This is set after the whole ordeal with Tamahome takes Kodoku and Miaka enters that state of depression
I shipped Miaka/Hotohori harder than any pairing in that show. Hotohori would do anything for her but she was always pining over Tamahome. Because of his past I felt he deserved love more than anyone
Anyway, enough of my ranting
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Miaka sat silently in the cold as she watched the dark clouds roll over the palace grounds like an omen. Her gaze low and heavy, her skin white and frozen from the dropping temperatures. Feeling as though she was living in a dream and everything that had happened wasn't real. Feeling like at any minute she would wake up and things would be back to normal again.
Tamahome would still be in his room when she woke up the next day, smiling and happy like always. Everyone would be getting along, Tasuki would be pulling his usual jokes. Yui would have forgiven her and they would still be friends. That the nightmare would all be over, but as much as she hoped for this. She knew deep down it was never going to happen.
That the life she had been living up until now was over. That her carefree moments were now gone and she had to step up her role as priestess, now more than ever. So why, was was it all so hard? Why was she being punished like this? She had never known about what happened to Yui and if she did, she knew that she would have never let her go through that alone.
She would have done everything in her power to protect her, but that was in the past now. No matter how many scenario's of what if's she made up in her mind, none of it would ever come true. Her best friend was now her worst enemy and the boy she loved was too. The people she had trusted the most had stabbed her in the back in the worst way possible.
Rain poured down from the sky heavily, raindrops pattering on the rooves and spilling off the edges like a waterfall. But she didn't notice, she didn't even care. To her it was all like background noise in the quiet of her mind. All she could think about was the aching emptiness of heartbreak that continued to swirl inside of her. The pain of realizing how strange and frightening being alone actually was.
Was this how Yui had felt when she first arrived into the world of the book, when she had been attacked by those men in the alleyway? No wonder she hated her so much, having to carry these feelings all by herself. Who could call someone who abandoned them in their time of need their friend? How could she believe in her after such an experience.
Knowing this only made Miaka feel worse. Her long brown hair flowing down her chest, soaked and heavy from the rain. Her blouse translucent from the damp, her brown skirt barely covering her legs. Frozen from the rain and the wind, but she couldn't feel it. Having left the rest of her school uniform upon her bed. Her blue school necktie bow, her waistcoat, and jacket were all laid upon her bed. She knew that it was a reckless thing to do, but she didn't care.
She couldn't feel the cold at all, truth be told she couldn't feel anything anymore. After the fight in Kuto at the castle, she had felt like she had left her heart behind and in its place was an empty shell filled with cracks. Not happiness, not love, not loneliness, not sadness. She was simply empty inside, unable to feel any emotions at all.
Tamahome had been her first crush, which later developed into love. She came to trust him more than anyone else in the world. Knowing he would protect her from harm no matter what happened. She had fallen for him at first sight, even going as far as to admit he was her first. That she had never felt this way about anyone before, but knew they had been destined to meet.
But he had betrayed her, smashing her faith and trust for him into tiny pieces. Using her feelings against her in an attempt to cause her to lower her guard, so Nakago and the emperor could do god knows what to her. He had mortally wounded Tasuki and even planned on murdering him had he continued. If not for her screaming out and Chichiri using his powers.
He tried to kill her, attempting to trick her into giving up the location of the other warriors. He had even smashed her right harm so hard he broke it, while leaving a painful wound at the same time. But she hadn't even noticed at the time, the fact that Tamahome who was usually so gentle towards her was suddenly being so cruel. Knowing that the boy she loved was never coming back.
After putting her through that hell, he had given his affections to Yui. First causing her physical harm, psychological shock, which later resulted in deep trauma and now heartbreak. The person she had loved and trusted more than anyone else was her enemy. Someone who once told her he loved her more than anyone, now hated her as if they were bitter enemies.
She felt like her world was falling apart, that her happiness with Tamahome had all been a dream and she was only now waking up. She couldn't summon Suzaku with all of her warriors, but she couldn't go on. Her heart and head were a mess, she couldn't think rationally and no matter how hard she tried to act strong. Somehow, she always seemed to crack.
Tamahome had always been her anchor through every up and down. When she first came to the world of the book, lost and confused. Tamahome had been the one to comfort her and ease her into her worries. But that wasn't the case anymore, though the other warriors were kind and supportive. She felt very much alone, like she had nobody else to rely on.
Suddenly, she was vaguely aware of footsteps behind her. That someone was approaching her by surprise, but she didn't know who. She didn't even remember anyone else's faces. Hotohori appeared behind her, a look of relief mixed with despair on his face. He had been worried sick about her, she had been missing from her room for hours, but nobody had been able to locate her.
He couldn't believe she was out here alone in this storm with barely anything on. Hadn't she brought other clothes with her, she could have even asked the servants for thicker clothes. "Miaka?! What on earth are you doing out in the rain? You could catch your death out here!" he scolded sharply. What on earth had she been thinking?
He hated to sound sharp with her, but she had to look after herself. She had only just recovered from the wounds inflicted on her during her attempted rescue mission. She shouldn't push herself. Earlier she had attempted to drown herself due to the depression in her heart. He had feared when she went missing again, she had tried to do the same thing. Praise Suzaku, that was not the case.
If something worse had happened which in a worst case had led to her death. He didn't know what he would have done. Knowing he could have stopped her but never made it on time. For her to lose her life when he could have protected her, the guilt would have eaten him alive. Blame and self hatred slowly building up until he went insane.
Miaka looked up slowly, her greenish gold eyes empty. Their usual shine now dead, tears spilling down her face like a waterfall. A blank, expressionless look on her face, like that of a doll. "Hotohori" she replied in a daze. Why was it he was always there when she needed him? He never judged her no matter what state she was in. He was simply understanding and gentle towards her.
Hotohori approached her in a heartbeat, wrapping his arms around her. Shielding her from the cold and the rain. Holding her tightly in his grip, hoping to bring her a sense of comfort. He knew she was in pain, he knew she was hurting. But he couldn't make it go away, however he could make it easier for her. She didn't have to carry her sadness upon her shoulders by herself.
"Miaka, don't do this to yourself" he begged in a pained voice. He couldn't bear to watch her tear herself up like this. What man could stand by idly while the woman they loved was suffering? The heart was a heavy burden and more often than not humans were a slave to their emotions. But he would happily do anything for this girl, it it meant he could help her smile again.
He knew she was hurting more than she ever had in her entire life. But this was not the end. Tamahome would not be forgiven so easily for his treason or the damage he had done to the priestess. Not only as a warrior, but as a man. He would not let his rival get away with the heartbreak and suffering he had caused Miaka with his actions.
Miaka stiffened in his embrace, abruptly pulled back to reality. All of her accumulated emotions overcoming her, filling her up and she felt like she was drowning in all of them. Her eyes becoming glassy as fresh tears welled up, slowly pooling down her cheeks. Slowly feeling herself starting to tremble before bursting into heavy and intense sobs on his chest.
"He promised me, he promised we'd be together" she sobbed her voice slowly breaking. Se had put her duty as priestess on the line for him, knowing the relationship they would enter would be taboo. Now she wondered why she hadn't just followed her gut and given up her feelings for him back then. In the end giving her heart to him and only gotten her burned for not abandoning her feelings sooner.
She had known such a thing was impossible from the start, but she shook off her worries and blindly followed her feelings. Now she was paying the price for trying to follow her dream of getting a hunk boyfriend. Only for him to smash her heart into pieces and leave her behind with nothing but the memories of what they once had together.
Hotohori tightened his grip around her shoulders, trying not to cry himself. A mixture of rage and sadness swirling around inside of his heart. But he remained strong for the sake of his people and his priestess. He hated watching Miaka tear herself up over Tamahome, after he had gone so far as to gracefully back down. But now he would not hold back anymore, he would show Miaka the love she deserved.
"I'm here Miaka, I will always be here" he replied as he continued to hold her sake, he would willingly continue to endure this pain he was feeling. Even if her heart belonged to another and she would never love him in return. He would forever remain loyal to her, his beloved. His priestess.