All Alone Under a Blue, Blue Sky
Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine. I do not profit from this story.
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: None
Spoilers: Season 6
Beta: webbswoman
Summary: Sometimes, Sam feels left out when he watches his brother with Cas. They have something together, while he is all alone under a blue, blue sky.
Sam savors these quiet moments. Castiel is sitting on the sagging couch in Bobby's living room and his eyes are fixed on the television set where an episode of Dr. Sexy MD is playing. Dean is sitting next to the angel with an arm thrown over the back of the couch and Cas' shoulders. He has become mellower since his relationship with Cas got serious. He looks settled, though they are anything but. They are beautiful together.
They still hunt, though Sam feels as if age is slowly catching up with them. But perhaps he is the only one who feels like this. Castiel comes with them whenever he can, and he gets the queens with Dean while Sam takes the singles. He rarely bothers anymore to pick anyone up for the night. It would all be meaningless.
Sometimes, when Sam is really drunk – and he feels as if that happens more often than it used to – he wonders what he did to deserve this loneliness. And then he'll start a list of his mistakes and failed relationships and come to the conclusion that being alone is probably for the best; for everyone else as much as for him.
He's happy for his brother, he really is. But when he can't take watching him and Cas anymore he takes a beer out of Bobby's fridge and sits down out on the front porch. He starts counting the cars he can see from this angle. He's at 37 when Bobby comes out and joins him.
"You all right?" The older man asks. "You've been getting quieter lately."
"Just thinking," Sam replies.
"Dangerous stuff."
Sam chuckles bitterly. "Yeah." He drinks his beer. "Do you ever feel-" Sam breaks off. He knows Bobby is about as often inclined to talk as Dean.
"Do I ever feel what?" Bobby asks.
"As if you don't know whether this is all worth it?"
Bobby sighs. "Hell, Sam, you sure don't ask the easy questions."
Sam smiles a little at the beer bottle in his hand.
"People like us don't get happy endings, do they?" The Winchester asks.
"Not in my experience."
"Dean and Cas don't deserve that."
"And you do?"
Sam shrugs wordlessly.
"Don't let thoughts like these get to you. They won't lead you anywhere good."
"I know."
Bobby nods. "Anyway, your brother tried the settling down game before. Didn't work for him."
"Perhaps it would work with Cas."
"And what would you do? Move into the house next to them? Come over on the weekends and have a big barbecue together?"
Sam shakes his head. "I don't see it for myself anymore. I tried and look where it got me. Look where it got the people around me. It's not so much the settling down part, it's more..." He trails off.
"What Dean and Cas have with each other," Bobby finishes. "You want that too."
"I wish I could have it," Sam corrects. "But I can't."
Bobby hesitates. The fact that he doesn't contradict Sam immediately, speaks volumes for the Winchester. Finally, he says:
"Sam, you've been through a lot. You've seen heaven and hell, you've died about a dozen times or so, that's not something that doesn't leave an impression. And there'll be very few people who can understand that." Bobby shrugs. "Perhaps that's why Dean finally settled with Cas. Cas knows him. There's no one who knows your brother like him. Well, except you."
Sam nods slightly in agreement. They sit in silence for a while.
"Does it get easier? The loneliness I mean?"
Bobby sighs audibly. He seems reluctant to answer but finally he says: "I'll let you know. But Sam, even without an angel of your own, there are people here who would like to think that they're worth staying for. And I'm not just talking about your brother here, understand?"
"Yeah, I understand," he says.
Bobby clasped his shoulder. "Good. Can I leave you alone now?"
"Sure."
Bobby gives him a searching look before he nods and goes back into the house. Sam is left alone on the porch.
"It's just not the same," he says quietly to the moon.
This idea has been bugging me for a while now: if Dean and Castiel are in a relationship, where does that leave Sam? I would have liked to deal with this more in-depth but, in the end, I couldn't find a proper way so this will have to do for now.
Thank you for reading! Reviews are always welcome.