Ahem.

Can I have everyone's attention, please?

I SAID can I have everyone's attention, please?

YO! A brother is trying to speak here!

Thank you.

Now, I have waited years to do this. Did you hear that, Danny? That's right, man. I said YEARS. I have been waiting for this day to come since the first time you… wait. I guess there's no reason to go back over your long storied history together, is there? I mean, since everyone here already knows the story already, right? Does anyone here NOT know the story of Danny and Mary? Really? Seriously? Y'all must be someone's dates from out of town, then, because EVERYONE in Las Vegas knows the story.

But for you few and somewhat fortunate souls out there who didn't witness this courtship, you all missed out on a hell of a ride. Let me just tell you that it has been a very long, a very strange and a sometimes very painful trip. An odyssey, really – of Oedipal proportions. They were apart, they were finally together and then they were so far separated that we all feared that all hope was lost. You guys – yes, you, Danny and yes, including you, Mary – gave me an ulcer.

So we all – and I mean ALL – plotted and we all prayed. Though we wished each of them their own personal happiness, we all knew that they would be complete only if they each other. Her ying to his yang or vice versa or whatever. And now, here we are – finally celebrating the marriage of two people who have driven us crazy over the years, yet we love anyway.

I have never seen two people more in sync or in love with each other. They know what the other is thinking. They complete each other's sentences. They know each other's likes and dislikes. Maybe knowing each other since childhood has helped. I don't know. All I know is that I've never seen Danny more relaxed and happy as when he is with you, Mary.

Now, I know that you've known him nearly all of your life – so you may not see what we see sometimes. And I know that you definitely didn't know what was going on in surveillance while you were apart. Mary, Mitch will vouch for me. Danny was surly and abusive. He was intolerable. And I knew that he wasn't always like that. I knew that there were happier times.

I've known Danny since I started at the Montecito as a valet. Don't scoff. I actually made more money doing that than security and surveillance. But don't remind me of that awfully gaudy costume Monica made me wear for a short while when I was in limbo. That ain't cool, man. Anyway, I owe a lot to Danny. He is my best friend and I am honored to be his best man at the most anticipated wedding in all of Las Vegas.

But in all honesty, we all wouldn't be here today if it weren't for Mrs. Delinda… whatever Derek's last name is – who played a VERY integral role in all of this. Man, don't look at me like that. I just said that WE ALL PLOTTED. Were you not listening? I'm a little wounded now, my friend. But anyway, WE ALL PLOTTED, but didn't have the right ammo until Mary made a tiny little confession to our lovely Delinda. That's sweet that you're blushing, by the way, Mary. Oh! And there it is – the forehead kiss from Danny. Ha ha! You guys are too much. But oops… our little Delinda had let it "slip" to Danny what Mary said and thank God Danny did something about it. Because I don't think any of us could stand it any longer.

You are both stubborn. You are both loved in spite of that. But you have finally found each other again. Love was never an issue with you guys. It was timing. And you guys were lousy at it – so we all thought that we would help you two out. Mercifully, the stars aligned themselves just right and the heavens sang and our ploy worked.

To Mary and Danny. May they have a lifetime of happiness TOGETHER and may they NEVER be apart again – in life or in death. And for better or for worse, we love you.