Beep beep beep

Ugh that freaking alarm, thought Kelly as he reached over to the nightstand to turn it off.

As he reached over... the space where she used to sleep. Stella moved out yesterday. He never even saw it coming and he was still pretty raw about it. He thought she was happy with what they had going on. They had lived together for months before anything happened. And in those months, they had gotten close. Very close. She was his best friend and while he still wasn't the most open person on the planet, he felt like he could talk to her about anything.

A few days ago, after they had gotten gone from shift, Stella asked him about his "marriage" to Brittney. He has been going down a deep hole after Shay died. There was lots of drinking and lots of "company." When all his buds bailed out on the trip to Vegas, he went alone, figuring he'd gamble, drink and have a good time. Meeting Brittney was unexpected but she was a welcome distraction from all the shit going through his mind. She seemed to be in Vegas to forget, just like he was, so it seemed natural that they would need and hit it off. The whole marriage thing was spontaneous and, in all honesty, stupid. He knew it wasn't going to last but at the time, he didn't care. He just wanted someone there. And so did she. In the short time they were together, he thought that they pushed each other to start to heal from their respective losses. There was nothing wrong with Britney. They rushed in without really knowing each other. He wasn't what she needed. She wasn't really what he wanted. They ended amicably and he wished her well. He still gets emails from her every once in a while.

But what did this have to do with now? With Stella? Nothing, or so he thought. But she asked. He should have seen the wheels turning. He should have realized that Stella, if all people, wasn't going to let him get away with some lame reasons or be satisfied when he told he he was, basically, a work in progress.

After the next shift, she came up to him, ready to go home. When he looked up and saw her, he was happy. Happy to see her and happy to be going home with her for a few days off. Then she told him she was moving out. He first thought it was a joke (not a very good one), but then saw the look in her eyes. He was confused. Nothing had happened. They hadn't had a fight. Nothing seemed odd. Where was this coming from. She explained that she didn't want us to burn out like last time. Hell, this was nothing like last time. The look in her eyes, as she tried not to cry in front of him, spoke volumes. She's wanting more. He didn't know how much more but he knew she didn't want this to be a fling. But he had never thought that what it was in the first place.

They drove home in silence. He didn't really know what to say or how to say it. He didn't want her to leave but it seemed like her mind was made up. He had gone to his room, alone, and had fallen asleep. When he woke up, he looked for Stella but she was gone. When he went to her room to find her, he saw that most of her stuff was gone or in boxes.

Wait. This is happening now? He thought he had more time to figure out what to say to get her to stay. Clearly he did not. He walked back to his room and quickly showered. After he dressed, he headed to Herrmann's house. To the apartment.

When he got to the door, it was open. Stella was there with her back turned. He lightly knocked on the door frame. She turned around and gave him a sad smile.

"Hi." She said.

"You're really doing this?" He asked.

" I am." She said. "But it doesn't change the way I feel about you. About us. I don't want things to change between us and that why I think..."

"Stella," he cut her off. " I don't care where you live. Where ever you are, that's where I want to be." She kissed him. He kissed her back. Then he helped her move the rest of the boxes he brought with him. They stayed at her place, and set things up while eating take-out Chinese. They had fallen asleep wrapped in each other's arms but dud not make live that night. The next day, he went home.

Their apartment. His apartment. It seemed too big and too quiet. He walked into Stella's room and sat in the bare mattress. He looked around and felt sadness. Like he has screwed things up again. Only this time, it mattered and he wanted to fix it. He just didn't know how. He'd go be her some space and hope that he could assure her that he wanted to be with her, no matter what. He just felt like something had significantly shifted when Stella moved out. She said it wasn't a break up. Then why did it feel like it was the beginning of one?