Broken Body, Broken Mind

Summary: **Part of the 2015 LiveJournal's Twisted Shorts FaD** challenge. After a horrific accident leaves Xander paralyzed, his mind snaps and he becomes delusional.

Challenge: for the livejournal 2015 August Fic-a-Day Challenge

Timeline: AU for BtVS; early season for Monk

Warning: Probably not for Xander fans.

A/N: Exorcising a demon brought on by a story I read last night which pissed me off.

Disclaimer: BtVS/AtS characters belong to Joss Whedon/Mutant Enemy. Monk characters are owned by Andy Breckman and USA Network. I claim no rights to any copyrighted material. Please do not copy or take this story without my permission.

Psychiatric facility outside San Francisco

Jesse and Willow waited by the nurses' station for Xander's doctor to arrive. It had been several months since they were last able to visit – something they felt horribly guilty about, but it couldn't be helped because they couldn't talk their parents into bringing them sooner.

They were wondering if this was the visit where they would be told that he was finally starting to recover, or if it would be when the doctor told them there was no hope anymore. After four years, it was getting to be emotionally exhausting to try and visit with their friend.

It had started when the Harris family was involved in a car accident. Based on what the investigators found out – and Willow later hacked the records to find out – Xander was pinned in the back seat and watched helplessly as his mother slowly died in front of him. The impact of the crash killed his father immediately.

For several days, it was touch and go to save Xander's life, and when it was all said and done, he would be confined to a wheelchair from then on. At first he seemed to accept it, but as the weeks went on, he became more withdrawn and eventually stopped communicating with the outside world almost entirely.

The out of court settlement from the accident paid for all of Xander's medical bills, including his care at his current facility. The other driver was making noise about having paid too much, but Jesse shut him up by showing him the rough draft of a news article he wrote villainizing the man for complaining about paying for the medical care of a young man his actions turned into an orphan.

"Mr. McNally, Ms. Rosenberg?" a soft voice interrupted their thoughts. They looked up to see Dr. Kroger standing nearby. "I think we should speak privately before you visit Xander. There have been some major changes you need to be aware of."

He led them down to a vacant office and offered them something to drink. Each accepted a bottle of water, too nervous to think of anything else. "As you know, Xander felt very powerless as he watched his mother die. Over the years, he grew to resent his father for dying a painless and instant death. He now views his father as being abusive to him and his mother."

Willow interrupted, "He's talking to you?"

Dr. Kroger nodded, "Yes, but he's not talking to me. He's talking to a figment of his imagination. Somebody he calls 'Giles'. It's through his talks with Giles that I've discovered that his mind has taken a dark, and potentially dangerous, twist. For example, I'm afraid he might attack you, Mr. McNally, if you were to enter the room."

"What? Why?" Jesse demanded.

"Xander has created a world of monsters and has surrounded himself with various attractive females. Any males that exist in that world are either monsters, or otherwise deemed unlikely competition for those females' romantic intentions. It started with a superhero named Buffy, who fought the vampires with the help of her mentor, Giles. Almost immediately, he killed you off in his imagination…twice," Dr. Kroger said, gesturing to Jesse. "Once as a human, then he staked the vampire version of you as well. That left him as the only viable male for Buffy and Willow."

"Then he created the vampire, Angel, to serve as competition for Buffy's love, but made Angel's personality less attractive than his. Angel was dark, broody and a bit of a coward – contrasted with Xander being funny and brave in the face of danger. But his feelings of inadequacy wouldn't allow him to 'get the girl' so to speak, and Buffy fell in love with Angel instead, even though he was the one to save her life after a vampire bit her.

"So next he designed it that when Buffy and Angel made love for the first time, Angel became a monster again, losing the goodness he previously had shown. She failed to kill him – and a friend died – giving him the right to tell her 'I told you so'. He redeemed her a little by having her kill the monster, but made it painful for her by turning him back into Angel right before she had to kill him to save the world.

"Over the next several years in his mind-world, he became the heart of the world-saving team, solving problems that those with superpowers didn't or couldn't fight. Whenever he introduced a love interest for either girl, he found a way to get rid of them so he'd be the only constant male figure in their lives. He's found a way to send Giles away as well, so he pretends we're talking over the phone when I visit him.

"You currently have a love interest in his mind, Miss Rosenberg, but that interest is a female and he's had a few fantasies about the two of you seducing him. He appears to be losing interest in his primary obsession, Buffy. Either that, or he's preparing something elaborate to drive her into his arms and bed finally. He's breaking the spirit of her character in his world.

"You need to understand that if his former best friend suddenly shows up after being dead for many years – in his delusions – he might think the vampire he killed found a way to return. It wouldn't be the first time he's brought somebody back. It might be safer to let Ms. Rosenberg go in first and see how he's doing. I'll go with her and you can watch through the mirror," Dr. Kroger offered.

Jesse nodded numbly. Xander killed him in his mind…twice? He went to the observation room and watched as Willow greeted Xander.

"Xander? Hi, it's me, Willow," she said carefully. She was honestly a little scared. If he killed Jesse, what's to say he wouldn't try to kill her, too? While he couldn't really do anything to her physically, it still would break her heart if he tried.

"Hey, Will!" he replied with a wide grin, startling her with his carefree behavior. A glance at the doctor made her even more wary. Xander looked to the side for several seconds before blushing and saying, "Shush, Anya…what have I said about telling others about our sex life?" he paused as he waited for a 'response' then continued, "I don't care that you think I'm a Viking in bed and that no other man could give you as many orgasms as me, it's still wrong to talk about in public."

Another pause. "If you really think she wants to steal me away, why would you tempt her with my sexual prowess? Besides, she's with Tara now." Another pause and his eyes glazed over momentarily. "Anya, it's you I love; a threesome with Willow and her girlfriend wouldn't change that. Even a threesome with Buffy and Faith wouldn't." He lowered his voice and added, "But I wouldn't mind trying it someday."

Dr. Kroger shook his head and gestured towards the door. Outside he explained, "He's in his Casanova persona now and will only get more graphic in his descriptions. I doubt you want to hear him like that. The bottom line is that he's too invested in this fantasy world to give it up. Unless something happens to drive him out of there, He'll remain the 'White Knight' indefinitely."

"White Knight?" Jesse repeated.

"A title he gave himself after turning Angel evil. Some days he believes his Knight persona is more terrifying to the vampires than the Buffy character. As long as he's a hero in that world, he has no reason to come back to reality."

A/N: Trying 'Normal Again' with another BtVS character.