Total Drama Rap Battles is the new big thing! Watch as your favorite characters from Total Drama battle it out, rap style! Review every chapter saying who YOU want to see battle it out next!

First off, it's Chris Mclean vs Chef Hatchet. Battle of the hosts, one might call it.

Language Warning: VERY high T rating. Some swearing, sexual references, etc.

How it works: When reading, pronounce EVERY syllable in your head. It keeps the beat. Commas stand for a pause, while periods and exclamation points stand for longer pauses.

Epic Rap Battles of Total Drama!

Chris Mclean! (Shows Chris winking)

V.S.

Chef Hatchet! (Shows Chef hurling a knife throw midair)

…

Begin!

Chris Mclean

I'm the host with the most, Chris Mclean is the name!

Beating up dumb chefs with words, well that's, my game!

Look at yourself, Chef, what's happened to you? (pause)

You fat, ugly, creepy cook with too many tattoos!

I've got, twelve women in my trailer backstage,

When's the last time you were laid, back in 1998?

And no, Chef, I'm not counting your numerous date rapes.

Word! The Mess Hall is a dive!

Your food tastes like crap, it makes me lose my sex drive!

But enough about your crappiness, let's move onto yours truly.

My good looks will batter you like a big batter bru-tally!

Look at my teeth! So pearly and white! They're so damn bright, they'll light up the night!

My skin's got the hue of a golden sunrise,

You know you can't possibly say otherwise.

Chef

Don't get me started on this shit, you prissy little prick,

You've got a miserable excuse for what most would call a dick!

You really think I care,

About your voluminous hair?

This is the kind of info that you really shouldn't share, bitch!

You're a female, face it, you'll never be a man!

You're the kind of crap I find at the bottom of my grease pan!

Just stop with the hosting! Just go skip away,

Cause the way, that you act, is kinda gay!

I was in the ar-my for two f**king decades and I went, and I fought in all fifty of the goddamn states

The biggest fight in which you've ever had to participate,

Was one of your heated hair moisture quality debates!

You're a washed-up loser, not a host with the most!

You can't rap to save your life, so you really shouldn't boast!

And I know this might be mean, but I really have to say it!

Cause when you open up your mouth, all you do is go and spray shit!

Chris

Just look at you! You're a Mr. T wannabe,

I'm Chris Mclean motherf**ker, maybe you've heard of me!

I stir up drama soup with a spoon and a bowl

Really all ya gotta do is stick a camper to a pole!

You've been in the army? Oh, we all know what you mean,

You were serving in Iraq on the soup kitchen team!

And all you really are is a rapist! Rapist…

A camper looks at you, you go all apeshit! Apeshit…

Chef

I have the right to go apeshit, they're ungrateful little bastards!

Don't they realize that Chef Hatchet is their all powerful master?

Just looking at you, Chris, makes me greener than a lima,

Watch me take my spatula and shove it right up your vagina!

If I could, I'd leave you stranded in a ditch.

Stop buying all those clothes from Abercrombie and Fitch.

Let's face it, Chris Mclean, you're practically Jeff Probst's bitch!

Flip you in the air and press you straight to the grill,

Maybe now you'll start giving me my paycheck bill!

Cause when it comes to the raps, you're lamer than the Zeke!

Maybe now you'll learn the fact, that you really shouldn't speak!

Who won? Who's next? You decide! Please Review!