I can't stand music anymore. I spend my days in my bed, staring at the wall, curled into a ball. I am numb. I can't feel anything anymore. I don't know how much longer I can keep pretending for Charlie, Renee, and everyone at school; how much longer I can keep lying to myself.
Time passes. I don't bother keeping track of it anymore. What's the use? Before I know it, seven months have passed. I went to the meadow last week and to his house the week before that. I was finally saying good-bye. What I was about to do was going to hurt Charlie, but it would definitely kill Edward when he found out. No pun intended. Alice had probably already seen what I was going to do. Warned him what was going to happen if he didn't get to Forks in time.
So here I stand, at the edge of a cliff, at the end of my life. I made sure that there were sharp rocks at the bottom of this cliff. I didn't want to be saved, didn't want to live anymore. It was just too hard. It's time something changed...
I took a step closer to the edge, readying myself for the plunge. But then...
"Bella! Stop! Don't do this! Please, Bella!"
I smiled slightly. My imagination was acting up again, no doubt about it. My mind was trying to stop me from jumping. I wouldn't listen. Not this time. Except I heard a voice that wasn't ingrained into my memory.
"Bella, turn around! Or so help me God, I'll carry you off to the crazy house myself! Now turn around, damn it!"
Alice's voice...but how? And why?
I turned around reluctantly, afraid that if I did, my mind would devastate me with unbidden memories too hard to bear. What I saw though surprised me. The whole Cullen family was standing there, watching me worriedly.
"No. It can't be. You all left nine months ago. You're not here. I must be hallucinating. Another reason why I should just give up. I'm going insane. Somehow I knew it would happen eventually." I whispered unbelieving.
I studied them carefully. Emmett, Jasper, Carlisle, and Esme stared back at me, worry written all over their faces. Rosalie was looking at me cooly, watching my every move carefully, as if she cared. Alice was watching me, too. She was worried, I could tell. Edward was...well...Edward was perfect in every way, even now, when there was anger, worry, pain, and most of all, love, etched into his face. Meanwhile, my feet took me a step closer to the edge of the cliff. This wasn't happening. I had finally cracked because of my pain.
"Bella. Please do not do this. I'm so sorry. I love you." Edward called to me, his perfect voice a remedy. The pain that had incapacitated me for the last nine months was gone.
I reached out to him and whispered, "If you are real and not part of my mind, prove it. Show me why I am still breathing, still living, when I died the day you left me, Edward."
He strode forward, slowly, cautiously. I realized I was still standing at the edge of the cliff, so I took a few steps forward. When Edward reached me, all I could do was stare into his warm, topaz-colored eyes. He gently took my hand, his icy skin shocking me after all this time away from him. His other hand gently rested on the side of my neck. Then he leaned down and pressed his icy lips to mine.
"I am here forever, Isabella Marie Swan. I regret ever leaving now. Had I known it would affect you so, I never would have even thought of leaving. Please forgive me, I beg of you."
That was funny. A strong, indestructible vampire begging me for forgiveness. Me...weak, ordinary, breakable. He kneeled in front of me, looking up into my eyes, still holding my hand. I touched his cheek gently. I still couldn't believe he was here, here with me...again. I kept touching his skin. Through all this, my face had remained emotionless.
"I'm dreaming. I can't do this again. It will hurt too much when I wake up. I can't do this. I'm dreaming." I whispered quietly.
I walked around him and took a few steps toward the rest of his family. He watched me, worry in his eyes. My face was still blank. I still felt numb.
After that, I tripped on a stone embedded into the ground. I fell to my knees and gasped slightly. My little fall had pushed stones into my hands. It hurt...a lot. I did what came easily to me. I curled into a ball and just started crying. It was definitely a change from my protective state of mind, my numbness. I felt gentle hands lift me off the ground and I heard Alice's voice from somewhere above me.
"Bella, you aren't dreaming. We really are back. It's okay, Bella, it's okay."
I couldn't stop crying. My tears all but blinding me. I stood slowly, glancing up at Alice. I touched her face, too. She smiled hopefully at me and covered my hand with her own. Her skin was just as cold as Edward's was and even better...she was solid, not an illusion. I whispered softly, "You're here. You're actually here."
She nodded gently and I moved past her, walking away from the ledge. I moved to Esme. I hugged her and she hugged me back in a warm embrace.
"We're so glad we got here in time. We were almost too late." she told me, while she stroked my hair soothingly.
I slowly walked past Esme, too. I was still too shaken to say anything. I gripped Carlisle's hand firmly. Emmett ruffled my hair playfully. Rosalie stared into my eyes for a moment and then she gently hugged me and said quietly, "Bella, I know we didn't get along at first but when Alice had her vision, I got so worried. It was irrational for me. And I was just wondering if maybe we could start over, you know, fresh."
I was surprised, to say the least. She wanted to start over with me. She wanted to be friends with me. I nodded and smiled, showing that my answer was yes.
I approached Jasper last. I stood in front of him and watched him, cautiously, shyly. I saw him clench his jaw but he kept eye contact.
"I know how hard this is for you, having me so close. But I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate all that you've done for me. Thank you, Jasper."
I turned around and spoke to the rest of them. I said quietly, "I also want to thank the rest of you. But I have only one question."
I paused, unsure if I should ask the question or not. I was unsure how to say what I wanted to say. When I said it, it would hurt, but I was ready.
I walked back to Edward, who was still kneeling on the ground. I readied myself to ask the one question that would kill me, the one question that would break my heart again.
"When are you leaving again?"
My voice held all the pain, anger, and sadness that filled me. Edward knew; he could hear it. He pulled me down to kneel beside him. I stared into his eyes, which were still a bit worried. He answered me reassuringly.
"Not for a long while, Bella, my love, not for a long while."
I sighed and sagged against Edward. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my forehead lightly.
"Let's get you home, Bella. You need rest." he said to me with my favorite smile on his face.
I nodded weakly. I was so tired, physically and emotionally. He picked me up and started to walk back toward his family. I saw them each smile at the thought that they had succeeded and that I was safe. After that, I drifted off to sleep, cradled in Edward's loving arms.