Author's Notes: I've wanted to write this for a while but waited until I felt I could really get inside Scully's head. I've studied Gillian's face in that 2-3 second shot before she walks out of the room and the camera pans across Mulder in the bed. I even have screen shots that I've lightened to see her expression better. It's always intrigued me that she looks so melancholy, and here is my take on why. (Heaven knows I'd be ecstatic in her place at that point in time… but that's neither here nor there.)

Thanks again, Cory :-)

In The Middle
Rated R
By Suzanne L. Feld

It was the gutter of the morning, a time I had become far too familiar with over the last few years.

The wind was rising, foretelling a storm on the way that would likely match the one that had raged in here just a little while ago. It was fairly dark in the room, the only light coming from the streetlight outside Mulder's bedroom window and the aquarium in the living room. I'd left the door open when I'd come in earlier, so there was just enough illumination for me to see by as I found and swung my jacket on.

I paused and gazed down at my partner, sleeping so peacefully in the aftermath of our tempestuous lovemaking. Although I'd been looking at this man for a lot of years, I'd never thought of him as beautiful before this night—but whether it was an appropriate word or not, I now saw that he was beautiful in more ways than one. He had truly surprised me by being the most considerate, sensitive, generous, selfless, passionate lover I'd ever had… even more than what I'd thought he could be, especially once he brought that remarkable concentration and determination all to bear on me. In bed he was a completely different person from the single-minded, obsessed, often exasperating man who seemed far more interested in his own problems than anyone else's. I had found a side of him that I'd never really thought existed… though I had hoped.

I was still rather dazed even as I felt my heart swelling with deep love for him in a way I'd never allowed myself to feel before.

Unlike any of my other lovers, Mulder had satisfied me both physically and mentally. We had shared our hearts, minds, and souls along with our bodies. I not only was physically fulfilled, but I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that he loved me as much as I loved him… whether or not we wanted to, and whether or not it was a good idea.

Despite this, I felt melancholy. Our relationship was forever altered, no longer just the comfortable if at times rocky friendship that had been the most important part of my life for so many years now. We were now as entrenched in each other as any two human beings could be, and I was leery of the changes it would bring.

The thing that bothered me most of all was that I knew I could no longer hold in my deep, powerful feelings for this incredible man now that I had let those barriers down. I'd been battling them for years; sometimes the crap he'd pulled on me, like the debacle with Diana, had helped me distance myself emotionally from him. But now? Could I still… or, a better question was, did I even want to?

The answers to those questions would have to wait, I decided, mentally shaking myself. I had no idea how long I'd been standing here thinking, and wanted to be gone before Mulder awakened. Things might be a little awkward between us for a while, I thought as I left his bedroom, and I just couldn't deal with a morning-after scene right now. Later in the day, when I'd had time to think everything over, was more than time enough. It was a new beginning for us and I really wasn't sure how to handle it just yet.

But even with as melancholy as I felt, I couldn't help but feel a quiver of hope as I walked out of his bedroom.

finis