Chapter 1

Breathe baby breathe

First time she ever saw him he seemed to have a time of his life. It was in a crowded music venue, one of many in New York City. She was new to the city, wandering around on a Friday evening, the city buzzing with excited energy, groups of friends laughing, having fun, excited about the night ahead. She couldn't help but feel a little envious – it will take her some time to develop friends, she never seemed to be able to let people in easily. Trusting people didn't come easy to Bella Swan, she learned it the hard way. It will take some time, she sighed… She was enjoying the city, the exploration of it, it was just a bit unnerving to be on her own. For the first time in her life. New city, new life, new everything really. How scary and exciting at the same time. She was passing buy this crowd in front of a venue, music venue, she thought, judging by people with guitar cases and some other gear. That got her attention for a second. She looked at the marquee – "Freefall". "Oh my, I love this band," she thought. She's definitely never been to a live show alone before; fear got a hold of her for a second. But the alternative was to sit in her room and write in her journal, bemoaning about how it sucks to not have a friend in a new city on a Friday night. Or, she could suck it up, push out of her comfort zone and try to make friend on a Friday night. If nothing else just enjoy the music. She sucked in a deep breath and pushed forward through what looked like a sea of smoking laughing musicians.

"The cover is $10 cash only", said a girl that was definitely over her night, not a hint of a smile. "Sure, one sec", said Bella trying to find her wallet in her not-so-big purse that somehow always managed to turn into a black hole when she needed to get something quickly. Finally paid, stamped and sent downstairs she found herself being really nervous, God knows why. "Get yourself together", she thought, "it's not a big deal, you're being silly". She took a deep breath and scolded herself for suddenly turning so insecure. "Just don't take drinks from strangers and you'll be fine", she thought.

Finally she reached the bottom of those steps and opened the door. The place was crowded, the band was on the stage already; she looked around and spotted a bar. Some alcohol was definitely needed to soothe her nerves a bit, but looking around, the experience didn't seem as intimidating as a second before. She ordered vodka cranberry and started towards the stage.

She saw him right away. He was standing by the wall with several friends, laughing, sipping on his drink. No girl friends, just boys. There was certain level of arrogance around them that both attracted and repelled her in equal measure. And him, he definitely seemed like a leader of that click. He had this air of power about him, even danger maybe. Were they the rich kids of nyc, she mused? She wouldn't be surprised; wealth and power go hand in hand. She caught herself staring and immediately looked towards the stage, God forbid He will catch her staring! Suddenly she felt like she's terribly underdressed, just her favorite hoodie, very modest black top, jeans and converse. She never really cared about fashion that much but his presence definitely made her question her choice of clothing tonight. For some reason she started to feel that she's dressed like a child, or somewhere between a child and a woman. And he was definitely a man, not a boy. The energy around him was too heavy, whatever boy traits he had must've been wiped out a while ago. She spent the rest of the night observing them out of the corner of her eye, being very careful not to get caught.

Thirty minutes later she decided on a second drink. Show was almost over but she wanted to prolong this experience if just for a little bit. Somewhere on the 4thsong she realized that she was really enjoying herself, the music, the ambiance, the view on the left… She was glad she came.

Group of arrogant boys was still in place. After careful observation she could tell, he only seemedto have a time of his life. There was some sadness about him, something she recognized but couldn't put a finger on it. He seemed lonely, even if surrounded by people. Or maybe she was just letting her imagination run wild, she thought. He didn't even notice her that night, and on some level she was grateful – her clothes, her hair, lack of makeup, pretty much everything about her was screaming that they are no match. Her insecurities were sticking out in her head when she was looking at him. To say that he was handsome is a grave understatement. His face, his lines, like a work of a sculptor, his dark features, everything about him really, mesmerized her. He was very tall, definitely stylish, it was this look, designer but unkempt. He would look just as organic at Upper East Side dinner as he looked at a rock'n'roll show.

20 more minutes later the show was over. It seemed like the crew she spent paying more attention to than the show itself knew the band. "Of course they would," she thought, "like they can be any more cool. That is just unfair" she sighed. They came up to them, congratulated them on a great show and then somehow disappeared. She couldn't believe she lost them out of sight; she turned away for just a few seconds. "Well, I guess that is enough excitement for one night," she thought and headed towards the exit.

They were smoking outside when she came out, talking to some gorgeous blond. She could not feel more invisible even if she wanted to. She started walking towards the subway, not looking back even once. "Why is this stranger managed to shook me so much?" she wondered. She was kicking herself for wearing that stupid hoodie, for not exploring her feminine side, like ever… It was comfortable not attracting too much attention, it was comfortable to wear hoodies and hide, she realized. Hiding. That's what she was doing. And tonight for the first time she wanted to be seen. She wanted him to see her.

She might never see him again but she was done hiding, she decided. She came to New York for that – new life, new chapter. She's going to take her annoying new roommate up on her offer to shop for her; she'll learn to wear heels with ease, to make her hair frizz-less… Whatever it is that "woman version of Bella" is, she will figure it out.