Twenty-fourth fic for a Pride Month prompt challenge from tumblr. Prompt: acceptance.
Denial
It didn't happen. Not to Inanna. Baphomet can't have done it – can't have killed him. Yeah, the Pantheon is weird and fucked up, but they don't kill each other. It's too weird and fucked up, even for them. Even for Baphomet.
Baal keeps texting Inanna. Or at least, he keeps writing out the texts, redoing the wording again and again to make sure it's right, but then deletes them and throws his phone aside, only to pick it back up again. At times in the early morning when Baal wakes up or when he can't sleep, when he's somewhere between sleeping and waking, he thinks all he'd have to do is dial Inanna's number and he could hear his voice again. He's got as far as scrolling through his phone to find the contact before waking up enough to remember again and it hurts just as much as always.
It didn't happen.
Except it did.
Anger
Baal is good at this part, always has been, and he knows it.
He tries to channel his rage into his gigs: none of the fans know about him and Inanna (or at least he assumes all the fanfiction is just them giving themselves self-gratifying fap material) but they eat up the performance, the passionate flashes of lightning and the thrum in his deep voice. They know Inanna is dead, but as far as Baal knows they just think he's sad over a lost friend.
The tributes pour in over Twitter, Facebook, Instagram. Fucking Tara writes her fucking song. All of it rings hollow because none of them knew Inanna, not really, and no one seems to care that it wasn't fucking fair. Inanna had the best heart out of any of them and he's gone and no one seems to care about catching the fucker who did it.
Baal's bedroom gets trashed. So does Baal. The difference is his bedroom can't pick fights.
Bargaining
Baal doesn't like talking to anyone about Inanna. He gives his interview for Beth, talks to a camera, and hates every second of it. It's just to get to The Morrigan, simple as that.
If he can get to her, he can get to Baphomet. If he can get to Baphomet, he can sort this shit out. If he can sort this shit out, he can do right by Inanna.
If he can do right by Inanna, he might be able to sleep at night. He's not going to pretend he can bring him back.
But if he can sleep at night, he can see him again in his dreams.
Depression
Baal spends days staring into the distance. When people talk to him, he responds, and he tries his best to make sense. He knows he needs to keep going, even if he's on autopilot, because he's Baal and he's got shit to do.
A big part of him struggles to care though.
When Baphomet finds him and passes on Inanna's words, Baal doesn't have time to think about it for long. They're in a fight, they've got to keep going. And then he has to try and stop Laura – Persephone – from going all Michael Bay on Ananke. If he had more energy he might manage it. If Baphomet hadn't just told him what he told him.
As it is... fuck it. They'll deal.
Acceptance
Baal knows it's coming. Knows it will come. He doesn't know when.
In the meantime, he's got stuff to deal with. Who said godhood was easy?
They were wrong.