Authors Note: So this is a tag to abandon all hope with a twist, it's going to be roughly two chapters maybe three at the most. This has a big allusion as a guideline so if you're into English and know what that is good for you. I came up with this in my sleep and I hope you like it. The inspiration for it was a song by snow patrol called All that I have it's a very incredible song. The song is accredited to snow patrol. Thanx Charity
Strain this chaos, turn it into light
I've got to see you one last night
Before the lions take their share
Leave us in pieces, scattered everywhere
-----
Sitting on the ground in Bobby's salvage yard isn't the most comfortable of spots. Every now an again he would get rocks digging into his backside, ants crawling into his shoes, sand finding it's way into his socks, and the heat oh the heat it's unbearable. He can feel he's already sun burnt, the sweat dripping off him like ice-cream melts. He doesn't care though; he's been here since they had gotten back from Carthage.
Dean needed his space so he gave it to him, he knows all to well what a grieving Dean can turn into so he decided to just stay out of the way and let things be for once. He's a screw up anyway, it should have been him that died everyone else should of lived but him. Of course he can't die Lucifer said it himself, he could have been bluffing but he knew deep down he was stuck on this earth to watch all die around him while he stayed perfectly intact or…while they died by his hands. It made him sick to think about it to even chance upon the idea…6 months Lucifer made it clear. How long can a guy say yes? How long can you sit by and watch all your friends die while you stay perfectly healthy? Sam didn't know, he didn't want to know.
He let his head fall back onto the car he was leaning upon and didn't flinch as the hot metal burned his skin. It was hot there was no way to describe it, his clothes were sweat drenched and his face was burnt from the sun. Maybe this was what Hell was like, people quenching for thirst begging for it to end but knowing they deserve it. Or maybe it's just his mindset of the whole ordeal, his guilt eating away at him, cause god only knows it has been since the day he was born.
He knew going a whole day without something to drink would be disastrous but that's what happens when you cause the death of two more people no drinks for you today. He stared at the sun hoping it would create a better day a better world but even if the sun could miraculously do that he knew the sun couldn't penetrate through all his guilt. He tried though he tries so fucking hard to keep from screwing up but it always turns around on himself.
Dean has receded in on himself again becoming angry, distant and irrational. It's an all too familiar situation that he doesn't want to relive again but that's just Dean's way of dealing, it's the Winchester way of dealing with their problems. Suck it up and move on, well he can't suck it up he can't move on. How can he? He just killed two people, how can he move on from that? It was hard enough to move on from Jess and he's still not sure he even did.
Sam sighed and realized he wasn't sweating anymore the rivulets of water ceased. He looked down at his hands and noticed they were already sun burnt. How did I already burn on my hands? Oh well I deserve it anyway.
Just give me a chance to hold on
Just give me something to hold onto
----
Dean took another swig from the bottle he was drinking from. He didn't even know what the hell he was drinking he just grabbed something to give him a buzz. Cause he sure as hell needed one.
"Dean you've seen that brother of yours lately?" Dean looked up as he heard his name being called. What was the question anyway? Can't people just leave him the hell alone?
"Dean you hearing me?" Bobby yelled again as he wheeled his way toward where Dean was sitting. He was quietly watching Sam from afar and not liking what he was seeing.
"Can you not speak so loud?" Dean winced as he noted the pounding in his head but it wasn't from the alcohol.
"Can I not speak so loud? What the hell is wrong with you?" Bobby watched carefully as Dean rubbed at his temples trying to alleviate the pain. He knows all to well the signs of permanent pain that's been their for ages that will never go away.
"Is there an echo in here?" Dean chuckled to himself then went on. "What do you mean anyway can't a man have a God damn drink, geez." Dean scoffed as he attempted to rise to go someplace else anyplace else to getaway from the impending lecture ahead.
"That's the problem Dean!" Bobby grumbled as he wheeled in front of Dean's retreating form. "Doesn't this scene look all too familiar?"
"I have no clue what you're talking about?" Dean retorted as he realized that Bobby became quite handy with that wheelchair. He was seized in a corner if he attempted to escape he it would only result in knocking Bobby over. Don't need another injury on my guilt trip today.
"Your acting just like you did after your Dad died. You're distant, angry, even drunk. You won't talk to anyone."
Dean's eyebrows narrowed as his fist clenched this so wasn't the time to be having this discussion. "I have every reason to be!" He yelled back, his jaw clenching painfully.
"Given you do, but did you stop to think about Sam?" Bobby softened his voice as he noticed this was still a touchy subject. When Dean's grieving he shut's every one out, and that was always bad when Sam was concerned.
"Sam's a big boy he can take care of himself." Dean reminded, sure Sam was grieving somewhere as he was but Sam doesn't understand same thing with how Dad died Sam still didn't understand. Yet he expects everything to be ok again and to make things right?
"Is the alcohol killing off brain cells or have you've not learned your lesson?" Bobby yelled. When was he going to get it into his thick skull that Sam needed him, that everyone has pains and losses too?
"What the hell are you talking about?" Dean defended as he squeezed past Bobby's chair finally heading back to the table to get another drink.
"What am I talking about?" Bobby growled.
"There's that echo again." Dean muttered under his breath.
Angered at the response he wheeled quickly over to the table to knock the bottle onto the floor before Dean could reach it.
"Hey!"
"Look at yourself; you're a wreck all because someone died in the line of duty. There's something else going on in your head and you better spill it before I spill your brains on this God damn floor." Bobby demanded as Dean just sank down into a chair and buried his head into his hands.
"Dean come on boy you can tell me what's going on." He said softly as he heard the sobs emitting from Dean's body.
"You don't understand, Sam doesn't understand." He gave a pained smile as he brought his head up. "What's dead should stay dead, right?" He chuckled at Bobby's shocked face. He hadn't brought that argument up in God knows how long but he's been musing on it since he got out of Hell that's for sure.
"Don't you see if Dad wasn't being a selfish bastard in the hospital and just let me go none of this I mean none of it would have happened. Sam wouldn't of died, no Lucifer, no angels none of it." He cried silently as Bobby shut his mouth and set it into a look of concern.
"Is this what this whole thing is about?" Bobby asked shocked. Dean was musing on this for quite some time and it took Jo and Ellen dying for it to burst at the seems.
"Its always been about that, I think about it every day Bobby."
"Dean I know this sounds rash and corny but everything happens for a reason." Bobby tried to explain. "Things happen for a reason and you were meant to be with your brother your Dad wasn't. You are what your brother needs to survive."
"I just…I can't help but wonder what life would have been like f I did die in that hospital." Dean whispered as he soaked in Bobby's words. You are what your brother needs to survive. Maybe he was, maybe he wasn't but as long as he had a beating heart he had too make sure Sam remained at his side. I'll be dammed if Lucifer get's to him.
"You don't want to know Dean I don't think it'd be pleasant." Bobby joked thinking of
many fights and two stubborn mules left alone to bitch an argue over what too eat.
"Yeah I don't think so either." Dean continued on with the joke as he searched around for his brother. Speaking of which where is he? He hasn't seen Sam all day, was he that wrapped up in his grief? More guilt ate away at him as he frantically did an eye search of the house.
"Calm down Dean Sam's sitting outside." Bobby spoke up when he saw Dean searching frantically for the younger hunter.
Dean expelled a breath and mouthed 'thanks' as he made his way to the door to have a talk with Sam.
It's so clear now that you are all that I have
I have no fear 'cause you are all that I have
You're cinematic, razor sharp
A welcome arrow through the heart
Under your skin feels like home
Electric shocks on aching bones
----
Sam awoke to heat blaring into his skin penetrating his bones. Oh God he must be in Hell this must be Hell. He knew it was coming but not so soon. The air was getting shorter as he struggled to breathe; his mouth was so dry and so was the rest of his body…dry. He didn't even have anymore liquids to sweat out. His eyes caught sight of a man in the distance watching him it made him shiver. "Who are you?" He called out but his voice sounded like sandpaper.
The man walked closer and closer coming to a stop right in front of him his shadow shielding him from the heat for just a moment's peace. He looked up to the face and instantly recognized him…Lucifer. "No, no, no, no." He repeated as he tried to scoot away but he was depleted of energy. He was in hell with Lucifer and he couldn't get away, he couldn't even cry as he had no tears to cry.
He heard his name shouted in the distance but all he saw was Lucifer stroking his hair affectionately and that lulled him into a deep slumber as he passed out in the fiery throws of Hell.
Give me a chance to hold on
Give me a chance to hold on
Give me a chance to hold on
Just give me something to hold onto
Recently revised so all boo boo's and errors are fixed. I think….