A/N: Well, here it is. The first of my much anticipated (or maybe dreaded?)
sequels to Underestimation. Remember, this is the second part in what will
ultimately (I hope) be a five part series, so please keep that in mind.
This particular sequel is also a one-shot, so please don't ask me to add to
it; this piece is finished. It took me so long to write, and I'm not even
sure that I got it the way I wanted it... But I'll leave it to all my
lovely reviewers to tell me if I did okay. I do have lovely reviewers,
right? *listens to the crickets chip* Ahh well... Anyway... **'s denote the
beginning and the end of a flashback since I still can't figure out how to
get ff.net to let me post in italics or bold. There is a very long
flashback in here, so watch for it. And now, on with the fic!
Disclaimer: As I'm sure you could have all guessed, Naruto's not mine, nor are any of the characters found therein.
............
The residual soreness from Haku's needles had not yet left Sasuke entirely. Naruto could tell by the vaguely awkward way in which the boy held himself as they prepared to spar. The slight hesitation in Sasuke's normally lithe movements was nothing compared to the first few weeks following their near- miraculous escape from Haku's mirror jutsu, but it still seemed unusual to see the dark-haired genin experiencing such difficulties. No. He wouldn't lose himself in those memories now. Not when he was supposed to be training...
Dragging himself back to the present, Naruto narrowed his eyes, watching his opponent as they faced off. He was rewarded for his resolve by a sharp kick to the chin, courtesy of the very person he had been contemplating. Sasuke's movements remained incredibly fast despite his apparent handicap. Bringing up a hand to lightly touch the trickle of blood that dribbled from one corner of his mouth, Naruto grinned. Not the plastered fox-grin that he so often wore, but a dangerous, determined grin. This was war... Sasuke was going to be worse than sore after Naruto was done with him!
Throwing caution to the wind, the blonde let himself go, aiming devastating blows at his teammate without any further hesitation. In blatant defiance of his evident stiffness, Sasuke dodged Naruto's attacks easily, responding to each offensive wave with counterattacks of his own. Shuriken met kunai, kicks and punches were deflected, angry taunts and insults flew as they tried to breach one another's defenses in any way possible. For a few blissful minutes it felt just like old times, before the entire mess with Tazuna and Zabuza had begun. For a short while, Naruto was able to lose himself in the fight. He had forgotten how comfortable it could feel to spar with Sasuke.
It was over much too soon. From one moment to the next, Sasuke managed to get behind Naruto and immobilize him, holding a kunai to the back of his head in much the same fashion that Kakashi-sensei had demonstrated during their first encounter. How long ago that seemed... Kakashi-sensei stopped the fight and Naruto immediately stumbled away from Sasuke's loosened grasp. It was their first match since... And he had gotten his ass handed to him. It figured. Had even one of his attacks landed on the other boy? It didn't seem like it.
Distantly, he heard Kakashi-sensei release them for the evening. Sasuke and Sakura turned to leave with their sensei, the prospect of dinner an enticing reason to return. Instead of obediently following his teammates back to Tazuna's house, though, Naruto's feet were moving of their own accord, taking him away. Somewhere far away from the team. From Sasuke. From the damned memories that refused to go away or let themselves be buried. The memories that resurfaced every time he so much as looked his teammate.
Not acknowledging those memories wasn't working the way it was supposed to. The analytical part of his mind screamed at him for his stubborn refusal to even think about that day. He knew that he was being childish by indulging in the mentality that if he ignored the memories they would go away, but he could think of no more reasonable way to react. What was so bad about thinking anyway, he berated himself. ...Well, besides the haunting memory of a teammate, a comrade, a FRIEND dying in his arms moments after confessing hatred for him.
"You... Don't die..." Naruto's legs were moving faster, the trees around him passing in a blur. "Geez, you... Always just get in the way..." The words rang in his ears. He had to run away, to move faster. "I hated you..." If he could just move a little faster he could outrun the memories...
He WASN'T still getting in the way during battles... Was he? Had he not been the key to rallying their team against Zabuza in their first battle? Had he not helped Sasuke as well as he could when they were trapped within the mirrors of ice? During both of those fights, he and Sasuke had worked perfectly in tune with one another, fluidly reading one another's movements and intentions without ever uttering a single word. That was the teamwork he had known they could accomplish together if given half a chance. For a short while, they had been thrust into situations in which their lives and the lives of others depended on teamwork. They had been equals, not rivals, in the eyes of everyone. For a short while...
Inwardly, Naruto cringed as he skidded to an abrupt halt - when had he begun to run so quickly? - and slumped against a convenient tree. Suddenly tired, he leaned his head back and closed his eyes, wearily accepting the haunting scene that replayed in his mind's eye for what must have been the hundredth time.
**It was like waking from a nightmare...Except that he woke up to find himself still trapped in his hellish prison, aching and burning everywhere from the needles that were embedded in his muscles. And yet... And yet, he could see his captor, Haku, lying unconscious on the ground. Which must mean...
"Geez, you ...Always just get in the way." Sasuke's voice interrupted Naruto's shaky train of thought. The words themselves took a few seconds to register. Everything seemed fuzzy... As though he were still dreaming. Maybe he was... His eyes wandered over to where his teammate stood, covered in blood and needles, and the significance of Haku's sprawled position clicked in his muddled mind.
They had won? They had won! They had come out alive! A huge grin broke out on his face as he blurted out the first thing that popped into his mind. "You did it, Sasuke-" Abruptly, he cut himself off. Something was not quite right...
The enthusiastic triumph drained away as he continued to regain his wits. As he took in the scene before him more fully... The hunched way in which Sasuke held himself... The sheer number of needles decorating his body... The blood splattered on the ground... Naruto's face settled into a horrified expression as the magnitude of the sacrifice that his teammate had made to ensure their victory began to dawn upon him.
Sasuke turned slowly, painfully, to glance back at Naruto. "What's... With that face... You total moron..."
His mind was screaming denial, refusing to accept the sight before him. No... Not like this... Sasuke... Why... Shakily, he pushed himself into a sitting position. The debilitating pain from the needles was lost in the sudden, irrational surge of anger that welled up inside of him. Why... They had been on terrible terms for over a week, unable to even speak to one another without hostility, and now... "Why did... You save me?" No... NO! This was not how it was supposed to end. Not like this... Anger was gone, replaced by an excruciating urge to cry. There had been no chance for reconciliation, no time for anything. There would be nothing but guilt that would haunt him for the rest of his life if Sasuke died now. Not like this...
"How should I know..." Even now... Sasuke could not, would not look at him. He could barely remain on his feet, and yet he could still give that condescending little LAUGH of his... "I... Hated you..."
Naruto could feel his jaw tightening as anger once again replaced the unprecedented wave of sorrow. Rising unsteadily to his feet, he stared, disbelieving, at the boy he had once called a friend. "But... Why? WHY? Why me?" Why... As if forced solitude, as if being shunned and despised by everyone for something that had never been his choice or his fault had not been enough... Why did Sasuke of all people have to fuck with his head? With his heart..... What gave Sasuke the right to play these games and then turn around and die for him? He could not see Sasuke's face. His eyes. Sasuke was dying and he wouldn't even look at Naruto... He wouldn't look at the one he had sacrificed his life for... It wasn't supposed to BE like this...
Clenching his fists and drawing in a ragged breath, Naruto yelled at the top of his lungs, "I never asked for your help!" He couldn't go on with this guilt... With this ache that was slowly eating away at something deep within him at the thought of losing Sasuke... The blood was pounding in his ears, competing with a disembodied ringing sound that threatened to overwhelm him. Not like this...
"I don't know..." The words were nothing more than a harsh whisper, wrenched from a body that ached to breathe its last and rest. "My body just moved on its own... Idiot..." Before Sasuke could even complete the insult, he was falling backwards, unable to hold himself upright any longer.
Naruto reacted before he could think, leaping in to cushion his comrade's fall. "SASUKE!" He could not keep the despair, the anguish out of his voice. In that moment, all guilt, all animosity, all rivalry was set aside. All that mattered, all that existed in this time and this place was his dying friend. His first and only friend... Not... Like... This...
"That man..." Sasuke's words were fading quickly, just like his eyes. Those eyes that Naruto had so often seen dancing with life, snapping with irritation, animating the boy even if he didn't know it... Those eyes now held only pain and sadness. "My brother... I told myself... I wouldn't die until I killed him..." It was just like Sasuke to die berating himself for failing in what he had always viewed as his purpose, his burden in life. Even now, even teetering on the brink of death, he could not understand that there was more to life than hot-blooded revenge...
Naruto could feel the last vestiges of anger and resentment dissipating as those eyes focused on him for what he knew would be the last time. With a great effort, Sasuke was attempting to raise his hand to touch Naruto's face, an agonizingly familiar gesture that had not been made since the night they had kissed. "You..." The ringing in Naruto's ears was deafening, yet he could hear the barely audible word clearly. What was this gnawing pain in his heart? He couldn't feel his abused muscles any longer; his world had narrowed to himself and Sasuke and the raw agony that was tearing its way through his stomach and chest. "Don't die..."
The life in Sasuke's eyes was almost gone. Stubborn as he was, he could no longer hold up the hand that had never made it to his friend's face; it fell to his side in what seemed like slow motion as Naruto's reality began to reassert itself. All of that suppressed anger came raging back, magnified a thousand fold as it flooded out of that gaping hole that had been his heart only moments ago. Anger at himself, at Sasuke, but most of all...
Sasuke's eyes closed and his head dropped back against Naruto's arm as the boy's entire body fell limp. It wasn't supposed to end this way... Not with his friend's life sacrificed for his own... Not with tears he could not bring himself to shed burning the backs of his eyes... Not with this agony of hatred and fear and sorrow and complete and utter grief unlike anything he had ever known churning through his entire being.
Clumsily, tenderly, he hugged the battered shell which had been his friend. It wasn't... Supposed... To end like this... Somewhere in the back of his mind he was aware that Haku had gotten to his feet. He could hear the masked boy talking, but the words were lost on Naruto. They were disturbing the last few moments he would ever have with his friend...
"Shut up," Naruto ordered absently as Haku continued to speak. He wasn't finished with Sasuke yet. Why... Did it have to end like this...? Reverently, he lowered his friend's lifeless body to the ground, whispering "I hated you too." It was true... He had hated Sasuke. Before he had gotten to know him for who and what he really was. Before they had been able to become friends. Before he had destroyed all of Naruto's walls, seen through all of Naruto's masks... Somehow, thinking about that unfounded hatred made it hurt even more if that was possible.
The nauseating jumble of emotions was overwhelming, making it hard to speak. Hard to think coherently. He was losing himself, losing control, and he didn't care. It no longer mattered. All that mattered was... Was...**
Hatred.
The edges of Naruto's vision briefly blurred into a sickening red swirl before he forcibly tore his train of thought away from the devastating half- memories that followed Sasuke's death. His back ground into the solid bark of the tree and his hands clenched the sides of his head as he fought back the probing awareness he felt bubbling up from somewhere deep inside. The Kyubi's attempts at testing Naruto's defenses had decreased dramatically in the weeks following the encounter at the bridge, but his thinking about the few minutes after Sasuke's death seemed to be a catalyst which sparked the resurgence of the fox's efforts to break free of its sealed prison. Only the sheer force of Naruto's will kept the demon contained; he could never let it break free. Never. Beneath the cold stares and the icy eyes, everyone was depending on him.
Perhaps whatever had happened that day was better forgotten, better left in the past. Sasuke did not seem to remember much of anything after Naruto joined him in the mirrored prison. From what Naruto could gather, the dark- haired boy's memory failed him entirely well before he had fallen victim to Haku's final trap. Well before he had died in Naruto's arms.
The urge to punch something, to DESTROY something overtook the fox boy. Leaping to his feet, he growled, snarling at the tree he had been leaning against as though it were the cause of all of his problems. The words, the events, the whole damned nightmare had ceased to exist outside of Naruto's own mind. Of the trio, only Naruto could remember. Sasuke was still alive, but had no memory of the situation and Haku... Haku was dead. Everything that had happened during those hellish minutes existed only in his mind. He wished it didn't exist at all. The memories would not go away. Every time he rested, every time he closed his eyes, Sasuke's death replayed in his mind. Was this how Sasuke felt? Stalked by the past? Haunted by a memory that refused to fade?
Things between the two of them had been unstable at best since the fight against the twin chained ninjas. Their rivalry seemed to have evolved overnight into a monster that overshadowed and smothered their friendship entirely. Although they were occasionally civil to one another, it seemed as though the bond which had formed in the first few weeks of their acquaintance was a fluke. They still showed friendship and concern for one another in extreme circumstances, but not in the manner they had expressed themselves initially. Both had withdrawn completely, relying on their rivalry to keep them together, unsure how to proceed from the point they were at. Even though they had spent many hours completing their chakra training in one other's company, they had not actually spent any quality time alone since the night they had kissed. In fact, they had been all but avoiding each other when they weren't training.
The memory of their last moonlight encounter brought an inadvertent smile to Naruto's face, although it quickly dissolved into a scowl. They were both fools, playing at something neither knew anything about. Friendship? Love? And for each other? If Sakura-chan ever guessed what they were doing she'd either have a conniption or kill Naruto for corrupting her Sasuke- kun. Maybe she'd do both. She would never consider, let alone understand the significance behind that one kiss. Naruto remained unsure whether he wanted more to follow that kiss... Whether Sasuke wanted more. He knew that he definitely did not want anything more now, or even in the foreseeable future, but... Did he ever?
Perhaps he should get himself back on civil speaking terms with Sasuke before toying with the notion of a future together. Unconsciously, the blonde snorted. That would almost certainly prove to be easier said than done. One of them would have to figure out why they were avoiding each other in the first place, and Naruto was at an honest loss on that one. Where HAD they managed to go wrong, anyway?
The thought that he had lost Sasuke as a friend through some unknown fault frightened him. He didn't understand what had happened... Sasuke had just gone back to being the human ice cube the morning after they had kissed. The only times he had thawed even slightly had been in the midst of the two heated battles that had occurred between them and Zabuza. Sasuke and Naruto didn't speak very often to one another, but Sasuke had still been the one to check on the blonde when he didn't come back at night, had still been the one to help him on his way home when he had been too tired to move. Those infrequent displays of concern had still been conducted with the aloof, cold demeanor, but they had still been something! After that second battle, though... Even those rare moments had dwindled to nothing.
Those words that Sasuke had spoken just before he had fallen into Naruto's arms... They hurt. A lot. He could not erase or forget that hurt any more than he could ignore the strain that had existed between himself and Sasuke for almost a month. Almost a month of regression to a time of no friends, of unearned disgust, distrust and hatred. Almost a month of cold eyes. Naruto was more than ready to swallow his pride and apologize if it would make things go back to the way they had so fleetingly been. He would have overlooked and forgotten those words. About the hurt. He would have forgiven everything if Sasuke would just let things go back to the way they had been...
Of course, Sasuke would have to spend more than a few moments alone with him for that to happen. He would have to listen. He would have to look at Naruto without twitching in obvious disgust and looking away. He would have to accept Naruto's apology. Who knew when any of that would happen?
His hands were abnormally warm. The thought invaded Naruto's conscious, prompting him back to the present. His hands were warm and they HURT. Dully, he looked down at his tightly clenched fists. Blood seeped out through countless deep cuts and cracks, snaking in crimson streaks to collect on his knuckles and drip steadily to the ground. Confused, he shifted his gaze from his hands, slowly piecing together what had caused him to bleed like this. The tree against which he had been violently taking out his aggression was smeared in his blood, showing signs of prolonged abuse. When had he begun to work out his aggravation on the tree? He couldn't recall...
Just about everything about his life after the second confrontation with Zabuza was a bit of a blur. Nothing had seemed real, just... Unnatural. As though Naruto really was trapped in a nightmare from which he could not wake. The days of living with Tazuna's small family fuzzed together. They were repetitious; each morning and afternoon were spent guarding Tazuna as he continued to work on bridge. His evenings were spent training, either with Sakura-chan or on his own, but that familiar pastime, too, seemed unreal. Even after Sasuke had begun to rejoin them, slowly working to rebuild his strength and endurance, something had still seemed off. Details, specific memories, seemed impossible to retrieve.
Impassively, he watched as his hands stopped bleeding. He could feel the wounds closing, knew that in his current state the kitsune's chakra would heal even minor injuries. He always healed quickly when he was in a state of emotional turmoil. It was almost as though his inability to control himself during those times was what allowed the Kyubi's chakra to mix more efficiently with his own. Needless to say, every one of Naruto's injuries, no matter how incidental, had been healing almost instantaneously since the battle against Zabuza. The aftermath had been more unsettling for Naruto emotionally than anything he had ever before experienced. Perhaps one day he would be able to harness that raw power without being emotionally unbalanced, but for now...
A twig snapped in the distance, causing the boy to narrow his eyes. Suddenly uncertain, he surveyed his surroundings. He should move. Eventually, Kakashi-sensei would send one of his teammates to come retrieve him. In the event that Sakura-chan was sent, Naruto wanted to avoid the awkward questions that his bloodstained knuckles and the battered, bloody tree would prompt. She was extremely observant, and not likely to let something like that slide the way Sasuke would. He knew that he could tell her he had been training further, but he would still prefer to avoid any potentially awkward questions.
With a sigh, he pushed away from the tree and wandered off, purposefully moving further away from the house. He wasn't ready to go back quite yet. What had he accomplished by running off like this tonight? No one would worry. No one would care, not even Sasuke. Naruto would be retrieved eventually because it was Kakashi-sensei's duty to ensure his safety, not because the man or his teammates missed his presence or were concerned over his prolonged absence. If Sasuke had been the one to run off, Sakura-chan would have gone after him in a heartbeat. Because she cared, Naruto thought bitterly. Because Sasuke meant something to her. Not him, though. Not Naruto. When he and Sasuke had been on speaking terms, he had glimpsed ever so briefly what it was to be cared for and wanted. For the first time in his life, he had felt needed and, to some extent, loved. No longer. What had he done to deserve this relapse into loneliness?
The emotional walls that Naruto had maintained from his earliest memories had been crumbling because of Sasuke. They were back in place now, but they were weaker, more vulnerable. Vaguely, he resented the dark-haired boy for undermining him like that. For worming his way through Naruto's defenses and seeing what lay beneath his carefully constructed masks. For undoing him from the inside out. As far as the blonde could tell, nothing he had said or done had disrupted Sasuke in the long run. The bastard was as calm and collected as ever, as cold as ever, while Naruto struggled now to return to the ease with which he had once performed his charade. It wasn't fair.
It wasn't FAIR! None of this was fucking fair. What did Sasuke have that Naruto didn't? They were equals, or at least not separated by that much in anything! They both commanded high level jutsus. They both possessed incredible amounts of strength and raw power. Sasuke was openly intelligent, but he, Naruto, was not stupid. People may think him slow, he ENCOURAGED people to underestimate him, but that didn't make him what he appeared to be. In fact, Naruto had proved himself to just as cunning in battle as anyone could desire. Neither boy had asked to have his parents ripped away from him. Sasuke had not sought to have the weight of avenging his family's slaughter on his shoulders, but damnit, Naruto had never asked to play host to a demon that resided deep in the very core of his being! Why did that make him the hated one? Where was he really that different from precious, beloved Sasuke?
And at least his motives, his goals and hopes and dreams were pure. He carried on day after day, silently shouldering the blame, the abuse, the hatred of everyone in his village. He took everything that was handed to him, and he did it with a smile. Maybe that smile didn't go very deep, maybe it was a little forced, but it was still there. All Sasuke, poor, perfect, Sasuke, wanted was revenge. And yet... And yet, Naruto was the outcast. Naruto, the one who desired friends and honest companionship more than anything in the world had nothing while Sasuke, who lived each day driven by a single-minded hatred had everything if he chose to see it.
The worst part, though, was that none of that had mattered when Naruto had been sure of his friendship with Sasuke. One friendship had managed to fulfill everything the blonde craved, everything he needed. Why had that been torn away? Once again, he wondered what had happened - what had gone wrong. Well, besides everything.
He should go back. It was getting late; the sun had slipped behind the horizon long ago, leaving the fox boy to navigate by the stars and the moon. He needed food and rest to replenish the chakra he had expended during his spar with Sasuke...
...And Sasuke was becoming entirely too adept at shielding his chakra for Naruto's piece of mind, the blonde reflected as he felt his teammate's close proximity leap into his awareness. A meeting like this could have felt pleasantly familiar if it weren't for the cold silence that hung between them for a moment. Sasuke knew that Naruto was aware of his presence. For a few moments, neither spoke before Naruto decided that he simply wasn't in the mood to deal with this right now. "I was just heading back. You can go ahead without me," he muttered, refusing to turn to face the boy standing a few steps behind him.
"Kakashi-sensei told me not to come back until we could at least pretend to be civil to each other," Sasuke responded quietly, allowing no hint of emotion to color his voice. That cold bastard...
"We've been perfectly civil," Naruto began heatedly, trailing off as he whirled around to glare at his rival. Sasuke was busy looking anywhere but at him. Naruto shook his head ruefully, wishing he could dislodge the new memory that flashed before his mind's eye.
**As Naruto prepared to make yet another attempt at conquering the tree, Sasuke spoke from a few steps away, shattering the blonde's focused concentration. It took a few moments for the question that the taller boy was asking to register; Naruto was too dumbfounded by the way in which he was being asked!**
Sasuke would not even meet his eyes unless they were busy yelling at each other, then or now. It was maddening and... It hurt. Every time the black- haired boy so much as looked in Naruto's direction, his eye would twitch convulsively and he would drag his gaze away.
All charitable intentions flew out of Naruto's mind. Five minutes ago, he had been prepared to make an attempt at reconciliation, but not if Sasuke was going to act like this. Turning away once more, the blonde gave a resigned sigh. "Just go away. If you want nothing to do with me, that's fine." Without waiting for a response, he walked away. For the moment, he could have cared less that he was moving farther still from the house.
"Wait." Obligingly, Naruto halted, but he would not turn around again. Not for one of them. Not for Sasuke. It was only a small consolation that he could at least be openly angry with the taller boy; he had already given away every secret he had to the boy. He held himself still as he heard the other boy approaching, though he could not help but tense up slightly when he felt Sasuke's hand lightly touch his shoulder. "What happened to us... Naruto?" The question burned its way into his mind. Not dobe, not idiot, but Naruto...
"We used to be friends." The words were out of his mouth before he thought. The cold, indifferent voice did not even sound like his. He could feel the tentative hand on his shoulder being removed as though it had been burned. Damnit... Sasuke had opened the door of communication... Had he just slammed it shut again through a few careless words? "I don't know what happened," he amended, trying to undo some of the new damage he had just caused.
"Neither do I." The confession was quiet, but not reluctant. Not grudging. Perhaps... Maybe there had been some misunderstanding? He hardly dared to hope that they had let something that simple come between them. Cautiously, Naruto turned to face his rival. He was slightly taken aback at how close the other boy was standing. How natural that close proximity felt. Again, he reflected back to the nights they had spent talking, taking simple pleasure in each other's company. Back to the night they had shared that kiss. What had really changed between then and now? For a few hours that night, everything had seemed to be fine, but then morning had come and...
"What do you want from me?" he blurted out, interrupting his own train of thought. "I don't understand you! First, you're a cold bastard to me just like you are to everyone else. Next thing I know, you want to be my friend which was, incidentally, wonderful as far as I was concerned. It was better than wonderful... It was everything I'd ever wanted. I could deal with the rest of the world hating me and it was all okay because I had a friend. I had someone I cared about and who I thought cared about me. And when I was just getting used to that, it all fell apart overnight. All of a sudden you couldn't stand to be near me, to even LOOK at me or speak to me. It was worse than even before we were supposedly friends. What did I do? What changed and why did I deserve that from you of all people, huh? I would have thought that... If no one else, you would understand.
"But what really kills me is that I still jumped in to save you when it counted the most. Maybe I didn't do that much good, maybe I should have thought a little bit harder before I acted, but I still tried... I still risked everything for you. I saw someone that I cared about in trouble, and that was all that mattered. And at the end of it, you don't seem to remember anything. Not a damned thing. You don't remember when I got knocked unconscious, and I haven't got a clue what happened, but you somehow... You jumped in and... You gave your LIFE for me, Uchiha Sasuke! You literally died in my arms. You were gone and..." Naruto's voice caught in his throat as an angry and frustrated sob wrenched its way from his chest. He hadn't meant to say any of this, but Sasuke was listening. Damn him, he was actually, seriously listening. And by the look on the taller boy's face, he was aghast at what he was hearing. Taking a shaky breath, Naruto forced himself to finish his rant. "You were gone and one of the last things you said to me was-"
"-that I hated you," Sasuke interrupted softly, still avoiding Naruto's eyes. At least, now, he was staring raptly at the ground rather than allowing his gaze to wander. "I remember."
Naruto felt his jaw clench as he instinctively brought his fist up to punch Sasuke square in the stomach. The dark-haired boy took the blow silently, making no move to dodge or block the hit. "You know...?" Naruto hissed, glaring furiously. "You knew and you let everyone think you forgot? You let me go on thinking you hated me? What the hell is wrong with you? Who the fuck gave you the RIGHT to play games with people like that?" He added another punch for good measure, taking fierce pleasure in the way his rival's eyes widened at the contact. At this moment, he wanted nothing more than to cause Sasuke pain the way the same as he had caused him.
"I don't hate you," Sasuke whispered. "I never did."
Balling his fists, ready to land another blow on his rival if he so chose, Naruto narrowed his eyes. "Then why? Why have you let all of this happen? I've been ready to talk things out with you from the very start..."
"I..." He STILL refused to meet the blonde's eyes, and Naruto cut him off, angrily grabbing Sasuke's face and forcing the eye contact.
"Look at me," he growled dangerously. "I don't give a shit what you're going to say, but at least look at me when you say it. It's the least you can do!" He dropped his hands, glaring up at the dark eyes that reluctantly held his own.
"That night... When we... I..." Frowning, the black-haired boy hesitated, earning another glare from Naruto. It wasn't like Sasuke to have trouble finding words like this. Typically, the boy was straightforward to the point of being rude. "You were getting too close," Sasuke sighed at last. "You... Were causing me to lose track of my purpose in life. That night... I felt it slipping away. Everything I had worked towards for so long. I could actually see a future without vengeance or hatred... And it was because of you. But I am an avenger. I can't change that or forget it. They're depending on me..." His shoulders hunched as he spoke, as though he could hide from his self-imposed destiny by shrinking in on himself. "I had to distance myself again. I couldn't let you interfere any longer or I was afraid I really would give in and begin to forget about revenge... I closed up. I... Treated you like everyone else. I pushed you away."
Ashamed, Naruto looked away. This explained so much... But Sasuke was not finished yet.
"It worked... For a while... I could forget who you really were on the inside and focus on how annoying you could be. I could ignore what I saw in your eyes whenever you looked at me... How much I was hurting you. But damn you, I couldn't... I couldn't stop caring. When you... When Haku tried... It was a trap. I knew when I jumped in that it was a trap. But if one of us had to die, I couldn't let... I never hated you. I remember... All I could see was you... I said what I said... Because I had to keep that distance I had created until the very end... I fell... And despite everything I had done, you caught me. You were the last thing I saw... The last thought I had..." He took a shaky breath. "When I woke up, I tried to act as though nothing had changed. I tried harder than ever to go back to the way I wanted things to be. I thought that if I could just convince myself that I didn't care... But I did care. I do care. I wouldn't have jumped in to save you if I didn't. You... You have changed something inside me... And I can't change it back. I can ignore it all I want, but it won't go away. I'm sorry... Naruto..."
An awkward silence fell between them. Chewing uncertainly on his lower lip, Naruto kept his head down. He was unable to hold on to his anger at the other boy. Such anger would be unreasonable and absolutely unproductive at this point. Sasuke had actually apologized... He needed a few moments to readjust himself to this new development. Finally, the silence became oppressive; he had to speak. "Umm... What do we do now, then?" Was it really 'we' again?
"I don't want to lose sight of my goals... And I can never forget that I am the last of my clan..." Sasuke sighed. Fate seemed to be tearing him in two entirely different and conflicting directions. How long would he be able to keep the pieces of his life that he was juggling from crashing down around him? It was a small miracle that he hadn't already lost the piece that stood defiantly before him. Naruto was a very forgiving person. It was odd to think of the blonde as mature. More mature than Sasuke, even...
"I was ready to apologize, you know," Naruto piped up, once again breaking the silence. "I didn't know what I had done wrong, but I was ready to... I... Don't want to be alone again." Sky blue eyes caught and held midnight black ones. "No one my age has ever treated me like a real person before."
"Since my parents... No one has treated me like a real person, either. I'm always the poor orphan to the adults. The one who should be respected and pitied. I'm not really a person to anyone our age, either. To the girls I'm someone to daydream and fantasize about, and everyone else just keeps their distance." Sasuke paused, then frowned at Naruto. "Why did you have to be different from them? Why couldn't you have just treated me the way everyone else does?" The question was only half in jest.
"Because that's not who you are." The answer was simple.
Bemused, Sasuke shook his head. The blonde was... Not angry, but agitated. Piqued, Sasuke decided to try a different line of reasoning. "Dobe, I am an aven-"
"No you're not!" Naruto snapped, interrupting his teammate. "You're NOT! This is why we've barely talked for a month. This attitude of yours! You know why I didn't treat you like everyone else? It's because when I look at you, I see ME. I see someone who is treated according to what he is, not who he is! You are doing this to yourself. You are NOT an avenger and I am NOT the demon fox. You're Uchiha Sasuke... I don't care about an avenger or an orphan. I care about Sasuke." He stopped talking, closing his mouth with a click of teeth as an eerie calm settled between them. The tension, the apprehension had all melted away leaving... Emptiness. An odd, weary, resigned calm.
At last, Sasuke spoke. "You've got a point."
"How the hell else do you think I've lived alone for so long? The adults all see me as a demon. As a monster. If that was how I saw myself, that's all I'd be."
"That's not what you are, though," Sasuke observed thoughtfully.
"Exactly." Naruto grinned, barely daring to hope that he had actually gotten his point across. Was it too much to wish that things would just go back to some semblance of normal now? Sasuke, however reluctant he had seemed at first, still wanted to be friends. It felt as though an enormous weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. When the taller boy shyly smiled back, the blonde felt his knees weaken in relief.
"Naruto."
"Hm?" Confused, he raised an eyebrow.
"Thank you." He could easily detect the sincerity in Sasuke's voice. Uncertainly, he shook his head. Was he dreaming? This whole change was abrupt. He could scarcely believe this sudden shift in his friend's attitude. Friend... He and Sasuke were still friends, right? Timidly, he voiced his question, holding his breath as he awaited the answer.
Slowly, as though they really were in a dream, Sasuke reached out and took Naruto's hand in one of his, bringing his other hand up to gently cup around the blonde's cheek, finally completing the gesture he had attempted before he had succumbed to Haku's needles. Instinctively, the blonde closed his eyes and leaned into the warmth that exuded from that hand. He rather thought that he could get answers like this. They were still friends... And perhaps, someday, something more. Again, the fleeting memory of a moonlight kiss brought a smile to Naruto's face. This time, the reminiscent smile did not fade.
"You look happy," Sasuke observed quietly, suppressing a smile of his own as he watched the blonde's eyes drift open.
"I am. I found my friend again. I thought I'd lost him..."
The dark-haired boy was caught off-guard by the simple honesty in those words. Frowning, he lowered his eyes and would have reclaimed his hands had Naruto not tightened his grip and brought his free hand up to cover the warm fingers that rested on his face. Uncomfortably, Sasuke muttered, "You almost did."
"But I didn't," the blonde corrected gently, squeezing their held hands.
The pressure seemed to remind both boys of their compromising position together, and surprised blue eyes met equally wide black ones. Two minds reflected how comfortable and right the contact felt. Both boys understood that now was not the time to explore just how far this sense of 'right' pervaded, but it was a reassuring feeling nonetheless. It was odd for the blonde to think that this kind of contact was their means of reconciliation; in anyone else, such intimacy would be reserved only for a lover.
With a small mental start, Naruto realized that they had not yet sealed this new step in their friendship with a kiss the way they had every previous step. For a moment, he toyed with the thought before Sasuke surprised him by leaning forward and pressing his lips to Naruto's, catching the smaller boy off guard for a moment before he could gather his wits enough to respond and return the pressure. The gentle kiss lasted a bit longer this time. It was less clumsy. More enjoyable. More meaningful. This was... This was... Right. These warm lips, this familiar taste and scent... This was everything he ever wanted, everything he needed to carry on with a true smile.
Sighing softly, Sasuke pulled away enough to look into his friend's eyes. "It's marked every other step in our... Whatever we are," he offered, feeling the need to explain his actions.
Mutely, the blonde nodded. His eyes were still wide, a small smile curving his lips upwards. In the moonlight, he looked so childish, so innocent and fragile. Such an exterior was deceiving, hiding the determination and the strength that lay hidden within. Still, the frail-looking image before him made what Sasuke had to say next more difficult than it should have been. "I... Don't love you though, Naruto," he finally muttered, breaking the eye contact with a frown. "You know that, right?" This sort of honesty was brutal, even for him, but it would be even more coldhearted to lead his friend on.
The response came quickly. "I don't love you either, Sasuke." The dark- haired boy raised an eyebrow and waited, expecting the blonde to continue. He was not disappointed. "I do like kissing you, though. Maybe someday I could love you... If you ever stopped being such a cold bastard." A smirk was the only response Naruto got from those words as he paused before adding the last part of what he wanted to say. "And... I do care about you."
"Much as I've fought it, I care about you, too, dobe," Sasuke admitted. "And I like kissing you, too. Maybe someday things will change." Both of them could be happy in a future like that, couldn't they? If their rivalry didn't consume them first. If their own inexperience and stubbornness did not rip them apart. If life did not have other plans for them. They had nearly lost each other twice already, and both knew that things would not get any easier for either of them. A ninja's life was a difficult one in all aspects.
"We should go back," Naruto said suddenly. "It's late. Kakashi-sensei will be upset if we're dragging tomorrow."
"He'll be happy we're not biting each others' heads off." A smile lit up Sasuke's face. "Even though we still have to act just as hateful towards one another, dobe."
"Hey! Don't call me that, bastard!" Both boys laughed. The warm hand was finally removed from Naruto's face as Sasuke turned to lead the way back. When he tried to reclaim his other hand, however, he was mildly surprised to encounter resistance. "Sasuke, wait."
"Hm?"
"Um... Will you meet me back here again? Tomorrow night?" There was an unmistakable note of pleading the blonde's voice.
A wave of guilt washed over the taller boy as he began to fully comprehend just how devastating his recent treatment must have been to the other boy. "If you leave again, I will find you. I'll always find you," he promised. Smiling briefly, he again turned to leave, gently pulling at their connected hands."
Rather than releasing Sasuke's hand, Naruto took a few quick steps to catch up with his friend, unconsciously twisting the black-haired boy's arm rather painfully. "No one will be able to see for a while," he murmured.
The dark-haired boy said nothing, but gently disengaged his hand long enough to shift to a more comfortable position. In reality, he was content to leave his hand in Naruto's for a few more minutes as they slowly began making their way back towards Tazuna's home. He wondered how truthful he had really been when he said that he did not love Naruto. The blonde had certainly managed to revive a part of his heart that he had thought dead... Such thoughts were better left for a less emotional time, though.
They would each walk their own paths someday. Sasuke still had a family to avenge while Naruto would need to work ever harder to fulfill his dream of becoming hokage. For each, at this time, it was too much to hope that they would walk those paths together, hand in hand as they walked home this night. A future with unconditional love and support from someone who could honestly understand fluttered on the horizon, hovering just out of reach. For now...
Therefore, for now they would have to be satisfied with moonlit moments such as these. For now, their stolen time together would have to be enough to sustain their need for acceptance and for companionship.
As for the future? Only time would tell.
............
A/N: And thus ends the first of the four sequels. I hope you all liked it. Either way, feel free to leave reviews or just laugh at my idiocy. It's all good. And now, since It's past eleven and I've a Psych test bright and early tomorrow, I'll be heading off to bed. Night, all!
Disclaimer: As I'm sure you could have all guessed, Naruto's not mine, nor are any of the characters found therein.
............
The residual soreness from Haku's needles had not yet left Sasuke entirely. Naruto could tell by the vaguely awkward way in which the boy held himself as they prepared to spar. The slight hesitation in Sasuke's normally lithe movements was nothing compared to the first few weeks following their near- miraculous escape from Haku's mirror jutsu, but it still seemed unusual to see the dark-haired genin experiencing such difficulties. No. He wouldn't lose himself in those memories now. Not when he was supposed to be training...
Dragging himself back to the present, Naruto narrowed his eyes, watching his opponent as they faced off. He was rewarded for his resolve by a sharp kick to the chin, courtesy of the very person he had been contemplating. Sasuke's movements remained incredibly fast despite his apparent handicap. Bringing up a hand to lightly touch the trickle of blood that dribbled from one corner of his mouth, Naruto grinned. Not the plastered fox-grin that he so often wore, but a dangerous, determined grin. This was war... Sasuke was going to be worse than sore after Naruto was done with him!
Throwing caution to the wind, the blonde let himself go, aiming devastating blows at his teammate without any further hesitation. In blatant defiance of his evident stiffness, Sasuke dodged Naruto's attacks easily, responding to each offensive wave with counterattacks of his own. Shuriken met kunai, kicks and punches were deflected, angry taunts and insults flew as they tried to breach one another's defenses in any way possible. For a few blissful minutes it felt just like old times, before the entire mess with Tazuna and Zabuza had begun. For a short while, Naruto was able to lose himself in the fight. He had forgotten how comfortable it could feel to spar with Sasuke.
It was over much too soon. From one moment to the next, Sasuke managed to get behind Naruto and immobilize him, holding a kunai to the back of his head in much the same fashion that Kakashi-sensei had demonstrated during their first encounter. How long ago that seemed... Kakashi-sensei stopped the fight and Naruto immediately stumbled away from Sasuke's loosened grasp. It was their first match since... And he had gotten his ass handed to him. It figured. Had even one of his attacks landed on the other boy? It didn't seem like it.
Distantly, he heard Kakashi-sensei release them for the evening. Sasuke and Sakura turned to leave with their sensei, the prospect of dinner an enticing reason to return. Instead of obediently following his teammates back to Tazuna's house, though, Naruto's feet were moving of their own accord, taking him away. Somewhere far away from the team. From Sasuke. From the damned memories that refused to go away or let themselves be buried. The memories that resurfaced every time he so much as looked his teammate.
Not acknowledging those memories wasn't working the way it was supposed to. The analytical part of his mind screamed at him for his stubborn refusal to even think about that day. He knew that he was being childish by indulging in the mentality that if he ignored the memories they would go away, but he could think of no more reasonable way to react. What was so bad about thinking anyway, he berated himself. ...Well, besides the haunting memory of a teammate, a comrade, a FRIEND dying in his arms moments after confessing hatred for him.
"You... Don't die..." Naruto's legs were moving faster, the trees around him passing in a blur. "Geez, you... Always just get in the way..." The words rang in his ears. He had to run away, to move faster. "I hated you..." If he could just move a little faster he could outrun the memories...
He WASN'T still getting in the way during battles... Was he? Had he not been the key to rallying their team against Zabuza in their first battle? Had he not helped Sasuke as well as he could when they were trapped within the mirrors of ice? During both of those fights, he and Sasuke had worked perfectly in tune with one another, fluidly reading one another's movements and intentions without ever uttering a single word. That was the teamwork he had known they could accomplish together if given half a chance. For a short while, they had been thrust into situations in which their lives and the lives of others depended on teamwork. They had been equals, not rivals, in the eyes of everyone. For a short while...
Inwardly, Naruto cringed as he skidded to an abrupt halt - when had he begun to run so quickly? - and slumped against a convenient tree. Suddenly tired, he leaned his head back and closed his eyes, wearily accepting the haunting scene that replayed in his mind's eye for what must have been the hundredth time.
**It was like waking from a nightmare...Except that he woke up to find himself still trapped in his hellish prison, aching and burning everywhere from the needles that were embedded in his muscles. And yet... And yet, he could see his captor, Haku, lying unconscious on the ground. Which must mean...
"Geez, you ...Always just get in the way." Sasuke's voice interrupted Naruto's shaky train of thought. The words themselves took a few seconds to register. Everything seemed fuzzy... As though he were still dreaming. Maybe he was... His eyes wandered over to where his teammate stood, covered in blood and needles, and the significance of Haku's sprawled position clicked in his muddled mind.
They had won? They had won! They had come out alive! A huge grin broke out on his face as he blurted out the first thing that popped into his mind. "You did it, Sasuke-" Abruptly, he cut himself off. Something was not quite right...
The enthusiastic triumph drained away as he continued to regain his wits. As he took in the scene before him more fully... The hunched way in which Sasuke held himself... The sheer number of needles decorating his body... The blood splattered on the ground... Naruto's face settled into a horrified expression as the magnitude of the sacrifice that his teammate had made to ensure their victory began to dawn upon him.
Sasuke turned slowly, painfully, to glance back at Naruto. "What's... With that face... You total moron..."
His mind was screaming denial, refusing to accept the sight before him. No... Not like this... Sasuke... Why... Shakily, he pushed himself into a sitting position. The debilitating pain from the needles was lost in the sudden, irrational surge of anger that welled up inside of him. Why... They had been on terrible terms for over a week, unable to even speak to one another without hostility, and now... "Why did... You save me?" No... NO! This was not how it was supposed to end. Not like this... Anger was gone, replaced by an excruciating urge to cry. There had been no chance for reconciliation, no time for anything. There would be nothing but guilt that would haunt him for the rest of his life if Sasuke died now. Not like this...
"How should I know..." Even now... Sasuke could not, would not look at him. He could barely remain on his feet, and yet he could still give that condescending little LAUGH of his... "I... Hated you..."
Naruto could feel his jaw tightening as anger once again replaced the unprecedented wave of sorrow. Rising unsteadily to his feet, he stared, disbelieving, at the boy he had once called a friend. "But... Why? WHY? Why me?" Why... As if forced solitude, as if being shunned and despised by everyone for something that had never been his choice or his fault had not been enough... Why did Sasuke of all people have to fuck with his head? With his heart..... What gave Sasuke the right to play these games and then turn around and die for him? He could not see Sasuke's face. His eyes. Sasuke was dying and he wouldn't even look at Naruto... He wouldn't look at the one he had sacrificed his life for... It wasn't supposed to BE like this...
Clenching his fists and drawing in a ragged breath, Naruto yelled at the top of his lungs, "I never asked for your help!" He couldn't go on with this guilt... With this ache that was slowly eating away at something deep within him at the thought of losing Sasuke... The blood was pounding in his ears, competing with a disembodied ringing sound that threatened to overwhelm him. Not like this...
"I don't know..." The words were nothing more than a harsh whisper, wrenched from a body that ached to breathe its last and rest. "My body just moved on its own... Idiot..." Before Sasuke could even complete the insult, he was falling backwards, unable to hold himself upright any longer.
Naruto reacted before he could think, leaping in to cushion his comrade's fall. "SASUKE!" He could not keep the despair, the anguish out of his voice. In that moment, all guilt, all animosity, all rivalry was set aside. All that mattered, all that existed in this time and this place was his dying friend. His first and only friend... Not... Like... This...
"That man..." Sasuke's words were fading quickly, just like his eyes. Those eyes that Naruto had so often seen dancing with life, snapping with irritation, animating the boy even if he didn't know it... Those eyes now held only pain and sadness. "My brother... I told myself... I wouldn't die until I killed him..." It was just like Sasuke to die berating himself for failing in what he had always viewed as his purpose, his burden in life. Even now, even teetering on the brink of death, he could not understand that there was more to life than hot-blooded revenge...
Naruto could feel the last vestiges of anger and resentment dissipating as those eyes focused on him for what he knew would be the last time. With a great effort, Sasuke was attempting to raise his hand to touch Naruto's face, an agonizingly familiar gesture that had not been made since the night they had kissed. "You..." The ringing in Naruto's ears was deafening, yet he could hear the barely audible word clearly. What was this gnawing pain in his heart? He couldn't feel his abused muscles any longer; his world had narrowed to himself and Sasuke and the raw agony that was tearing its way through his stomach and chest. "Don't die..."
The life in Sasuke's eyes was almost gone. Stubborn as he was, he could no longer hold up the hand that had never made it to his friend's face; it fell to his side in what seemed like slow motion as Naruto's reality began to reassert itself. All of that suppressed anger came raging back, magnified a thousand fold as it flooded out of that gaping hole that had been his heart only moments ago. Anger at himself, at Sasuke, but most of all...
Sasuke's eyes closed and his head dropped back against Naruto's arm as the boy's entire body fell limp. It wasn't supposed to end this way... Not with his friend's life sacrificed for his own... Not with tears he could not bring himself to shed burning the backs of his eyes... Not with this agony of hatred and fear and sorrow and complete and utter grief unlike anything he had ever known churning through his entire being.
Clumsily, tenderly, he hugged the battered shell which had been his friend. It wasn't... Supposed... To end like this... Somewhere in the back of his mind he was aware that Haku had gotten to his feet. He could hear the masked boy talking, but the words were lost on Naruto. They were disturbing the last few moments he would ever have with his friend...
"Shut up," Naruto ordered absently as Haku continued to speak. He wasn't finished with Sasuke yet. Why... Did it have to end like this...? Reverently, he lowered his friend's lifeless body to the ground, whispering "I hated you too." It was true... He had hated Sasuke. Before he had gotten to know him for who and what he really was. Before they had been able to become friends. Before he had destroyed all of Naruto's walls, seen through all of Naruto's masks... Somehow, thinking about that unfounded hatred made it hurt even more if that was possible.
The nauseating jumble of emotions was overwhelming, making it hard to speak. Hard to think coherently. He was losing himself, losing control, and he didn't care. It no longer mattered. All that mattered was... Was...**
Hatred.
The edges of Naruto's vision briefly blurred into a sickening red swirl before he forcibly tore his train of thought away from the devastating half- memories that followed Sasuke's death. His back ground into the solid bark of the tree and his hands clenched the sides of his head as he fought back the probing awareness he felt bubbling up from somewhere deep inside. The Kyubi's attempts at testing Naruto's defenses had decreased dramatically in the weeks following the encounter at the bridge, but his thinking about the few minutes after Sasuke's death seemed to be a catalyst which sparked the resurgence of the fox's efforts to break free of its sealed prison. Only the sheer force of Naruto's will kept the demon contained; he could never let it break free. Never. Beneath the cold stares and the icy eyes, everyone was depending on him.
Perhaps whatever had happened that day was better forgotten, better left in the past. Sasuke did not seem to remember much of anything after Naruto joined him in the mirrored prison. From what Naruto could gather, the dark- haired boy's memory failed him entirely well before he had fallen victim to Haku's final trap. Well before he had died in Naruto's arms.
The urge to punch something, to DESTROY something overtook the fox boy. Leaping to his feet, he growled, snarling at the tree he had been leaning against as though it were the cause of all of his problems. The words, the events, the whole damned nightmare had ceased to exist outside of Naruto's own mind. Of the trio, only Naruto could remember. Sasuke was still alive, but had no memory of the situation and Haku... Haku was dead. Everything that had happened during those hellish minutes existed only in his mind. He wished it didn't exist at all. The memories would not go away. Every time he rested, every time he closed his eyes, Sasuke's death replayed in his mind. Was this how Sasuke felt? Stalked by the past? Haunted by a memory that refused to fade?
Things between the two of them had been unstable at best since the fight against the twin chained ninjas. Their rivalry seemed to have evolved overnight into a monster that overshadowed and smothered their friendship entirely. Although they were occasionally civil to one another, it seemed as though the bond which had formed in the first few weeks of their acquaintance was a fluke. They still showed friendship and concern for one another in extreme circumstances, but not in the manner they had expressed themselves initially. Both had withdrawn completely, relying on their rivalry to keep them together, unsure how to proceed from the point they were at. Even though they had spent many hours completing their chakra training in one other's company, they had not actually spent any quality time alone since the night they had kissed. In fact, they had been all but avoiding each other when they weren't training.
The memory of their last moonlight encounter brought an inadvertent smile to Naruto's face, although it quickly dissolved into a scowl. They were both fools, playing at something neither knew anything about. Friendship? Love? And for each other? If Sakura-chan ever guessed what they were doing she'd either have a conniption or kill Naruto for corrupting her Sasuke- kun. Maybe she'd do both. She would never consider, let alone understand the significance behind that one kiss. Naruto remained unsure whether he wanted more to follow that kiss... Whether Sasuke wanted more. He knew that he definitely did not want anything more now, or even in the foreseeable future, but... Did he ever?
Perhaps he should get himself back on civil speaking terms with Sasuke before toying with the notion of a future together. Unconsciously, the blonde snorted. That would almost certainly prove to be easier said than done. One of them would have to figure out why they were avoiding each other in the first place, and Naruto was at an honest loss on that one. Where HAD they managed to go wrong, anyway?
The thought that he had lost Sasuke as a friend through some unknown fault frightened him. He didn't understand what had happened... Sasuke had just gone back to being the human ice cube the morning after they had kissed. The only times he had thawed even slightly had been in the midst of the two heated battles that had occurred between them and Zabuza. Sasuke and Naruto didn't speak very often to one another, but Sasuke had still been the one to check on the blonde when he didn't come back at night, had still been the one to help him on his way home when he had been too tired to move. Those infrequent displays of concern had still been conducted with the aloof, cold demeanor, but they had still been something! After that second battle, though... Even those rare moments had dwindled to nothing.
Those words that Sasuke had spoken just before he had fallen into Naruto's arms... They hurt. A lot. He could not erase or forget that hurt any more than he could ignore the strain that had existed between himself and Sasuke for almost a month. Almost a month of regression to a time of no friends, of unearned disgust, distrust and hatred. Almost a month of cold eyes. Naruto was more than ready to swallow his pride and apologize if it would make things go back to the way they had so fleetingly been. He would have overlooked and forgotten those words. About the hurt. He would have forgiven everything if Sasuke would just let things go back to the way they had been...
Of course, Sasuke would have to spend more than a few moments alone with him for that to happen. He would have to listen. He would have to look at Naruto without twitching in obvious disgust and looking away. He would have to accept Naruto's apology. Who knew when any of that would happen?
His hands were abnormally warm. The thought invaded Naruto's conscious, prompting him back to the present. His hands were warm and they HURT. Dully, he looked down at his tightly clenched fists. Blood seeped out through countless deep cuts and cracks, snaking in crimson streaks to collect on his knuckles and drip steadily to the ground. Confused, he shifted his gaze from his hands, slowly piecing together what had caused him to bleed like this. The tree against which he had been violently taking out his aggression was smeared in his blood, showing signs of prolonged abuse. When had he begun to work out his aggravation on the tree? He couldn't recall...
Just about everything about his life after the second confrontation with Zabuza was a bit of a blur. Nothing had seemed real, just... Unnatural. As though Naruto really was trapped in a nightmare from which he could not wake. The days of living with Tazuna's small family fuzzed together. They were repetitious; each morning and afternoon were spent guarding Tazuna as he continued to work on bridge. His evenings were spent training, either with Sakura-chan or on his own, but that familiar pastime, too, seemed unreal. Even after Sasuke had begun to rejoin them, slowly working to rebuild his strength and endurance, something had still seemed off. Details, specific memories, seemed impossible to retrieve.
Impassively, he watched as his hands stopped bleeding. He could feel the wounds closing, knew that in his current state the kitsune's chakra would heal even minor injuries. He always healed quickly when he was in a state of emotional turmoil. It was almost as though his inability to control himself during those times was what allowed the Kyubi's chakra to mix more efficiently with his own. Needless to say, every one of Naruto's injuries, no matter how incidental, had been healing almost instantaneously since the battle against Zabuza. The aftermath had been more unsettling for Naruto emotionally than anything he had ever before experienced. Perhaps one day he would be able to harness that raw power without being emotionally unbalanced, but for now...
A twig snapped in the distance, causing the boy to narrow his eyes. Suddenly uncertain, he surveyed his surroundings. He should move. Eventually, Kakashi-sensei would send one of his teammates to come retrieve him. In the event that Sakura-chan was sent, Naruto wanted to avoid the awkward questions that his bloodstained knuckles and the battered, bloody tree would prompt. She was extremely observant, and not likely to let something like that slide the way Sasuke would. He knew that he could tell her he had been training further, but he would still prefer to avoid any potentially awkward questions.
With a sigh, he pushed away from the tree and wandered off, purposefully moving further away from the house. He wasn't ready to go back quite yet. What had he accomplished by running off like this tonight? No one would worry. No one would care, not even Sasuke. Naruto would be retrieved eventually because it was Kakashi-sensei's duty to ensure his safety, not because the man or his teammates missed his presence or were concerned over his prolonged absence. If Sasuke had been the one to run off, Sakura-chan would have gone after him in a heartbeat. Because she cared, Naruto thought bitterly. Because Sasuke meant something to her. Not him, though. Not Naruto. When he and Sasuke had been on speaking terms, he had glimpsed ever so briefly what it was to be cared for and wanted. For the first time in his life, he had felt needed and, to some extent, loved. No longer. What had he done to deserve this relapse into loneliness?
The emotional walls that Naruto had maintained from his earliest memories had been crumbling because of Sasuke. They were back in place now, but they were weaker, more vulnerable. Vaguely, he resented the dark-haired boy for undermining him like that. For worming his way through Naruto's defenses and seeing what lay beneath his carefully constructed masks. For undoing him from the inside out. As far as the blonde could tell, nothing he had said or done had disrupted Sasuke in the long run. The bastard was as calm and collected as ever, as cold as ever, while Naruto struggled now to return to the ease with which he had once performed his charade. It wasn't fair.
It wasn't FAIR! None of this was fucking fair. What did Sasuke have that Naruto didn't? They were equals, or at least not separated by that much in anything! They both commanded high level jutsus. They both possessed incredible amounts of strength and raw power. Sasuke was openly intelligent, but he, Naruto, was not stupid. People may think him slow, he ENCOURAGED people to underestimate him, but that didn't make him what he appeared to be. In fact, Naruto had proved himself to just as cunning in battle as anyone could desire. Neither boy had asked to have his parents ripped away from him. Sasuke had not sought to have the weight of avenging his family's slaughter on his shoulders, but damnit, Naruto had never asked to play host to a demon that resided deep in the very core of his being! Why did that make him the hated one? Where was he really that different from precious, beloved Sasuke?
And at least his motives, his goals and hopes and dreams were pure. He carried on day after day, silently shouldering the blame, the abuse, the hatred of everyone in his village. He took everything that was handed to him, and he did it with a smile. Maybe that smile didn't go very deep, maybe it was a little forced, but it was still there. All Sasuke, poor, perfect, Sasuke, wanted was revenge. And yet... And yet, Naruto was the outcast. Naruto, the one who desired friends and honest companionship more than anything in the world had nothing while Sasuke, who lived each day driven by a single-minded hatred had everything if he chose to see it.
The worst part, though, was that none of that had mattered when Naruto had been sure of his friendship with Sasuke. One friendship had managed to fulfill everything the blonde craved, everything he needed. Why had that been torn away? Once again, he wondered what had happened - what had gone wrong. Well, besides everything.
He should go back. It was getting late; the sun had slipped behind the horizon long ago, leaving the fox boy to navigate by the stars and the moon. He needed food and rest to replenish the chakra he had expended during his spar with Sasuke...
...And Sasuke was becoming entirely too adept at shielding his chakra for Naruto's piece of mind, the blonde reflected as he felt his teammate's close proximity leap into his awareness. A meeting like this could have felt pleasantly familiar if it weren't for the cold silence that hung between them for a moment. Sasuke knew that Naruto was aware of his presence. For a few moments, neither spoke before Naruto decided that he simply wasn't in the mood to deal with this right now. "I was just heading back. You can go ahead without me," he muttered, refusing to turn to face the boy standing a few steps behind him.
"Kakashi-sensei told me not to come back until we could at least pretend to be civil to each other," Sasuke responded quietly, allowing no hint of emotion to color his voice. That cold bastard...
"We've been perfectly civil," Naruto began heatedly, trailing off as he whirled around to glare at his rival. Sasuke was busy looking anywhere but at him. Naruto shook his head ruefully, wishing he could dislodge the new memory that flashed before his mind's eye.
**As Naruto prepared to make yet another attempt at conquering the tree, Sasuke spoke from a few steps away, shattering the blonde's focused concentration. It took a few moments for the question that the taller boy was asking to register; Naruto was too dumbfounded by the way in which he was being asked!**
Sasuke would not even meet his eyes unless they were busy yelling at each other, then or now. It was maddening and... It hurt. Every time the black- haired boy so much as looked in Naruto's direction, his eye would twitch convulsively and he would drag his gaze away.
All charitable intentions flew out of Naruto's mind. Five minutes ago, he had been prepared to make an attempt at reconciliation, but not if Sasuke was going to act like this. Turning away once more, the blonde gave a resigned sigh. "Just go away. If you want nothing to do with me, that's fine." Without waiting for a response, he walked away. For the moment, he could have cared less that he was moving farther still from the house.
"Wait." Obligingly, Naruto halted, but he would not turn around again. Not for one of them. Not for Sasuke. It was only a small consolation that he could at least be openly angry with the taller boy; he had already given away every secret he had to the boy. He held himself still as he heard the other boy approaching, though he could not help but tense up slightly when he felt Sasuke's hand lightly touch his shoulder. "What happened to us... Naruto?" The question burned its way into his mind. Not dobe, not idiot, but Naruto...
"We used to be friends." The words were out of his mouth before he thought. The cold, indifferent voice did not even sound like his. He could feel the tentative hand on his shoulder being removed as though it had been burned. Damnit... Sasuke had opened the door of communication... Had he just slammed it shut again through a few careless words? "I don't know what happened," he amended, trying to undo some of the new damage he had just caused.
"Neither do I." The confession was quiet, but not reluctant. Not grudging. Perhaps... Maybe there had been some misunderstanding? He hardly dared to hope that they had let something that simple come between them. Cautiously, Naruto turned to face his rival. He was slightly taken aback at how close the other boy was standing. How natural that close proximity felt. Again, he reflected back to the nights they had spent talking, taking simple pleasure in each other's company. Back to the night they had shared that kiss. What had really changed between then and now? For a few hours that night, everything had seemed to be fine, but then morning had come and...
"What do you want from me?" he blurted out, interrupting his own train of thought. "I don't understand you! First, you're a cold bastard to me just like you are to everyone else. Next thing I know, you want to be my friend which was, incidentally, wonderful as far as I was concerned. It was better than wonderful... It was everything I'd ever wanted. I could deal with the rest of the world hating me and it was all okay because I had a friend. I had someone I cared about and who I thought cared about me. And when I was just getting used to that, it all fell apart overnight. All of a sudden you couldn't stand to be near me, to even LOOK at me or speak to me. It was worse than even before we were supposedly friends. What did I do? What changed and why did I deserve that from you of all people, huh? I would have thought that... If no one else, you would understand.
"But what really kills me is that I still jumped in to save you when it counted the most. Maybe I didn't do that much good, maybe I should have thought a little bit harder before I acted, but I still tried... I still risked everything for you. I saw someone that I cared about in trouble, and that was all that mattered. And at the end of it, you don't seem to remember anything. Not a damned thing. You don't remember when I got knocked unconscious, and I haven't got a clue what happened, but you somehow... You jumped in and... You gave your LIFE for me, Uchiha Sasuke! You literally died in my arms. You were gone and..." Naruto's voice caught in his throat as an angry and frustrated sob wrenched its way from his chest. He hadn't meant to say any of this, but Sasuke was listening. Damn him, he was actually, seriously listening. And by the look on the taller boy's face, he was aghast at what he was hearing. Taking a shaky breath, Naruto forced himself to finish his rant. "You were gone and one of the last things you said to me was-"
"-that I hated you," Sasuke interrupted softly, still avoiding Naruto's eyes. At least, now, he was staring raptly at the ground rather than allowing his gaze to wander. "I remember."
Naruto felt his jaw clench as he instinctively brought his fist up to punch Sasuke square in the stomach. The dark-haired boy took the blow silently, making no move to dodge or block the hit. "You know...?" Naruto hissed, glaring furiously. "You knew and you let everyone think you forgot? You let me go on thinking you hated me? What the hell is wrong with you? Who the fuck gave you the RIGHT to play games with people like that?" He added another punch for good measure, taking fierce pleasure in the way his rival's eyes widened at the contact. At this moment, he wanted nothing more than to cause Sasuke pain the way the same as he had caused him.
"I don't hate you," Sasuke whispered. "I never did."
Balling his fists, ready to land another blow on his rival if he so chose, Naruto narrowed his eyes. "Then why? Why have you let all of this happen? I've been ready to talk things out with you from the very start..."
"I..." He STILL refused to meet the blonde's eyes, and Naruto cut him off, angrily grabbing Sasuke's face and forcing the eye contact.
"Look at me," he growled dangerously. "I don't give a shit what you're going to say, but at least look at me when you say it. It's the least you can do!" He dropped his hands, glaring up at the dark eyes that reluctantly held his own.
"That night... When we... I..." Frowning, the black-haired boy hesitated, earning another glare from Naruto. It wasn't like Sasuke to have trouble finding words like this. Typically, the boy was straightforward to the point of being rude. "You were getting too close," Sasuke sighed at last. "You... Were causing me to lose track of my purpose in life. That night... I felt it slipping away. Everything I had worked towards for so long. I could actually see a future without vengeance or hatred... And it was because of you. But I am an avenger. I can't change that or forget it. They're depending on me..." His shoulders hunched as he spoke, as though he could hide from his self-imposed destiny by shrinking in on himself. "I had to distance myself again. I couldn't let you interfere any longer or I was afraid I really would give in and begin to forget about revenge... I closed up. I... Treated you like everyone else. I pushed you away."
Ashamed, Naruto looked away. This explained so much... But Sasuke was not finished yet.
"It worked... For a while... I could forget who you really were on the inside and focus on how annoying you could be. I could ignore what I saw in your eyes whenever you looked at me... How much I was hurting you. But damn you, I couldn't... I couldn't stop caring. When you... When Haku tried... It was a trap. I knew when I jumped in that it was a trap. But if one of us had to die, I couldn't let... I never hated you. I remember... All I could see was you... I said what I said... Because I had to keep that distance I had created until the very end... I fell... And despite everything I had done, you caught me. You were the last thing I saw... The last thought I had..." He took a shaky breath. "When I woke up, I tried to act as though nothing had changed. I tried harder than ever to go back to the way I wanted things to be. I thought that if I could just convince myself that I didn't care... But I did care. I do care. I wouldn't have jumped in to save you if I didn't. You... You have changed something inside me... And I can't change it back. I can ignore it all I want, but it won't go away. I'm sorry... Naruto..."
An awkward silence fell between them. Chewing uncertainly on his lower lip, Naruto kept his head down. He was unable to hold on to his anger at the other boy. Such anger would be unreasonable and absolutely unproductive at this point. Sasuke had actually apologized... He needed a few moments to readjust himself to this new development. Finally, the silence became oppressive; he had to speak. "Umm... What do we do now, then?" Was it really 'we' again?
"I don't want to lose sight of my goals... And I can never forget that I am the last of my clan..." Sasuke sighed. Fate seemed to be tearing him in two entirely different and conflicting directions. How long would he be able to keep the pieces of his life that he was juggling from crashing down around him? It was a small miracle that he hadn't already lost the piece that stood defiantly before him. Naruto was a very forgiving person. It was odd to think of the blonde as mature. More mature than Sasuke, even...
"I was ready to apologize, you know," Naruto piped up, once again breaking the silence. "I didn't know what I had done wrong, but I was ready to... I... Don't want to be alone again." Sky blue eyes caught and held midnight black ones. "No one my age has ever treated me like a real person before."
"Since my parents... No one has treated me like a real person, either. I'm always the poor orphan to the adults. The one who should be respected and pitied. I'm not really a person to anyone our age, either. To the girls I'm someone to daydream and fantasize about, and everyone else just keeps their distance." Sasuke paused, then frowned at Naruto. "Why did you have to be different from them? Why couldn't you have just treated me the way everyone else does?" The question was only half in jest.
"Because that's not who you are." The answer was simple.
Bemused, Sasuke shook his head. The blonde was... Not angry, but agitated. Piqued, Sasuke decided to try a different line of reasoning. "Dobe, I am an aven-"
"No you're not!" Naruto snapped, interrupting his teammate. "You're NOT! This is why we've barely talked for a month. This attitude of yours! You know why I didn't treat you like everyone else? It's because when I look at you, I see ME. I see someone who is treated according to what he is, not who he is! You are doing this to yourself. You are NOT an avenger and I am NOT the demon fox. You're Uchiha Sasuke... I don't care about an avenger or an orphan. I care about Sasuke." He stopped talking, closing his mouth with a click of teeth as an eerie calm settled between them. The tension, the apprehension had all melted away leaving... Emptiness. An odd, weary, resigned calm.
At last, Sasuke spoke. "You've got a point."
"How the hell else do you think I've lived alone for so long? The adults all see me as a demon. As a monster. If that was how I saw myself, that's all I'd be."
"That's not what you are, though," Sasuke observed thoughtfully.
"Exactly." Naruto grinned, barely daring to hope that he had actually gotten his point across. Was it too much to wish that things would just go back to some semblance of normal now? Sasuke, however reluctant he had seemed at first, still wanted to be friends. It felt as though an enormous weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. When the taller boy shyly smiled back, the blonde felt his knees weaken in relief.
"Naruto."
"Hm?" Confused, he raised an eyebrow.
"Thank you." He could easily detect the sincerity in Sasuke's voice. Uncertainly, he shook his head. Was he dreaming? This whole change was abrupt. He could scarcely believe this sudden shift in his friend's attitude. Friend... He and Sasuke were still friends, right? Timidly, he voiced his question, holding his breath as he awaited the answer.
Slowly, as though they really were in a dream, Sasuke reached out and took Naruto's hand in one of his, bringing his other hand up to gently cup around the blonde's cheek, finally completing the gesture he had attempted before he had succumbed to Haku's needles. Instinctively, the blonde closed his eyes and leaned into the warmth that exuded from that hand. He rather thought that he could get answers like this. They were still friends... And perhaps, someday, something more. Again, the fleeting memory of a moonlight kiss brought a smile to Naruto's face. This time, the reminiscent smile did not fade.
"You look happy," Sasuke observed quietly, suppressing a smile of his own as he watched the blonde's eyes drift open.
"I am. I found my friend again. I thought I'd lost him..."
The dark-haired boy was caught off-guard by the simple honesty in those words. Frowning, he lowered his eyes and would have reclaimed his hands had Naruto not tightened his grip and brought his free hand up to cover the warm fingers that rested on his face. Uncomfortably, Sasuke muttered, "You almost did."
"But I didn't," the blonde corrected gently, squeezing their held hands.
The pressure seemed to remind both boys of their compromising position together, and surprised blue eyes met equally wide black ones. Two minds reflected how comfortable and right the contact felt. Both boys understood that now was not the time to explore just how far this sense of 'right' pervaded, but it was a reassuring feeling nonetheless. It was odd for the blonde to think that this kind of contact was their means of reconciliation; in anyone else, such intimacy would be reserved only for a lover.
With a small mental start, Naruto realized that they had not yet sealed this new step in their friendship with a kiss the way they had every previous step. For a moment, he toyed with the thought before Sasuke surprised him by leaning forward and pressing his lips to Naruto's, catching the smaller boy off guard for a moment before he could gather his wits enough to respond and return the pressure. The gentle kiss lasted a bit longer this time. It was less clumsy. More enjoyable. More meaningful. This was... This was... Right. These warm lips, this familiar taste and scent... This was everything he ever wanted, everything he needed to carry on with a true smile.
Sighing softly, Sasuke pulled away enough to look into his friend's eyes. "It's marked every other step in our... Whatever we are," he offered, feeling the need to explain his actions.
Mutely, the blonde nodded. His eyes were still wide, a small smile curving his lips upwards. In the moonlight, he looked so childish, so innocent and fragile. Such an exterior was deceiving, hiding the determination and the strength that lay hidden within. Still, the frail-looking image before him made what Sasuke had to say next more difficult than it should have been. "I... Don't love you though, Naruto," he finally muttered, breaking the eye contact with a frown. "You know that, right?" This sort of honesty was brutal, even for him, but it would be even more coldhearted to lead his friend on.
The response came quickly. "I don't love you either, Sasuke." The dark- haired boy raised an eyebrow and waited, expecting the blonde to continue. He was not disappointed. "I do like kissing you, though. Maybe someday I could love you... If you ever stopped being such a cold bastard." A smirk was the only response Naruto got from those words as he paused before adding the last part of what he wanted to say. "And... I do care about you."
"Much as I've fought it, I care about you, too, dobe," Sasuke admitted. "And I like kissing you, too. Maybe someday things will change." Both of them could be happy in a future like that, couldn't they? If their rivalry didn't consume them first. If their own inexperience and stubbornness did not rip them apart. If life did not have other plans for them. They had nearly lost each other twice already, and both knew that things would not get any easier for either of them. A ninja's life was a difficult one in all aspects.
"We should go back," Naruto said suddenly. "It's late. Kakashi-sensei will be upset if we're dragging tomorrow."
"He'll be happy we're not biting each others' heads off." A smile lit up Sasuke's face. "Even though we still have to act just as hateful towards one another, dobe."
"Hey! Don't call me that, bastard!" Both boys laughed. The warm hand was finally removed from Naruto's face as Sasuke turned to lead the way back. When he tried to reclaim his other hand, however, he was mildly surprised to encounter resistance. "Sasuke, wait."
"Hm?"
"Um... Will you meet me back here again? Tomorrow night?" There was an unmistakable note of pleading the blonde's voice.
A wave of guilt washed over the taller boy as he began to fully comprehend just how devastating his recent treatment must have been to the other boy. "If you leave again, I will find you. I'll always find you," he promised. Smiling briefly, he again turned to leave, gently pulling at their connected hands."
Rather than releasing Sasuke's hand, Naruto took a few quick steps to catch up with his friend, unconsciously twisting the black-haired boy's arm rather painfully. "No one will be able to see for a while," he murmured.
The dark-haired boy said nothing, but gently disengaged his hand long enough to shift to a more comfortable position. In reality, he was content to leave his hand in Naruto's for a few more minutes as they slowly began making their way back towards Tazuna's home. He wondered how truthful he had really been when he said that he did not love Naruto. The blonde had certainly managed to revive a part of his heart that he had thought dead... Such thoughts were better left for a less emotional time, though.
They would each walk their own paths someday. Sasuke still had a family to avenge while Naruto would need to work ever harder to fulfill his dream of becoming hokage. For each, at this time, it was too much to hope that they would walk those paths together, hand in hand as they walked home this night. A future with unconditional love and support from someone who could honestly understand fluttered on the horizon, hovering just out of reach. For now...
Therefore, for now they would have to be satisfied with moonlit moments such as these. For now, their stolen time together would have to be enough to sustain their need for acceptance and for companionship.
As for the future? Only time would tell.
............
A/N: And thus ends the first of the four sequels. I hope you all liked it. Either way, feel free to leave reviews or just laugh at my idiocy. It's all good. And now, since It's past eleven and I've a Psych test bright and early tomorrow, I'll be heading off to bed. Night, all!