Jamie's Worst Fear
Scene: the alley
The neighborhood was unusually crowded for a weeknight and Anna had had to park her car about a couple of blocks away from her apartment. She rounded the corner and stopped in at the little bodega. She picked up a few things, milk, yogurt, cereal, juice and a few pieces of fruit. When she stepped up to the counter she noticed the owner had Jamie's favorite cookies…the ones his wife made fresh every day. She ordered some and paid for her groceries.
As she left the store she juggled the bags along with her purse and her shoulder bag with all her work in it. She turned left and headed toward her building.
She was passing the alleyway, still juggling all her packages and reaching in her coat pocket for her keys. Suddenly she heard a noise behind her and a hand clamped down over her mouth. The hand was encased in a filthy woolen glove that smelled like an armpit…an unwashed armpit. She felt herself being dragged backward down the alley. She dropped her bags and tried to pull the hand away. She tried to scream, but every time she opened her mouth she gagged on the stench.
Her thoughts were flying a mile a minute…Why was this happening? Who was this monster? And what was he going to do to her? She thought of Jamie…would she ever see him again? Her kindergarteners…
She slammed against the side of a building. She could feel the brick scraping against her cheek. She could feel his breath hot against her neck. He reeked of cheap beer.
"You little whore!" he hissed at her. "I'll teach you to run around! I'll make you wish you were never born!"
He pulled her back and slammed her into the wall again. He twisted her arm up behind her back…until she thought he'd break it. She could feel all his weight pressing up against her. He ground up against her and she could feel the bile rising in her throat. Dear God…please, anything but that. She'd rather die! He pulled her back again. She squeezed her eyes shut and began to pray the first prayer that came to her mind…
"Hail Mary, full of Grace, the Lord is with thee…"
He yanked her back again…and spun her around. She felt the back of her head slam into the bricks. When she opened her eyes the world was all out of focus…and then she was staring into the blackest eyes she had ever seen. They were empty…it was like he had no soul.
His breath was hot and foul on her face…and one hand was on her throat…and the world was threatening to go dark.
She thought of Jamie again…
And then something clicked…there was no way this bastard was going to take her! In her mind Anna heard a voice…Jamie's voice…telling her to take a deep breath and focus.
And she fought. Just like all those times at the gym…jab, jab, jab…right cross…use your nails, scratch his eyes …Go for the body…upper cut…upper cut. Kick…kick, go for the groin! And once he was doubled over…drive your knee right into his diaphragm!
Suddenly the animal was on the ground, curled up in a ball…gasping for air.
And Anna ran for the street…right into two patrol officers.
Scene: the street
"Hey! Where's the fire?"
A barrel chested patrol man who looked about fortyish caught her as she came tumbling out of the alley.
"He just grabbed me! Pulled me down the alley!"
"Who? Who grabbed you?"
The officer…S. Bentley, according to the silver name bar on his shirt…held Anna at arms length. He quickly took in the scraped cheek and the busted lip. Her hair was disheveled and there was blood on her coat. Her knuckles were all scraped up and her fingernails were torn.
"A man! Down there!" Anna gestured wildly down the alley.
"He's still there?"
Anna nodded…she was still gasping for air. Bentley could see marks on her neck…
"He was down on the ground! I hit him and he just dropped down!"
"Is he armed?" the other patrol officer asked.
Anna shook her head 'no'.
"I don't think so…"
Bentley let go of her arms. He reached for his sidearm.
"Wait right here, Miss…"
He signaled to his partner to follow him.
"Donnelly…on me."
Bentley and Donnelly slowly advanced down the alley, weapons drawn. In the darkness they could make out a form on the ground. As they approached they could hear him gasping for air. Bentley holstered his weapon and roughly rolled the perp onto his stomach. The man was still trying to get his breath…
Bentley patted him down and once he ascertained that he had no weapons on him he pulled the perp's hands behind his back and cuffed him tight. At that point Donnelly holstered his weapon and together the two officers hauled the offender to his feet.
They dragged him out of the alley and Bentley stuffed him in the back of the radio car.
Officer Donnelly turned to Anna who was hugging herself, trying to pull it together.
"Miss? I'm going to call another car to escort you to the hospital and get you checked out…is there anyone we can contact for you? Family? Friends?"
Anna nodded…
"My boyfriend. Officer Jamison Reagan, he works out of the 12th. He's probably on patrol right now."
"Your boyfriend's a cop?"
Anna nodded again…
Donnelly reached for the radio on his shoulder.
Scene: "911" call
Jamie yanked open the passenger door of the patrol car and flopped down in the seat. He'd written his thirteenth traffic ticket of the night and he was just over it. And to make matters worse, Renzulli seemed to be enjoying his misery.
"Another satisfied customer, Reagan?"
"Oh, yeah…another satisfied customer. What was that? Thirteen tickets in one tour? And it's not even midnight! It's ridiculous!"
Renzulli chortled to himself.
"I'm glad you think it's funny. I'm getting writer's cramp over here."
His cell phone rang. He dug it out of his jacket pocket.
"Now what?"
He answered the call.
"Reagan…WHAT!?...Is she all right? I'm on my way."
He clicked the button that ended the call.
"Sarge…we've got to get over to Saint Victor's Hospital."
"What's goin' on? Who was that on the phone?"
"It's Anna…Just go!"
Renzulli made a quick U-turn and Jamie hit the lights and siren. Within seconds they were speeding toward the hospital.
Scene:-the ER
Jamie jogged into the ER with Renzulli right behind him. Once he cleared the doors he was approached by a patrol officer he judged to be about his own age.
"Are you Reagan?"
"Yeah…" Jamie indicated toward Renzulli. "My partner…Sergeant Renzulli."
"Kevin Donnelly…from the 3-6."
"Tell me what you know." Jamie had no patience for pleasantries.
Officer Donnelly took a deep breath.
"My partner and I were on patrol over on Armitage near Hillside…and Miss Rossi came running out of an alleyway. She was screaming about someone attacking her. She was bleeding…and her dress was torn. "
Renzulli interrupted.
"Did you get the guy?"
"Yeah. Miss Rossi…she fought back. She scratched him up pretty good. We actually had to bring him in too, to get checked out."
Jamie had to ask…
"Did he…touch her?"
"No…no he didn't. She fought like a tiger…"
Renzulli made the Sign of the Cross.
"Thank God…"
At that moment a doctor stepped out of a treatment room. He approached the three officers.
"Officer Reagan?"
Jamie stepped forward.
"That's me…is Anna all right?"
"She's got some bruises…a cut lip. But other than that she's fine."
"Can I see her?"
"Right this way."
The doctor quickly ushered Jamie to the treatment room.
Anna sat alone in the room. She was draped in a gown and her hair fell around her face. She looked so small.
Jamie stepped into the room and Anna jumped up off the cart and flew into his arms. She began to sob.
Jamie just held her, and he felt the tears well up in his own eyes.
"Shh…it's okay. I'm here now…everything's gonna be okay…"
Anna began to quiet down. Jamie led her back over to the bed and helped her up. He gently smoothed back her hair and studied every inch of her. She was a mess…Her eye was bruised and her right cheek swollen. Her face was scraped raw and her bottom lip was cut and swollen. He saw the bruises on her throat and when he took her hands in his he could see the bruises on her wrists and up and down her arms. He swallowed hard. Someone was going to pay for this…
"Baby…I got here as fast as I could…"
He could see her lip tremble as she tried so hard not to cry again. He just hugged her to him again and whispered in her ear.
"Shhh…It's gonna be all right. I've got you…It's gonna be okay…"
Everything he said sounded so stupid and cliché…like his presence could fix everything that had just happened…but he kept right on whispering in her ear.
Anna struggled to pull herself together and the doctor came back into the room.
"I just finished looking at your x-rays…they look good…no broken bones."
Jamie stared at him, startled. Despite what was staring him in the face, he hadn't grasped the seriousness of her injuries. The doctor rushed to explain.
"I was worried about this area here…" He indicated to her right cheek.
"Can I take her home?" Jamie asked.
"Yes, please…can I go home?" Anna's voice sounded so tiny…
"Of course…" the doctor looked at Jamie. "Will you be staying with her, Officer?"
Jamie nodded.
"Yes, absolutely."
The doctor went on to give him instructions…
"You'll need to wake her every two hours."
"Why?"
"She's got a pretty big bump on her head. The CT scan is clear, but it's just a precaution."
Jamie nodded again. And thought again that someone was going to pay dearly for this.
A few minutes later Anna was back in her clothes. Jamie folded the discharge instructions the doctor had given them and put them in his shirt pocket. He put his arm around her shoulders and gently led her out into the waiting area where Renzulli was pacing a hole in the carpet.
He stopped short when he caught sight of Jamie and Anna. And when he saw what this perp had done to his goddaughter…
"Annamarie…mia bambina…" he held out his arms.
Anna stepped away from Jamie's side to hug her godfather. Renzulli gently touched the side of her face.
"Are you okay, Baby Girl?"
She nodded.
At that moment the door to another treatment room opened and the perp…a man about Anna and Jamie's age, with stringy, matted hair and a three or four day growth of beard, wearing filthy clothes that stank of sweat and urine…was led out in hand cuffs. He shuffled past where Anna, Jamie and Renzulli stood in a tight group. He slowed his step and Jamie instinctively stepped in front of Anna to shield her.
What were these idiots thinking? Walking the perp right in front of the victim…
The perp was practically leering at Anna. Jamie heard her gasp and felt her hand on his shoulder as she huddled behind him. The perp's eyes darkened and he glared at her over Jamie's shoulder.
"Whore!"
The word hung in the air. And Jamie snapped. He lunged toward the perp, ready to rip the guy's stinking head off. Renzulli grabbed his arm but Jamie broke free. Donnelly, the officer who had brought Anna to the hospital, grabbed for Jamie's other arm. The two men struggled to hold him back.
"Get him outta here!" Renzulli yelled at the patrolman who was trying to pull the perp away. "Go! Get him outta here!"
Once the perp was far enough away. Donnelly and Renzulli loosened their hold on Jamie. Anna was crying all over again. Jamie reached out for her and pulled her into his arms. She was trembling like a leaf.
Officer Donnelly cleared his throat nervously. While Jamie had been in the treatment room with Anna he had finally put two and two together and realized exactly which Reagan he was dealing with…
"I hate to do this...but we need Miss Rossi to come down to the precinct and give her statement. It shouldn't take too long…"
"Now? You want to do this now?" Jamie demanded. But he knew the policy.
Donnelly just looked at him.
"Fine…I'll bring her down myself. You go with your partner."
Donnelly nodded and hurried off.
"Make sure you control that animal!" Jamie called after him.
He was furious. He just wanted to get Anna home where she'd be safe. But policy was policy…
"I'm sorry, Baby…we've got to down there."
She looked up at him. Jamie read the fear and hurt in her eyes.
"I'll be with you the whole time…I promise."
Anna sighed. Jamie put his arm around her shoulders and the three of them headed out toward the car.
Scene: the 36th precinct
Would this night ever end? Jamie wondered as he stood behind the two way mirror watching while Anna gave her statement to the detectives…again.
After she had been discharged from the Emergency Room policy dictated that she come down to the 3-6 and make a formal statement. And Jamie had insisted on going with her.
He could see Anna was exhausted and he could see how hard she was struggling to keep it together. He wanted so badly to be in there with her. How many ways could these ignoramusses ask the same damn questions? No…she didn't know the man who had attacked her. Yes…she might have seen him around her neighborhood. No…she had never spoken to him.
Two rooms away the perp…and by now Jamie had learned his name was Jerry Appleton…was spewing out some twisted version of what had happened. Apparently Appleton imagined that he was in a relationship with Anna and he had seen her around the neighborhood with Jamie. He decided that she was "cheating" on him…and he had to teach her a lesson.
The more he heard, the angrier he got. It was taking every ounce of self control he possessed to keep from barging into that interrogation room and beating Appleton to a bloody pulp. Just when he thought he couldn't stand another second, his phone rang.
"Dad…"
"I just heard about Anna. How is she?"
"Honestly? She's a mess. The perp roughed her up pretty bad…and it's taking forever down here."
"Where are you?"
"We're still at the 3-6…She's talking to the detectives."
Frank paused on his end…
"And how are you holding up, Son?"
Jamie took a deep breath.
"Not so good, Dad. Right now it's about all I can do to keep from going in there and putting one of Danny's finishing moves on the guy."
"Jamie, walk away! You can't do anything to jeopardize the case against this mutt!"
"Relax, Dad. They're watching me like hawks. I wouldn't even make it to the door."
Inside the interview room Jamie saw Anna slowly stand up and reach for her purse and her coat.
"Hey, I gotta go…it looks like they're wrapping things up and I just want to get Anna out of here."
"Go. And you call if you need anything…don't worry about the time."
"Thanks, Dad. I'll talk to you later."
He clicked the button that ended the call just as the door opened. Anna stepped out into the hall and ran straight to Jamie. He put his arms around her and held her as tightly as he dared. He whispered in her ear…
"Its okay, Baby. I've got you."
He looked to the detectives standing behind her.
"Are we done here? Did you get everything you need?"
The lead detective…a man named Price…with his shiny new gold shield…nodded. He knew he was talking to the PC's son.
"For now…we may need to speak to Ms. Rossi again at a later time."
"Fine. You have all the contact info. We're leaving."
Jamie quickly ushered Anna out just as the door to the other interview room opened and Price's partner led Appleton out to take him to Central Booking.
Scene: Anna's apartment
It was almost two in the morning when Jamie got Anna home. She was just numb with exhaustion…and he was running on pure anger.
While Anna was taking a shower Jamie made her a cup of hot tea and took it into the bedroom. He turned down the bed, and then changed out of his uniform and into a pair of sweats. And he sat down to wait.
Of course he couldn't sit still for more than about 10 seconds. He paced back and forth across the room…he wanted to scream…he wanted to throw something…he wanted to hit someone. His girlfriend…the person he loved more than anyone else in the world had been assaulted by some deranged animal…and he had been writing tickets to idiots for talking on their cell phones.
He heard the water shut off and a few minutes later Anna emerged from the bathroom. She had on pajama bottoms and one of his t-shirts. He crossed the room and took her in his arms. He could see that she had been crying again. He held her tight.
Jamie knew how he felt…he could only imagine how Anna was feeling.
"Are you okay, Baby?"
She looked up into his eyes. And she saw the concern and the fear and the anger and the hurt. And she loved him so very, very much…
"I'll be okay…I just want to go to bed."
Jamie led her over to the bed. She climbed in. He turned out the light and got in next to her. She burrowed in next to him and he held her as close as he could.
Scene:
Jamie stood outside the doors of Major Case. He still wasn't sure what he was doing there…but he hadn't slept at all the night before. He'd brought Anna home from the 3-6 about two in the morning. He'd tucked her into bed then lay awake all night holding her. Every time he closed his eyes he'd seen that guy… Appleton's… sneering, leering face. He'd thought of those filthy hands touching her…and he just wanted to hit something.
In the morning he made coffee and tried to get Anna to eat some toast…but the apartment was just too stifling. He had to get out. He got into his car and drove around for a while…and somehow he ended up here.
He opened the door and glanced around. Danny was leaning against Jackie's desk with his back to the door. Jackie caught his eye. He started to make his way across the bull pen.
"Hey, Reagan, your brother's here…and he looks like he just lost his best friend." Jackie said.
Danny turned, stood up and started across the bull pen. He met Jamie halfway and steered him off in the direction of a quieter hallway.
"Hey, Kid. What're you doin' here? I thought you had an early tour today."
"I called in sick."
Danny nodded. He already knew all about the trouble the night before.
"I heard there was some excitement down around the 3-6 last night. How's Anna?"
"Well, physically…she's pretty roughed up. But the doctor said she'd be okay in a few days. Did you talk to Dad?"
Danny nodded again.
"Yeah…early this morning. And then, of course there's the usual scuttlebutt."
"Wonderful…" Jamie said sarcastically. "NYPD's got more gossips than a beauty shop."
"Than a dozen beauty shops. So what's with the early AM visit?"
"You got a few minutes?"
"For you? Sure…"
He opened the door to an empty interrogation room. Jamie stepped inside and took it all in. His mind immediately went back to the night before…watching through the glass while Anna gave her statement, and two doors down that guy…Appleton, was spewing his twisted version of the truth.
"OK, Kid…talk."
Jamie pulled out a chair and flopped down. Danny perched on the edge of the table.
"I just don't know what to do, Danny. I mean, last night I'm out on patrol, writing traffic tickets…and next thing I know I get a '911' call from somebody I don't know telling me my girlfriend's in the ER."
He looked up and Danny made a motion indicating he should keep talking.
"So Renzulli and I haul ass over to St. Victor's and this patrol officer comes running up and he tells me what happened. Between that and when they finally let me see her…it felt like…"
"Somebody kicked you in the balls." Danny finished the sentence for him.
"Pretty much…yeah. And then I saw the perp…at the hospital, he called Anna a whore…and I went after him. Renzulli and the patrol officer from the 3-6 had to hold me back."
"Walked the perp right in front of the victim? What a bunch of imbeciles…" Danny shook his head in disgust.
"Danny, if I'd gotten my hands on him…I'd have killed him."
"You and me both…Jamie…listen…I'm the last person to lecture you on self control."
"But what do you do with all of it? All the anger…the frustration…" Jamie looked down at the floor. "The feeling like you screwed up somehow?"
"Well…first of all you didn't screw up anything…and sometimes, life just sucks. I mean, we're cops…and damn good ones…both of us." Danny paused. "And still, something terrible like this happens to a member of our own family. And yes, I count Anna as one of our family. You feel like it's your job to protect 'em…not just as a cop, but as the man of the family."
Danny had just summed up everything Jamie had been wrestling with since he'd gotten that '911' call.
"So how do you deal?"
"You just do…like everything else with this job. Look…my advice? Take a couple days…talk to your captain if you haven't already…and just be there for her. If she wants to talk, you listen…if she wants to cry, you hold her…whatever she needs, you do. But keep in mind…she's a strong woman. Don't smother her. She'll get through this. You both will."
Scene:
Jamie let himself back in to Anna's apartment and found her curled up in the corner of the sofa. She was dressed in sweats and she had his Harvard Crimson jacket wrapped around her. Her brown hair was pulled back in a pony tail and at that moment she looked as young and vulnerable as one of her kindergarteners. She looked up at him and he saw the dark purple bruises covering the right side of her face. And he felt that sick feeling in the pit of his stomach all over again.
"I was beginning to wonder where you'd gone."
"I went to see my brother…sorry I was gone so long…I knew I should've called."
He hung his coat on the coat rack beside the door and crossed the room to sit beside her.
"Are you doin' okay? Can I get you anything? An ice pack, maybe?"
She shook her head no…
"I just did that."
Jamie gently touched her bruised check…he could feel the cold emanating from her skin. He held out his arms to her and she moved in close. He held her for a long moment. Somehow she felt smaller…more fragile to him. And for the millionth time he had to swallow his rage at the guy who had done this to her…
"Are you okay, Baby? What did Danny have to say?"
"I just wanted to talk to him…" He took a deep breath and thought very carefully about what to say next. "I'm kinda messed up over this whole thing too…and I don't know what to do with it all."
"Can you talk about it?"
"I didn't want to dump anything else on you…I've been trying to be strong for you."
"You are…you have been. Jamie, you just being here now…means everything to me. You make me feel safe…like nothing else can happen now."
"I've been feeling pretty useless…I mean, I'm a cop…and while I was writing out tickets to idiots for talking on their cell phones some whack job attacks my girlfriend. I feel like I should have been there with you."
"In a way you were…" Anna said softly.
"What do you mean?"
Anna sat back and looked him in the eyes.
"This is gonna sound crazy…but last night, when he grabbed me…first he shoved me into that brick wall…"
Jamie tensed up as the images poured into his mind…Anna walking to her apartment, someone reaching out and dragging her down a dark alley…slamming her face first into a wall…
Anna drew a ragged breath and kept going.
"And I panicked. I couldn't move…couldn't even breathe. My mind was a total blank. Then he turned me around and shoved me against the wall again. I honestly thought he was going to kill me…the look in his eyes… But then something happened…I don't know but it was like I could hear your voice in my head…telling me to take a deep breath and focus. Just like all those times we worked out at the gym. It was like you were telling me exactly what to do…where to hit him, to scratch his face... And then that's when I kneed him in the diaphragm and he dropped like a stone. And I was able to get away."
Jamie didn't know what to say…so he just took her in his arms again and held her close. He kissed her gently on the forehead and pushed back a lock of hair that had escaped from her ponytail. He loved her more in that moment than he ever had before…more than he had ever known was possible.