The Observations of Ulquiorra Schiffer

Day 1

I'm writing this to you because I have nothing else to do. I just found this notebook on the floor beside my bed the other day. I will not call this a diary, because it's not. It's just some book that I will write personal things in. I guess I'll have to write something down. Well, I'll wait until tommorrow.

Day 2

I had a weird argument today.

"I'm tired of sitting by you." Grimmjow.

"Well, I'm tired of looking you everyday but you don't see me complaining now do you?"

Me. It was weird because I responded. I usually said "Trash." and that was the end of it. Well it was the end of it on my side. Grimmjow, on the other hand would keep bitching at me because I called him "Trash." Well he is trash. I mean I'm not suppose sit here and lie am I? Aizen taught me to never lie. So...yeah. Take that.

The meeting's the only thing I can record. Nothing else happens besides in the meetings.

I'm writing outside the meeting room. It's over. Yes, I keep this thing everywhere I go. I do not want anyone getting there hands on it. It's...important. There's nothing to write. Maybe I should spy on the Espada. Yeah. I should do that.

I took a gamble. And this is how I did it. I held up my hands. My right pinky was Starrk and my right ring finger was Barragan and so on and so forth. And I started to say.

"Not because you're dirty. Not because your clean. Because you kissed a dirty girl behind a Magazine." Grimmjow. No...no...no...

"Bubble gum, bubble gum, in a dish. How many pieces do you wish?" Starrk. No.

"Eenie meeny miney moe. Catch a tiger by it's toe. If he hollers, make him pay." Zommari.

Hmm...He'll have to do. Next week at this time, I'll switch to someone else.

Day 3

Going to the meeting. Why do we have to go everyday? "Ulquiorra." Aizen. "Yeah?" 'Why are you writing in that journal?" "Nothing else to do." "Hmm...why are writing down everything I say?" "Ugh...?" "Yeah...stop it."

"Hmmkay.." "So anyway...Ulquiorra..." "Yes?" "Stop...it.." "'Kay." "You're still doing it arn't you?" "Yes." "I'll confiscate it." "Okay, I'm sorry." "Alright...STOP!"

"Hah, Ulqui's writin' in a journal." Gin. "No I'm not, I'm just observing." "If you keep writing down everything I say...I swear..! Don't put an exclamation point at the end of that! Hey!"

"Hey, I'm Gin! Didja write 'dat down, Ulqui?"

"Hey, I'm Grimmjow. Ha, he wrote that down. Okay, I personally think Aizen is a complete A-hole for making us drink this pisswater he calls tea. HAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHAA!"

Aizen then proceeded to beat the living daylights out of Grimmjow, and confiscated my notebook until after the meeting was over.

"Ulquiorra...nevermind." Aizen walked off. Okay, back to Zommari. Damn, I lost him. Maybe tommorrow I'll have more luck.

Day 4

Aizen got tired of me writing down everything he said when he said it, so he told me to go get Grimmjow. Today's Wednesday, we usually don't have meetings on Wednesdays and Sundays. Aizen said Sunday was a holy day. I asked him why and he said:

"Sunday is the great day where two sets of soldiers with menacing looking armor fight."

"What are they fighting about?" Me.

"A mystical brown oval shaped ball. See, they have to get the ball to their goal, and this ball will light up and grant them one wish. These battles are stretched to quarters. Each quarter is 15 minutes. But soldiers sometime take commerical breaks that lasts about 30 seconds each, so the battle lasts out to about 3 hours."

"Since when do soldiers take breaks?"

"They may fight a lot, but they respect each other."

"...What?"

"Luckily, these battles are recorded on T.V. for other's entertainment-"

"AIZEN-TAICHO!" Gin. Gin had ran into the throne room wearing a triangular piece of cheese on his head. He had on a ridiculous looking green robe with the number "12" on it, and the word "Rodgers" on the back. It was a awkward moment indeed.

"Supabowl started.." I had never seen Aizen run out of a room so fast.

Anyway, I entered Grimmjow's domain. Di-What'shisface was about to yell, but I immediately put my finger to my lips and told him quietly: "Shut...up." I creeped to Grimmjow's room, pulled the knob and opened it.

There he was. Big bad Grimmjow. On his back. On the floor. With a plush blue kitty with black stripes. He must've not had seen me.

"Ha...you always get me up when I'm down, Blotts."

"Wha...what?"

"'THE FUCK! GET OUT!" So I left. I stopped writing for the rest of the week.