To End it all
A/N; Rated M because of profanities and sensitive subjects.
This is not Beta-d so if you want to volunteer, please message me
This is it.
This is the end.
I am sitting on the edge of Peakers cliff, weights attached to both my arms and legs.
Its taken a lot of consideration on my part to get to this moment. Truth is, I've given up.
People say that suicide is cowardice, but being in a position of absolute hopelessness, I know that its not the cowardice that kills a person, it's the sadness and exhaustion of effort. Three years ago, I never could've imagined that my life would be remotely close to what its like right now. Contrary to what you're thinking, Voldemort never won. The light side reigned- that should've meant my life was supposed to go back to normal, but nothing is ever normal for me. The light side won, but Harry didn't. Neither did Ron, or Ginny, or Tonks, or Molly. The list could go on but immersing myself into those memories will drag me down, and I'm afraid I'm already too deep.
Those deaths, they've lead me here. Why I couldn't have been the one to die instead of my friends, I guess I'll never know the answer to that. Its been two years since the final battle. Rons death was first; Yaxley had thrown a curse my way but I was too busy duelling Fenrir Greyback to even notice the dark wizard scream the incantation- Ron noticed. Rather than risking me not hearing his warning, he jumped in front of my body, effectively using his as a shield. Green light pierced his skin, causing his body to fall into a crumpled heap.
Ginnys death happened a short while after, according to some Hogwarts students and order members that were fighting in the great hall, Bellatrix was tormenting Gin with the Cruciatus curse. Ginny has always been a small girl, it was no surprise that her petite body couldn't withstand Bellas constant torture.
The reason Harry died that day was just as heroic. After hearing the news that Ginny was gone, he rushed straight into the midst of battle, blinded by his pure unadulterated rage. Being raised by the Dursleys must given him ideas, because instead of straight out killing Bellatrix, he grabbed a broken piece of one of the tables from the great hall and stabbed it into her abdomen. Harry wanted Bellatrix to face torture the 'filthy muggle' way, not that it mattered. Whilst plunging the splint of wood into the dark witch, Rodolphus Lestrange came up behind Harry and killed him. Using the imperius curse to make Harry stab himself with the splint.
A slideshow of these moments briefly flash in my mind and I position myself so that I won't bash my body against the side of the cliff as I fall. Ironic really; even facing death I'm concerned about my wellbeing. My arms push forwards, getting ready to let go.
Until I am yanked back into reality by a familiar pair of hands. I would know these hands, because we've been auror partners and- dare I say? Friends for a while now.
His face looks beyond furious. His pale skin stark red, fury evident. "Fuck Granger. What the hell?!"
I don't pull my arms back, I just sink onto the ground in defeat. "I need to go. Malfoy just please. Let me go back to my friends." I beg.
Malfoys face contorts into a softer expression, his hands let go of my arm, running his own through his hair in frustration. "Is this really want you want?! To go out like this?!" His voice all but screams.
I sit back up, but slouch down. A visual representation of my 'effort' put into life. I start to do what I've been doing best for a while now. And cry. "I can't stay here anymore. I have no one Malfoy. My friends are dead. I've been fighting a losing battle since I arrived in the wizarding world. I'm never going to belong, fit or deal with anything anywhere. Not here, not the muggle world. You yourself have told me that fact countless times as a teen. I'm slipping into a slow state of depression and you know it. There is no reason for me to keep breathing okay. I just want to sleep and end it all. Wont you let me." My eyes feel all puffy. I know I probably look a mess, but if Malfoy takes notice, he doesn't comment.
He brings the pad of his thumb up to my cheeks, wiping away the stray tears. "Listen Granger, you have an amazing job, you're an amazing person, witch and muggle alike. The world will be in complete and absolute turmoil if you leave it. Not to mention how I would feel. I have been your work partner, Best friend, confidant, Family since after the war. I can't lose you Granger. Not now, not in a few months." I wasn't expecting a response like this, I had thought he would whip out the 'You're Hermione Granger, brightest witch of her age' speech, not confessing his thoughts on me.
He hands me my wand that I had left on the side of the cliff. I left it there so that if mid-jump I had suddenly changed my mind and wanted to apparate myself back onto the cliff, I wouldn't get the choice. Whilst removing the weights attached to my hands but forgetting the ones on my legs, he continues to talk. "Promise me Hermione, that you won't ever leave me. I.. I love you." Malfoy using my given name did not go unnoticed.
Slowly and apprehensively bringing his head down, he connects his lips to mine. Raw but sweet passion curses through out bodies as our tongues mingle, fighting for dominance. I win. A voice I almost don't recognise as my own, broken and raspy breathes out. "I love you too, Draco…" I leave the rest of the sentence unsaid.
Looking into his grey eyes, swimming with fear and false comfort, kiss him slowly one more time, then move my hand from his arm. I know that was cruel of me to do, but it was also necessary. And then, in a tone I don't even recognise. I speak again. "But I'm sorry. I love my friends more."
And I fall.