He stood with his back against the brick wall, the thick evening air mixing with the nicotine in his lungs, making them feel heavy. It smelled like rain, which was always welcome in Charming. The small California town wasn't quite in the desert, but close enough that rainstorms were few and far between. When they did happen, they were a cleansing of sorts for the entire town, making everything feel new again, like fresh starts were possible. And he definitely needed a fresh start.
The blue double doors leading to the high school gymnasium opened every few minutes, allowing the regrettable sound of 1990's hip hop to escape in quick bursts. A blonde in a short red dress exited the gym to the sound of Color Me Badd's I Wanna Sex You Up. She gawked at Jax until she caught his eye. She smiled a devilish little grin, and he tried to recall her name. Karen? Carrie? Something like that. She seemed to remember him much better than he remembered her. He offered her a polite nod, then fixed his gaze on the clouds in the distance, even though he could barely make them out against the black sky.
He couldn't recollect whether he'd fucked red dress or not. By the way she was devouring him with her eyes, his guess was yes. No surprise, considering that he'd slept with probably half the women in town. A part of him felt bad about it, but it really wasn't his fault. He didn't even have to try. The entire female population of Charming wanted a piece of Jackson Teller. But there was only one he'd ever truly given himself to, and she was the sole reason he'd shown up at the reunion, in hopes that she would be there.
He ran his thumb across the indent at the base of his left ring finger, feeling a pang of guilt in his gut. Most men with pregnant wives didn't go seeking out their ex-girlfriends. But most men weren't married to nutjobs like Wendy Case. Besides, they weren't really married anymore anyway. Technically, yes, but it was just a matter of a judge signing off on their divorce before it was final. The kid was another story. But Jax still had a few months left before he had to figure all that out.
An unfamiliar car pulled into the already full parking lot and Jax shielded his eyes from the glare of the headlights. He squinted, trying to get a glimpse of who was inside while the interior lights were still on. Just David fucking Hale. Awesome. Jax had been waiting nearly an hour, and there was still no sign of her. He knew she was in town, she had to be. His mother the gossip queen had alerted him to the fact that she took a job at St. Thomas and would be starting within the next couple of weeks. How she found that out, he had no idea. But not much happened in Charming without Gemma hearing about it. If Tara really was moving back home, Jax was bound to run into her eventually, and he'd rather have it happen in a controlled setting than when he wasn't expecting it.
"Teller," Hale said stiffly as he approached, looking every bit a cop, even without his badge. Jax nodded, his jaw clenched. "Didn't expect to see you here tonight. You never were much for school spirit."
Jax chuckled. "And just who exactly are you hoping to see here tonight, deputy?" He knew the answer. If he and David Hale only had one thing in common, and they did, it was that they'd both always held a torch for the same woman. David looked nervously at the ground, trying to decide how to respond. Jax smirked. He loved getting under David's skin.
"Jax." He hadn't even heard Donna approach. Her hand squeezed his shoulder as she offered him a sly smile. "She's here," she whispered.
She sat alone at a table in the far corner of the room, observing quietly. It was all oddly familiar. The gym still smelled like sweat, bleach, and cheap body spray. And she still felt like an outsider among people she'd known her entire life. They all talked, laughed, and danced like she imagined old friends should. Not that she'd know. There'd only ever been one person she let get close to her, and she'd spent the last ten years trying to forget him.
It was no use, though. Jax Teller was in her veins, he always had been. As much as she tried to convince herself that he wasn't the reason she decided to take the job at St. Thomas, she knew it was bullshit. The thought of having him back in her life again, in any capacity, was too tempting. Especially considering the nightmare her last relationship turned out to be.
She watched condensation form on her glass of ice water, droplets beading up and sliding down to the tablecloth, leaving a ring. The atmosphere was unusually hot and sticky, which meant rain was on the way. She loved when it rained in Charming.
She studied the crowd, trying to keep from searching for him. She saw David Hale eyeing her tentatively from across the room, strategically planning his approach. It was no surprise that he'd become a police officer. Some people were just born for certain things. With him was Candy Eglee, looking horribly out of place in a black, ill-fitting dress. She'd been a cheerleader in high school, one of the popular girls, but now she was all business. Accepting her as a cop would take some getting used to. Seated at a table in the center of the action was Kyle Hobart, surrounded by a number of slutty looking girls whose names and faces all blended together in Tara's memory. When she left Charming, Kyle was a SAMCRO prospect, but he wasn't wearing a kutte now. Tara wondered what happened, but it wasn't really her place to ask.
The room was full of old history and bad memories, but was lacking the one thing Tara was looking for. The one thing she was always looking for in a crowded room. Jax Teller.
"Stupid," she muttered to herself. She was so stupid for thinking Jax would show up at their class reunion, for getting her hopes up. She would no doubt cross paths with him eventually- Charming wasn't that big- but the last place he would be caught dead was at their high school reunion. He was barely ever there when he was a student. What made her think he'd be there now? She pushed her chair away from the table and stood up, smoothing the creases in her red dress. She felt as awkward as Eglee looked. Dresses weren't really her thing. Scrubs and white jackets- that was the extent of her wardrobe these days. She kept her eyes on the floor as she made her way toward the door, trying to avoid making eye contact with anyone. She just wanted out of there. And fast. She was in such a rush, she wasn't paying attention to where she was going, or who might be in her way, until it was too late.
"Whoa there," chortled a familiar voice. The smell of leather and cigarettes made Tara's stomach turn nervously as she looked up.
"Opie," she said, startled. "Hi." He offered her a pensive smile. She wasn't sure whether he was happy to see her, or wishing she hadn't come. "How are you?"
"I'm good," he said with a nod.
"Hey, Tara," gushed Donna as she appeared from behind Opie, offering her old friend a much warmer reception as she gave her a quick hug. "Welcome home."
Tara blushed. "Thanks."
"Yeah, we heard you were back in town for good," Opie added, his forehead creasing. Tara wanted to look for Jax among his friends, but she forced herself to keep her eyes on the couple that had filled their destiny exactly as she expected them to. Opie wore his SAMCRO kutte with pride, the two of them donned modest, matching wedding rings, and Donna looked like a stereotypical soccer mom. Tara wondered how many kids they had.
"Yeah, I am," Tara said, heat rising to her cheeks once more. The fact that Donna had been able to drag Opie to the reunion raised the chances that Jax was there exponentially, as the two princes of Charming had always been joined at the hip. A weight settled on Tara's chest, making it hard for her to breathe. She was on the verge of a full-scale panic attack. She cleared her throat. "Would you guys excuse me, I just uh…I need a little fresh air."
Opie smirked in amusement. "Sure." Tara pushed past them and headed for the door, her vision blurring at the edges. If Jax was there, she wouldn't even see him.
The fresh air was a godsend, and Tara swallowed it in huge gulps as she stood hunched over, her hands pressed against her chest. What was she doing there? What was she thinking? She wasn't ready to face the life she'd run away from so long ago, or the man who'd broken her heart and her spirit before she'd even fully grown into them.
After a few minutes, her breathing and heart rate began to slow. She sat on a slab of concrete that had once served as some sort of parking barrier, but was now merely out of place and obsolete, just like she was. She watched the ominous clouds drift closer, the threat of a storm an enticing excuse to leave the reunion early. She would stop at the video store and pick up a few movies, then spend the night on the couch in her sweats, eating ice cream and drinking wine. That sounded like a hell of a better option than staying and continuing to claw open bare wounds that she'd spent the last decade stitching back together.
With a deep breath and her mind made up, she stood and turned away from the school, determined to make it to her car without another awkward encounter.
"Leaving so soon?" She could barely see him standing in the shadows, but she recognized his voice instantly. It was like someone had set fire to her skin and injected her veins with ice water all at the same time. He moved toward her slowly, almost intentionally prolonging the moment until she was able to see his face in the glow of the street light between them. And then there he was.
"Jax." Her voice was a shell of a whisper, full of shock and excitement and fear and sadness all at the same time.
"Hello, Tara." He was every bit as beautiful as she remembered. Equal parts dangerous outlaw and beautiful soul. He was bulkier, stronger, his eyes older and not quite as bright, but still mesmerizing. And his smile…
She forced herself to focus on the small freckle just below his eye, the safety zone she'd always used whenever his magnificence threatened to derail her train of thought, especially during an argument. To him, it appeared as if she was still making eye contact, but in reality, she was in no danger of getting lost in the unending depth of his baby blues.
"How long have you been standing there?" she asked, crushing embarrassment threatening to cripple her.
Jax cocked his head to the side and smiled. "Would you feel better if I said I just walked up?"
"Oh God," Tara groaned, burying her face in her hands. Of all the millions of ways she'd imagined their reunion, him catching her mid-panic attack was definitely not one of them.
Jax chuckled. "It's all good," he said, trying to console her. "I'd puke if David Hale hit on me, too." Tara looked up at him, confused. "What? He hasn't made his move yet? Don't worry, he will." He laughed again, and Tara joined him in spite of herself, feeling a bit of the weight lift from her chest. "It's good to see you," Jax mused, the emotion in his face unreadable.
"You too," Tara agreed. Jax reached his arms out and raised his eyebrows, almost as if to ask permission for a hug. So strange, considering that Tara's body had once been his, and his hers. The things they'd done together…and now a mere hug was questionable. She nodded, blinking back tears as she smiled. Jax wrapped his strong arms around her and pulled her close. At first, she remained stiff, trying not to feel all of the wonderful, awful things she was feeling. But he still smelled the same. And felt the same. And his heart still sounded the same with her ear pressed against it. She relaxed into him, hugging him back.
"So were you on your way out?" he asked, pulling away, much to Tara's displeasure. He leaned casually against the concrete stump, not quite sitting, but making himself comfortable, as if he had nowhere else in the world to be.
"Yeah," Tara said meekly. "I've got…stuff…" Stuff. If you called being a pathetic loser stuff.
"Well that's too bad," Jax lamented. "I was hoping we could talk…catch up."
"Did you know I would be here?"
Jax shook his head. "More like hoped. I certainly didn't come for the food." Tara giggled, picturing the overcooked chicken and soupy mashed potatoes that served as the night's main course. Only the finest for the Class of 1996.
"Well, I guess I could stay for a little while," Tara conceded, joining Jax on the giant cement block. She sat as far from him as the small space would allow. He smiled, seeming pleased.
"So what's new with you?" he asked. "I hear you took a job at the hospital."
"I did," Tara said, feeling confident in her decision for the first time. "I'm a neonatal surgeon, and St. Thomas is expanding their neonatal care unit, so it's a great opportunity to be a part of something new here."
"Wow," Jax breathed. "That's some heavy shit." Tara tried not to let herself think about the heaviness of her job too much, but more of how amazing it felt every time she had the opportunity to save a life.
"Yeah," she agreed cautiously. "I guess."
"That's fucking amazing, though," Jax added quickly, seeming worried that he'd inadvertently insulted her. "Really. I'm glad you were able to get out there and do what you wanted with your life, you know. Makes all the shit we went through worth it, I guess, right?"
Tara smiled, trying to swallow the knot that was forming in her throat. "I suppose it does. What about you? Tell me what's been going on in your life over the last ten years." She didn't dare tell him that she'd already received a brief synopsis from his mother, who'd practically pounced on her the minute she crossed the border into Charming to warn her away from Jax. He was in a "bad place." His marriage was in trouble, he was about to have a baby, he didn't need any added complications, blah, blah, blah. Jax didn't bother telling Tara any of that, just talked about the club, his bike, working at TM. Tara wasn't too upset about it, though. She didn't really want to think about Jax's pregnant wife, much less talk about her.
Besides, it wasn't like she was rushing to tell him about the psycho ex she'd taken a restraining order out on, or that her body was still recovering from an abortion. She stuck to safer topics- life in California, working in Chicago, what she hoped to accomplish at St. Thomas. Even for all the things she didn't say, she still couldn't remember the last time she'd had such an open, honest conversation with anyone. Almost everything had changed over the past ten years, but one thing had remained the same- Jax was still Jax. And that was reason enough for her to be content with her decision to return to Charming.
They talked for a long while, and then when they ran out of things to talk about, they sat in comfortable silence, happy just to be together. Tara's heart was so full.
"Oh my God," she murmured, recognizing the beginning chords of the song playing in the gym. It was their song. Well, her song, really. Her favorite song their last summer together. They'd danced on the beach to it countless times as it crackled through the speakers of her dad's car stereo.
Jax smiled. "Garbage, #1 Crush." He stood and offered Tara his hand.
"You remember," she whispered, allowing him to pull her up. He intertwined his fingers with hers, then placed his other hand on the small of her back. She rested her free hand on his shoulder, and her cheek beside his.
"Of course," he said, his lips brushing against her ear as they swayed from side to side. "I remember everything." Tara breathed in the scent of him as she listened to the poignant words in a way she never had before.
I would die for you
I would die for you
I've been dying just to feel you by my side
To know that your mine
She was dancing with Jackson Teller, the boy she'd loved since before she truly understood what love was. The only person, besides her mother, who'd ever made her feel even remotely special.
I will cry for you
I will cry for you
I will wash away your pain with all my tears
And drown your fear
Summer afternoons on the back of his bike. Rainy nights on the couch in Gemma's basement. Stolen moments in the clubhouse apartment. The passion. The fights.
I will pray for you
I will pray for you
I will sell my soul for something pure and true
Someone like you
The way he held her face in his hands when he kissed her. The way her heart always skipped a beat when he said her name. The way she felt so safe and indestructible in his arms.
See your face every place that I walk in
Hear your voice every time I am talking
You will believe in me
And I will never be ignored
The lyrics seemed to be having the same sentimental effect on Jax that they were on Tara. His hands found their way to the sides of her face, and his eyes were locked on hers as he moved closer, closer. They shouldn't. They couldn't. Jax was married. And Tara was incredibly damaged. But his lips were so perfect. And he smelled so good. With less than an inch to go before their lips connected, they were interrupted by the familiar roar of motorcycles tearing into the parking lot. Jax snapped to attention, shoving his hands in his pockets.
"Jackie Boy," called a voice with a thick Scottish accent. His handsome, scarred face was one Tara didn't recognize. With him were a baby-faced redhead who had to be a prospect, and a much older looking Tig, the club member Jax had always butted heads with as a teenager.
"What's up, guys?" Jax asked, his guilt clear on his face.
"Club business," Tig said simply, nodding to Tara. He looked as though he recognized her, but couldn't remember from where. She imagined Jax brought lots of girls around the clubhouse. That's all she was now, another of Jax Teller's former flames. "Grab Ope and meet us at church in twenty," he said. Jax nodded. The Scotsman lowered his riding glasses and gave Jax a discerning look before riding away on his bike. The others followed him.
Jax turned to Tara. "I gotta go."
"I know," she said with a sigh. Jax smiled, brushing a wayward strand of hair from her face.
"See ya 'round, Doc." And just like that, he was gone. But, Tara reminded herself as she stood alone in the dark, fighting back tears, Charming was a small town.
I would die for you
I would kill for you
I will steal for you
I'd do time for you
I would wait for you
I'd make room for you
I'd sail ships for you
To be a part of you
'Cause I believe in you
I believe in you
I would die for you...
~THE END~