((A/N: Hee~ Muse wa nemui desu... kinou benkyou-shimashita to yomishimashita to shigoto-shimashita to shukudai-shimashita~! Demo Muse wa genki sukoshi desu! Konshuu haru yasumi! Yukatta! ...can you tell I'm enjoying my nihongo no krausu maybe a bit too much? x3;;
Disclaimer: I don't own jack.
Muse-chan out!))
One Of These Days Life Will Stop Sucking
Prank
"If you could go back in time and tell your past self one thing, what would be?"
"…this weeks lottery numbers?"
Frustration showed clearly on his face, "No! Seriously, what would you say?"
"…you 'seriously' underestimate my love of money." Kenny sighed, leaning back in the chair, teetering it dangerously on its back two legs, "I dunno, maybe 'avoid that fatass and his merry men, they smell like trouble'."
Kyle slapped Kenny's arm agitatedly, causing the boy to momentarily lose balance and catch it again, "Ass. Why do you have to be difficult?"
Kenny shrugged, to be entirely honest he couldn't actually think of anything to tell his younger self that the little creep wouldn't figure out on his own anyway. Car's dangerous, death painful, school boring, Cartman is trouble… was there really anything else to know?
Other than mainly unavoidable things that he wouldn't be able to do anything about anyway Kenny had very few regrets.
Regrets…
"Ah! I've got it!" Kenny perked, finally thinking of what he would tell his smaller self.
Kyle urged him to respond, curious and happy that Kenny finally seemed interested in the topic, "Well?"
Kenny nodded sagely, "I'd tell him to take home ec more seriously; it really sucked being kicked out of that class." Not to mention painful and terrifying.
The redhead blinked, "That's your biggest regret…?" he paused as if expecting Kenny to tell him that he was kidding again, "You do realize that entire sexist class was about getting rich husbands, right?"
It was a well known fact what went on in that classroom after they had Marjoine infiltrate it in order to find the secrets of the future telling device. When Butter's left the classroom asking for a new Prada bag everyone sort of figured it out.
"Hey! I could use a rich husband!"
Kyle face palmed and chose not to justify the cry with a retort. At this Kenny was just trying to confuse him. Instead Kyle just raised a careful eyebrow at the stack of boobylicious magazines that were sitting innocently on the blond's kitchen table.
Because 'husbands' totally have boobs.
"What about you?"
Kyle blinked, surprised by Kenny's sudden interest, "Hm?"
"What would you tell your past self?"
"A lot of things I guess," Kyle scratched his cheek subconsciously, obviously flustered by having the spot light changed, "Like not to throw away my Chinpokemon collection, it would be worth a fortune on ebay now…"
Kyle had a lot of things he regretted doing and not doing in his childhood, it was kind of hard for him to pinpoint an exact thing to save himself from doing… maybe stop Cartman before he swore in class that one time? It would stop that whole anti-Canada thing his mom started…
…how did that end again anyway? He knew they'd failed their mission because (stupid) Cartman couldn't just turn off the fucking alarms… Kyle shrugged; he'd been eight at the time so it was kind of understandable that he couldn't quite remember how it ended now. The important thing is Terrance and Phillip aren't dead.
With a sigh, Kyle shrugged the arbitrary question and began the task that had brought him to the blond's apartment to begin with.
Washing dishes.
It was strange, almost random, but Kyle would drop by Kenny's apartment once a week or so, chat a bit, and then wash dishes. It wasn't an apartment wide clean or even a grossly (abundant? Mistreated?) job. Just the normal sink full or two that anyone might have after a week of barely having time to finish work, much less wash fucking dishes.
Kenny supposed it calmed Kyle. He remembered quite a few times in his childhood when Sheila Broflovski would get wound up near the breaking point and vent her frustrations by washing dishes. Kyle tended to take after his mom a lot.
He didn't think that Kyle washed everyone's dishes, it'd be kinda weird if he did(not that it wasn't already a bit weird), but Kenny wasn't the type to care if someone washed his dishes(one less thing for him to do). Stan would wonder if Kyle'd gone mental and, especially if he linked the habit to Sheila, attempt to help rid him of the habit, Butter's would spend the entire time fretting over someone doing his job, and Cartman… well, there was no way in hell Kyle would be caught dead doing something for Cartman aside from maybe a (only mildly) malicious prank.
So it worked out, more or less, hanging out with Kenny. Kenny was smart enough not to question and lazy enough to appreciate the task. Besides, it was nice to see his friend on a weekly basis; sometimes it just got hard trying to keep up with his childhood friends and their latest antics. Sure they still got together here and there but nothing was quite like the freedom of childhood.
…also when he was a kid he could ogle breasts openly and worst case scenario girls would think he was wondering what they were.
Ah, to be a child.
Kenny grinned perversely and decided to spend the rest of Kyle's visit ogling his primo ass. While Kenny might not particularly be into guys, he could always appreciate a well made body part.
Kyle wasn't sure why he felt like hitting Kenny but experience had taught him to hit first and ask questions later.
The silly little town of South Park hadn't changed much in the years and it wasn't planning on changing anytime soon. People came, people left, fads took over, and idiots ruled the town… really the cute little town wasn't quite ready for things to change more hectically than they already usually did.
So really it just wasn't fair that fate had to up and decide to play a prank.
What would you tell your past self if you had the chance?
((Ending Notes: Ugh... I need to stop writing new fics and update the old... bah humbug. In any case, tell me if ya like it! This is kinda a spur of the moment inspiration.
-a very exhaused Muse.))