking about what this Milla just said. Ludger wanted to say something to ease her mind, but couldn't think about anything appropriate. His frustration increased upon realizing how powerless he felt in the moment.

"You speak of Canaan. What's going on there?" Gaius said.

As Milla turned to answer him, Ludger's GHS rang. Everyone's eyes fell to the young man as he looked slight embarrassed.

"Ernh… Sorry 'bout that." He said as he pulled out the device. "I swear it, Nova calls me in the wor-" It was Vera. His annoyed expression turned somber. "Gotta get this." Milla nodded as he moved away from the group.

"DODA here. We have detected that Maxwell is no longer blocking our passage. Howe-"

"Hold on. There's something I need to ask now." Ludger did his best to keep his tone. Vera was momentarily taken aback. Ludger wasn't the kind of person to show irritation beyond some annoyed sigh, but even she could tell he was barely holding back his anger.

"…What is it?"

"What exactly were Rideaux's orders?"

"…Did something happen with Director Rideaux?"

"Why he was in the ship, or more specifically, waiting at the hostage site and did nothing to help us in the rescue efforts?!"

"…I was not informed of any of this. Are you sure of it?"

"I-I'm sure of it…?" Ludger scoffed. "You think I would mistake that bastard?!" His tone of voice caught the attention of the party.

"Agent, calm down." Vera's voice was stern, but barely louder than the normal level.

"Tsk."

"Ludger…" Her tone was noticeable softer. "Please… think thoroughly before speaking. Do you have any idea of what you are implying?"

Ludger got startled by a hand on his shoulder. His eyes meet Alvin's. "Remember, all the hostages on that room were blindfolded and drugged. We don't know when Rideaux boarded the ship. It will be our word against his."

Ludger let out an irritated sigh as his hand closed into a fist. "…Forget what I said. What did you wanted to tell me?" Alvin squeezed his shoulder with a sympathetic nod before letting go. He turned and went back to the group.

"Very well." Her voice returned to the usual business tone. "As I was saying, we have confirmed that Maxwell is no longer blocking the passage. However, the dimension is currently too unstable to traverse. We will contact you with the coordinates as soon as it is safe to enter it. Until then, we recommend that you rest and prepare yourself in the meantime. That is all for now."

"…Understood."

Ludger closed the device, letting out an exasperate sigh. He turned towards the group, walking in their direction.

"-, so this one may live." Jude was just finishing his sentence. All the eyes were focused on Ludger now.

"Hey, man. We were just finish discussing our next step. I'll give you a rundown later. So, how was it?" Alvin said with a mirthless grin.

"Well, they confirmed that there's nothing blocking the passage anymore, but said that it's still too unstable for us to travel to the dimension now. They'll contact me again when it's safe."

"I'm afraid that it was my fault. It was a side effect from harnessing the mana generated by the schism to take a physical body." Milla sounded slightly guilty when she said that.

"It can't be helped. You merely did what you had to do." Muzét said.

"It's taboo nonetheless. I'm using mana meant for preserving the world to maintain my physical form."

"Hold on." There was a slight panic on Jude's voice. Milla nodded.

"I can only remain in the human realm for a finite amount of time."

Jude's face sank. Ludger could see clearly how much Milla meant to him by how shocked he seemed. He lost Milla once, and after finally reuniting with her, at the cost of a great sacrifice, no less, being told it will only be temporary must've hit him hard. A dry, inaudible chuckle left Ludger's mouth.

"So, is there really no place for "Milla" in this world…?"

Before anyone else could say anything, Ludger's GHS rang once more. The young man took a deep breath. No one was certain if the slight red on his face was due to embarrassment or irritation. His expression became angered as he saw who was calling.

"Hey hey hey, Ludger! It's Nova calling to gab about gald again! How's the cash dash? Is the dough rolling in? Are you having a gald rush?! Hehe, I get paid by the pun, ya know?!" Her cheery voice tends to annoy him sometimes, but he always let it slide with an annoyed sigh.

He couldn't help but let a tiny smile at the way she practically bully him to good mood. But unfortunately, he was most definitely not in the mood for that now. He was barely able to restrain himself at the moment, and unfortunately, Nova has always been bad at judging the atmosphere, so the really annoyed sigh he let out barely registered on her.

"Aw, come on! Not even a snicker?"

"…" He let out a low, almost inaudible growl, his annoyed face slowly contorting into a furious one.

"Wait… Is something wrong…?"

And that was it. Elle suddenly had a very bad feeling. Jude, Alvin and Rowen could hear a metaphorical crack loud enough to echo in the place. Gaius let out a small sigh as he closed his eyes. For the rest of the party, though, what came next was unexpected and out of nowhere. Ludger took a deep breath, turning his back to the group.

"Lud…ger?"

"Problem? Ha, no no, of course not! I just watched a close friend of mine fall for her death after feeling her hand slowly slipping from mine. But it's all right because it was all part of some sort of great plan of my dickish boss who goes scot-free because it was actually helpful for us! Of course, there is the matter of my brother and only family suddenly becoming one of the top terrorists of the world and refusing to explain himself whenever I manage to catch up with him and the fact that I owe more money than I could ever dream of having in my entire life but I sure you're fucking sorry, after all, it's only your fucking job to collect and there's nothing you can do so, I should just be fucking happy that is you and your annoying attempts to cheer me up while I'm risking my life! I sure am glad for the reminders you give me that I owe my life to that fucking asshole!"

With the exception of Gaius, whose eyes remained close, nervous glances were exchanged between those that were able to grasp what was happening. Their eyes held the same message: someone stop Ludger. And the answer was also the same: I don't think it's safe to approach.

"Lu-Lud-"

"Thank you, Nova, truly! I'll be sending you the fucking money! At least this time I'm not in the middle of destroying a whole fucking world and killing everyone in it! And I do apologize for taking your fucking time! I'm sure there's still a lot of harassment to be done today so, I guess I'll talk to you the next time I rise out of the line of poverty for you to remind me that I still owe a fucking lot of gald and should have only the barely enough to feed myself 'cause after all, who needs money, right?! It can't buy fucking happiness anyway, can it?! So, talk to ya later! Bye-bye!"

He slammed the buttons to confirm the transaction and close the GHS, doing his best to stop trembling. He looked at his device and was glad to see that it didn't break; meanwhile the party was glad he didn't transform and used his Mystic Arte on it. He put his hand on his face, feeling his eyes stingy. He took one long breath before turning, his face red from embarrassment and anger.

Elize and Muzét were staring, unblinking, still trying to process what just happened. Leia had her hand covering her mouth, eyes wide open. Jude, Milla and Elle were looking downwards with varying degrees of sadness and worry. Alvin was awkwardly scratching his head while Rowen avoided his gaze and scratched his beard. Gaius still had his eyes closed.

"I… apologize… for that. I think… I need some time alone. Excuse me." Ludger said meekly as he walked away from the party, still trembling and eyes still stingy.

"Ludger…" Elle said with a sad tone. He turned towards her and mustering all his remaining strength, he smiled.

"Now, Elle. I'm fine, really. Stay here with the others, okay?"

She looked down. "I… I miss her…"

"…Yeah. Me too." He looked towards Jude, who simply nodded. He nodded back and walked away.

Alvin watched as Ludger disappeared into the crowd. There were a few seconds of complete silence before someone spoke up.

"Have we been transported to some fractured dimension…? That…I mean… Was that really Ludger?" Leia nervously said as she slowly recovered from the shock.

"He is a kind man with the power to annihilate an entire world, and is fully aware of what that entails." Gaius spoke.

"Indeed. He may try to hide, but I'm certain he is still conflicted about his job. It is one thing to kill someone who purposely threatens another. It is a completely different thing to kill millions that aren't even aware they are a threat. Whether you justify it or not, it still a cruel thing to do. No matter how strong a person is, that is still a very heavy burden to carry. And when you factor his rather… unique way of thinking, he might have a bit of guilty complex, I'm afraid." Rowen added.

"Yeah. He's not the type to look the other way just because it would be easier for him. With everything that happened today, he must be exhausted." Said Jude.

"Exhausted is a little generous… Well, I'm going for a walk, too. After all, someone needs to resupply our stocks, right? If anything happens, give me call, okay? Later." Alvin waved as he too walked away from the group.

Ludger was sitting on the other side of the harbor, watching the place that the schism once stood. He had calmed down considerable after the rant, though he did felt bad for Nova. She didn't deserve that. But at the moment, Nova wasn't his concern. His thoughts were occupied by another person. In his hand, there was a pendant. A gift, from a woman with long, golden hair; a fragment of a world that no longer existed. He sighed, lost in his own thoughts…

For Ludger, Milla Maxwell was, for a lack of better word, paradoxical. She resented him (and with good reasons), but at the same time, she latched on him. She had a distant air about her, but kept trying to approach him. She asked if he was fine, always claiming she didn't care if he wasn't, even before he could answer. She often had discussions with Elle, but they always seemed to make sure to have some time to spend together. He always found her sweet, in an abrasive sort of way.

Despite their differences, they manage to form a friendship. When she wasn't being her caustic self, giving indirect jabs at his job of destroying dimensions, or arguing for the sake of arguing, he found her presence oddly comforting. Given her contradictory nature, it shouldn't be a surprise that, after the incident at Nala Lava Tubes, instead of being awkward and a little wary, she actually seemed closer and more comfortable with him. She often asked for tips and lessons on cooking and what kind of dishes Elle likes. She was also slowly beginning to open up to the rest of the party, though she still seemed a little distant.

But after the incident in the ruins of Epsilla Lake, she changed back to her guarded, somewhat abrasive stance. She still would occasionally help him with the hunting to pay off his debt, but she no longer invited herself to his home or asked to cook something with him like she used to do. Elle also complained that they weren't going out as much as before. And in one evening after a day of hard work, he was out with Alvin enjoying a few drinks.

"So, level with me here, buddy… What's up between you and Milla?" The merchant's grin grew wider as Ludger stopped mid-sip and looked a little surprise.

"Huh…? What'd you mean?"

"C'mon, I know you two have been spending an awful lot of time together. Well, not recently, but until a few days ago, it wasn't uncommon to see you two together, talking, walking, doing groceries, the kind of thing married couples do. So, I just wanted to know where you both stand. I mean, we're both adults here, right? No need to get all defensive an' all…"

"Y' know, for an adult, you sure act like a teenager sometimes."

"Wh-what? Aw, c'mon man! It's not like that!" Ludger let out a small chuckle.

"Elle told her she's the third best cook, with Elle's father being first and me being second. And, as you can imagine, she didn't take that too well. So, she has been bugging me to teach her about cooking and using my kitchen as training ground for the 'ultimate recipe', as she calls it."

"Oh… I see. So, that's how you view, huh? Tsk, a shame, really…" Alvin shook his head with a disapproving face before taking another sip of his drink, almost daring him to ask.

"…Fine, I'll bite. Why do you think it's a shame?"

"Dude, can't you see she's head over heels for you? The way she talks to you is totally telling."

"You mean the way she punches me?"

"Yeah, that. I mean, she's probably into some kinky stuff, the way she binds enemies and all, so, I'm sure those are just her way of saying 'I like you'. And she is quite the attractive lady, wouldn't you say?" He smirked. "Or is that you have your eyes on someone else?"

Ludger hesitated for a second. It was all Alvin needed.

"Soo… We have a winner, huh? And who would the lucky person might be? Someone I had the pleasure of meeting?"

"…mst." Ludger whispered hastily as his cheeks turned slightly red.

"What? I can't hear you if you don't speak with your mouth, y'know?" Alvin had the largest grin he could make.

"…Muzét." He spoke louder, but equally hastily, after he chugged a good portion of his drink.

Alvin's grin dropped faster than Leia's bad mood, being replaced by a look of pure terror. He tried to muster enough strength to say something, but only manage to let out a simple "What…?"

"W-what…? S-She's pretty cute, and she has a nice bod-"

Alvin immediately grabbed him by the shoulder before delivering a slap to his face and shaking him vigorously. "Snap out of it, man! Don't let her play with you like that! That's just her teasing! Didn't your brother taught you that you shouldn't go after the crazy, sociopathic ones?!"

"Why, what's wrong with her? She's pretty beautiful, and sure, she's a little weird and likes to tease a lot, but still..." Ludger's cheek didn't quite register the slap, only a numbness feeling. He knew that this would be his last drink for the night.

"Sure, she's beautiful, but it's like… like a…" Alvin tried to look as if focusing, but his squinted eyes looked more like he was trying to see something small. "…what's that thing that burns again?" He asked with an odd, red face.

"You mean, fire?"

"Yeah, fire, that's the word! Can't believe that it would slip out… must be the alcoh- Anyway, like fire! It's beautiful, the way it dances, and it can make you feel warm and cozy, but only from a safe distance. It's not something you want to approach or touch, or you're gonna end with a nasty burn that's going to hurt. Which is bad for your health."

"It can't be that bad…" Ludger took a sip of his drink. He caressed his right cheek, wondering if there was a handprint on it.

"Oh, you have no idea… Well, it' your funeral. But still, think you could try to cheer up Milla? She seemed awfully down lately…" Alvin's face showed concern, his cheeks being slightly red from alcohol consumption.

"I told you, I'm not interested, and I'm sure she isn't, either. And if she really was, wouldn't be kind of a jerk move to give her hope?"

"C'mon, man. I'm not asking you to flirt with her, just try something to cheer her up. After all, you do care about her, don't you?"

"Of course I do. She's my friend." Alvin took another sip before answering.

"If you're that sure she isn't interested in you, all the better. It'll make you feel less awkward. She really needs to see she has friends."

At that, Ludger turned to him with a somewhat surprise face.

"But… why me? Don't you consider her your friend, too?" Alvin shook his glass a little, before setting it down.

"Well, yeah… Don't take this wrong, but I consider the first Milla I met my friend more than this Milla. Y' know, the one that travelled with us one year ago?"

"Yeah, you guys told me. But I don't think she wants to take the place of that Milla, and everyone's been saying how different they are." At that, Alvin let out a sigh.

"Yeah, but call it human nature, if you will. I guess that, aside from Jude, who is too much of a nice guy, and maybe Rowen, who's good at hiding, all of us can't help but make some face when we see her. Kinda like a 'oh, you're not her' expression. And the occasional 'our Milla' that ends up slipping. Those things remind her that she's from a place that shouldn't exist, and that she's just a 'fake' or something."

"That's not true!" Ludger's words came louder than he planned. "Just because she comes from another place, that doesn't turn her into a fake existence. She still exists, and as her own person, not someone's copy. She has as much right to live as any of us."

"…You sure you should be saying that?" Alvin's voice sounded darker than before, as his expression turned somber. Ludger let out a sigh, looking to the side, nursing his drink.

"…Yes. I do what must be done to ensure that I and those that I care survive and stay safe." He took a deep breath. "Justification and explanation are two different things. 'We destroy other worlds, so that our world may live' is an explanation. If one day, I have to answer to my actions, then so be it. I will accept my judgement." He shook his glass a little, before finally finishing it. He stared blankly at the bottom of his glass, an unreadable expression stamped on his face.

"Sorry… Didn't mean to spoil the mood…" Alvin took a small sip from his glass, before smiling sincerely. "But you know what? You're a tough guy. To face the consequences of your actions without running away…" He sighed. "…I wish I could've tried sooner. Then perhaps, things could've gone differently…" He whispered inaudibly, before his face returned to the more carefree one Ludger had become used to.

"My case still stands, though. Try to cheer Milla up. Rowen's been busy. I'd ask Jude, but that could be a little too much. He wouldn't admit, but he probably miss Milla a lot. Even if he knows she isn't the Milla he knows, that doesn't mean his heart does. Making peace with what you feel doesn't always makes you feel better. And the other Milla knows that, so she would probably accuse him of mixing the two up, which would just end badly, for both of them. And for our teamwork. Which would totally sucks."

Ludger pondered what Alvin said. He was actually surprised that a guy like him would notice those things. But, as Alvin himself said once, he was a born liar and trained spy. Reading people's body language is an important skill to learn for that. Ludger steeled himself for Nova's nagging as he decided he would set some of the gald he gained for the next few hunts aside. He had an idea.