Warnings: Violence, Merlin!whump, M/A bromance.
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It's all your fault.
You feel tears threatening - Pendragon's never cry - as you try to fight against the knights holding you down.
Away. Keeping you from helping him. Saving him.
There is no one else to blame.
Your eyes screw shut, tears threatening but never falling.
It's all your fault.
You take another sharp breath, teeth grinding down, feet trying once again to propel yourself forward as another of your only friend's screams, resounds in the courtyard.
A blood-curling scream someone like you, a battle-hardened warrior, has trouble accepting. The sounds piercing your ears and heart like an arrow, precise and sharp.
It's all your fault.
Another scream from him
And you begin screaming as well.
"He is a manservant, Arthur," your father's unfeeling voice reaches your ears; the stone-like, powerful figure watching in indifference to your friend's pain. The pain and public humiliation, he had ordered.
All because you slipped up. He saw you both.
It's all your fault.
You forget how to breathe when another scream hits your ears.
"He is only your manservant, is he not, Arthur? Nothing more?" You think you hear your father, your all-knowing paternal parent, inquire.
Your eyes cannot leave your friend in the courtyard, a kind person being beaten and humiliated. You cannot remember how to move them. Everything is Merlin right now. You cannot chance looking anywhere else.
You got caught. It's all your fault.
Another scream, hoarse and dry.
Merlin is paying for your sin. You should have known better.
"Arthur?" the demanding voice from your King barks. You hang your head low, head too heavy with emotions for your neck to support any longer.
"Yes, father." The words are painful. They bite and burn.
"He is only my manservant, nothing more." Torturous words, you do not mean but you will. You have no choice.
The King walks away, a clicking of boots against stone, and your body almost collapses as the knights release you.
And you stand there, frozen more than your father's soul.
It's all your fault.
Watching your friend's body lying in the courtyard, a faint quaking, the only indications that he is still breathing.
And you stand there, frozen; because you cannot, daren't run over to your only friend
I am so sorry, Merlin.
And you stand there, frozen; because you know, that if you do what you want to right now, your father will know...
It's all your fault.
And you fall down, frozen; eyes never leaving your friend...but legs and arms never moving.
Because you know that Merlin's kind soul would not be able to survive another one of your sins.