Entering the complex, Mariah makes a note to thank Nick again for letting Tessa inhabit one of the apartments. She can admit, its less than ideal circumstances but she can't just stand by and watch Tessa become homeless yet again, no matter their differences right now. Especially as she is aware Tessa is at rockbottom.

There's something about watching Tessa walk up to the door and slide the key in that makes this whole situation feel a lot less hopeless. And the moment she steps into the apartment, it affirms this was the right thing to do.

Mariah shifts her focus onto the furniture, pleased to see the property furnished. It may not be the biggest of places, but it will do the job.

Placing her hands firmly to her hips, she looks at Tessa.

"I know its not all that—"

"Its everything," Tessa turns around to finally acknowledge her, overcome with feeling, "I've never had a place to call my own before. Thank you." Once their eyes connect Mariah's rewarded with a shy smile. She tries to ignore the sensation this causes.

Operative word being tries.

Taking a deep breath, she centers her self, forcing a trite smile to her lips in return.

"Its no issue. Anyway, I should be going."

"Do you.. Would you like to stay, for a while? We can watch a movie, talk, whatever you wanna do?" At this, Mariah suddenly stands tall, hands moving to settle into her front pockets.

"I'm not sure, Tessa."

"I just— I don't want you to leave, not yet. Please?" Mariah contemplates for a moment, watching how earnest Tessa appears to be, and she would be lying if she didn't admit it was pleasant to see. She hears Sharon's words resound in her head, you want my advice: you will keep your guard up around that woman.

Mariah has done a good job of keeping Tessa at a distance, for the most part, yet when she is standing there with nothing but a bag to her name, well, something inside of her caves, piece by piece.

She tries to ignore the sinking feeling, the avalanche which comes to her like a flash-forward.

"Maybe I can stay for a bit.

"That's all I ask."

Sitting on the couch listening to Tessa talk about working for Devon should feel weird, considering how everything panned out, instead it feels like a new equilibrium. She knows she shouldn't allow her eyes to linger over her frame or sit within proximity of her but she can't help it. There's something magnetic about Tessa, no matter how much space she puts between them, its like with one glance she manages to undo it — unmake her.

She's never known someone to have quite an influence on her mind and anatomy.

Noticing the time on her phone, she sits up and clears her throat, trying to rein in some semblance of control.

"I really should be heading out about now, Hilary's got me working on a few things."

"I'm sorry, I've been speaking all of this time about work and you've not said one word."

"It's fine, Tessa. Its nice to hear what's been going on with you." She allows herself this brief respite, to rests her eyes on Tessa and enjoy the moment before she leans down and picks up her belongings.

"I've missed this. Thank you, thank you for doing this." She falters for a moment before deciding to stand up and put on her coat, all the while avoiding her gaze. Its too heavy.

"Sure."

"You're amazing. I can never repay you, Mariah." Once her bag is settled over her shoulder, Mariah turns to look at Tessa, who is now sitting up and staring up at Mariah. There's something about those words which triggers her. Its not the first time she's heard them, and she wants to unpack them.

But now is not the time for such a conversation.

"I'm not asking for anything. This, this is for you. Not me, not us and whatever we are now." She shoots her a quick yet sincere smile before making tracks, wanting to get out of the apartment as soon as possible; her mind already in a whirlwind from having spent this time with her.

Maybe Sharon is right after all.

"You're too good.. for me." Though soft, she catches the words and halts her footing, looking back to Tessa who stares on rather transparently.

"All I do is ruin everything I touch: Crystal, Devon, Noah, you."

"Nobody's perfect, Tessa." Its a halfhearted response, one she offers up for she doesn't know where this conversation is leading them now. Its not one she is prepared for, nor wants to have in all honesty, not right now.

"You're right, but nobody messes up as much as I do. I've screwed up so many good things. And I'm really, really trying to make amends."

"I can see that."

"I think I'm just.. If you don't want to be my friend, it's okay, I'll understand. I hurt you too much."

"Tessa, one sitting isn't going to repair all the damage that's been done. Its going to take time. So if you thought that—"

"No, I'm realizing the world doesn't revolve around me, no matter how I may seem to act at the best of times. I know I can be selfish, wanting us to be friends again but your decision matters too. So, this is an out if you want it to be?"

"Well, its like you said, we're going to be in each other's orbit, best thing we can do is be civil with each other." Tessa laments openly, nodding her head. Mariah then gradually notes the way Tessa transforms before her eyes, honing in on her expression to shut down completely.

She moves back to stand in front of Tessa again.

"Maybe someday, and its a big maybe, we can be friends again."

"You're not just saying that for my benefit?"

"No." There is a shift Mariah recognizes when Tessa grounds herself. She used to bare witness to it when she performed on stage and her eyes would glaze over. Other times would be when she accomplished something, and she would have this quiet resolution about her.

She registers it now, in this soft exchange. Its like she is seeing Tessa again for the first time in a while, the friend she confided in quite some time ago.

It makes her ache for a reunion which has yet to meet the light of day, but which is slowly and surely taking course.

"Would it be inappropriate if I asked for a hug?"

"Yes."

"Maybe that can be on the maybe list too?"

"I'll think about it. In the meantime; settle in, relax, and I'll be seeing you." She goes to pat her on the shoulder but then decides against it last minute, instead choosing to smile and nod before exiting the place.

She leaves with a feeling of hope.

The road to recovery is long, but not impossible.

"Remind me again why we're doing this because from what I remember, this was a month to month basis?" Pulling her sleeves up past her elbows, Mariah applies the paintbrush to the wallpaper, spreading the paste over the length of it in an even manner.

Her hair is pulled back, and she's situated on the floor with the radio playing on in the background. And to be honest, this isn't what she envisioned when Tessa invited her over to her place.

It has been a couple weeks since their last hang out session. They had obviously been friendly when crossing paths at work, even dabbling in small chit chat when the moment arises. But this was their proper meeting since Tessa moved in.

"Well, Nick said I could go ahead and make it my own, as long as I restore it to how it was before I leave. Which, I haven't any plans to do anytime soon." Lifting her eyes up to meet Tessa's gaze, Mariah discovers the way she expresses so much with so few words. She recalls a time when all she ever wanted was for Tessa to stay, and even having quite a few conversations with her in the beginning about getting her to remain in Genoa City.

Now, it seems like Tessa has made up her mind all on her own.

"Plus, this was on offer, and I like the design." Mariah watches her take the sheet of wallpaper and place it delicately onto the feature wall of her bedroom, taking care to smooth out any creases that may form.

A hearty laugh escapes once she sees what's in front of her.

"Yeah, I can see why you wouldn't be able to pass up on it." Sensing the sarcasm, Tessa turns to scold Mariah.

"Hey, I'll have you know cockatoos are wicked smart! Also, they're cute." Her attention soon returns to the wallpaper as she continues to press it against the wall, making sure it stays in place. Mariah smiles at this, admiring the cartoon like design. The colors are vibrant and the cockatoos are rather endearing.

Maybe its growing on her.

"Well, I can't really talk, considering the decor at the ranch."

"I don't get why you guys don't update it?"

"I don't know, its just always been that way." She shrugs, finishing off the latest sheet and places the paintbrush on the bucket where the paste is.

"I don't know why you didn't get a rolling pin, this paintbrush has had it." Tessa walks over to Mariah and carefully peels the wallpaper up and moves back over to the wall, placing the second piece beside it.

"Devon was kind enough to lend me some off his stuff, so I can't really be picky."

"Right." Mariah silently berates herself, smoothing out her trousers at the ankles whilst she observes Tessa busy at work. She's rather fixated on the the way she leans into the wall, pressing and kneading every so often. It makes Mariah think of things she knows she shouldn't, yet its so hard not to when the images are right there to see and searing into her memory, for that.

Closing her eyes firmly to the world, she raises her hand to swipe over her forehead, deciding to remove sight altogether until the moment clears.

"I think another few pieces and then we're done, unless you have somewhere you need to be?"

"No, no I'm good, all yours." She blinks at her words, hearing how they sound. It was probably safer to keep her mouth shut altogether, as well.

"I mean I'm free—"

"I know what you meant, its okay." The silences hangs there, morphing into awkwardness before Tessa moves over to where Mariah is. She slowly leans down to not startle her, and Mariah, with all her will, stares up purposely.

"Looks like I'm the only one doing any work around here." Mariah merely remains still, watching Tessa pick up the brush she was just using and dabbing it into the paste. A part of her appreciates the diffusion of tension, another part however wonders why she can't just let go of every single thing she feels for Tessa. She misses how easy they once had it. How things weren't so charged.

Watching Tessa work some more, she decides to jump in on the conversation.

"I helped you remove the subtitles from the TV."

"By pressing one button on the remote." Tessa smirks, settling onto her knees next to Mariah and pressing the brush down onto the wallpaper.

"Says the one who couldn't work out the remote in the first place."

"Well, it grew on me: subtitles can be helpful at times."

"Tessa, you was watching Animal Planet when you told me."

"Sometimes its good to get some context. Maybe there's a deeper meaning to the noises animals make?"

"Now you're just talking sh—"

"Hey, its educational."

"You want me to put the subtitles back on? Cause I can." Tessa's eyes flicker from the wallpaper to Mariah, contemplating her words before breathing out rather dramatically.

"Please don't: you win." The smile is triumphant on Mariah's face as she watches Tessa stand up, bringing with her the sheet of paper.

"Exactly, I win." She goes to stand up as well, her legs having gone dead on her during her lax position, before realizing she's made a grave mistake.

"Oh crap."

"What? Are— oh my god." The shrill laughter does nothing to make her feel better as she removes her hand from the bucket, paste dropping all over the floor in chunks.

"This is ridiculous. Why did I put my hand in there?" She shakes her hand back and forth in an attempt to get the paste off as she finally manages to get to her feet, with Tessa not helping at all. Her mouth starts to itch the more Tessa continues to laugh.

"Would you stop! Its not funny."

"I'm—I'm sorry." She barely forces out, which makes Mariah all that more aware its a lie. She rolls her eyes, ready to flick her hand in Tessa's direction when she notices movement from behind her. She hasn't time to voice anything when the sheet of wallpaper Tessa just applied comes falling down, tumbling onto the back of her legs.

"What the hell! I just put that up." Watching Tessa twist around, trying to assess the damage to her backside has her equally in fits.

"You could have told me it was falling down." She snarks, and it makes Mariah laugh all that much harder.

"I—it happened so fast." Tessa flattens her hand on the back of her leg, noting how wet it was.

"I just washed these jeans as well." The pout is enough to make Mariah settle down slightly. That is until their eyes interlock, and the whole scene of what happened, the hilarity of it reawakens in her gut, and she can't help but surrender to the feeling.

This blissful, easy feeling of happiness.

And the most magical thing happens, it echoes loudly in the room and ricochets from her whole being to Tessa's.

"You can be honest with me, Tessa."

"Its fine, really." It can often feel like one step forward and two steps back with Tessa, however in the time they have reconnected, Mariah is adamant that they take no more steps back, at least if she can help it.

She's sat on the couch at Tessa's, legs spread out as she has her laptop on her while Tessa sits on the floor, leaning against the couch, with her own laptop and work spread about her. She has to remind herself its cordial, domesticated yes, but friend related only. She could tell that Tessa was feeling a bit down as of late with Devon taking on Simone at the label. It had been some time, and to anyone else she was putting on a brave face and handling it, but with her she could tell. She knows Tessa.

"You may have everyone else convinced that its fine but not me. I can tell you're not fine with this." The huff she receives is proof enough.

"Mariah, leave it." Closing her laptop, Mariah moves it to the end of the couch and pulls her legs to her, focusing on Tessa who pretends to type things down. She knows so because she keeps stopping and starting, distracted by what she said.

Its like she's connected to her, and she can read her beautifully. Yet Tessa, in all her glory refuses to grant her access. Which can be frustrating at the best of times when moving forward is the objective.

"Its okay not to be fine with this. You've had to change so many things, that I'm not sure you've really taken the time to breathe."

"I breathe 24/7, Mariah. I'm coping just fine."

"Would you stop brushing me off, and yourself off for that matter. You're acting like what you're feeling is nothing when it is."

"Why are you so insistent on discussing this? I've made peace with it. I thought you had too."

"I have. The song—our song, it happened, I've made peace with it." Tessa stops working entirely, abandoning the laptop on her thighs as she sits there, looking ahead, not daring to look back at Mariah who is waiting patiently.

"You don't think I see what's happening? You said you ruin everything you touch, you didn't mention music because at the time you had hope you could get it back, and now, you're scared. You're losing hope."

"Maybe its for the best. When I open myself up I lose myself."

"Tessa—"

"No, I have to face reality, Mariah. And anyway, Simone is bombing the charts, Devon is happy. Maybe music is something I should share with only myself."

"But music is your life, you can't just give up. What about your fans?"

"What fans? Mariah, its just how it is. Music will always be who I am, but it doesn't mean I will get everything I want in a music career and I'm okay with that. I got some valuable experience with Devon. I will show him I can valuable in other ways, just not in a recording studio."

Its instinctive. There's no thought to it, no reason other than to be close.

She leans over and wraps her arms around Tessa's shoulders and rests her head onto her left arm, trying to provide as much comfort as she can. She can feel Tessa lean back, and even place her hand over her arm, welcoming the embrace.

"I am still your biggest fan."

"Hey, got you some coffee." She sticks her hand out to Tessa, who stands at the door, not prepared for her visit at all. Once she is one coffee down she proceeds to walk into the apartment and look around blindly.

"I left my bag here the other night, my work one, do you know where—ah, there it is."

"Mariah, this isn't my order." She walks towards her bag which is slumped against the couch, noticing also her hairband on the table. She's left quite a few things here, it seems.

"You sure? I got—"

"I'm sure."

She picks up her bag with her free hand and turns around to look, noticing the tight expression on Tessa's face.

"But I got the same as you. Is it that bad?" She doesn't reply, which makes Mariah move towards Tessa, inspecting the cup itself. That's when she spots some writing on it.

"Oh, that's awkward." In her defense, she hadn't known it was there. The new lady Sharon hired at Crimson Lights was nice, very sweet and professional, for most parts. She had thought the teasing was just that, just a bit of girl chatter. Calling Mariah pretty, asking if she was single..

"Its not awkward. Seems like you didn't notice. You should.. call her?" They exchange cups gingerly, Mariah frowning at this.

"I should?"

"Yeah, seems like she's into you. You made an impression." Before she has a moment to digest her words, Tessa is already moving around her and into her bedroom, some ways away from where she stands at the doorway.

"I'm kind of busy, so, if it was just the bag you was after, you can just let yourself out." Its cold and distant, and not what Mariah is interested in, so she drops her bag onto the floor, quick to place her cup onto the nearest flat surface available. She follows suit and winds up in Tessa's room, noting the way she's sat on the edge of the bed, looking at the cup in her hands, rather dejectedly.

"I thought we were getting back on track?"

"We are."

"No more mixed signals. No more miscommunications. No more shutdowns."

"What do you want, Mariah?" She looks up, and its the way she looks which sets Mariah off. Which makes her step forward, only to pull herself together.

"Why are you pushing me away?"

"I'm—"

"Walking away and secluding yourself in your room constitutes as pushing me away. I thought we made it black and white. I liked you, you didn't like me. Things got bad, we moved past it, even became friends again. And now you're.. you're acting weird." She can't put her finger on it, and its unsettling. Its fundamentally despairing.

Tessa places the cup onto the cabinet next to her.

"Maybe I'm just tired."

"Maybe you're just being secretive again and I don't have the patience anymore."

"Then you should go." The slow blink, the way she tries to act as if she's unaffected makes Mariah want to dissect what is going on inside her head. Just a glimpse so she can pinpoint what is truly awry, because its difficult being the only one in it at times. She feels like she carries them, and she can't do it alone, she needs Tessa to be present, to be honest, and to open up with her, otherwise it won't survive; they won't survive.

"Is it Devon? Simone? Is it Noah?"

"No."

"Is it me?"

"Mariah, stop."

"Have I done something?" Mariah notices the way Tessa clenches her jaw and stands up, turning away from her. The room isn't all that big, but she watches Tessa pace away from her all the same, wanting to somehow figure out what's going on and feeling that more helpless for it.

"You know, trust is a two way thing. You can't just expect it of me, and then turn it off whenever its convenient for you."

"I know."

"Then won't you talk to me? What's going on, Tessa?"

"I'm.. I don't want to talk about it."

"Yeah no, its not going to wash with me, not when the shoe is on the other foot for once. Tell me what's up?"

"I don't have to tell you everything, Mariah. Go call Karina and get off my back." The sharp turn of her tongue has Mariah perplexed. The sudden focus on Karina is not lost on Mariah, especially with her infliction being anything but nice.

"Why do you keep bringing up Karina? What— are you jealous?" She asks rather incredulously. The hard steel of her gaze confirms everything she didn't realize she was asking.

"I don't understand. You don't like me that way." Again, her jaw clenches, her eyes semi-rolling, and its like for the first time, Mariah is seeing all these micro expressions she hadn't witnessed before. Tessa was actually reacting, feeling and experiencing and showing it all.

Which makes the whole thing even more confusing.

"I thought I was the only one who felt anything? It was just a moment for you. That you didn't think of us together. Tessa, what is going on? I don't—"

The lunge isn't one Mariah saw coming, not when she was fitfully trying to make sense of all that had transpired between them, but when she feels Tessa move into her space and seize it, she lets her, even welcomes it on some level, a level she never dreamed would come true.

The grip on her side is the first thing she registers before her vision is taken up with eyes and tresses and then darkness. When lips connect with hers it prompts flight back down to memory—lane. The one and only kiss they had, until now. This is everything, it beats all the dreams and fantasies. Its more than all her previous kisses. Its the quintessence of belonging, a feeling she exclusively has with Tessa, alone.

There were times where she would be half asleep in bed, thinking back on their kiss, and how she wished she had time to experience the finer details. That she would have salvaged the feeling, lingered a little more. And now, as she is pressing against Tessa, she doesn't waste those yearnings, she takes joy in melding into her frame, touching her body, opening her mouth that much wider and meeting her halfway. She thrives on the roles being reversed, and not being the one to initiate, to finally being the one to receive this surprise.

For it is a surprise.

She's not the one to draw back this time, instead she finds herself moving forward with Tessa, wanting to prolong the moment for as long as she possibly can. She feels Tessa adjust her arm, placing her hand on Mariah's neck.

"I thought it was just a moment, but I was wrong. I feel for you, more than I was aware." She can feel her fingers stroke against her skin, igniting sensations which makes her tingle.

"Please don't call Karina. I want—can we try, to be something?"

Her eyes are overwhelmed with the smooched vision before her, and so she looks to the wall to calm herself down. Its there she notices the wallpaper she helped put up all those weeks ago— heck, even months ago now. There was one spot in particular that just keeps coming undone, right at the far end of the wall. No matter how many times Tessa would paste it back up, it would continue to peel slightly at the corner.

And at this thought, something clicks for Mariah.

Because even though it may cause problems time and again, when you like something, you keep trying. You keep on at it no matter what.

Its as simple as that.

The only way that we can live, is if we grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open. Do it. Throw yourself — C. JoyBell C