Paralyzed

Reid had been missing a lot of work lately. A lot. Morgan knew something was going on, but had no idea what. Morgan had gone from slight curiosity to all out worry, especially when Reid's temperament changed. Reid became distant, always lost in thought. He hardly ever gave verbal input on cases unless directly asked, obviously distracted. He'd take phone calls that interrupted their discussions in the briefing room. Or he'd suddenly leave. He never seemed to kid around and just talk with his family at the BAU. Not anymore.

Nobody was talking about it and it seemed to be excused. Whenever Morgan tried to talk to Reid, Reid would immediately shut him down. There's something to be said for leaving someone alone and letting them have their privacy, but this had been going on for two months now. When Reid began looking so tired and unrested, it was kind of the last straw for Morgan. He loved his best friend. Whatever was happening, he didn't want Reid to go through it alone.

One morning, the nagging feeling that something was terribly wrong had finally burned a hole in his resolve. The minute he opened his eyes, Morgan called and asked for the day off. He couldn't not try to find out everything he could. He wasn't trying to be nosy; he only wanted to help. He showered, he brushed his teeth… he remained casual, dressing in jeans and a t-shirt. And it was still dark outside when he left.

Now, he was his own private investigator.

The first thing he did was grab breakfast, which included a large cup of coffee. Then he parked right outside of Reid's place, though he kept outta sight on a perpendicular street. Once Reid left, way too early to be heading into work, Morgan followed him.

Reid led them to a small neighborhood about twenty minutes away. He parked at a light blue house with a one car garage. The lights were on inside. Morgan watched from the street becoming more confused by the moment. Reid seemed to have a key and let himself in.

Morgan sat there for hours, watching and waiting, but Reid never left. There was no activity at the house he could see going on at all. Around lunch time, he finally convinced himself to go find a place to eat lunch at, assuming Reid wasn't going to leave. He was back in about an hour and was relieved to find out that his assumption was correct.

At about two o'clock, Morgan saw Reid head outside and stand in the back yard, but he wasn't alone. Someone was with him. He could only see Reid's head and shoulders. He could see the top of a head from somebody who appeared to be a female. Who is that? The woman went back inside and Reid stood out in the yard, just standing there like he had the heaviest of weights bearing down on him.

Morgan wanted to know who this house belonged to badly, but he fought off his urge to call Garcia. He really didn't want her to know he was tailing Reid. He didn't want anyone to know.

At about four o'clock in the afternoon, Morgan finally worked up the balls to get out of his vehicle, walk up to the house and knock on the door.

Reid answered and he didn't look surprised to see Morgan at all. "You've been sitting out there for hours. What took you so long?" He was speaking softly.

"Reid, what's goin' on? What are you doing here? Whose place is-"

Reid shushed Morgan by signaling with his index finger to his lips. Morgan immediately began to try to look around Reid to see into the house, but then he took another look at Reid. He appeared exhausted and his eyes were so glossy.

After Reid motioned him inside, Morgan followed him through a very low lit hallway, through a very dark room that looked like a dining room, and then into another room… a low lit living room. What Morgan saw inside made his heart stop.

"Morgan, I'd like you to meet Jesse."

Morgan first saw a nurse sitting in a chair at the far corner of the room. Was that who I saw earlier? He was putting it all together now and it made him want to burst into tears. He walked up to the hospital bed and his eyes glanced off all the medical equipment hooked up to a very sick little boy. The quietest beeps sounded, monitoring his heartbeat. Morgan met Reid's eyes, asking all sorts of questions, but not saying a word. The little boy stirred in his sleep, waking up just enough to open his eyes and see Morgan who quickly made eye contact with him. He looked back at Reid who nodded once and then Morgan looked back to the little boy. He put his large hand gently over the boy's chest. "Hey, little man." He didn't know much of what else to say. He didn't know what had this boy so sick, but Morgan suspected that cancer was killing this child. His face was discolored, he had two black eyes, no hair… he was skin and bones. He studied the boy's face and smiled softly. Why do you look familiar? He had to be four or five years old, but he looked so tiny... and so unbelievably frail. Morgan watched Jesse's little hand slowly make its way to his arm and Morgan removed his palm from the boy's chest so he could hold hands with him. He felt a connection with this kid instantly and had no way to explain it. He held Jesse's hand and stared at him, in some sort of awe, until the boy fell asleep again only a few minutes later.

"Reid, you gotta tell me what's going on." He walked over to Reid who was standing alone in the center of the room, chewing on his thumb nail. "Who is this kid?"

Reid rubbed his face with both of his hands and then took Morgan by his forearm, walking him through the house and into the kitchen. "He was diagnosed four months ago. There was some swelling in his jaw… a salivary gland… After some tests, they found out it's a histiocytic lymphoma. It's destructive and really aggressive and he will die."

"Reid, you're not answering my question. Who is he to you?"

Reid seemed emotionally overwhelmed for a moment and had to take a deep breath before he spoke again. "I- I- I don't expect… I don't…" he swallowed and took another deep breath, clearly fighting back tears. "Any day now, hours maybe… His organs have already begun to shut down. I just want him to be comfortable and I don't want him to be alone."

"Reid?" Answer my goddamned question!

"He's my son, Morgan." And with that, Reid's self-control finally lifted and he began crying, streaming tears down his face.

Morgan was in shock on so many levels that he actually wondered if he was dreaming. He couldn't speak and he couldn't move… he just stood there, paralyzed.

"Jesse is your son?" Many realizations and questions were flooding their way into his thoughts, absolutely drowning Morgan with their persistence. That kid dying in the next room was practically his family… a nephew, his possible godson and he would never get to know him. And Reid is a father? Who's the mother? How has Reid not lost his mind with all this heartache? Who was paying for all this? The questions wouldn't stop.

Reid wiped his eyes with a swipe down his face and sniffed. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you," Reid's face broke again like he knew he was wrong for not telling him, like he felt he owed Morgan more than that. More tears shed from his eyes as he waited for Morgan to respond.

Morgan's eyes glossed over and he shook his head. "Why didn't you tell us, Reid? We could have helped." Then Morgan got mad when he reminded himself it was all too late. "We could have been a part of his life."

"Please don't get angry. It wasn't my choice."

Huh? Morgan's eyebrows rose high on his forehead. He really just didn't understand. "Who's the mother?" He looked around trying to see something that would give him an indication. His eyes shot around the room searching for a framed picture, a jacket, maybe some mail… but he couldn't find anything. As cozy as this place sort of felt, it left him clueless as to who owned it.

As if Time knew exactly when to play her card, both men turned their heads toward the sound of the front door being unlocked and opened. Reid immediately tried to stop his tears and regroup his composure.

"Spencer?" she called out.

"I'm in the kitchen," he tried to answer back to her quietly, not wanting to disturb Jesse, "with Morgan," he added.

Morgan made a face. Do I know her? He tried to recall her voice to see if it sounded familiar, but it wasn't enough. "Do I know her?" he asked Reid.

Reid bit his lower lip into his mouth looking down and to the right.

Morgan had his eyes trained on the entrance to the kitchen. The uncertainty of who it could be was killing him. The worry in his expression made that clear. He felt Reid's hand touch him at the side of his left shoulder. "It's okay," Reid whispered.

"Hi, Derek," she said, unaffected by his presence. Her arms were loaded with groceries as her purse dangled from her forearm down to her knees. Reid moved quickly to help her coordinate the bags onto the counter.

Morgan watched in shock all over again, as the two quickly discussed how Jesse was doing and she sighed in relief that she wasn't gone for his passing. She told Reid she had the rest of the week off. Then her attention fell to Morgan. She stood in place and the two stared at each other for just another quick moment.

Morgan walked up to her and opened his arms so wide. She hugged him back tightly. As he ran his hand down the back of her head, he gave his condolences. "Elle… I'm so sorry." He pulled back and cupped her face. She was already crying. "That's your little boy in there?" She put her hands over his and nodded as she cried. He had to pull her close again.

When they let go of each other, she excused herself to go see Jesse.

Morgan and Reid stood in the kitchen, in silence for a few minutes. Morgan finally suggested they sit at the table. "Talk to me. Tell me what's happening here. I'm so lost."

Reid's eyes shifted back and forth and he licked his lips before he began to speak. "After Elle left… I never lost touch with her. Once we put everything that happened at the BAU behind us, we actually became really good friends… closer... than when she worked with us." He paused as he chose his next words. "One day she comes to me… Her and her husband couldn't conceive. They found out he was the reason, but still really wanted to be parents. She asked me to donate… and I did."

"I can't see you agreeing to anything like that," Morgan had to say.

"I thought about it for weeks, months even. But it came down to helping my friend and her husband with something they couldn't do on their own. I knew how happy they would be. I knew they'd be great parents… After I considered everything, it was an easy yes." The corners of his mouth turned up slightly.

"There's donors out there specifically for that, Reid," he said gently.

"Yeah, but if you could choose someone you actually knew, wouldn't you?"

Morgan thought about that. He wasn't so sure he'd have done the same thing, but he understood. "What about your worries about schizophrenia? Passing it down?"

Reid shook his head and pushed his lips out. "Elle convinced me everything would be okay." He let out a nervous smile. "I let her." Morgan motioned for him to keep talking. "As soon as Jesse was diagnosed, her husband, Dennis, he split… I don't know if he just freaked or what, but they had a huge fight and he was gone that same week."

It was hard for Morgan to believe Elle got married and had a baby in the time they hadn't seen her. He was upset that he hadn't tried to keep in touch. And he was gonna give this Dennis guy a piece of his mind if he ever ran into him. "Damn," he muttered.

"Elle had never wanted my help. In fact, she refused it for a while, but then called me crying one day, a couple months ago, saying she couldn't do it alone anymore. She had to work, had to keep a roof over Jesse's head, saying she had to work a certain amount of hours to maintain her insurance, had to pay what the insurance already wasn't covering, and so on… With all of his treatment appointments, the prescriptions, not to mention all the stress, it just became too much, so I stepped in. When she's working, I stay here." He dug his knuckles into his tired eyes. "I stay the night here most nights. I help her with errands and I help her pay for things. I've even helped her speak to the doctors so she could understand what Jesse's been up against."

"So you weren't always in Jesse's life?"

"Mmm," Reid thought about it. "I've always been like an uncle figure, but I never inserted myself into their family dynamic. I visited on weekends every now and again, but I came as Elle's friend. And like I said, a little while after Dennis disappeared, things changed, obviously."

"Are you two… a couple?"

"No," Reid smiled a little bit. "We're just Jesse's mom and dad."

"He knows you're his father?"

"Actually, yeah, he does." Reid lit up with a big smile after he said that.

"Spencer!" Elle yelled from the living room. She sounded like she was on full alarm. Morgan's heart jumped the second he saw Reid's body suddenly go rigid.

"Please don't leave," Reid asked of Morgan as he got up out of the chair.

Morgan followed a hurried Reid to the living room, but stopped short at the entrance. The urgency in the air had created an invisible line that he felt he had no business crossing.

The look on Elle's face… "Hold on, baby," She cried as she climbed onto the bed. The nurse was helping with cords and tubes to keep them out of the way. Reid also climbed onto the bed with Jesse's mother and Morgan watched as Reid hugged the boy from behind, holding him close and propping him up slightly so he would be cradled while looking at his mother. Elle scooted closer and hugged Jesse as best she could while Reid held him. She kissed his head and Reid whispered in his ear. Morgan heard that heart monitor detecting fluctuations and it made him hold his breath as the tears in his eyes started to fall. Elle lovingly cupped her boy's face into her hands and told him how much she loved him and how proud of him she was because he had fought so hard. He could hear that she was trying to smile for him, though Morgan wasn't able to see her face. She continued to speak to him, telling Jesse not to be afraid and to remember what they talked about. Morgan's eyes fell to Reid and he saw the apprehension and the fear in Reid's eyes as Reid witnessed her goodbye.

Reid motioned to the nurse and she turned off the sound of the heart monitor. Morgan was still holding his breath, watching from a distance. All was still and quiet for a little while longer until Reid started crying and Elle's body seemed to go limp. Jesse was gone. The flat line Morgan saw on the heart monitor confirmed that and he looked back to Elle. Her shoulders shook as she cried into the pillow so hard that she couldn't breathe, making no sounds.

Morgan started backing up… The huge lump in his throat threatened to trip him and he put his hand on the wall and let himself fall to his knees after he rounded the corner. He heard Elle wail in anguish and couldn't stop his reaction to the sound. "Oh my God," he cried as he sat in the dark hallway…

Several minutes had passed and all was calm. Morgan couldn't hear Elle screaming for her baby anymore and he couldn't hear Reid's cries...

Morgan tried to collect himself and stood up, heading back to the living room. He saw Reid and Elle hugging as they stood beside the bed. She was sobbing quietly against his chest as he held her so affectionately. There was no way Morgan was gonna interrupt that. He helped himself back to the kitchen and sat down.

After several more minutes, he heard Reid entering the kitchen and Morgan stood up to look him in the eye. He couldn't even say he was sorry. There were just no words for this. He opened his arms and Reid moved in to hug him without hesitation and they held each other tight, prompting Reid to begin crying again.

After Reid's tears had subsided, Morgan finally said, "I should probably… head out." It seemed easier to say than I shouldn't be here.

Reid nodded as he pulled away from Morgan. "Yeah, yeah. Elle and I have some things to take care of."

Morgan dropped his head, knowing exactly what that meant. "Are you gonna be alright?"

Reid nodded again, but didn't actually say anything.

"Okay," Morgan rubbed his hand over his head and started walking to the door. "Tell Elle goodbye for me." He paused as he tried to figure out what to say. "I guess… I'll, uhh, see ya when you get back." Morgan knew Reid would and should take advantage of any time off for bereavement.

Reid walked with Morgan to the sidewalk and it was a bit awkward. Neither one of them wanted to actually say goodbye. "You did right by Jesse, Reid. And Elle," he added as he began backing away. "I'm proud of you."

Reid's smile was a quiet one. He watched Morgan walk back to his SUV and then slowly turned around to head back inside.

This is just another one shot, but it came to me after looking through some of my deceased brother's photos. He died from this particular cancer at 4 years of age, like this boy. I was a year younger than he was and I just don't remember him, unfortunately. No need for sympathies, just letting you know that this some key points to this plot aren't so random for me.

I hope you enjoyed Elle's surprise visit. She was my first and only choice for Jesse's mother.