Notes: It's bad, but the song's funny. *shrug* Enjoy... If it's possible... *shrug* Ending sucks. *shrug* Oh well. Enjoy anyway!
Disclaimer: Words to the song are mine. Tune and some lyrics aren't… The boys aren't mine, people. Get that through your heads!
Lucius' Song
By Katie of Gryffindor
Today, at Hogwarts school, something a bit scary was happening. All over the school, people were bursting out into song for no reason other than the fact that they could. And while singing, most of the singers, if not all of them, were blurting out secrets that they'd been keeping to themselves for a very long time.
So far, Draco, Harry, and their shared group of friends had gotten away without any scary group numbers. But then, Harry just had to ask the question again...
"So, Draco, honey... How's your father?"
"Hmm? Oh, he's all right..." Draco looked up at his boyfriend. "Y'know, Potter, if we weren't dating, I would have to suspect you were having a fling with my father. You ask about him all the time!"
"Well, he's your family and all, and your mum just left him for Mister Lestrange..." said Harry hastily, wanting to get away from the topic. He didn't want it coming out that...
"That may be so, but you and my father have never gotten along. What's changed?"
Suddenly, a beat started, sounding like it was coming from a bass guitar. Harry spun around and saw Ron standing there looking completely flabbergasted, strumming at a guitar. But it wasn't a bass... Harry wondered fleetingly where the bass was coming from.
"Oh no," he breathed.
"What?" asked Draco, his arms crossing. Goyle stepped out from behind Draco and went to stand next to Ron, a bass guitar in his hands. Crabbe was sitting behind the guitar players, tapping along to the beat on a high hat, one of at least four pieces of the drum set in front of him.
"Oh shit," mumbled Harry as he stared, horrified, at the other boys. Suddenly, he felt the need to sing, and a microphone appeared in his hand.
"Draco's dad is really rather bad!
Draco's dad is really rather bad!
Draco's dad is really rather bad!
Draco's dad is really rather bad!
Draco's dad is really rather bad!"
Hermione had joined in, singing back-up for Harry, along with Ron and Goyle. Harry was pondering how long he would be in the hospital wing after Draco was done with him...
"Draco can I come over and check out your flat?"
Harry's back-up singers echoed his last few words. "Check out your flat."
"We can snog if you want, how 'bout that?"
"How 'bout that?"
"Did your pop break out of Azkaban?"
"Azkaban"
"Is he there, 'cause I gotta say "Lushie I'm your man!""
"Your his man!"
Then the music got a little bit louder as Harry lead the way into the chorus.
"You know I'm not the little boy that I used to be
I'm all grown up now, Lushie can't you see?"
All four teens started singing in perfect harmonies.
"Draco's dad is really rather bad!
He's always so mad but he's the best I've ever had!
Draco can't you see your just not the boy for me
I know it might be sad but I'm in love with Draco's dad"
Harry was bopping his head along to the music and it seemed like he was having a blast singing about cheating on his long-term boyfriend, even if he was trying all his might to stop the song altogether.
"Draco's dad is really rather bad!
Draco's dad is really rather bad!"
Hermione, Ron, Goyle and Crabbe had raised eyebrows, clearly showing that they had no idea why they were playing along, but yet their faces were spread wide in grins.
"Draco do you remember when I whooped your ass?"
"Whooped your ass"
"Your dad was jealous b'cause of our roll in the grass"
"In the grass"
"I could tell he liked me from the way he stared"
"Way he stared"
"And the way he looked as though he really cared"
"Really cared"
Harry tapped his temple and sang further.
"And I know you think it's just a fantasy
But since your mum walked out
Your dad could use a guy like me"
Harry pointed his thumb at his chest.
"Draco's dad is really rather bad!
He's always so mad but he's the best I've ever had!
Draco can't you see your just not the boy for me
I know it might be sad but I'm in love with Draco's dad
Draco's dad is really rather bad!
He's always so mad but he's the best I've ever had!
Draco can't you see your just not the boy for me
I know it might be sad but I'm in love with Draco's dad"
Harry stepped up to Draco and slid an arm around Draco's shoulder.
"Draco can't you see your just not the boy for me
I know it might be sad but I'm in love with Draco's dad"
All at once the music stopped. The instruments disappeared from everyone's hands. The stool disappeared from under Crabbe's backside, and he fell over. Harry dropped his arm from Draco's shoulders and stepped back, horrified.
Draco just stared at Harry. Harry wished he would at least say something, just to get them out of this heavy silence.
When Draco did speak, however, it reminded Harry of the old Muggle saying, "be careful what you wish for."
Draco's expression went cold, colder even than when they had been enemies. "Potter, the first time I saw you, I knew you were different. The first time we knew who the other was, I knew there was something about you... Last year, when we started dating, I knew you were an amazing guy. But now... Now I know that you're nothing more than one of the crowd. Just a simple boy with no control over himself or his dick. You, like every one of my other girlfriends and boyfriends, have submitted to my father's every whim. Well, you can have him, you asshole. Good bye."
Harry's heart broke into a million pieces that day. And it was no wonder that a few days later Colin Creevey wound up in the hospital wing, beaten to within inches of his life. And it was no wonder Harry got a record deal with one of the wizarding record companies... Because he, Ron, and Hermione had created great music.
Watch for the Golden Trio, coming to a wizarding town near you!