Hamilton Imagine – A Mighty Surprise
"You're certain?" I ask, swinging my legs off of the exam table and smoothing out my skirts.
"Fairly certain, yes. Although, it will be a few weeks before we can know for sure," the doctor responds.
I clasp my hands together to keep them from shaking, "Thank you, Doctor."
"You don't seem too thrilled with the news, Mrs. Eliza."
"Oh, no I am, truly. It's just…my husband…he's off at war."
"He'll come home to a mighty surprise then," the Doctor jokes.
"I suppose he will."
I don't allow myself to think about the situation I am in until I am safe at home. I sit in the chair by the fireplace, resting my shaking hands on my flat stomach. It seems impossible that a baby could be growing in there. Since I married Alexander, I knew it was always a possibility. But while he was gone? It must have happened right before he left. I am overjoyed, no doubt. The timing just isn't the greatest. I am pregnant and alone while my husband is off at war, at risk of being killed every day. I can't bear the thought of losing him before he can ever meet our child, before he can help me raise a family. I need him.
But how do I tell him? It doesn't seem fit to tell him in a letter. That seems…clinical, emotionless, not Alexander at all. No, he deserves to be told in person. I move to his desk in the corner of the room. My heart aches as I look at the stacks of papers scattered there, still just as he left them. His absence makes for a very lonely home and keeps my chest feeling hollow. At least now, I have the comfort of knowing that I carry a piece of him with me wherever I go. My hand drifts to my stomach involuntarily as I think on this new reality.
The possibility of what our child will be like fascinates me. I don't care if we have a daughter or son. A baby with Alexander will be enough. How lucky we will be if our child has a fraction of Alexander's brain. I do hope he or she will have my husband's dazzling smile or sparkling eyes. No matter what, I know we will both love our baby more than humanly possible. But he needs to know he is going to be a father first, if he is to love his child with his whole heart.
Focusing my thoughts, I begin to pen two letters: one to my sister Angelica and one to General George Washington.