This cute, little story was written for the One Shot Soundtrack Volume 1 contest, hosted by MandyLeigh. We were given the song prompt, Open Your Heart, by Madonna. Every entry had to use a song lyric in their o/s. We chose, "I hold the lock and you hold the key". We had a great time writing this story. We went completely outside of the box on this. Although we didn't win, it we had a great time working together again. Congratulations to the winners!
To Jessica1971: Gosh, sweet girl, you are amazing and wonderful and so freaking talented. Without you, our story would have had present tense and past tense mistakes galore and a detailed trip to Chicago, including a stop in Three Forks, Montana that ladysharkey1 thought was a silly Twilight joke and you convinced us it was really just a stupid joke in disguise. Not to mention a super long condom discussion that was something like 10k by itself. LOL THANK YOU FOR BETA'ING FOR TWO CRAZY LADIES! You're a brave soul.
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. Ladysharkey1 was able to slip in a reference to her favorite animal. Can you find it? We're sure SM could.
"Open your heart to me, baby
I hold the lock and you hold the key
Open your heart to me, darlin'
I'll give you love if you, you turn the key"
~~Open Your Heart by Madonna~~
The time had come where Carlie would no longer be Carlie Marie Cullen; she would be Carlie Marie Black. It was the day I dreaded for twenty five years because I was expected to walk my only child down the aisle.
I was trying not to freak the fuck out, but I was losing the battle.
It's not like she wouldn't be my daughter any longer, right? Just because she accepted another man's last name didn't mean she belonged to him, right? What the hell was I thinking? Hell no, she would never belong to him. She would belong to me forever.
She was my little girl. Well, mine and Bella's. Not only did she have my blood running through her veins, my piercing green eyes, and sideways smirk, she had a piece of my heart. The locket on my body would forever prove that and no one could ever take her away from me.
Not even someone with the title of husband.
The rational side of my brain knew that I needed to let her go, but the irrational side seemed to overtake what I knew was right.
How would I let my daughter walk down an aisle towards her future husband?
As I sat in my study for some solitude, I glanced at a wall filled with family photos and my eye caught Carlie and the dog's, I mean Jake's, engagement photo. My hand naturally moved up to cover my heart. I did this without even thinking most days. It had always brought me peace.
I stood there in silence as I reflected on the day that I had my tattoo engraved into my skin. I remembered it like it was yesterday; it was the day our doctor told us we would have a daughter to love.
I had always wanted a tattoo, but I would never settle for getting something that did not have a personal meaning behind it. I knew instantly what I would get, and as we left the doctor's office, I practically flew to the closest tattoo shop. Two hours later, I had a locket above my heart with a rose framing it on each side - one for both of my girls.
We decided later that night that we would return to the shop after our daughter was born so Bella could have the key to the locket tattooed on the back of her neck.
Bella was my world and I knew our little girl would have us both wrapped around her finger.
22 years before
I had never really given any thought to the day I would get to explain the meaning behind my tattoo to Carlie. I wanted her to understand the meaning of my tattoo and to comprehend that, even though it was etched into my skin, it belonged to her and Bella. Clearly I did not expect I would have this deep conversation with a three year old. Especially after the morning I'd had.
Bella loved to give me wake up calls. For some reason, her sex drive was at its highest first thing in the morning. My sexy wife had plans for me most mornings and my cock made sure my eyes would open quickly. God, I had the best wife ever.
That particular day, Bella suggested we take our morning activities into the shower. I loved it when we did that because I liked to get my wife nice and loud. She may have been the person who initiated our fun, but I made sure Bella was the one who enjoyed it the most. The water helped to muffle her moans and soft screams of ecstasy.
After we spent a good amount of time "cleaning" each other, I figured I better check on Carlie while Bella finished her shower. She normally woke up and asked for a cup of milk while she watched cartoons and we got ready for the day.
I pulled some jeans on and grabbed my shirt so I could iron it and headed towards Carlie's room. I was met with the sweet sounds of my baby girl singing at the top of her little lungs in the front room. Her sweet voice always made me smile, but her singing made my smile grow even bigger. Music was something we shared a passion for.
"Five liddle mumkies jumping on da bed. One fells off and broke her liddle head. Mama called da doctor and da doctor said no more Carlie's' jumping on da bed."
I saw her stern little face and heard her serious voice as she sang "no more Carlie's' jumping da the bed" and it caused me to laugh and gave away my presence. I could not stop laughing at my daughter's song and I was sure Bella was the one that changed the words to include Carlie's name. Our three year old daughter was fearless and would jump off the bed without a second thought about it.
"What, Daddy? Why you laugh at me?" Carlie asked with a shy smile.
"Love bug, I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing with you because you are so cute," I explained as I bent down to place a kiss on her forehead.
"Morning, baby." I whispered as I took in her sweet smell. It was one of my favorite scents in the world.
"Goo' mor'ing, Daddy. Where's Mama?" She greeted me with a kiss on my cheek.
"She's taking a shower and getting ready for work. I wanted to make sure my love bug had her milk and Mickey's Club House this morning."
I stood up and started to walk to the kitchen when I was stopped mid step by a horrific look on Carlie's face, which was accompanied by a loud gasp.
"DADDY, why you write on your tummy? Oooooohhh, mama is not gonna be happy with you, mister. You gonna go to time out." She looked at me as if I had broken all the rules and would be paying for it, with my life.
I never realized she had not noticed the tattoo before. At three years old, she was becoming more aware of her world.
"Mama says markers and papers are friends, not markers and you tummy," Carlie explained with great authority. "Why you do dat?"
I found myself once again laughing at her sweetness and her stern voice when she read me my rights over the proper way to use a marker.
I knew it was the time to explain my tattoo to her. Honestly, I was a little excited about it. I sat down on the floor Indian style and reached over to pull her into my lap. She snuggled in easily and I began my explanation.
"Love bug, I did not color on my chest with markers. It's a tattoo." I stopped myself with that sentence. I realized I had already started off wrong and needed to explain it in three year old terms, and the word tattoo wasn't really a three year old word.
"Well, actually, it is a type of marker in a way. It's a special kind of marker that never washes off."
"But Mama says never write on you. It's bad."
"You're right, baby, you should never write on your body with the markers from your coloring box. When you get older you can get special markers, but the store only sells them to eighteen year olds. Are you eighteen?" I asked, figuring I'd better keep her involved in the explanation or she wouldn't pay attention to anything I said or my explanation of why she was not allowed write on her body.
"Silly Daddy, I'm freee." My daughter smiled up at me, amused by my question.
"Yes, you're ttthhhrrreee, not free, baby," I corrected her.
"So when you turn eighteen, you can go to a store that has special markers and pick out a picture that they will color on your body and then it will stay there forever and ever."
"Weally, Daddy? I wanna Elmo on me!" Carlie shouted with excitement.
"If that's really what you want, but you should pick something that you love more than anything, because you will never be able to wash it off. Do you know what I love more than anything and what my picture is about?" I looked down into her eyes and wanted to make sure I captivated all of her attention because, even though she was only three, I needed her to somewhat comprehend the importance of my tattoo.
She just shook her head so I started my explanation again.
"I love you and Mommy more than anything in this world. I had this pretty picture colored on me for you and her so everyone would know I love you. One rose is for you and one is for Mommy, and then this right here…" I pointed to the key hole so she looked at what I was talking about, "is like the front door. Do you know how we get into the house when we come home from daycare or the park?"
It was the most important part, so once again I brought her into the conversation and hoped it would help her grasp what I explained.
She put her finger to her mouth and tapped it a few times to show me she was thinking hard.
"Firsted, you put da key in da hole and then you let me push da door open."
"That's right, Carlie! The locket on Daddy's chest is just like the front door, but it's the door to my heart. If you opened it up, you would see all the love I have for you and Mommy in there." A smile crept up on my face as I thought about all the love I had for my girls and the happiness they gave me every day.
"The special part is that you and Mommy are the only ones that have a key," I whispered in her ear as I enjoyed this close moment with my daughter.
"But how I gonna open it up? I'm too short," she pouted with her bottom lip sticking out.
"You will never be too short or too tall to open Daddy's heart, love bug. You will always be the perfect size because Daddy's heart will always belong to you and be where you can reach it." It was a true statement. My heart would belong to her and Bella until the day I died.
"I hold the lock and you hold the key, sweetheart." I smiled as I pointed from my heart to hers.
"Where is da key? I don't seee it," Carlie said as she looked down at her chest and then around the room.
"It's right here." I pointed to her heart again. "It will always be right here."
~~~ TL ~~~
As I drove to the church, I smiled at the memory of explaining the meaning of my tattoo to Carlie. The entire day had already been somewhat of a haze to me. I had managed to shower, shave, and eat, but I did not remember performing those tasks.
Hell, I barely remembered getting dressed, but I did.
Bella had informed me earlier that I would be on my own during the morning and that I had to be at the church at one o'clock sharp. She also told me that if she heard anything bad about something else I did or said, I would be sleeping on the couch until further notice. After what I had done the night before, I knew not to push her.
I was actually relieved to have the day to myself. I needed time to think and prepare myself for how I could put on a brave face to make it through the evening. I was not in Bella's good graces after the rehearsal, so I made sure to follow her instructions to a "T" and arrived with five minutes to spare.
As I climbed the steps of the church and entered the large entrance, I was greeted by my mother.
"Hello, Edward." Esme grinned at me, but I could see the silent sympathy her eyes held.
"Hi, Mom." I walked over to her and planted a kiss on her cheek. Her face lit up with my gesture.
"Edward, Bella wanted me to inform you that your tux is hanging in the closet upstairs in the third room on the left. She plans to stay with Carlie while she gets ready."
"Thanks, Mom. I think I need to do what I'm told and stay there until someone comes and gets me," I said sheepishly, knowing my mom had witnessed my melt down the night before and watched as Bella reprimanded me afterwards.
"Good idea. That way you keep yourself out of trouble," she said with a smirk and wink. She patted my shoulder and started to walk away.
I had to stop her, though. I needed some guidance. Who better to ask than her?
"Mom?" I said, more as a question than a statement, unsure of where to even start. "Um…. can I ask you something?"
"Of course, darling."
She walked over to a couple of chairs that were in the hallway, took a seat, and patted the one next to her for me to do the same.
I sunk down into the chair and rubbed my face with the palms of my hands. I let a deep breath out.
"Why is this so hard? Did you feel like this when all of us got married? If so, how did you make it through three weddings?" I let it all out quickly because I needed some answers. "I can't even do this once without turning into a possessive jerk."
"Darling, the world is not crashing down on you as you seem to think it is. It is hard. It's a major event in your child's life and a milestone that says they're all grown up." She paused. I assumed it was to think of a secret she could tell me that would make things easier. I was wrong.
"No, I didn't feel this way when you kids got married. Yes, it was a little bittersweet to watch my babies leave the nest, but I focused on how happy they were. My children picked perfect partners to spend their lives with. A wedding is a fabulous way to celebrate that kind of happiness with everyone."
That was not what I wanted to hear. Who would have thought my mom would have been so optimistic at a time like that? She noticed that I was not too thrilled by her words.
"Let me ask you this, Edward. How would you have felt if I threw a fit when you married Bella? What if I would have told you 'I forbid you to marry that girl', huh?" she asked with a knowing look in her eyes.
There was no way in hell I would not have married Bella. I would have done so without my family's approval and with no regrets. I would have been heartbroken that my family, especially my mom, weren't supportive, but I would have married her regardless.
I narrowed my eyes at her; she was playing hard ball with me. I knew where she was going with this, but didn't want to admit I was defeated yet, so I struggled on.
"Why'd you ask me that when you already know what my answer will be?" I had to be careful here because making my mom mad at me was almost as bad as being on Bella's shit list. "I would have moved hell with my own two hands to marry Bella. You already know that, Mom."
"You're right, Edward. I know you would've married Bella even if everyone told you it was the wrong thing to do." She smiled at me again with that look in her eyes that meant she was about to make her point.
My mom took my face in her hands and forced me to look at her. "If you think Carlie and Jake wouldn't move hell to be with each other, and then you've had your eyes closed these past couple of years. They are good kids that love each other. No, I take that back. They are not kids, Edward. They are adults and made the right decision to get married and to start their future together.
"What you did last night was very wrong, Edward. Sure, you tried to make it seem like a joke, but every single person there knew you were serious." She dropped her hands to the arms of the chair she sat in, gripping them softly.
"Did you see the look on Jake's face? He was shocked by what you did. I apologized to him and his family after the rehearsal. I shouldn't have to apologize for you because you are a grown man. We raised you better than that and you owe them an apology tonight. You are not the only parent affected by your bad decisions. Their son is getting married, too, and you are ruining it for them."
She pushed up from her seat as she finished saying her peace, reached for my hand, and proceeded to speak in a softer tone. "In regards to how I made it through my children's weddings, I kept my sadness about my babies growing up to myself. I knew you guys would always come to me if you needed my help." She paused and smiled at me, proving her point because I had came to her for advice. "I put on a happy face all day long. I enjoyed the guests and may have had an extra glass of champagne to get me through. Also, your father held me as I cried at night when I missed you guys."
I smiled up at her and hoped I could pull myself together.
"Thanks, Mom, for listening to me, but especially for your advice. I'll apologize to Mr. Black tonight."
"No thanks are needed. Listening is one of the things a parent does, Edward. We are always there for our children, no matter what. We are there to enjoy the good times and to be there for the bad times. This is a good day. You need to stop moping and enjoy it," she encouraged me.
With one last hug, she turned and walked away. I sat and tried to get my thoughts in order.
A few minutes later, I realized I'd better get my ass upstairs. I was already on wife's shit list and did not want to make it any worse.
I started up the stairs and heard voices coming from several rooms as soon as I made it to the top. I knew Bella and Carlie were around somewhere. That thought alone put me a little at ease.
When I reached my assigned room, my mind drifted back to the first time I ever thought about Carlie becoming a bride. A soft smile crept up on my face at the memory.
19 years before
Bella was excited when Emmett and Rose asked if Carlie could be their flower girl. Bella's excitement was nothing compared to Carlie's. Her dreams had come true. I had heard girls dreamt about their wedding day their entire lives; I just never thought my six year old would have such an extravagant dream. She planned her own wedding that night while sitting at the kitchen table eating an apple. It was that very apple that caused her to lose her front tooth.
Carlie was so proud of the dress she wore during the wedding. She wore a white dress that made her look like a princess.
"How do I look, Daddy?" Carlie asked as she spun in a wobbly circle.
"Beautiful, baby girl. Always beautiful."
She pretended she was the bride the entire day.
It didn't help matters much when she told me earlier in the day that she was going to marry Michael from her kindergarten class. I remembered the feeling my heart made as it dropped to my feet. I thought about what it would be like to give Carlie away to man who would never be worthy of her.
Carlie must have noticed the worry in my eyes during my split second of panic because she told me she was just teasing. Thank God for small miracles.
Later that evening, Bella and I had just finished another dance together during the reception when I felt a tug on my tuxedo jacket. My daughter asked me to dance with her with the cutest, toothless smile in the world adorning her face.
Bella rolled her eyes and laughed, "I guess you'd like your song?" she asked.
We looked at each other and nodded. Since the first time we heard "I Loved Her First" on the radio, Carlie and I had claimed it as "Our Song".
It took two more songs until we got to share our dance. Carlie stood on my feet and I moved us around the dance floor.
Eventually Bella joined us and the three of us danced the night away. My girls were in my arms and they held hands with their fingers interlocked, resting over my heart. It reminded me of the tattoo I'd had for the past six years that represented our little family. I had never felt more complete than I did on that dance floor.
~~~ TL~~~
I teared up at the memory of my wife and daughter as we danced together at my brother's wedding. My daughter, who used to love standing on my feet when we danced, had done what I hoped she never would do. Carlie grew up right before my very eyes and if I could turn back time, Iwould.
I saw my smile reflected back at me in the glass of the window I looked out of. The room where I stood was on the second floor of the church. I chose to stay by myself since everyone was still mad at me. Okay, so I was not exactly alone by choice. Bella had essentially put me in "time out".
I frowned at that thought, but as quickly as it entered my mind, I was smacked back into reality. Literally.
"What the hell, Emmett?" I whined.
Emmett was grinning at me through the reflection in the glass. "What do you mean, 'What the hell'? And you'll be going to Hell if you continue to cuss in church, jackass."
"Did you come up here just to piss me off or do you have something you need?"
The day already sucked without my stupid ass older brother adding to my misery.
Emmett sighed, "Edward, your wife sent me up here to remind you that you can't stay up here and pout like a sissy girl all day. Those are her words, not mine." He rolled his eyes. "She said you need to get dressed now and you need to be downstairs in one hour to happily walk Carlie down the aisle." He spoke each word slowly as if I was a kindergartner.
"Also, I was sent here to remind you that if you have an outburst like the one you had last night, your wife said, and I do quote, 'Tell him he will never see me naked again', and dude, she was serious when she said it. I wouldn't push her if I was you. If you're acting like you have PMS now, I don't want to imagine how you'd act if you had a serious case of blue balls, too." He faked having the chills and laughed.
Then, just to be a dick, he added, "I'm fucking glad I'm not you."
I finally turned around and tried to interrupt him, but was not quick enough. "Emmett, I..."
"No, you listen to me, Edward. Even though what you did was funny as shit, it was wrong of you. Why the hell did you think it was appropriate to yell, 'I OBJECT!' during your daughter's wedding rehearsal?"
"Emmett, I..."
He ignored me. "Then, just to add to her humiliation and utter fucking embarrassment, you tried to pretend that you were joking when you tried to pull her back down the aisle away from Jake and the damn minister!"
"Emmett, I..."
"No, dummy, you listen to me. You do not want Carlie to look back on this day and remember how selfish you were. You broke her heart last night, bro. She tried to pretend that it didn't matter, but everyone could see the pain and confusion in her eyes. She went from laughing and being carefree to just going through the motions. Honestly, she deserved better, man, especially from her dad."
My brother looked me in the eyes and added, "And the next time you fucking decide to do something like that, give your brother a heads up. I could've made some big money from a bet with Jasper because he said you would sit back and watch, but I knew better than that shit. I should really trust my instincts more."
Emmett told me how he wished he had asked Jasper to bet him one hundred dollars that I would sabotage the evening. Being a jackass must be a family trait.
I began to tell him all the reasons why I did not want Carlie to go through with the wedding, and the more I talked, the more I could see the good side of the dog, I mean Jake. Emmett said Jake had held her close to him the rest of the evening while he rubbed her back and reassured her that he loved her and they would get through it together.
Even though I could see his good qualities and I knew I was wrong, there was a battle that raged inside my head. The battle of the good father who knew his daughter was happy versus the bad father who loved his daughter so much he did not know how to let her go.
Emmett listened, mostly. When I would start to sound like a whiny girl, he would point it out. When I said I wished I could turn back time and not act like a selfish bastard, he told me I did not own a DeLorean and that Doc would not be waiting for me like he had been for Marty in 'Back to the Future'. I smiled at the reference to our favorite childhood movie.
When Emmett said, "Seriously, bro, I'm going to give you some advice that I hope you take. It's life changing stuff," he cleared his throat to be dramatic.
"If you love something, set it free... SHIT! What the hell was that for, fucker? I'm just trying to help."
I tried to shake off the pain from where I punched my brother in the arm. "Stop it. I get it. I'm going to change and get downstairs. Thanks for nothing, dickhead."
"Just remember, bro, a happy wife makes for a happy life, or in your case, a naked wife."
"Yeah, thanks for the advice," I shook my head and walked towards the closet where Bella had hung my tuxedo and said a silent prayer.
"God,
Please help me get through this day so I can see my wife naked again.
Amen."
As I walked down the stairs after I got dressed, I realized I had not done what was best for my daughter. The day she was born, I had promised her that I would always put her needs first. I had broken my promise and put myself first. How could I fix this?
I remembered when she was just a baby and rolled over for the first time. I remembered her first day of school, her first day of piano lessons, and her first ballet recital. Then I thought about when she went on her first date, which about fucking killed me. I barely survived, but only thanks to Bella's distractions.
The day she graduated high school was a bittersweet day, but I made it through. Bella and I were proud of her as we sat with our families and watched Carlie accept her diploma.
As I continued to walk towards my own personal hell, I was reminded of the trip we made to take Carlie to college. That was a tough trip as my instincts to hold on struggled against the pride I felt in seeing her succeed. That had been the first time I ever had to let her go.
7 years before
It was late in the evening when we finally decided to stop. Bella, Carlie and I had been driving for 9 days. We had mixed emotions because we knew at the end of our journey we'd leave Carlie behind and fly back to Seattle.
Carlie had chosen to attend The University of Chicago. I was proud of her, but I didn't know how I would handle her being over 2,000 miles away from us. My wife tried to tell me to think in smaller numbers, so the joke was that she'd only be six states away.
Montana was a wide ass state, though. It should count as two, maybe even three states.
We had decided to take two weeks to travel across the northern US so we could enjoy our time together as a family. Bella and I wanted to use the trip as a way to discuss real life issues with our daughter. As her parents, we tried to emphasize the importance of safety, stressed that she shouldn't walk around at night, and to trust her instincts. Drugs and alcohol played a huge part in our discussion during the trip.
Bella wanted to discuss the importance of condoms and STDs. I did not want to be around when she had the "sex" talk with Carlie again. I was still traumatized from the first time Bella made me join in on that topic. We raised her to respect her body and asked her to try to save herself for "the one". I damn well did not want to know if we succeeded with that or not. I would end up in jail if I ever heard otherwise.
But as my luck would have it, I arrived just at the tail end of the 'condoms do not prevent herpes' discussion.
"Carlie, I know how it is to get into the heat of the moment and not feel like you can stop, but twenty minutes of pleasure is not worth a lifetime of lesions." Bella giggled when she said lesions. She was a nurse and had never shied away from being honest with Carlie.
Carlie laughed and turned to look at me and then winked, "I know, Mom. She's told me this a hundred times. Right, Dad?"
Just like that, my loving daughter, who I would lay down my very own life for, had thrown me into the pits of Hell. "Oh… um…. uh," I cleared my throat because I sounded like a girl, "I… I think you have, Bella," I stuttered.
They knew what they did to me.
Their first clue was the sweat that formed on my forehead.
Their second clue was when my eyes pleaded for them to stop and have mercy on me.
They were like hungry sharks that smelled blood in the water and went in for the kill.
"Dad, did you and Mom use condoms in college?" Carlie giggled and bumped Bella with her shoulder. "I don't know if they even made condoms that long ago," Carlie said more like a question than a fact.
"Carlie," Bella faked disappointment and shook her head from side to side. She would not win an Oscar, that's for damn sure. "You know your father isn't that old. Of course we used condoms. Right, honey?"
They were tag teaming me now. More like Killer Whales than Great White sharks.
"No, Mom, I swear I watched a show on Discovery Health that talked about the use of condoms in the olden days and I'm sure it said they didn't have them back then," Carlie said seriously. Bella high-fived Carlie and gave our daughter encouragement that was never needed.
"Shoot me now," I begged. "You two pick on me just to watch me sweat," I said as I wiped my brow. "There, are you happy with yourselves?"
"Yes," Bella and Carlie said in unison.
Bella continued, "That will teach you not to pick on us when we're stuck in a car with you for hours and can't escape." Then they both got up and hugged me and said they were sorry for picking on me. I didn't believe them for a second as they did this shit to me all the time.
"Hey, I think it's time to get serious. We have other things to talk about." They rolled their eyes as I tried to change the subject.
"Edward, are you saying that STDs are not serious? What about unplanned pregnancies?"
Bella crossed her arms and glared at me and pretended to be mad. "Well?" she added.
"No, sweetheart," I said as I tried to placate her. "We need to talk about my little friend who I like to call Mr. Visa Card," I chuckled as I tried to change the subject again.
"Oh no, Dad, I'd rather discuss sex than credit cards with you any day," Carlie begged. "Please, Daddy? Let's talk about keg stands or drugs. Yeah… drugs." Damn, she was good, but it would not work this time.
I did feel bad because we had discussed it several times already on our trip, but it was an important topic and deserved to be repeated. "I know you hate to talk about this, love bug, but I want to make sure you understand that you can't just buy, buy, buy and think that it's okay. You get it, right?" I asked. "You have a budget that you need to stick to."
We are not the Bank of Cullen. 'In Cullen We Trust'
"Ugh, I know, Dad. You've told me this a gazillion times." Carlie looked directly into my eyes and clearly pronounced every word like I was a dummy. "I understand that I have a budget and even though the card has my name on it, you and Mom can and will revoke it at any time. Satisfied?" she huffed.
I guess I did sound like a broken record. "Yes, I believe you get it," I sighed.
Bella added, "If you find that your budget is too low we can always look into it again, okay? Mainly what your father is asking is that you communicate with us. That's all. We trust you."
Bella got up and grabbed her shower bag and robe.
"Now, you two play nice while I go take a shower. I love you guys."
Bella shut the bathroom door and I got up to rummage through my bag. I had planned this moment ahead of time with Bella. I needed to do it for my own sanity. I pulled out a necklace with a beautiful old fashioned key pendent dangling from it. I just hoped I could get through this on my own.
"Um, love bug, can you sit by me for a minute? I have something I'd like to give you."
Carlie nodded and scooted up on the bed next to me. "Sure, what's up?"
I had a hard time deciding where to begin. "Well, your mom and I bought you a gift and we hope you like it," I said. "I've told you the meaning behind my tattoo more times than I can count. You know the two roses represent you and your mom. You also know the locket is the door to my heart and my love for both of you. I added the ribbon banner to the design with 'Cullen' to remind us that we are a family."
"Yeah, I know." Carlie looked confused. She wondered where I was going with this. Maybe she thought they made gift cards for tattoos?
"Well, I remember when you were three years old; you had asked me where the key was because you couldn't see it and I told you it would always be in your heart.
"Lift your hair up, please, and turn around." As she pulled her hair up off of her neck and turned, I clasped the necklace with the pendent around her neck. "Now, even though you won't be with us every day, you will know that you still hold the key to my heart." A tear ran down Carlie's cheek.
"This is the same key that your Mom had tattooed on the back of her neck," I whispered softly. "We know how much you love our tattoos and thought we could give you a piece of ourselves to carry with you," I said as I looked up into her teary eyes.
"Daddy…" Carlie began crying. "I'm going to miss you guys so much." I reached around to hug her.
"I'm scared, Dad," she quietly admitted.
I held her tighter to my chest. Ironically, her face was resting on my tattoo.
"Oh, baby, I know it can be scary. We've both been in your shoes," I said softly as I stroked her hair to try and relax her. "Why are you scared?"
Carlie went on to tell me her fears - separation from us, making new friends or just not fitting in, getting lost, and bad grades were her biggest worries.
"Are you disappointed in me, Dad?" Carlie asked out of the blue.
"What for?"
"Because I didn't declare a major and I don't have a clue of what I want to do with my life?" she asked while she began to pick at her fingernails. At least she wasn't crying anymore. I hated to see her cry.
"Carlie, I went to school for premed for three years because I thought I wanted to be a doctor like my dad. I had to practically start college over because I was too stubborn to listen to my heart. If I would've taken the time to decide what I wanted to do to begin with, I would have saved my own mom and dad thousands and thousands of dollars." I lifted Carlie's chin so I could look at her.
"I wish I would've made the decision you made to take my time." It was true. I had many regrets about my early years in college. I spent eight years in college total - three wasted years and then five years to earn a degree in Architecture.
"So you're okay with paying for me take a bunch of lame classes for a while?" Carlie asked like she didn't believe me. After all my talks about money over the past few days, I guess I could understand why.
"Sweetheart, I just want you to be happy. If it takes you two years to decide what you want to do, your mom and I are fine with that.
"I gave you the pendent to show that you have owned my heart since the day I knew you existed, so it doesn't matter what you choose to do or even if you decide college isn't right for you. We will love you no matter what." I kissed her cheek.
"You will always be one of the two best things in my life. Never doubt that. I love you."
"I love you, too, Daddy. You're right, though. I need to stop worrying and get out there to figure it out."
Carlie reached up and touched her key pendent. "Thanks, Dad. You and Mom are the best parents I could've ever dreamed of having and I'm going to miss you every single day. I'm glad I can look at the pendent and know I'm not alone." Carlie reached out and held my hand.
"I'm so proud to call you my Daddy."
God, she owned me. If she only knew the power she had over me.
"I love you, sweetheart. If you need anything, you make sure you call or text us. We are only six states away," I said as sarcastically as I could so I could take a dig at my wife. Carlie knew it and laughed.
"You know, you're going to be in so much trouble with Mom when I tell her you just made fun of her?"
"You wouldn't dare. I could tell your new roommate about the time when you ate…" I mumbled as Carlie put her hand over my mouth.
"Fine, your secret is safe for now," I said after Carlie removed her hand. By this time, Bella was coming out of the bathroom, smiling at us. Carlie walked over to hug her mom and thank her for her gift.
It was the last night of our vacation as Carlie would be checking into her dorm the next afternoon. She wanted to live in off campus housing, but Bella and I told her she would need to experience dorm life to appreciate college.
~~~ TL ~~~
Sounds from outside of the office where I paced brought me back from my thoughts. We had so many happy memories as a family that led us to Carlie's wedding. I needed to get past my sadness and be happy for my little girl.
I knew Bella would have my balls if I was the reason behind anything else that went wrong. She thought I was out to sabotage the wedding because I did not want Carlie to marry the dog, I mean Jake. I really needed to work on calling him 'Jake' as Bella would have my balls for that, too.
"Edward?" Bella practically whispered. She must have known I was lost in thought.
As I turned to answer her, I was stopped by the way she looked. I couldn't believe how beautiful my wife was in her new dress. Her hair was pulled up into a ponytail. Bella did not wear much makeup, but what little she had on made her even more beautiful.
I whispered, matching her shushed tone, "Bella, you look unbelievably beautiful, love. You need to change out of that dress, though."
"Why?"
"It's not fair to Carlie that her Mom looks more beautiful than her on her wedding day." By the time I finished talking, I had already reached where she stood in front of the door and had started to bring her into an embrace when those plans came to a halt.
"Don't you dare hug me, Edward Anthony Cullen. First of all, you're on my shit list, buddy. I'm still mad at you for the stunt you pulled last night. Secondly, your daughter is anxious to see you and if you hug me now, I know you will try to take it to a level that is inappropriate, especially in the church where our daughter is about to get married." Damn! My wife always knew how to put me in my place, even twenty seven years later.
"Also, Emmett already filled me in on your conversation with him earlier and after cussing in church, you may want to behave if you don't want to really end up in Hell one day."
"But he cussed, too."
Bella sighed, "Listen, you big baby, I'm not married to Emmett, so I don't care what he does. I have a hard enough time keeping you in line."
"You're right, love. I will try to control myself and I won't hug you, either. But I sure could use one of your hugs right now. I'm going through a lot here, ya know?" Why couldn't anyone understand what I was going through? Why did they not see that my baby girl was going to marry some dog, then run off into the sunset and forget all about me?
Hold up! Why did I still act so damn childish? I really am a selfish bastard. Shit.
A smile appeared on Bella's face and she brought her hands up to my chest and gently rubbed my tattoo. It made me feel even more vulnerable as I remembered why it was there.
"Honey, I know you're having a hard time with letting Carlie go. She really isn't going anywhere though, Edward. She's just getting married and we're getting the son we never had but always wanted. She will always be our daughter, so please get past whatever your issue is and be happy for both of them today," she said. "If I had any doubts about him or their marriage, I would understand, but I don't. I may be sad that our little girl is all grown up, but I don't have anything else to be sad about. We have all of our family and friends here to celebrate with us. Let's enjoy the day with them. Who knows when everyone will be together like this again?"
She suddenly stopped and pulled my face down to hers, giving me a chaste kiss before reaching up on her tippy toes to whisper in my ear. "I promise to take every thought and worry you have away after we get back to the hotel room. I even brought along some presents… just… for… you, Mr. Cullen," she purred as she gently placed a kiss on my neck.
The smile crept up on my face. I loved how my wife could take away my worries. I would be a dumb ass not to go along with her or I would not get my presents tonight.
I pulled her face to mine, going for another chaste kiss, but as soon as her lips met mine, my body took over and I swept my tongue against her bottom lip so I could deepen the kiss. Again, my plans were cut short.
"No way, Mr. Cullen, not until after the pictures. I want my makeup perfect for them," she stated as she backed away from me.
"Fine." My inner child came out to play again and I was annoyed that my wife would not give me a proper kiss in my time of need.
"I love you more than anything, Edward. We'll have time for kisses later. It's time to get our daughter married and the reception completed without anything going wrong," she said as she started to walk away from me and towards the door, but turned back to give me more instructions as if I was a child.
"I'm going out there to get Carlie. She wants to talk to you alone. You will not make her cry. You will not say one bad thing about Jake. You will not do the whole cliché Dad thing and say 'there's still time to run away'. Do you understand me, Edward?" Her pointer finger poked me and moved in sync with her words so quick I could not keep up with it.
I wanted to answer her with 'Yes, Drill Sergeant!', but again, I liked to have my balls intact.
"Yes, honey," I said with a huge sigh. I really did not want to agree to anything. You bet your ass if my daughter said she did not want to marry the dog and wanted to run away, I would make it happen.
I turned back to the window and looked out as the guests arrived. They all looked so happy. I guess I needed to put my game face on and look happy, too. I really did not want to upset Carlie or make the day uncomfortable for our guests because of my stupidity. Yes, I knew I was being stupid, but I didn't really care.
"Daddy?" My sweet girl's voice broke my thoughts. In that moment, I knew I needed to let my issues go and just enjoy the day.
I turned to face my daughter, the blushing bride.
"Love bug…" was all I could say. Tears had started to form in my eyes, giving me a stinging sensation. My baby girl took my breath away. I stood frozen in my spot and I could not even move towards her. My feet felt like they were in a block of cement. Good thing Carlie sensed my state of shock and made the short journey to me.
"How do I look, Daddy?" she asked as she twirled around and caused the layers of her dress to flare out. It reminded me of the many times she would dress up as a princess and spin around to show me her clothes. Bella loved to make her princess outfits.
Carlie's hair flowed down her back and was styled with soft curls throughout. She had just a slight hint of pink lipstick and her eyes sparkled a shade of green I did not think I had ever seen before. My baby girl looked amazing. She looked like a woman in love.
It was a moment in time I would never want to forget. It also made me finally realize that what Bella said earlier was true. Our Carlie was not a little girl anymore; she was a woman. I had to set her free.
"Beautiful, baby girl. Always beautiful," I said as I finally came to my senses after seeing my daughter so happy and said the first thing that came to my mind. I tried not to cry, but it happened anyway. I felt a tear come down my face. Before I could reach for it, my daughter's hand was there to wipe it away.
"Please don't cry, Daddy. I know you're not too thrilled about my wedding. I love Jake and he loves me and we want to start our future together. There isn't a reason to be sad because Jake's a good man and he'll take care of me." Her eyes pleaded with me to understand. It broke my heart to see that my crazy, over-protective dad actions had caused her heart to ache. That really was the last thing I wanted and I needed to make things right.
"No, Carlie, stop. You don't need to explain anything to me." I stopped myself and had to prepare to say the words I knew I needed to say, even if deep down I never wanted to admit to myself that they were true.
"I do agree with you that Jake is a good man. I know he has never treated you wrong or disrespected your mom or me in any way. I can see that he will always take care of you. I'm grateful for all of this. I'm not mad you have chosen to marry him. It's just so hard to see you all grown up and not need me anymore." The tears that formed in my eyes stopped me. I was about to give my daughter away and I did not want her to feel guilty about doing what was right for her.
"I love you, Carlie. I've loved you from the minute I found out your mom was pregnant and I will love you until I take my last breath. One day when you and Jake have kids you will understand how hard it is to let go and stand back and watch while they go on through life.
I needed to apologize for my outburst from the previous night. "I'm sorry for embarrassing you and Jake in front of everyone. It was childish of me. I don't have an excuse big enough to earn your forgiveness, but in time I hope you'll forgive your old man." I grabbed her hands in mine and leaned forward to kiss her forehead. It was her turn to stop me. She had always been so much like Bella when it came to putting me in my place.
"Maybe I'll forgive you," Carlie teased. I did not expect that. "I'm okay, Dad. I made a bet with Jake that you wouldn't be able to get through the night without saying something to offend my future in-laws. Even though what you did was so wrong, I did win the bet. So thanks to you I won't have to clean our toilets for a year." My daughter's sense of humor amazed me as she forgave me. She got her sense of humor from her mom, obviously.
"Seriously, Daddy, just because I'm getting married doesn't mean I'm going to live a life where you won't exist." She paused and I could tell she was the one tearing up. "You will always be a part of my life and I will always need you. I actually got a little present to show that I'll always be a part of you and Mom."
She wiped away her own tears as I stood there with my mouth slightly opened, thinking about what she said. I felt stupid that I had been a jerk. I was not going anywhere and would always be a part of her life. I would always be there for my daughter no matter what she and Jake chose to do.
I hadn't realized I had never responded until she started to turn around and pull her hair up.
"Carlie, don't mess your hair up. Your mom will kill me if I'm the reason your pictures aren't perfect." I started to reach out to her to take her hands out of her hair, but the fear of my wife made my hands stop before they touched her curled locks.
"You have that right. Mom will kill you if you mess up anything related to my wedding. Good thing for you she already knows about this, so if my hair is slightly messed up it won't be your fault and Mom won't have to punish you," she said as she started to pull her hair higher and then I noticed that she had something there.
I squinted my eyes to see what she wanted to show me.
My daughter had a tattoo that was identical to her mom's tattoo on the back of her neck. Not only was it in the same spot as Bella's, Carlie had chosen to get an intricate key. The key was hanging from a ribbon that said 'forever' written on it in cursive. My tears started up yet again and I did not try to hide them. Only my daughter could make me turn into a complete sap. Not even Bella held this amount of power over me.
My daughter marked her body with something that linked her to Bella and I in a way she knew I would consider sacred for our family. It was beyond thoughtful that she had considered it as a gift to me.
I was speechless, but didn't want her to think I didn't like it.
"Love bug," I choked out. "It's beautiful. Did you really get this for me?" Stupid question, I know, but I wanted to hear my daughter's words to know that she understood how strongly I felt about her decision.
She turned back around to face me and looked into my eyes with so much love it almost took my breath away.
"Yes, I did, Daddy. I know you've said that your tattoo is a family crest for us and how it really belonged to me and Mom since we're the only ones that could open your heart." She let her hair fall back down and turned around to face me before she continued.
"I wanted to show you that just because I'm getting married, it doesn't change anything between you and me. I will always be your daughter and you will always be my daddy. You are a fabulous dad, even though you get all crazy on me. I know you do it out of love and I also know I can go to you and Mom for anything I may need. No matter what we're doing or where we end up, we are always connected, and not just by this tattoo."
I could tell she started to ramble on and on because I had not said much since she showed me her tattoo.
I needed to hold my daughter one last time while she was still a Cullen, and not yet a Black. I reached out for her and pulled her into me and tucked her under my chin. I could have cared less if her hair was messed up for the pictures and Bella would have to get over it. I needed to hold my baby girl.
I took a couple deep breaths while I enjoyed her scent. I needed to find the right words to express everything I was feeling at that moment.
Gratitude. Pride. Excitement. Sadness. But most of all... love.
"I love you so much, love bug. I'm so sorry I made the last couple days unbearable for you and Jake. This is your day to shine and my childish ways have clouded that." I squeezed her tighter, saying a couple more apologies silently.
"I think your tattoo is beautiful, honey. I'm thankful you truly understand how deep my feelings are for you, and you're right, it's like our family crest. I feel so honored that you would get a tattoo that ties you to your past when you are building the foundation of your own family," I said as I held back every emotion I could. I was a man with some pride after all; I couldn't continue to be such a cry baby.
Carlie took some pity on me and decided that our tender moment was over. She unwound her arms from around my waist, kissed me on the cheek, and walked over to the mirror where she fluffed her hair. She looked up and winked at me.
"It's time. Jake has been waiting too long already."
All I could do was nod my head with a smile on my face as she started towards the door.
Her smile was as big as one could be and then it dropped a little. She looked back at me with a serious expression on her face and the sparkle that lived in her big green eyes whenever she was excited.
"You will always hold the lock to my key, Daddy," she whispered as she blew me a kiss and turned to walk out the door towards her future.
Thanks for taking the time to read. Leave a review it if don't mind. We'll never learn from our mistakes if you don't tell us about them. *wink*