Chest to chest
Nose to nose
Palm to palm
We were always just that close
Wrist to wrist
Toe to toe
Lips that felt just like the inside of a rose
So, how come when I reach out my finger
It seems like more than distance between us
Here I am at two a.m. I'm wide awake and I look over at him, and he's dead asleep. It isn't like us to be so distant towards each other, but lately, the pressure of our job and our relationship has gotten to be just too much. But I remember when we got married. It was just so amazing, and beautiful, and loving. And I wanted to go back to that, but he'd shut down on me. He spends more time away from home, more than he usually does, but this time, it's completely different. It's not the job keeping him away, it's her. And I swore to myself I wouldn't let myself confront him about it, but to feel him slipping is not something I'm proud of. When our son and daughter were born, I thought he'd change. But his attitude got worse. And he made it seem like he just didn't care about us. But I wouldn't cry. No, I was done crying about it. I was going to either move up, or move on. Because I wouldn't let him hurt me.
In this California king bed
We're ten thousand miles apart
I'll be wishing on these stars
For your heart for me
My California king
I'm wide awake too. She doesn't think that I care about her, but I do. She's my whole life. But when I turn to her, she turns away. How is it, that five years ago, when we got married, we couldn't wait to be married, but then after our kids were born. Things changed. It was like she shut down. She closed off completely and I don't know what I said or did to make her angry at me. But she won't talk to me anymore. She won't talk to anyone anymore. I feel like we've hit that plateau and there's nothing that we can do to make it better. We walk around this house like ghosts. She gets up with the kids, gets them ready for school and then goes to the office. That's it. If I'm in the kitchen, we're civil. Not even loving like we used to be. Gone are the days of loving words and soft caresses. Now it's all cold words and barely any touches. And I can't handle that. I've cried hard over it, but how many more tears can I shed?
Eye to eye
Cheek to cheek
Side by side
You were sleeping next to me
Arm in arm
Dusk to dawn
With the curtains drawn
And a little last night on these sheets
So, how come when I reach out my fingers
It seems like more than distance between us
Sure, we make love. But even that feels routine. It doesn't have that spark like it did before the kids were born. Hell, even when I was pregnant, we made love and it was magic. When we did it now, it was like nothing was there. And sex with him was always good. Hell, it wasn't good, it was great. He made it exciting and fun. We were always testing several different positions in several different parts of the house, but now it's like, we don't even put effort into it. And if we do, it's planned. I know that things aren't good now, but I love him, and I can't leave him. I can't. I tried. I packed all of my stuff up, and all the kids stuff up, and I got as far as the driveway before I unpacked my suitcases, and the kids suitcases. No matter how bad it got, my love for him hasn't died. I just wish he could see that.
In this California king bed
We're ten thousand miles apart
I'll be California wishing on these stars
For your heart for me
My California king
I do love her, god I do. I've said it to her before, and I've said it to everyone else before. She is my entire life. My reason for being. The existence that shakes me to my core. She's my queen. She makes everything I do, worth it. She's the least judgmental person I know. And I can't stand it when she gets critical. Sure, my promos aren't the best right now, but that's because I'm not focused. I'm more worried about my marriage than my career. She's even pulled me aside and told me that my performance sucked, and I should do better. I could do better, and she knew I could do better. I knew it too, but she had never chastised me in public like that before. And it scared me. Because I knew I could do it. And I vowed to myself that I'd make it better, both personally and professionally.
Just when I felt like giving up on us
You turned around and gave me one last touch
That made everything feel better
And even then my eyes got wetter
So confused wanna ask you if you love me
But I don't wanna seem so weak
Maybe I've been California dreaming
He reached out and stroked my arm softly. It was a life line for me. Something I needed to feel, to see for myself. I started to cry softly and I was gone. I would thrive on every little touch, every sensation that he gave me, whether or not it was good or bad. I needed those touches. And I wanted to say 'I love you', I did. But I held off, because I didn't want to spook him. I just couldn't believe he'd touched me. It had been so long since he had touched me. I decided to chance it all and move closer to him. I wrapped my arms around him and cuddled into him. And he didn't pull away. For I, Stephanie Marie McMahon, made the solemn vow to get him to love me again…and I'd fight and die trying.
In this California king bed
We're ten thousand miles apart
I'll be California wishing on these stars
For your heart for me
My California king
My California king
In this California king bed
We're ten thousand miles apart
I'll be California wishing on these stars
For your heart for me
My California king
And I, Michael Shawn Hickenbottom, do swear to make sure Stephanie Marie McMahon is loved to the fullest extent of her life, no matter what…
-The end