Chapter 1, Dressing Down
There were warnings, oh yes. Even before she rose from bed, Susan knew it would be a trying day.
Peter's bellow awakened her. Her brother, against all wisdom, advice, and common sense, had obviously attempted to get up and see to his needs by himself, thereby aggravating his leg injury, again. She heard Peter's choice swearing - the High King had been taught by his captains to curse like a soldier or not at all. Consequently, though rare, his invective when expressed was fluent and vivid. There was the sound of a door opening and the calming words of Mr. Hoberry, the Faun, trying to gently assist the High King, who was the most ornery, ill-tempered patient in the world.
This time Peter had hurt himself in a capsized rowboat, in a pond. The High King of Narnia was to boats as oil was to water and Hummingbirds and Otters to everyone else in existence. They did not mix.
In the hall, she could hear the shuffling, murmurs, and clicking claws that signaled the beginning change from night to day guard.
She counted, 3-2-1 and then there was the polite scratch on her door.
"Come in, Willa," Susan called. "I am up." Making good on her promise, she swung her legs out of the bed. Up, but not ready was a distinction that Lady Willa appreciated and would not criticise her for. The Rat pushed open the door, slid into Susan's bedchamber, and closed it behind her.
"Good morning, Queen Susan!" It was time for the Head of the Narnian Mischief to give her Queen the daily security briefing and nothing would dissuade Lady Willa from that sacred duty.
But first, the Rat nosed about Susan's room, under the bed, behind the curtains, into the cupboards, and in the wash area, all to satisfy herself that there was no intruder or eavesdropper and that no harm had befallen her Queen in the night. Then, while Susan prepared for the day, Willa both briefed her and served as lady's maid and valet.
It had been their routine for years
She splashed water on her face. "What news, good Lady?"
Willa handed her a towel. "We had word that the Queen Lucy safely arrived in the Western Wood with the forest folk. No trouble at all."
"Wonderful! I hope they have a lovely time and that the weather holds." Susan did not begrudge her sister the 10-day holiday each year of wine, song, dancing with the beings of the Wood, and their continual search for Bacchus and the Meanads. Truly. Not at all. Well, maybe a little. Lucy never would say whether her search was successful – given the state of Lucy and (what remained of) her clothing when she returned, Susan suspected that the wine god and his wild girls had been located and thoroughly reconnoitered. But if Lucy admitted to it, then perhaps that would eliminate one of her excuses for the annual excursion.
She sat at her mirror and quickly brushed her hair. With Willa handing her the clips and ties, she was able to quickly tame it into an orderly braid.
"And what of my brothers?"
"You probably heard the High King. Mr. Hoberry was with him now and the Physician is attending."
"And now that Lucy is gone, it's too late to force him to take the cordial. Next time, Willa, remind me and we shall slip the cordial in his morning coffee. Sparing us his ill temper when he's laid up is worth a precious drop."
"I heard more sneezing from King Edmund and Banker Morgan. The Physician will bring them more of that salt water to inhale in their noses."
Willa was always very complete.
"It is unfortunate that their allergies moved right into prodigious head colds. Likely, neither is fit for any companionship except the other." She took another pin from Willa's paw and patted her braid into place. "Any word about Flax and Shadow?"
"I stopped by the Crow Murder before coming to the Palace, but no sightings have come in yet, my Queen. That's to be expected. We only sent the patrols out last night. I suspect we'll hear soon."
"With Lucy gone and Peter and Edmund in various stages of incapacitation, it looks like I shall have to ride out to fetch our wayward Llamas."
As she rose from her seat, there was a scratch at the door. "Come in, Lambert."
Her Wolf-Guard pushed open the door. "Good morning, my Queen, Lady Willa."
"Good morning, Lambert." She went to her wardrobe – no guests, no petitioners, and possibly a hard day's ride – and drew out and quickly pulled on a tunic, split skirt, and vest.
She crouched down so that the Willa could draw the laces on her back. For more formal occasions, she needed someone with hands but for today's tasks, the Rat could get them tight and neat enough.
"One last thing," Willa said. "There's a message just arrived by Bird from Lord Peridan on Galma. It's waiting for you in the breakfast room."
Lambert growled, the sound at first muffled by the riding boots he dropped at her feet.
"Oh dear," Susan agreed. "That is unlikely to be good news."
She quickly pulled on the socks and hopped about to get her feet into the boots. What would non-Narnians think if they knew that the elegant Gentle Queen of Narnia dressed every day with the aid of a male Wolf and a Lady Rat?
"No, it's likely not good at all," Willa said. "Princess Lupeeta should have returned to Galma yesterday, so maybe it's something about that."
"I do so like her. She is such an impressive and accomplished woman. She could be a true friend to Narnia. I hope nothing has occurred to endanger that."
Ready to do battle as it were, Susan followed the sounds of sneezing first. With Lucy gone, it also meant no cordial for Edmund and Morgan, though they'd given up administering it for Edmund's seasonal allergies years ago. They would have run out of cordial in very short order.
"Ed? Morgan? Do you need anything?"
"Decapitation?" Edmund wheezed.
"A drain?" Morgan gasped.
She gently pushed open their door. Her brother and his wife were in bed, red-nosed, red-eyed, and looking bleary and resigned.
"I'll have Mrs. Furner send up a tray with hot tea and soup."
Edmund nodded and waved a handkerchief. "How's Peter?"
"Intolerable. To that end, should you feel up to the task, I think we need an edict forbidding the High King of Narnia from coming within 50 paces of anything that floats, from a Marsh-wiggle raft to the finest galleon of our fleet."
"Excellent idea!" Morgan exclaimed. "We could…" Whatever she was going to say was lost in a hacking cough.
"If there's anything urgent, I could help," Edmund said. It would have been more credible if not interrupted by a tremendous sneeze. "I know Lucy's off making merry."
"Just get better sooner," Susan said, "which you shall do by doing just as you are. And Peter is perfectly capable, so long as he neither moves nor communicates."
She followed the grumbles, complaints, and pungent smelling salve to Peter's door.
Her brother was, at least, in a chair, leg propped up, and body tensed, as one would be, when the Physician was attending.
"Peter, I shall see to today's tasks. You shall use your crutch, take your medicine, do whatever the Physician and Mrs. Furner say, and if you utter a cross word to anyone, and most especially, Cook, we shall tie you to a chair, the Dwarfs will carry you down to the Splendour Hyaline, and we'll put you out to sea for a week."
"And a good morning to you, too, my Sister." His snarl belied the expressed words. "I won't do anything."
"Need I remind you, the last time you were in this state, you made Cook cry."
The Physician looked up suddenly and his tail quills swerved dangerously close to Peter. Her brother yelped and jerked away in surprise.
"Sorry," the Physician muttered and swished away. "That is a remarkable report. Cook wept tears? I didn't think her species could do that."
"Only when terribly provoked," Susan answered. "And, Peter, if you need a further incentive to meek, silent compliance, I remind you that the last time, you so upset Cook, it took a month for the smell of offal to clear."
She stepped in, kissed his flushed cheek, and moved away before the Physician drew too close. "All is well, though I will likely be riding out today to return our navigationally challenged Llamas."
Peter huffed, part laughter, part resignation. "Thank you, Su, and better you than me for that sorry task. I would surely knock their heads and bring them back with the humiliation of a lasso around their necks."
"It may come to that, alas."
He waved her away and turned to the Physician. "Alright, Pallus, yes, I've threatened enough; I shall take that awful syrup."
Mr. Hoberry, gifted with prescience, was pouring out her tea, just as she arrived in the breakfast room.
Lambert went to his usual position along the wall, Willa nosed about under the table for scraps, and Susan took her seat.
"Thank you, Mr. Hoberry, for your assistance with Peter this morning. He has promised me good behavior and is under strict orders to stay away from Cook."
"Our collective digestive well-being is grateful, your Majesty," the Faun replied.
"And don't say a word, Lambert! I know you are fond of offal but the rest of us are not!"
"Jalur and I do prefer it raw," Lambert replied mildly.
The morning correspondence was set out on a tray and she quickly sorted through it between bites – Mr. Hoberry would see that the obvious financial and legal documents were sent to Morgan and Edmund – perhaps they might prove diverting during their convalescence. This was their honeymoon period, after all.
Lucy's letters were always numerous but they all were from her regular correspondents – those who had hands or had someone who could take down a dictation – and Susan saw nothing that could not await her sister's return.
"There were three for the High King. I put them all at the bottom since they all stink," Willa said, pulling herself up into Lucy's chair. Susan handed the Rat a muffin from the basket on the table.
"Hmmm, yes, I can smell that." Love letters. "I will take charge of those until it is safe to give them to Peter without the risk of combining with his injury to create a situation that would have us stewing in pig intestine for a month."
"Especially not stewed," Lambert added unhelpfully.
"Which leaves this suddenly arrived and highly unusual missive from Our Lord Ambassador Peridan." She studied letter – it bore Peridan's seal, a cat of all things. The man was such a contradiction, though very, very good with people and still seemingly loyal to them. And, Peridan was one of their few Ambassadors who had hands, though his were usually clutched around a bottle.
Susan carefully cracked the seal, read the letter. Read it again.
Lambert and Willa's ears both twitched and Mr. Hoberry pretended to hear nothing at all when the Gentle Queen uttered a most ungentle oath.
ooOOoo
Usually, she, Lambert, and Willa acted as counter-balances to one another. Today, they were as furious as Susan herself was.
Of all the reckless, ridiculous stunts. She was glad Edmund was abed, both because the Crows were his special province and because, by the Lion, there'd be no presumption of innocence here. Of course it was the Crows. There could be no other who would be so brazenly daring.
She stalked out of the Palace, calling, "Sallowpad!"
"The Chief flew with Queen Lucy," Willa said. Susan had to slow her pace because the Rat wasn't moving as quickly as she used to. "If he'd been here, this wouldn't have happened."
In a voice loud enough to carry, Susan asked, "If I were a Crow who had stolen a gown from Princess Lupeeta's room, where would I hide it?"
"The Counting House in the Roost," Lambert said. His fur had risen along his back and around his ruff and his tail was stiff.
"Yes, I think so and it had better be there!" Susan stalked down the Palace path to the Roost. She could see some of the Birds of the Murder flitting about and cawing to one another. They knew she was coming and they knew why. As Peter would say, it was time for many Most Royal We's.
To the air, she called, "I expect all Crows to attend upon Us, now! And what We seek had better be there by the time We get there, or it will be a Long Winter before another Crow sees another Shiny."
The caws and calls became more subdued by the time she arrived in the yard where the Crows of the Narnia Murder had their roosts. Many of them were clustered around and on top of the Counting House shed.
"Kangee! Harah! You will attend upon Us. Now!"
Harah and Kangee were a bonded pair, senior Crows in the Murder, and surely had had a role in this. As bold as Crows were, she didn't think they would have done this without the knowledge of, and possibly even direct assistance from, the top of their leadership. With Sallowpad gone, that meant Harah and Kangee.
Susan ducked into the shed, Lambert and Willa with her. Turning about, it was a dim, dusty, haphazard place with perches, feathers, and detritus. She pushed the one shutter open wider to let in more light.
"It's here, your Majesty," Willa said.
She'd forlornly hoped it wouldn't be but, no, here was the evidence of the Crows' monstrous crime. The Princess Lupeeta's long, white, pearl-encrusted gown hung from a perch in a corner. "Willa, do you see any injury to it?"
Willa was on her hind legs, checking it over, carefully. "No, though if a pearl or two had been removed, it'd be hard to tell, given how many there are."
There was a rude pfbbbt sound from above that choked off when Lambert growled menacingly. It was reassuring, she supposed, that the Crows hadn't stolen the extraordinary dress in order to shred it to pieces.
It was truly the most stunning gown she had ever seen. Lupeeta was breathtakingly beautiful and the pearls had shined luminously against her dark skin. Covered with pearls as it was, the gown was, obviously, worth a fortune and had taken skilled crafters and seamstresses months to make. It had been a privilege to see the Princess in something so extravagant and extraordinary.
And the Crows had made off with it. Because it was pretty. And shiny.
She could hear the scratching of Crow claws on the roof of the shed. A shadow flitted across the white of the gown; Harah and Kangee flapped into the shed and landed heavily on the open window ledge looking as guiltily shifty as Crows could be.
"Well?" Susan demanded. "What have you to say for yourselves?"
"We were going to return it," Harah finally said, shifting from foot to foot. Sounding dejected, the Crow added, "It was so pretty we just wanted to stare at it some more. We couldn't bear to see it go back with the Princess to Galma."
"We didn't remove a single pearl!" Kangee added.
"Small mercy that when you should have never stolen it in the first instance!" She did feel some pity for something so irresistibly appealing to a Crow. Each pearl was unique and the gown was comprised of scores, hundreds of individual, iridescent, shining pearls carefully sewn into the silken drape of the dress. It was captivating, and she didn't have the eyesight the Crows did. Still… "This was obviously something of great value, utterly unique, and you all committed gross impropriety in stealing it from our honoured guest."
"Queen Susan?" Willa said in that tone that never presaged good news. "There's another dress here."
She whirled about. "WHAT!?"
Lambert echoed her own mood perfectly and growled again at the Crows.
Willa pushed aside the curtain of pearls and behind it was, indeed, another gown with odd, horizontal lines of alternating blue and black. She supposed it shimmered a little. "The pearl dress, I understand, but why this other? What is so remarkable about a blue and black striped gown?"
"Because it's not just blue-blue-berry and black-rock," Harah said. She was using Crow words to describe nuances of colour Humans could not see. "When you look at it through a window, in certain light, some think it looks like fresh cream and gold-gold."
Kangee hopped from the window to the floor and pecked at a large shard of glass that the Crows had stolen from who knew where. "Try it."
"I'll wager two Shinys Queen Susan sees fresh cream and gold-gold," a Crow said from the roof.
Before betting squabbles could break out, Lambert snapped, "Enough! My Queen is in no mood for your games!"
Susan gingerly picked up the glass shard and held it over the dress. "My eyes are not as yours are, Kangee. I doubt I shall see what you do."
"Move it around, into and out of the light from the window," Kangee instructed. Lambert growled again but, curious, Susan did as the Crow asked. And, suddenly… blue and black became white and gold, or as the Crows would say, blue-blue-berry and black-rock turned to fresh cream and gold-gold.
"Goodness, that is remarkable." She moved the glass about, holding it so that it caught the slanting rays of light through the hut's window. "I wonder what causes the effect?"
She should have known better than to pose such a question aloud for the Crows launched into a raucous argument about light, colour, and when colour changed from one to another and how light was absorbed and reflected.
"That is quite enough!" Lambert's snapping growls cut through the squabbling nicely.
"Thank you, Lambert." She tossed the glass aside and stood tall.
"You Crows have deeply embarrassed Narnia. You have potentially jeopardized profitable relations with the House of Princess Lupeeta. You have embarrassed Us, your Monarchs. For punishment and penance, you must fly these gowns to Lord Peridan at Our Galman diplomatic residence, immediately, and allow him to make amends to the Princess for this grievous affront."
Peridan would know how to best handle the situation. She trusted him to deal with the matter adroitly. If it was really serious, he'd call in his brother, Ambassador Abnur to smooth any ruffled feathers, so to speak.
"Should something of this magnitude every happen again, the King Edmund shall confiscate all your Shinys and Pretties and you forfeit the right to obtain one, ever again. Are We clear?"
There were muted grumblings, ducking heads, and uncomfortable hopping from foot to foot.
"Those dresses will be heavy to fly all the way to Galma," Kangee said, sounding almost repentant.
"They are," Susan replied. "Something that you are intelligent enough to have realised when you stole them in the first place, knowing We would insist upon their return. Nevertheless, the point was valid. "The General and her Gryphon wing shall fly as escort to ensure your safety and the gowns' delivery."
There was real consternation in the Murder now; the Crows did not welcome Gryphon oversight, and the General would not welcome it, either, but the Gryphon would see the task done.
Susan took one last, longing look at the pearl dress; it was gorgeously iridescent and shimmering. Perhaps she could have something similar made for herself…
ooOOoo
Her decisions meant everyone was unhappy. The General was as unhappy with the order as the Crows. Mrs. Furner wasn't happy because Susan commandeered a good silken sheet, a length of cotton muslin, and oilcloth to carefully wrap the gowns for their voyage.
The only good news, it seemed, was that Cook had no involvement in the proceedings and Peter had made no appearance. Her brother had been sequestered in his office and his Cheetah guards had wisely barred the door, with only Mr. Hoberry and the Physician permitted entrance. Thus, no offal offense had yet occurred.
She penned a hasty note to Peridan.
Ezy Peasy
Naperon
Orders rat
Ambassador Peridan was nearly as adept at Rat and Crow as she and Edmund were and he would know that Susan asked to make whatever amends are necessary, as soon as possible, and report back immediately. Peridan was authorised to act in her name.
Of course, Peridan might also magically arrange for the missing gowns to mysteriously reappear in a sack in a water closet in the Princess Lupeeta's private chambers with an anonymous note of apology.
Best not ask too many questions about that.
Given how foul the mood of everyone with wings, Susan was glad to see them off.
Her hopes for a glass of wine to celebrate one diplomatic crisis hopefully averted were thwarted by the Eagle, Trice, winging down over the Cair Paravel towers just as the Gryphons and Crows cleared the harbour on the north and east heading to Galma.
"I found them!" Trice cried. The Eagle circled down on to the lawns "Queen Susan! I found the Llamas! I tried to get them to turn around but they wouldn't listen and are headed straight for the Giants' Teeth! If we don't stop them, Flax and Shadow are going to get eaten!"
It was days like this when Susan wished Love was not a Hell Bitch.
ooOOoo
To be concluded shortly in Chapter 2, Alpaca Bag.
During the Three Sentence Ficathon, there were several prompts and fills involving the llamas on the lam in Sun City, Arizona, the theft and mysterious return of Lupita Nyong'o's Oscar gown, and the mysterious viral dress (I saw white and gold - younger eyes in my household saw blue and black). 3SF partners in crime RuanChunXian, Adaese, and Syrena_of_the_lake all helped prompt, inspire, and enable what resulted here.
I owe some thank yous to those of you who R&R'd Rejection of the Terms. They are coming tomorrow! Thank you SO MUCH.