My Only Fireplace
I live in the Midwest where snow seems as prevalent as heart attacks at McDonald's and with our first real bout of snow coming down I figured it would be rich if I took a crack at the Christmas Season with a tale from Zootopia. Considering I could give ole Ebenezer a run for his money you can consider this as about enthusiastic as I'll ever be for the winter.
Damn door.
With another shake of the key I realized the lock wasn't going to budge.
It's so frigid out here the lock's sealed up like a pharaoh's tomb. This counts the fourth time this month my keys have failed to unlock my door and forced me to cuddle with my dingy floor mat instead of my blankets that would bask me in the heat the city longed for.
The other times I was usually able to breach the door with a little brute force or patience that the heat might turn up just enough to crack the ice in the locking mechanism. My one room apartment, nothing less than a cluttered landfill, was cold every night. This morning before leaving for work, with Judy coming to pick me up, being a klutz I spilled some water on the doorknob when in a rush to head out the door. I thought nothing of it and now the knob won't spin or turn in any direction.
Being a fox has its ups and downs but having arms thinner than TV antennas and legs a tough as tissue paper really is turnoff to the idea of being a fox.
I had no chance of breaking the lock with my meager stature, so instead of shivering all the way through the day I turned heel and walked away from my own comforting room. Despite a decent salary, I was only with the ZPD for about six months now and I had been saving money since then; however, living and honest life had taken quite the dip in my gross income so buying my own car was out of the question. Fortunately, my partner in more ways than one, Judy, was just around the corner with a dismal and lonely apartment all her own that I may be able to hibernate in for a while.
At the front door of my apartment complex, I opened the heavy door and was met with a wave of bursting subzero wind that quickly made me close the door shut.
There's a damn blizzard out there!
The choice was simple, lay by my door and cuddle the floor mat like a love-struck bachelor at the doorstep of his divine crush ignoring his calls of "I love you darling!" while clutching a pillow tight ready to enter at any moment no matter how long of a wait or step into whiteout in the air awaiting my shivering body. Seems like a choice between a drink of arsenic or battery acid to me. Only one of them would promise a glass of water before I die however, so with sigh I opened the door and stepped outside into the fray.
Stepping outside made me feel like I had been tossed into the clouds. Snow coated every corner and crevasse of the outside world. Ice lined the streets like graves in a cemetery. Cars were the foundations for hills of snow. Electrical lines were stinging barbed wire that no monkey would every swing from. The only mammals out in this blizzard were those without homes or mammals who were lucky enough to be blessed with fur coats thick enough to stand this onslaught of winter. All I have to do to escape Jack Frost's vacation home was find the pearly gates.
The number of people outside my street could be counted on my paw. There was a arctic fox shuffling in a thick winter coat on the sidewalk adjacent to mine, a scrooge of my street, a warthog, huddling up against bushes to keep out of the wind and one red fox staring at the icy concrete on his way to a bunny's home.
Everwinter had settled in upon us as a nasty snowstorm and the failure of the city's climate control came about simultaneously. It was like sailing into a hurricane after being plundered by pirates on the high seas.
All of Zootopia was now Tundratown and with most of the mammals indoors today, two things had happened to make life just absolutely wonderful for me. One is the fact that no petty thief is going to attempt a robbery with they can't even see their own nose if front of them. Two is that since the crime rate suddenly plummeted, I was now off duty until further notice a.k.a whenever the hell this snowstorm goes away.
I enjoyed the thought of being away from work; however, everyone without the fur coat of a polar bear or the blubber of a walrus was begging Chief Bogo for any assignment at Headquarters that involved staying in headquarters. For once the ZPD could be accused of actual discrimination; however, to be fair the discrimination was made by the Chief against his officers on who would be on patrol and who would be doing paperwork. At least no one had to deal with parking duty.
I shuffled down the street with my paws in my coat pockets with my teeth chattering vigorously. I was covered head to toe in whatever clothing I could find before I left this morning to go fetch some coffee to heat up. A winter coat meant for a bull, pants that sagged low on my feet, oven mitts for gloves and work boots for snow shoes. I had left any headgear that would've kept my twitching ears warm in my closet back home, so I was left to use one of the many blankets I had left beside my door in the event I did have to shiver through another night on the floor mat. I was wearing the blanket in a way that only left my eyes open to the blistering wind.
After about five minutes of shuffling I found the oasis in this barren desert. There was a crabby old dingo locked down inside of a snack stand with a sign in red marker reading: Yes I'm open for business! So come and buy something already!
My teeth stopped chattering only because my mouth was hanging low staring at this crazy old dingo settled in a snack stand like a owl in ready to sell food. How is this dingo even surviving out here!
I rushed against icy wind to dingo's stand with my wallet fumbling out of my pocket reaching for whatever change I had left. I slammed the coins on the counter and snagged the spiciest bag of chips he had. Like a flash flood the stinging snack ran down my throat instantly as I ripped the bag open and poured the chips into my throat.
A common stereotype with some canids like myself was that we indulge too quickly in our meals and stuff ourselves to full capacity and then some. I certainly wasn't helping my kind by making that slightly true, but nature drives folks to do some stupid and crazy things like me and this dingo both standing in a blizzard.
The old dingo rose out of his stand to see what ruckus had occurred on the other side. With a muzzle full of food himself he snapped at me with words I could only determine were thief and get out of here.
In response to his muffled shouting I promptly pointed a finger at the change of the stand. He guzzle the rest of the junk food down his throat and looked at me with a pestered look. He slid the change towards him and counted each coin his paws making sure he got what he was owed. With a grin he chuckled and said, "Gonna need double, amigo."
"What!" I shouted back at him, "That's the price on the menu." I said pointing a finger at the board hanging beside his stock of heart attacks in a bag.
"It's called supply and demand. I gotta keep up with the market and what not. Besides, you're the first one to even waddle this way all day. Can't you cut an old man some slack?"
He was trying to hustle an ex-hustler. I didn't want to linger here like a drunken clown at a birthday party, so I reached into my wallet and gave him his due. With that he sunk like the Titanic back into his stand, and I'm sure that once he heard another sap that came his way he would be like South and rise again.
Exiting the presence of the dingo and continued to Judy's dingy apartment which I hoped would provide salvation for my hopeless soul. Oh God, why couldn't I just have been born a poodle.
Aside from my petty pleas for divine intervention to end the blizzard, I kept thinking of how Carrots would be feeling right now. I could just picture her sipping on a hot cup of joe and flipping through the soundtracks on her phone to pass the time. She may have been bored but with a lot of the city losing electricity from the temperature, she would at least be warm from her apartment complexes heating system.
The whiteout had died down slightly about fifteen minutes into journey, but the weather remained standfast as the snow continued to pile on me.
I went around the corner of my block and spotted Judy's complex at the end of the street. I was half-tempted to make a suicide charge into the flurry but a sudden gust of wind the seeped through the cracks in my armor gave me second thoughts. I remained at a steady pace as had the rate of the snowfall.
Nature pulled a dirty trick when the wind forced an icicle from the side of a gutter which proceeded to smacked the roof of a building below it. The action lead to a buildup of snow atop the building to slide down and land directly on my head. I began to dance around as if I had been stung by a scorpion or rubbed a porcupine the wrong way.
My motions had let me go footloose on the icy streets and led me to skate across the pavement into a snow-covered car and smack the window face-first. I landed on my back as I dealt with being struck by the sudden daze in my vision.
As my head began to clear like mist from a lake, I came to realization that nature's crime had witnesses.
Through the sounds of my groaning and screams, I failed to pick up on the laughter of three children gathered around a pile of packed snowballs on the adjacent sidewalk. Once I gathered every marble that I just spilled on the floor I stared back at the children whose laughter had gone sullen into the wind.
Two stayed at the snow pile while one short zebra girl walked over to me. "Are you okay, mister?" She looked slightly dismayed at my misfortune, but I could tell this little child was holding back giggles at my misstep.
I reached for the mirror to the car and hoisted myself up onto my feet cautiously avoiding the slippery skating rink laid flat out all over the street. "Fine." I replied grudgingly. I made sure my boots sunk heavily into the snow beneath me before rolling forward with my legs and ridding myself of the giggling children. I only wanted to stomp away and enter Judy's complex to get away from this chilly hell.
It only took about ten steps before a snow ball placed itself on the back of my head like a baseball smacking the bat. Immediately, I turned my body full circle to face the culprit who thought after my misfortune that they would get a rise out of seeing me rage. M eyes darted between each child wondering who it could've been until I realized another guest had entered the street.
"Come on crabby, aren't you gonna retaliate?" said Judy, smirking at me, who was standing by the kids in much less winter attire than I figured a little bunny would dare shed in this weather. She was wearing a sweater and sweatpants with wrappings around her feet and covers on her ears.
Here was this bunny, whose ears barely reached my shoulders, covered in very little compared to me, seeming utterly comfortable outside in the subzero weather. The snowball was salting my wound, but my girl being the source of my anguish is like being given a wet willie by a bully after they just picked their nose.
Before I could run my mouth about how she shouldn't be so underdressed or instigated a sudden rage in me, she subdued my frustration with the call to continue fire. "Give him a another one."
The lightning first struck and now it was time for the thunder. A volley of snowballs pelted my armor knocking each fabric of loose clothing off. My gloves and makeshift beanie fell off my body with ease. My face was no fully exposed to the onslaught and the kids made sure that I received moment of plenty in the cold season.
"Alright that's enough guys." Judy said in between laughs. I honestly hope that she's intended to stop or else to might as well dig my grave in the snow. The children walked away laughing at the fox fell on his ass twice in less than five minutes.
Judy strutted my way as I brushed the rest of the snow out of my face. The bunny earned the right to be high and mighty for now, but being the clever fox that I am…
Well, if would be a real shame if she 'lost' all of her blankets when she woke up in the morning and found them dangling from the icy electrical wires. Perhaps she may find her fridge to frozen shut it a somewhat similar fashion to my door lock. Just saying, these are simple misfortunes that could happen at anytime.
"So," she started as she stood between my feet bending down at my face with a proud look, "you've got some happy feet don't you Nick?" I wanted to shovel snow in her face, but I'm pretty sure that might cost me a warm place to bed for the night, so I begrudgingly decided against it.
A thought popped into my head as she stood there still basking in the glory of outfoxing the fox. A wide grin crept across my face like acne on the teen with anxiety as I slowly reached for the small keychain dangling from her pant pocket. Without warning I yanked the keys from her and stormed off like a voyeur who'd just been caught. Despite having the ears to hear slithering paw and the feet to dash at me, she was left dumbfounded as her boyfriend left her in a gusting breeze that swept me away.
After thumping her foot at the obvious frustration of her boyfriend pulling a fast one and dashing away, she gave chase with incredible speed as she seemed to glide across the ice as if she was flying. I struggled in my heavy boots to pick my feet up from the snow and make haste for the front gate.
I wonder if somewhere there is a monkey with a chalkboard keeping tally each time I fall because three free from the door the little bunny had gone kamikaze and tackled me into a patch of snow-covered bushes leading two our bodies dropping ten degrees in core temperature.
Our heads popped out of the snow like prairie dogs as we spit out leaves and bits of icicles from our mouths. First to speak, Judy stated bluntly, "You really are a dumb fox." Despite not finding humor in my teasing, she gave soft chuckle as I stepped out of the snow and began to quake like San Francisco.
I stared almost in awe as she picked herself up and brushed off the snow from her hypersensitive ears and nose like it was simply sand flowing through an hourglass. "Jeez Carrots, are you a popsicle or something?"
"My grandmother was a snow hare." she retorted.
"And my grandmother was crabby country girl that hated anything below 70 degrees." I sarcastically replied. She filled her lungs with laughter like it an addiction that finally took over. Each laugh was a beating of the drums in her chest as her rib cage rose and rested in position throughout her laugh attack.
"Here's your keys, Carrots." I said getting her focus back to the fact we were covered in snow with our temperature steadily dropping. She snatched them from my shaking paw and lifted me out of the bushes. "Let's get inside so I before I start using your tail as a pillow."
I followed my bunny into the complex where I came to the shocking realization that the temperature inside of the building was a dim candle compared to blazing bonfire I had been expecting. The wind, snow, and white paradise become a musky, stale-aired, dark cave that barely fit the label of sanctuary.
"So th-" I was cut off by a onset bought of coughs that arose from the thick, dusty air that had been collecting all this time. With every tenant wanting to conserve as much heat as possible, doors and windows were left sealed like abandoned homes foreclosed out on a country road. This left little air to escape into the outside. Unfortunately the tradeoff was coughing fits and heavy breathing with very little to gain.
"It'll take awhile but you'll adapt to air eventually. Just remember that it's better to have bronchitis than hypothermia." That's my girl. Always a glass half full kind person. Even though I stand a foot taller than my fluffy bunny, it's funny to see that she's one always looking with eyes on the road and I'm the one staring at my feet.
"Let's get some sleep. I think you need it." With that we walked up the steps to her floor and much to my dismay, I found that my journey would only prove to be a slap in the face.
I saw beside her front door was a pile of blankets she had neatly formed into a makeshift bed. So she was in the same predicament as I was. I may have been assuming she couldn't get inside but it didn't take too much deductive reasoning to figure out she was locked out her own room.
"Sorry, but my lock's fr-" she started but stopped as I cut her off, "It's alright. At least you were smart enough to leave blankets outside."
She now understood why I had come over to her home in the first place. "You too?" She asked shyly. "Yeah. It is what it is." I answered. I was waiting for her permission, but she simply grabbed my paw and dragged us forward until we stumbled into her pile of semi-cool blankets.
We fumbled the thick covers over ourselves and started to cuddle in our bundle together for whatever warmth we might gather from one another. At that moment I felt as if the sun was only a few inches from my nose. I felt like we've just be thrown into a pyre and left to roast in the fire of our empathy.
Regardless of how easy the air had become to breath and how sour I may have been to my walk here. Any harrumphs erupting from my throat would not share a pouty face. Right now I only laid in adulation of my bunny who carefully rested beside me.
"You know we could try and break the lock." I suggested. "We could…" Judy answered trailing off into thought. "But do we need to?" I asked bringing her back. "Not when we're right next to a fireplace." She answered tucking her ears back into the blankets. I brought my head to the top of hers and pulled her close knowing the wood cracked and the cinders simmer ever so lightly as the fire roared so quietly as our eyelids fell together and leapt into slumber.
Just something I felt like writing. Consider it a guarantee that another chapter for Walking in the Dark will appear within the next week or so.