Title: Passenger
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the idea.
Summary: Even the best people become jaded after a thousand years of humanity. Or the one where Morgana has to show Merlin this world isn't all bad…really? Modern AU.
-ii-
The soft echo of footsteps on the pavement was the only thing that could be heard in the darkened street, street lamps glowing in their yellow light, nothing but insects and flies paying attention to them.
The age has changed once more and so had she. Gone was the rage and confusion of old. It was left beneath the ruble that is now Camelot. Avalon isn't what it was before.
Now darkness licks at every curve and edge of the surface begging to release its wrath among the humans. They had grown weak and dependent; self-reliance nowhere to be seen in today's world.
Still, the world changed her. No more did she thirst for vengeance and blood. Now she is patient in her wait. Her fate is sealed to his anyways. The different side of the coin as they say. Darkness to his light. Hatred to his love.
A smile stretches on her lips as she walks along the darkened road. What would he say? What does he think of the world he helped create?
"Destiny can be a real bitch, can't she Merlin?"
She could almost see his disappointed frown and darkened blue of his eyes. The power behind it. Her fingers twitch unconsciously as if they want to reach for her mind's picture.
She lifts her hand in front of her, as a small sparkle dances between her fingers. The comfort of her magic is still there. She could be a queen in this world, but this world she doesn't care to rule. It is not hers. She is now an outlier. The outsider. Again.
-II-
Her power had grown over the years, but her sadness didn't go away. Her sister didn't come for her and when she found her reincarnation, the woman paled in comparison. Finally she saw the petty mind and simple goals of grandeur she had. For so long she was nothing but a pawn in her sister's hand. So she walked away, erased her memory and let her be. She didn't need it. Her own darkness is a familiar companion and it doesn't need another to grow. Oh no it needs something else. Someone else.
She could hear a family having fun in a nearby house as she passed. That will never be her. She understood that now. Maybe something of a sort and if she really worked hard, maybe something better. Something hers. Theirs.
Still her feet stop as her gaze moves towards the happy sounds. A smile slips off her face as she catches her own reflection on the window.
Still behind her, she sees her past self. The manic look in her eyes and restless anxiety that poured out of her.
You are still me Morgana.
She mouthed the words but they rang through her head. It's just another picture of her sin. She doesn't need it nor want it now. So she looks at her reflection and in her there's no hesitation or insecurity. A soft gold envelopes her eyes as she softly says,
"No, not anymore."
The distorted image of herself angrily shouts at her as it slowly disappears into nothing. She gazes at the family house once more.
"I am better."
With that her steps take her along her former path.
She remembers the days when she was brought back to the world filled with dread and loss. It wasn't her, she would see herself and think how it just couldn't be. The nightmares just wouldn't stop. Her magic wasn't there and she was like a half person just pushing through.
Years later did she manage to pull herself from her hole. No more living with rats and in abandoned cottages, away from the world.
She accepted who she was and what she did. Not only that, she decided to be better.
She glances at the sign that said no smoking and laughs to herself.
"Quit you too."
A somber thought came to her. Not really quit what she was. More like, her darkness didn't overwhelm her as much anymore. She made peace with it.
Made her a passenger.
She looks on either side before crossing the street. Sure she was a powerful individual that possessed magic but it would be sad if she ended up dead because of a car accident. Now she was patient.
Cars, another fascinating invention of modern times. How she appreciated its comfort and speed of travel. Made her see that the world was a much bigger place than she initially thought.
Her hand glided over the lines of a car next to her - the cold metal comforting as familiar and reliant. Her magic played a sparkling dance over it. Hopefully, nobody saw.
From time to time, she loved to indulge, let her magic roam free and even if someone saw this late in the night it wouldn't be so bad. Most of them were coming from bars or some form of a narcotic.
Nobody would believe them. Still, technology was there and cameras, the Internet and whatnot. Not easy to stay under the radar.
As much as she likes the world of today, these things make her long for the past. The freedom of magic. No one would think twice about it, weren't even afraid of it. These days being different could land you in a difficult situation and she tried to avoid that as much as she could.
She walked along the pavement next to a bar, when suddenly she was pushed aside. The collision made her lose her footing for a moment and down she went. This was really not a good day for the sorceress.
"Damn it, can't you watch where you are going. Are you that plastered?" she asked as she tried to upright herself. The man next to her seemed to be also trying to come to his senses.
"Sorry, long night."
Wait she knew that voice…
"Merlin?" she asked tentatively. Of all the gin joints in all the towns in the world...she thought as she stood up to look at the man before her. Sure the man looked a lot like him. A bit unkempt with unruly hair that fell in his eyes. Bu those eyes she knew. They hunted her in her memories.
Their little standoff was cut short as another man approached them. He mostly ignored her as he stumped towards Merlin not stopping until he shoved him another foot and Merlin slumped into the building wall.
"Hey!" she started to say but the man paid her no attention.
"This is the last time I let you drink here boy. You haven't covered the last tab and I will beat it out of you if you don't pay right now. You hear me?"
She watched as Merlin stared at the man with vacant eyes. So different from the fire she knew he carried before.
"Sod off," was all he said before his eyes went liquid gold and the man slumped next to him.
"What the bloody hell are you doing Merlin? Have you lost your mind?"
He glanced at her, before saying, "Me head is 'bout to split. You should quiet down."
She growled at him. He could be so infuriating. Now she could see clearly that the man from the past didn't exist anymore.
"How could you use magic so callously?"
Damn him, always throwing her off her game. She really would have prepared better if she'd only known she would see him tonight.
He got up and finally took her in.
"Morgana? I bet you are having a blast these days."
Having fun was all she wanted but now that fun is in a shape of making herself better. To cope with her own demons, not cause any more mayhem.
She regarded him as if he was a stranger. In this case he probably was.
"Yes, well not so much as I have turned a new page and all that. Looking for inner peace."
He smiled at her as she huffed at his stumbling to stand up. Too many pints if she had to guess.
"I'm glad for you."
She is here making a life changing decision. Moving in a whole different direction, from the fate foretold and all he could say was good for her. Glad for her. Whatever.
"Please, I don't need your sympathy Merlin. I see you are scraping the bottom of the barrel these days."
He dusted off his coat at her little comment with a frown and she had to admit despite it all he looked kind of good in the street light. Not that she'd say that out loud and give him the impression that she cared. It's just that she thought that all of this would go differently but now that his halo of virtue was nowhere to be seen, she felt kind of lost.
He shrugged at her tantrum.
"Suit yourself Morgana."
With that he started to walk away. The darkness he tried to hide before so openly walking next to him. It scared her.
Oh no you don't Merlin. She had done more than her fare share to watch him be all mister brooding. She was over the drama. It was so thousand years ago.
Before she could think about it her hand shot out and her magic pulled him right on the same wall he just stood from.
"Morgana, what are you doing?" he asked as she held him there, not even fighting against her. No resolve or fire and it just made her angrier.
"I am snapping you out of your Goth faze, obviously."
With that she slapped him. The shocked expression did nothing to meld the fire in her palm.
"Good, you are finally paying attention."
She let her magic release him and he slumped down the wall still looking at her as if seeing her for the first time.
"I did my time Merlin, scraped and bleed for every little piece of my sanity so I will not have you go to the dark side just because it is hard for you. I know, I get it okay?"
She slumped her form next to him. The man who was knocked out was still there and as a couple passed them by in their silence she simply said, "Tough night."
The couple just turned and walked away. Nobody wanted to look too close at others. Afraid of seeing themselves and she knew that. So they just kept sitting, shoulder to shoulder as they breathed the night around them.
"I am just tired Morgana. Tired of it all."
His voice sounded somber and she concluded that he was finally ready to face it. No more loosing himself in whatever his poison was at the moment.
"When I got my memories I was afraid all the time Merlin. Afraid of the darkness, of myself, magic you name it. But after a while I just realized that is not how I wanted to live the rest of my life. Being afraid. So I did what I could do change it."
He smiled at her and nodded his head, almost looking proud.
"Always knew you were more than what the fates said. I am proud of you Morgana." he admitted.
She felt a smile on her face. Sure she didn't need to hear it from him but as the only other sorcerer on the planet, she was glad he recognized it. It felt good to finally be on the right side for once.
"For me, it was different as I didn't die Morgana. I am immortal as it appears."
She was shocked and her mouth felt like sand paper. Well that changed all of her motivational speeches. There was nothing she could say to make that better.
But honesty is the best answer for most things and that is the fundamental flaw in their earlier encounters.
She placed her hand on his knee and said, "I am sorry."
He didn't look at her, just nodded after a moment.
"Just couldn't take it after a while, you know. People were never meant to live that long, let alone have all that power. It just wore me down."
He chuckled at his ramblings.
"If you met me a decade ago I was a blast. Stand up citizen and all. Even had a dog."
She smiled at him and responded.
"I would've loved to see that, but hey you are not so bad now either."
He didn't say anything but placed his hand on hers and just took in the silence.
After a moment she stood up slowly and offered him her hand.
"Come now Merlin, it is not proper for a lady to sit in such a place. What would the world think?"
The midnight in his eyes slowly returned and in the night splayed a color that made her think of unending depths. Just like him it would appear.
"We can't disappoint the public, my lady. Lead the way."
With that he took her hand and she pulled him up. Slowly they started their journey down the road.
"So how is life?"
She smiled at his question. See they were already moving in the right direction.
"Life is... better."
He chuckled as their footsteps slowly pushed them in an unknown direction.
"See, now this is what I like to see. It is how I remember you Merlin. The mischievous servant."
He laughed at her description and just shook his head at her antics.
"Glad I could amuse you, my lady."
She wanted to ask him how he remembered her but didn't think she wanted to know the answer.
"By the way, as of tonight Morgana, my life is also... better."
Well, who would've thought? Merlin, a romantic.
If the heat that she felt on her face was any indication then she did know. It would appear that she even liked it. Whether she would admit such a thing was another thing all together.
So that is how they spend most of the night, with their feet taking them wherever and them just talking. Enjoying the ability to finally have someone who understands, at least that is how she felt about it.
Now more than ever, she was glad for turning her back on fate and just being who she was. Sure, her feet hurt but she felt too good to actually complain about it.
Merlin also seemed brighter than before. As if some of that weight on his shoulders had finally been lifted. She was glad that she made it at least a bit better.
He didn't help you Morgana.
She took a deep breath. Once upon a time that would've hurt and fueled the anger in her but now she just didn't want that exhaustive emotion in her anymore. It was toxic and she avoided it as much as she could. She was human after all.
Those were much too difficult things to contemplate at two in the morning anyway, and far too old. Auld lang syne...as the old song goes.
It didn't matter, things happened and it was time to move on. So you stupid inner voice should just shut it.
The bite of hate was there but she just let it pass through her and dissipate with her breath. No need to hold it in. This time it will be different. She will make sure of it.
"You seem far away Morgana..."
She snapped towards Merlin as he walked slowly next to her, his hands in his coat pockets. He seemed nervous, maybe still not fully trusting her. Years of hatred made sure of that.
"Nowhere important. Just good old insecurities making their presence known."
After a moment he responded.
"I know what you mean."
She glanced at him, and understood. Years of hate were hard to erase but he also fought against it and she appreciated it more than he knew.
"I swore to myself that I would be better this time around."
He said nothing but his steps halted and she was in front of him after a few seconds. She looked at him, thinking that he would maybe just say no and things would go back to the same old pattern.
"Maybe you could help me do the same Morgana."
His gaze was tentative and questioning at the same time. In her mind she saw their entire history. All the emotions from before came rushing back.
He didn't help you Morgana.
She shook her head and took a step back before swallowing. The darkness was still there, always wanting things she wasn't willing to give.
She looked back at Merlin and saw how he tried to close himself in hopes to survive her answer. His very own darkness telling him probably the same thing hers was which made her answer that much simpler.
"I would like that Merlin."
With that she extended her hand again and after a moment his fingers enclosed hers. The way her hand almost twitched at the contact only told her what she hoped would be true.
That together they could be so much more. They will be.
Unforgettable.