A/N: Written for my humanization AU, info on my tumblr at /spongebobau. I apologize for being too lazy to fix spacing here.
Once again, the sorrow had swallowed him whole. It would proceed to chew him up and spit him out in a few days – until then, he'd remain in a funk so blatant others would notice and question it. It was the same every time. And just like always, he'd wave it off with some unconvincingly transparent excuse. They all knew the truth anyway… All of them but Squidward, who also obviously didn't care. Which was okay. He was allowed to not care. This time, though, Squidward did notice.
The first couple of days of Spongebob being oddly quiet were fantastic.
It was like a dream – none of that annoying laughter or nonsensical yammering or disruptive singing.
All of Bikini Bottom could finally hear themselves think again – the normally hyperactive and clamorous frycook was seemingly in a state of taciturn upset. While it was likely a short reprieve, it was a reprieve nonetheless from his usual antics.
Squidward didn't know what was wrong, but he didn't really care. It was probably about something stupid, like him failing his boating test for the umpteenth time or losing his favorite Mermaidman and Barnacleboy DVD. It would pass, likely all too quickly, so he had to enjoy the peacefulness for now!
To some, the improvement of Squidward's mood with the decline of Spongebob's could be considered sadistic. It was in some ways, but he mostly just loved being left alone and not having to listen to any whooping, hollering, or otherwise. Why couldn't every day be like this?
Spongebob didn't follow him around. Spongebob didn't pester him at work or at home in any fashion. Spongebob didn't poke, prod or cling. It was so nice to wake up to nothing but the sound of scallops chirping outside his window. He could take his time to get ready, relax, read, paint, dance, practice music, bathe, sleep – all without being disturbed, for once.
It was now the fourth day since this had all begun. Squidward had a feeling it would end soon, but at least the morning had gone without incident so far. He lay blissfully comfortable in his bed, clinging to a large pillow. "Mmm… Another beautiful morning," he purred sleepily. "No Spongebob to bother me… How could it get any better than this?" After a few more minutes of lazing about, he rolled out of bed to prepare for the day ahead. "Unfortunately, I should anticipate the normal Spongebob experience… Such a shame, too," he sighed while brushing his hair.
The journey to work was safe and Spongebob-less, but as he opened the glass double doors, he steeled himself for a boisterous 'GOOOOOOOOOD MORNING, SQUIDWARD~!'…
…
Nothing.
Squidward looked around – no blondie in sight. "… Huh." He scratched his head, puzzled but somewhat relieved. Cautiously, he made his way to his station and dared to peek through the window to the kitchen.
Spongebob was there, alright.
He was hunched over the counter, staring intently at the fresh vegetables he was in the process of slicing. Just one look at his weary countenance told Squidward that he was still in this funk. Well, that meant another day of tranquility!
The customers were starting to notice, though. Some of them seemed curious, glancing past Squidward to the kitchen, but no one dared to say anything.
Day five.
Still no sign of Spongebob.
Were things getting… Worse? No, couldn't be. After five days, he would ordinarily be improving, not the other way around. While Squidward did so love the time to himself, he was somewhat bewildered.
Upon arrival, he noticed Mr. Krabs speaking to his star employee off in a corner. Part of Squidward wanted to try to listen in… The other part didn't care. He didn't get the chance to either way – once he got to his desk, the exchange was over, and Spongebob walked past him with a distant 'hey,' not once stopping to look at him. The cashier noticed his boss adjusting the condiment stand nearby.
"… Mr. Krabs?"
Blinking, Eugene lifted his head. "Eh..? Oh. Mister Squidward." He straightened himself and rubbed at his cheek. They were both quiet for a moment, observing one another, before he spoke. "… Yeh've been in a pretty good mood lately, eh?"
"Huh? Uh… I guess. What's up with Spongebob? Not that I really care, it's just a little strange."
"… I see. And…" Why was Mr. Krabs staring at him like that? It was creepy! "… I dunno. The lad wouldn't tell me." Why did that seem like a lie? "Hopefully he'll be back in tip top shape soon." What was wrong with this conversation? Why did it feel like Mr. Krabs was studying him? What was with this shift in atmosphere? Oh, this was weird.
"Uh… Yeah. Sure. Whatever, then." Squidward, unnerved, tried to direct his attention elsewhere. Eugene simply shook his head and headed for his office.
Mr. Krabs certainly knew the reason, but he wasn't about to divulge that information to Squidward, seeing as it involved him. The rest of their inner circle knew too, as well as a few others, but Squidward wouldn't get an answer no matter who he asked even if he tried.
Day six.
It had now been almost a week. Couldn't last much longer than that, though, right? It was starting to dampen the mood at the Krusty Krab. Not by too much, but the heaviness in the water was perceptible.
It wasn't that Spongebob had never been upset before, or that he'd never been upset for an extended period of time – it was moreso that this seemed… Different. Gloomier, somehow. Squidward couldn't entirely put his finger on it, but this was definitely more dismal. Or, maybe this had happened in the past, and Squidward had simply never noticed..? His neighbor barely spoke, and his greetings were hollow and unenthused. He was very far from his usual peppy self.
Once again, the blond had wordlessly holed himself up in the kitchen. His eyes were far duller than usual, bloodshot, and had dark circles beneath them. His hair didn't seem entirely brushed most days. His expression was often vacant; that toothy smile was nowhere to be seen. If it did happen to surface, it was entirely forced. He was pale, with no rosiness in his cheeks to light up his freckles. 'Completely drained' would be a good description for him. Exhausted. Wilted. Melancholic.
Squidward was growing concerned… But why? Why did he care about that stupid neighbor of his?! Why did it matter?! Shouldn't he be grateful for the quiescence?! He was! He wasn't about to change it! He didn't care if Spongebob was depressed; he cared about his own sanity and relaxation!
It was fine. It didn't matter. He didn't miss the high-pitched giggles. He didn't miss the bright and sunny smiles. He ESPECIALLY didn't miss the affectionate gestures. Especially. He also didn't miss the endearing inane babbling. It had been SIX DAYS! There was NO REASON to 'miss' any of this! He was enjoying the absence of it and even if he weren't, six days was not a long time! He needed to get a hold of himself, this was asinine!
What did Spongebob have to be all mopey for!? What could possibly be the matter?! Oh, that he lost a game of Snakes and Escalators with Patrick!? It was most assuredly something trivial!
Now Squidward was in a bad mood. He grew increasingly irritable as the day went on, and, out of nowhere, snapped at his coworker. "Spongebob, do you mind?! We have customers waiting out here! What's taking you so long?!" In reality, it hadn't even been six minutes since the order was given. In what seemed to be slow motion, Spongebob stopped what he was doing and turned to look at the other. The way he so owlishly stared through glazed, joyless eyes stopped Squidward right in his tracks. Holy shrimp, that look did not suit such a naturally jovial person.
"… Coming right up." True to his word, Spongebob slid a tray over to the window, almost immediately. He then went right back to his grill without a further peep. Squidward swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat and delivered the order, shaken. That had been an… Unpleasant interaction, to say the least.
The end of their shift came and Squidward decided he needed to get his mind off of this whole… Situation. He needed a damn bubblebath. He trudged on home, unable to fathom what could possibly cause this and why he cared. The more he thought about it, the more his frustration rose. IT DIDN'T MATTER! IT WAS GREAT!
"I SURE AM HAVING A GREAT TIME ALONE, WITHOUT SPONGEBOB ANNOYING ME!" He yelled while pacing around his bathroom, waiting for the tub to fill. The silence continued. … Why was he expecting a response of some sort? What sort of response would he even want?
The fact that Spongebob was still bothering him even while leaving him alone infuriated Squidward. He couldn't relax with all this… Quiet! "AUGH!" He tugged at his hair in irritation. THAT WAS IT! He was going to march right over there and demand that Spongebob stop ruining the mood for everyone by sulking! It was entirely unnecessary!
He abandoned his bath and went straight to his neighbor's house, fully intending on yelling at him. "SPONGEBOB!" He shouted, banging on the front door, "OPEN UP! What in the world has got you so mopey?! What are you so upset for?! You're really bringing everyone else down, you know! You should be more considerate of others!" Oh, the irony. The painful irony of that statement, which Squidward was conveniently ignoring. He wasn't in the wrong! Not at all. He had every right to be angry!
When Spongebob answered the door, Squidward jolted in shock. He'd admittedly not entirely been expecting it, and the guy somehow looked even worse than before. There were tears in his glassy eyes. Apparently, he'd already gotten ready for bed, too, having donned his pajamas… This early?
"… I'm sorry, Squidward," he mumbled in a tired voice. Squidward stared, taken aback by his appearance. Before he could yell, complain, reach out or do anything else, Spongebob shut the door in his face. Literally. Shut the door. In his face. Not in a rude way – he didn't slam it – more of a gentle 'I'm sorry but I want to be left alone' manner. Squidward gawked at the closed door for another solid two minutes before huffing, turning around and storming off.
Fine! If he wanted to sulk, fine! Who cared?! Close the door in his face, puh, how rude! Who did he think he was?! He had a LOT of nerve!
Squidward's sleep that night was more restless than he would've liked.
Day seven.
Nothing had changed. Spongebob was practically on autopilot, giving robotic replies when addressed and otherwise keeping to himself in the kitchen.
Squidward could've sworn the silence was getting louder.
Day eight.
The wall of anger began to fade. As much as Squidward wanted to complain about the prospect of having to work this weekend due to some strange national burger holiday, it allowed him to continue to monitor Spongebob. He took note of Spongebob's house consistently going dark earlier than it should've been. The tension in the waves at work hung over them like a shroud, but for some reason, Mr. Krabs didn't mention it. The customers were mostly ignoring it too, with the occasional nervous look to the kitchen. It wasn't as if Spongebob wasn't getting his work done, so there wasn't all too much to complain about.
By some stroke of luck, Sandy stopped by the Krusty Krab. Maybe she knew? She was one of Spongebob's best friends, after all. With her, she carried a baggie of some sort, containing who knew what. "Sandy..?" Squidward attempted to approach her, unsure.
"Hm?" Upon catching sight of him, she frowned before covering it with a neutral (though weary) expression. "Oh… Hey, Squid. What's up?" He noticed her ears turn back just slightly, indicating… Annoyance? Maybe? Perhaps it was his imagination. Geez, she looked pretty rough too, though.
"Um… I was just wondering…" Squidward had to avert his gaze, rubbing at the back of his neck – he felt weird asking about how Spongebob was doing. Awkward. "Do you, ah… Know what's going on with Spongebob?" He hoped his cheeks weren't getting red. "Not—not that I care, or… Anything. I just…" He couldn't think of an excuse. Her face remained unreadable, reminiscent of the way Mr. Krabs had looked at him.
"… Nope. Poor lil' fella ain't talkin' much. He's bein' more stubborn than a wrangled bull in a rodeo on a hot summer day." Why did that sound like a lie, too? Did she know? If so, why wouldn't she tell him?! It wasn't fair!
"Alright, well… Thanks."
"Mmhmm. Have a nice evenin'." With that, she walked off, going straight into the kitchen to give her friend what she'd brought.
They knew, didn't they? But why did they take issue with saying it? Who else could he ask? Well, there was… Patrick… But Squidward highly doubted he'd be getting any answers out of him. Larry was another person Spongebob might confide in, but… Larry did not like Squidward. At all. For the very specific reason of Squidward being an asshole to him, unsurprisingly. That left only one person to ask – Spongebob himself. But did he really want to?
Day nine.
Squidward didn't wake up to laughter, singing, yelling, or anything of the sort once more. It almost felt… Empty.
He stared down at his cereal, brows knitted. He hated to admit that he felt any amount of attachment to Spongebob, but deep down, he did. He really, really did. He tried to pretend he didn't because it was humiliating and ridiculous – how could he appreciate the friendship of someone so hideously annoying? How could he be grateful to have such a constant source of… Of love and support from such a person?! Why would he secretly enjoy the cheerfulness of his personality or agree that he was fun to be around? It wasn't…
"Oh, Sponge…" Pressing his palm against his cheek, Squidward sagged. What if it was serious..? What if something happened with his parents? Or that terrible cousin of his? Or what if someone else was hurting him somehow? Oh, if it was that wretched Tom again, he'd—
Maybe trying to ask him about it was a good idea after all. Just in case.
While it was warm out, the tide was a bit rough. The ebb and flow of the surf tugged at kelp and rustled the coral trees. Perhaps a storm was on its way? The Krusty Krab's cashier made it a point to be a little earlier to work than usual to see if he could catch his coworker before the doors opened to the public. Oh – there he was! Coming from the bathroom and about to hide in the kitchen again! Squidward jogged over, reaching out to place a hand on his shoulder in order to pull him aside. "Spongebob..? I—"
"Sorry, Squidward, I have to go organize the buns." Spongebob brushed past him, shaking his head. Squidward was left there, staring after him, feeling a little lost. Oh… Should he try asking again later..? Maybe now was just… A bad time. Maybe after work would be better.
Squidward's concern was now starting to overshadow his denial. He was feeling genuinely distressed. It was disturbing – seeing Spongebob this way for so long was truly unsettling. He'd hear weeping sounds from time to time, but no full-on wailing – at least, not at work.
Again, Squidward was clambering for Spongebob the second the day was over – it had begun to storm after all, maybe he could offer to drive him home..?! He was absolutely insane, but he figured that would produce a good chance to investigate. "H… Heeey, Spongebob, ah—y'know, it's, uh, pretty bad out there, huh? Raining. And all. Do you, uhm, need a ride? Just figured I'd offer, eheh…" He managed to ask in the most awkward fashion possible, a big, nervous grin plastered on his face while he stood stiffly near the front door. He prayed no one else heard him – how degrading! What would people think!? That he actually HAD A HEART or something?!
Spongebob's shuffling footsteps came to a halt and their eyes finally met. But… What was that..? Why did he look surprised and wounded..? It was like the offer only upset him more somehow! But why?! How?! WHAT DID HE DO WRONG?! HE WAS TRYING TO BE NICE! "O-oh… Uhm… No thanks… I have my umbrella; I'll be okay on my own… I appreciate it, though…" Before Squidward could manage to register what in the seven seas that reaction had been, the other choked on a sniffle and left, umbrella in hand.
The more he thought about it on the way home, the more paranoid he became. Why was Spongebob avoiding him? And what was that look he'd given all about? "What could I possibly have done? I was trying to be nice! It wasn't like I…" A pause. "… Oh wait. I did yell at him the other day. And completely invalidated his feelings. For no good reason. Great. Good job on that one, Squiddy. Go on and make things worse, why don't you? It's not as if that's any different from the norm anyway." Squidward's lips tugged into a deep frown and he swore to himself. The storm raged on, large drops of rain splattering the windshield while roaring booms of thunder sounded in the distance. When he arrived home, he saw no signs of life from the pineapple next door.
It wasn't like Spongebob had to divulge his personal problems. He was allowed to keep it to himself if he wanted to, but… Why wouldn't he want to tell him? If, by some slim chance, it did happen to be something significant, Squidward just wanted to make sure that he was okay – but that was proving to be more difficult than originally predicted.
Day ten.
As fate would have it, the storm decided to stay put over Bikini Bottom for a while. "… Bring your umbrellas and raincoats, folks! Those currents are rough out there! We may be seeing this storm into tomorrow, too. Dover Sole here with Bikini Bottom weather! And now back to—"
The sound cut out as the television was turned off. In a completely dark house sat one morbidly depressed Spongebob Squarepants. "… Figures," he muttered under his breath. Oh well. Maybe he'd take the bus to work today. … Speaking of which, though… Squidward's offer the day before had been quite strange. "Weird, huh, Gare? He was just yelling at me for being sad, and then says he'll drive me home if I want…" He made a noise. His pet snail, tucked by his side, looked up at him sadly through the darkness. "Oh well. Anyway, better get ready for work. Thank gosh it's Sunday." At least he had work because of the holiday to keep his mind off of things…
This particular crash felt extra rough and he didn't know why. Or, well… Maybe he did to some extent. Spongebob had made the mistake of looking through one of his secret photo albums – specifically, the pictures from that time Squidward suddenly became extremely happy, and therefore extremely affectionate and eager to hang out. They'd done lots of things… They'd gone to the amusement park, the zoo, and had all sorts of fun together… Though at the time Spongebob had been immature and got jealous of people paying attention to 'nice' Squidward, the fact was that he really liked that side of him no matter what. It proved that Squidward really was a kind, warm and fun person and that it just tended to be buried a lot of the time. That wasn't the only time he'd seen it, either. Far from it. If only he could make Squidward that happy regularly, and see that beautiful smiling face… If only Squidward enjoyed his company and wanted to spend time with him regularly. The thought of what things could be… It was too much to bear sometimes. Seeing Squidward like that only made him fall deeper and deeper in love. He wanted to see it so much more – not that he didn't love grumpy Squidward by any means, but seeing him happy was far more preferable, and it was nice to finally feel… Wanted.
It was nice to feel like Squidward appreciated him. Cared for him. Loved him in any capacity, platonic or otherwise. He got so discouraged sometimes… Always being yelled at, rejected, taken advantage of… Every now and then, he wondered if Squidward really did hate him. It was scary; he didn't want to believe that. He refused to. Squidward had admitted to caring for him before, so he'd hold onto that.
Spongebob was selfish, though. Even though Squidward did care for him as a friend, he wanted more. So much more. He was desperate for more. It was a wonder he'd not exploded yet, considering how much love filled his heart for his marvelous neighbor. He adored every single inch of Squidward. Even the smallest actions from him made Spongebob's heart throb and lurch. It had been this way for years and it wasn't stopping anytime soon – but that was what made it so difficult. The realization that he'd probably never get to be Squidward's lover, and his heart's unwillingness to move on… Would he ever find someone to call his own? What if he never did..? What if he had to remain alone, with all of these pent-up emotions? What if he was never able to pour his heart and soul into someone ever again? What if he was never able to have the physical affection he so direly craved? He needed someone at some point. The notion of being alone forever was…
He could only shudder.
He was grateful to have the opportunity to be friends with Squidward… But unrequited love caused a lot of pain. He had to stuff that pain, shove it deep down, ignore it, try to focus only on the good things… Until it became too strong and forced its way back up to devour him, which was where he was at the moment.
Spongebob knew he'd been wallowing for too long now and that he needed to snap out of it. The way he was worrying everyone was awful and he felt so guilty… And he knew this was all partially his fault anyway, because he'd never clearly expressed his feelings since he was afraid to, and it was likely that Squidward didn't even know… But on the same token, if the other felt the same he probably would've shown it by now. So… Spongebob had to stop being self-centered and just accept the situation and be happy with what he had.
"Ugh… Why is everything so hard?"
"Mrow…"
It was time for work. Maybe after, he'd treat himself to some more ice cream and cupcakes. Sandy had been nice enough to make him some food for the next few days, so he had his dinner too… And maybe he'd call Patrick tonight so he could have someone to snuggle with. He bundled himself up to shield himself from the rain and headed out.
Spongebob was nice and safe in his kitchen when an unexpected intruder approached. "Spongebob?" A voice called out to him and he jumped – was that… Squidward? What did he want? It was hard to look at him!
"Huh..?" He glanced over his shoulder, fretting. It was indeed Squidward, but he didn't seem angry or anything… He seemed… Apprehensive?
"Spongebob, I… Can we… Talk after work today?" Seeing the sheer terror fill those blue eyes forced Squidward to clarify himself immediately. "It—it's nothing bad! I just… Wanted to ask you a question, that's all." One could almost hear the wild pounding of Spongebob's heart against his ribcage. Oh, Neptune, he wasn't ready for this! He couldn't imagine what it was about! But… If it was nothing bad, he supposed he could try to remain calm about it. He really, really, really didn't want to talk, but… Squidward had asked, so…
"I, uhm… O-okay…" Finally! Squidward had gotten a hold of him! Jeez, that had been far too difficult. Now to wait…
The both of them were both anxious wrecks the entire day, anticipating the conversation to come. Tensions were high and neither one dared to look at the other as they exchanged order slip after order slip for tray after tray. Spongebob timidly approached his friend when they closed up, wringing his hat in his hands. All day, he'd tried exceedingly hard not to worry too much. "Y-you… Wanted to talk to me..?"
"Yeah, uh—" Squidward looked around, quickly realizing something. Where were they going to do this..? It was still pouring out, and hanging around the Krusty Krab was kind of awkward. "Why don't we head home first, though? I'd prefer not to hang around here. I can drive you if—"
"NO! No—no, uh, it's okay! I'm fine I'll just take the bus okay see ya there!" Spongebob all but panicked – no, he couldn't. He couldn't be in Squidward's boat, surrounded by his scent so closely… Just… No. It was a pretty benign thing to freak out over, but a boatride with Squidward was one of his romantic dreams come true (whether it was romantic in reality or not), and he couldn't handle that right now. He was gone in a flash before Squidward could protest, putting the taller male at further unease. What in the world..?
When Spongebob finally got home, his neighbor wasted no time coming right over, only having given him ten minutes or so to settle in. Squidward cringed at the sight of him – this was so wrong. He looked so haggard and worn, like he could collapse any second… If it were possible, more bags had formed under his eyes, which were puffy and red – combined with the reddened nose and the irritated skin at the corners of his eyes, it told of many tears shed over these ten days. Spongebob allowed him into the house, closing the door behind him. "So—"
"Spongebob." Squidward immediately took hold of his shoulders, jerking him forward a little. He squeaked in response. "I… Are you… What's the matter? You haven't been yourself, and I…" He noticed Spongebob flinch – clearly, he was waiting for the yelling to start. Wow. Good. That made him feel like a great person. Squidward Tentacles, That Asshole That Yells at Upset People. "I'm not here to scold you, Spongebob… I'm… W—wuh… Worr…" It seemed he had trouble getting the word out at first. He cleared his throat. "Worried." It was a little embarrassing, but that wasn't important – what was important was how incredibly shocked Spongebob looked. PERFECT, THAT MADE HIM FEEL EVEN BETTER! Ah yes, Squidward Tentacles, So Much of an Asshole That People are Surprised When He Claims to Care About Them.
"Wha—huh? What? W-worried? About what? Me?" The little blond was reeling – what was this? What was happening? Squidward noticed? And not only did he notice, but he was CONCERNED? Was he dreaming or something? It didn't make any sense! AND WAIT – THIS WAS AWFUL! He expected an explanation!? What the hell could he even say?! 'Oh I'm just upset because I'm in love with you but know you'll never love me back?!' NO! He'd need an excuse, a GOOD one! A believable lie! Squidward was a keen and intelligent person! He'd be able to see straight through anything that wasn't sound enough! Oh, FANTASTIC. You've done it now, Squarepants! You've gone and worried SQUIDWARD of all people with your selfish brooding! How could you let it get so far?! It wasn't fair to him! He panicked, overwhelmed – he wasn't used to this! What should he do?! He forced a loud laugh. "AHAH! Ah! Uhm! I-I'm fine, don't worry! J-just a little flu is all, you know how that goes, eheh! Ah…"
Squidward's unimpressed glare told Spongebob that his feeble attempt at dismissing it had failed. "Why don't you want to tell me? If it's something serious, I… Want to make sure you're okay."
"N-NO IT'S NOT THAT I DON'T WANT TO! IT'S JUST THAT—UH—" Think, think, THINK! What to say?! What excuse to use?! What, what, WHAT?! Oh, this wasn't happening, he'd not prepared for this, he wasn't ready for Squidward to pay attention to him, he could barely look at him he needed to be left alone he needed to be away from him so he didn't have to think about it as much he needed—
To Squidward's horror, the man before him began to tremble and hyperventilate, clawing at his cheeks while his now-teary eyes darted around the room for answers. "Oh my Neptune—SPONGEBOB! Please! Relax! What has gotten into you!? Oh Neptune, please—" It was all he could do to force Spongebob over to the couch and sit him down before he could collapse onto the floor. Once seated, Spongebob took one look at Squidward before whimpering and flopping onto his side in the fetal position, attempting to hide himself. Tendrils of frigid fear encased Squidward's heart in a deathly grip as he watched Spongebob crumble. He quietly sat down a foot or two away from him, trying to give him some space, having no idea how to deal with this. This wasn't normal! It was frightening! What could have happened?! It must've been really bad to cause something like this! His next move might've been a mistake, but he found he was running out of options – he placed a very light hand atop the other's side, subsequently feeling him jump and then hearing him begin to cry. Well, shit. Even a simple attempt at a comforting touch screwed things up?! How could he help? He wished he knew! "Spongebob," he tried again, with a little more urgency in his voice.
The only response was an agonizing sob. With tremors running through his body, Spongebob curled into himself tighter. Why was Squidward suddenly so interested? Why now? It was such a bad time, too! Being close to him was hard – it brought up so many emotions. He felt so raw and overwrought… And he couldn't believe he'd dragged Squidward into his mess too now. The guilt gnawed away at him – if only he were stronger, then he wouldn't have to burden others with this! How shameful he was – so wrapped up in his 'woe is me, Squidward isn't my boyfriend' that he was making everyone else suffer for it, too. He didn't deserve Squidward's compassion when he was being an ungrateful little brat by pining for a relationship rather than being content with their friendship. It hurt, oh… Maybe if he told him, Squidward would leave him alone. Think, think, think! What was something that happened recently that could be used or stretched? Well, Uncle Cpt. Blue had called him and told him that Blackjack might be going back to jail, and to be fair, his cousin had threatened him again recently which absolutely had scared the bejeezus out of him… He didn't want to lie too much, but he also had to make it believable! Poseidon help him, this was awful…
Spongebob coughed and choked, attempting to compose himself enough to get some words out. Chest still heaving breaths, he spoke, "I… I… Nngh…" He could feel Squidward's eyes boring into him, begging him to continue. "I-I just—it—my, um, cousin, B-Blackjack—" A hiccup interrupted him. "He just… H-he was threatening me again, is all—and I… I just get s-scared sometimes, and I wish… I wish I could have a normal relationship with my cousin, who didn't want to beat me up..!" That was actually true – having such poor relations with his relative upset him a lot. He was worried it wouldn't hold up well enough, though, since he hadn't expanded on it. To his surprise, the hand atop him withdrew. He lifted his head a little to see why.
Squidward seemed completely flabbergasted, gawking, a hand pressed to his chest. "Why did they let that lunatic out of jail in the first place?! Did you call the police?!" That wasn't the whole truth, either, was it? It could've been, but he feared the worst – carmine eyes began to rove Spongebob's body in search of physical injuries. "He didn't hurt you again, did he? I sincerely hope you're not trying to hide anything!" There were too many clothes in the way; he could have bruises on his chest or back..! For as much as he claimed to hate Spongebob, he had no tolerance for ANYONE hurting him like that. No matter how irritating he could be, the poor guy didn't deserve that at all. Seeing the way Squidward was eyeing him, Spongebob shot up, wanting to clarify before the strip-searching started.
"N-N-NO! I-I'M NOT! He—he didn't touch me, I swear!" Spongebob protested, shaking his head vigorously. "I—I would tell you if he did… I think he's—ggnh—" He sniffled, rubbing at his tired face, "guh… Going back to jail soon anyway… Dunno what he did, but it— it's prob'ly for the best… He was j-just… Mmh… Calling me again." He had to try to calm himself down… He was such a hot mess. His brain was all scrambled. Squidward still seemed apprehensive, but he relented.
"… Alright, if you say so." Still, that was infuriating! Where did that lowlife get the idea that he was allowed to bully his cousin?! It was despicable! Why, he oughtta—
A quiet groan caught Squidward's attention. Spongebob was still trying to scrub away his tears.
"S-so yeah… I'm okay, just… Tired. My parents tell me to block his number, but he's family… I don't…" All things considered, this excuse was going pretty smoothly. He hadn't even had to embellish the story (likely because it was true). He'd been worried his reason wouldn't have made sense as something to be upset for so long over, but it seemed that it was believable enough. But wait – why hadn't Squidward left yet, then? He had his answer, so..? He braved a peek at the other and was entirely surprised by the obvious worry written all over his face.
"… You should really listen to them, you know. What if something does happen because you wouldn't cut off contact?" This was heartbreaking. Spongebob was such a good person. He was trying so hard to remain loyal to someone who hurt him… Someone he'd be better off without… Oh, hey, that description matched Squidward, too, in some ways. That thought sure was a kick to the gut. Spongebob deserved better… He hated seeing him like this.
"Wha…" Bewildered, Spongebob stared for a moment. He'd stopped crying and was now relatively calm, only hiccupping every so often. "I-I—uh…" Was Squidward trying to give him advice? Why? "Ye… Um, yeah… I know… Maybe I'll do it while he's away this time…"
"I'm… Sorry, Spongebob. I…" Squidward wasn't too well-rehearsed in comforting his neighbor, but… Even if it was embarrassing, he had to try. Spongebob needed support, and Squidward needed… Well, he truthfully needed to see that gap-toothed smile again. He'd never say it, but the 2% of the time he wasn't being a callous jackass, he acknowledged the fact that Spongebob, and his happiness, were important to him. He wanted Spongebob to be okay again, and to be free of his vile cousin's torment. He also hated how confusing his concern seemed to be, so he wanted to show it properly for once. The times he did so were too few and far in between. "Do you, uhm… Want to watch a movie, maybe..? I can make you something to eat, too, if you're hungry…" Poseidon knew what was in that fridge, but it could surely be worked with. Spongebob only continued to stare.
"Y-you… What? I…" Was he hallucinating? Did Squidward Tentacles just offer to feed him and watch a movie with him? It wasn't even like it was guilt-driven since the established reason was Blackjack! Squidward hadn't pulled a nasty prank on him again or anything! So what was..? "I… It's okay, you don't have to—to force yourself to pity me or anything like that…" That had been a little more bitter-sounding than he'd intended.
"It's not pity! I know it—I know I'm usually—I know it's hard to believe I'm not being an asshole for once, but I really do care! And I want to… Try to help… Especially because I never do otherwise. I don't really know what to do, but I want to try." At the end of his confession, Squidward's face was an unfortunately bright red. He could scarcely believe he'd just admitted to that, and apparently, neither could Spongebob.
"You… Want to..?" Spongebob echoed, trembling all over again. Oh, his heart hurt – he loved hearing Squidward tell him he cared, but this was simultaneously so frustrating – he was incredibly grateful for it, but at the same time, something that was strictly platonic would be painful. He wanted nothing more than for Squidward to kiss him until he felt better, but that wouldn't happen. He was selfish for wanting it and for continuing to complain even when he was being given part of what he'd been asking for.
"… Yes." There was a tenderness in Squidward's tone and eyes that pierced straight through Spongebob's heart. Oh… It was just too much… "Now stay put," Squidward said as he rose from his seat. "I'm going to go get you something." Admittedly, he needed a quick break too – Spongebob's miserable expression was difficult to deal with. He wandered into the kitchen. Not wanting to be gone for too long, he figured ice cream might be good for now – he'd make some real food later on. He brought that, along with a blanket, over to Spongebob, and gave everything to him before turning the lights off and the television on. A Mermaidman and Barnacleboy movie was plucked from the rack of DVD's and popped in. "There… How's that?" He asked as he sat back down.
"I…" The blond was speechless. So many conflicting emotions raged within him. He was happy, but he was also upset, and he was thankful, but he also felt guilty. He wasn't used to this..! It was so nice but it was also so painful! With the glow of the screen, Squidward could see more tears form, and that freaked him out. Oh no! Did he do something wrong?! Think, Squiddy, think! What would… Oh! That was it!
It was a good idea, but one that was awkward to execute. With a clear of his throat, Squidward leaned back and rested one arm over the back of the couch. "… Here," he murmured, gesturing to his side, though entirely unable to look at Spongebob all the while. Spongebob loved physical affection – everyone knew that. The guy practically lived off of it. He wouldn't usually offer to cuddle with him, but… This was a special occasion. It would just never be spoken of to anyone else, ever. He waited expectantly, and when no warmth huddled up at his side, Squidward finally looked to see what the problem was. Again, the amount of pain in the expression he saw was startlingly disconcerting. Spongebob was shaking his head, eyes squeezed shut, sniffling back tears. He couldn't. It hurt. It hurt too much. Too much, too much, too much! He was dying to be held, but it would be misleading..! It wasn't romantic, he couldn't kiss the man he loved all over or taste his skin or tell him how much he adored him or have his own forehead kissed… No, Spongebob would have to be a good boy and keep his hands to himself, and ignore the fact that he needed to be pampered and loved wholly and utterly. What if he lost control? What if, upon feeling Squidward's arms around him and his large hands over his body, he wasn't able to stop himself? What if he accidentally got a little too friendly out of neediness? What then? It'd all be over then. He couldn't… He wanted to, but it hurt so much… "Sponge..?" Hearing his name, Spongebob gasped breathlessly, head jerking up.
"Guh—ah–?"
"What's the matter..? The Spongebob I know would never turn down a hug." This was worse than he'd thought, and it had already been really goddamn bad! Nothing he was doing was working! The poor thing was nearly inconsolable! He was running out of ideas!
"I-I'm not… I…" Whoa, the room was kind of starting to spin all of the sudden. A lot. Spongebob wobbled dizzily – he was dehydrated and starving, and his lack of sleep was starting to catch up to him. He all but passed out right then and there. Squidward was quick to catch him before he fell, and was now more lost than ever. To add to the chaos, Gary burst into the room, meowing plaintively, wanting to know what in the world had happened.
"I—I don't know, Gary! I'm just lucky he didn't faceplant into the ice cream! What—what should I do?" Panic time!
"Morrworwr row!" Gary told him, nodding to the stairs.
"B-bed? Yeah—yeah. Yeah, o-okay. Right… Should I stay and watch him or..?" Squidward hurriedly got up and hoisted his friend into his arms. At the very least, he didn't weigh much – thank Neptune.
"Mroworr mow mow."
"Y-yeah, you're right. I will."
Spongebob was always taking care of other people, even when he was on his last legs. Now, it was time for someone to take care of him. Squidward rushed him upstairs and unceremoniously dropped him into his bed as quickly as he could, panting. "Guh—okay… Now…" Oh, good, Spongebob had already taken off his shoes, so he didn't have to worry about that. "Here…" He wrenched the covers out from under the unmoving body and then pulled them up over him, tucking him in snugly. "Okay… There… He's safe in bed… Now I should…" He looked around. "I shouldn't leave him alone for too long, but… But maybe I can cook him some food… He probably won't wake up for a little while… What the hell should I even make him!? Augh, Spongebob..!" Determined to make something, Squidward ran back downstairs, put the ice cream away before it melted, and scoured the kitchen for something to make. He definitely didn't want to leave the house to get something, and besides, the thunderstorm was still as wild as ever. Maybe he should do something simple just in case of nausea? Soup. Soup, chicken noodle, whatever, it would do! BUT WAIT, he couldn't make it now because then it'd go cold! "AUGH!" How exasperating! Fine! He'd make a damn seanut butter and jelly sandwich, AND SPONGEBOB WOULD JUST HAVE TO LIKE IT! And he'd prepare the soup too, then just heat it up when he awoke. Squidward was so frazzled and upset – this was like a nightmare. He hoped, for the both of them, that it would end soon.
Squidward returned to Spongebob's side as quickly as he could with the sandwich and a glass of water, which he set down on the nightstand. Then, rubbing his aching spine, he pulled a chair up to the side of the bed and flopped down into it, exhausted. What a day. He knew, though, that his was nothing compared to the one Spongebob was having… He felt so sorry for him. Was he having dreams about what his cousin used to do to him? He sure looked troubled, what with his brow furrowed and tiny whimpers leaving his parted lips… Squidward leaned forward and took a gentle hold of Spongebob's hand, trying not to think about what he was doing too much. He only hoped it would help somehow.
About an hour later, Spongebob roused from his dead sleep, murmuring groggily. Having his hand held did quell some of the nightmares – but those nightmares weren't about Cousin Blackjack. Hazy blue eyes opened – where was he..? Bed? Had all of this been a nightmare..? Oh, thank Ne—wait. His hand felt warm… Was it Gary? He couldn't see well due to how swollen his eyes were, but that didn't seem like Gary…
"Spongebob..?"
He looked to the source of the noise. Was that..? "Squiddy..?" He asked, completely disoriented. Wait, was he still dreaming? Why was Squidward here?
"Hi… I brought you some—"
"Squiddy…" Spongebob immediately grew upset and reached for him. He was totally out of it and unsure if this was a dream or not, which was dangerous as he had the potential to say something he didn't want Squidward to actually hear. "I-I need you…" Squidward reddened, rubbing at his neck. Ooooh boy. Well, he had no choice – he had to get in bed with Spongebob. Wasn't like it was the first time.
"… I'm here, Sponge," he said quietly, getting up from his chair and crawling up into bed. Though Squidward was stiff, Spongebob latched on without a single complaint – now that was the Spongebob he knew.
"It hurts," the younger of the two lamented, essentially attached to his friend's side with his head resting atop his chest. Squidward sighed, shifting until they were both comfortable, then reluctantly draped an arm over the other.
"What does..?"
"Everything…"
Squidward's expression fell solemnly. "… I know." He squeezed Spongebob's upper arm. "Just… Try to relax, okay? I'm… I'm here." At least no one was having a meltdown at the moment… That was always a relief.
"Thank you," Spongebob whispered, pressing his nose up against Squidward's neck which caused the latter to flinch in reaction.
"Mmh—you're… Welcome." If someone had told him last month that he'd willingly be spending a Sunday night cuddling in bed with Spongebob, he would've laughed them right off. But no, it was true. As long as no one else found out, he didn't care – he was doing what he had to do to cheer him up. Before Spongebob fell back asleep, he said one more thing.
"I love you, Squiddy…" Squidward observed him wordlessly, and once positive he'd fallen back asleep, responded.
"… I love you too, Sponge." Even though he meant it platonically, it was still an incredibly difficult thing to admit. Someday, he'd really tell him that. Maybe.
Four hours later, Spongebob awoke once more, this time with a clearer mind. Squidward, having been tuckered out, had fallen asleep at some point as well. Wow, gee, there was something big and warm next to him – did Gary go through a growth spurt or something? No, wait, it didn't smell like Gary… He took a deep inhale – it was tough through his clogged sinuses, but he got a whiff. It smelled like Squidward…
Wait.
His eyes snapped open. To confirm his suspicions, he looked up – yes, Squidward's angelic sleeping face was right next to him. Color began to drain from his face. He definitely knew he was awake right now, and so that meant… This snuggle party was not of the romantic and sexy kind. It was of the friendly kind, which was lovely – it really was – but…
He pressed his face into Squidward's collarbone, muffling a sigh. He'd just have to accept this, and he knew that. Squidward was trying so hard to cheer him up, and so even if he was sad about not getting what he wanted, he had to be appreciative of what he was getting. It hurt a lot. Being so close made his heart pound. Smelling his scent, listening to his breathing and his heartbeat…
Maybe it would help to say it while he was asleep. Maybe it wouldn't. He'd give it a shot.
"Oh, Squiddy," Spongebob whispered, nudging closer, "I love you so much… And I wish we could be like this every night… All I want is for you to hold me, kiss me, and tell me that you feel the same way… It's so hard to hold back. I know I'm selfish, and I'm so sorry… I hope you know I care for you and would do anything for you no matter what, whether we're friends or lovers… You mean the world to me, and I just wish I could show you that. Thank you for taking such good care of me… I'm sorry for being fussy and spoiled…" He lifted himself then, gazing down at Squidward's face, tears he didn't know he had left welling in his eyes. Spongebob ever-so-gently stroked down his cheek as he spoke. "I really am grateful, because sometimes I get worried you actually do hate me… So this means a lot to me… But I'm still selfish." He swallowed back a whimper. "I… I wish I could kiss you… B-but that wouldn't be fair to you…" He was now cupping Squidward's cheek and had moved closer, studying his beautiful features. "… I'm not really upset about my cousin. I mean, okay, I am, but that happened a little while ago… I'm really more upset because I'm so in love with you but can't do anything about it. I can't even tell you… Even now, I'm taking the easy way out… But if I'm afraid you'd leave if I really admitted it to you. That you'd be disgusted with me and never want to see me again. So I can't, because I can't lose you… But it hurts to keep it in. I wish I were someone you'd want to date, Squidward… You can't even begin to imagine how badly I need it… But… I'm happy to have your friendship. If I'm lucky enough to have that, then I… I need to suck it up and stop taking it for granted, right..? Yeah… I'm so happy that you appreciate me enough to do all this. I'll try to stop being so self-centered. Thank you for showing me that you care… I love you so much, Squiddy… More than you could ever know." He was terribly tempted to kiss Squidward on the lips, but he settled for gently kissing his cheek instead – giving a real kiss just didn't feel right. Surprisingly, saying all of that actually did help a little, even though it was to a sleeping Squidward.
Spongebob needed to stuff these emotions back down, because unfortunately, platonic care wasn't going to cut it. It was much better than nothing, and it did help once he got past the initial shock and pain, but… It wasn't going to fix everything. He'd settle for it, but these feelings of sorrow had to go down, down, down, to the bottom of his heart. That was technically what caused these violent crashes in the first place, but… It was all he could do. And if Squidward was giving him some affection… Maybe he'd be able to hold it down for a little longer next time.
He took note of the fact that he was still being held. … It felt good. Yes, it felt safe… It was nice having Squidward's arm around him, no matter the intent. There was a possibility that Squidward had in fact been awake, and had heard everything, but who knew? He gave no indication either way. If he had, then he had a lot of things to think about. If not, then no harm, no foul.
Morning rolled around, and the pair of sleepyheads woke up around the same time as one another. Squidward stretched, groaning, and the person beside him yawned. Oh—right. Wait. That was Spongebob – he was still in Spongebob's bed. Time to see how he was doing. "Mmh… Spongebob… How do you feel..?" Watching long eyelashes flutter and lift, he noticed that there was a little more life in Spongebob's bloodshot eyes than there had been in a while.
And then…
There it was.
The smile.
It was a tired smile, but it wasn't forced. He even got to see a little bit of the gap between Spongebob's teeth. For some reason, his heart skipped a beat.
"A little better… Thank you, Squiddy… I'm sorry for being such a nuisance…" It would still take him some time to recover, but Spongebob would work on feeling better so he would stop worrying everyone so much.
"… You're not a nuisance. At least, not right now." Of course he had to throw that little jab in there – he couldn't make it seem like he liked his neighbor too much. Ah, but that smile… It was so nice to see again. A sense of relief washed over him – things would be okay after all. "… You're never allowed to tell anyone else about this, though," he added. "Got it? The Squidward Tentacles Care Package is private, and for you only." To his delight, the smile widened a bit.
"Mmm, I dunno~… I might have to tell someone… Unless you reward me for not doing it by petting my hair~…" Squidward raised a brow. Already back to his mischievous ways, was he? … Thank Neptune. Any sort of normalcy right now was greatly appreciated. A tiny smirk played its way onto his lips and he moved a hand to tangle his fingers within messy golden locks.
"I suppose I have no choice other than to comply then, hmm..?" Squidward massaged over his scalp, watching Spongebob melt into his touch with his eyes rolling into the back of his head.
"Mmmmmm… Yeah… Now I'll never tell…" Ooh, he was a lucky boy indeed. Squidward was being super nice and it felt so good, even if it did cause pangs of pain in some ways.
"Good. Don't drool on me, either." Squidward was going to pretend the thought of that expression being kind of cute never, ever crossed his mind.
"Mmkay…"
"… I think I'm going to call us out today, Sponge. You need to rest." He felt the other stiffen at the mention of work. "Ah-ah, don't you dare try to protest. I know what you're going to say. But you look like a zombie, Spongebob. I think Mr. Krabs will understand if you take a day off."
"B-but I…" Spongebob pouted, but Squidward wouldn't budge on the subject.
"No. We're both going back to sleep and that's that."
"… Are you… Going to keep sleeping with me..?"
"… If you need me to, then yes." Squidward would definitely never mention that it was kind of nice to have someone warm to nuzzle up to, because it definitely wasn't nice if it was Spongebob. At all. Definitely. Spongebob was floored – wow, Squidward really did care..! Oh gosh, how fortunate he was..! If this kept up, maybe he'd feel better sooner than he thought…
"Oh, Squiddy..!" Spongebob choked out, throwing his arms around his best friend and burying his face into his chest. Squidward huffed, rolling his eyes a little while his cheeks reddened, but didn't once stop thumbing through Spongebob's hair.
"Yeah, yeah… Don't get used to it."
It was now the early morning of day eleven, and after that tumultuous week and a half or so, Spongebob was finally reverting back to his normal self. In the future, Squidward would try to prevent something like this from ever happening again if he could. As weird as comforting Spongebob made him feel, seeing him in such hopeless despair was infinitely worse.
Squidward had woken up to nothing but the sound of scallops chirping… And the tiny mewling snores of a certain someone. And he was perfectly satisfied with that.