Leah's point of view: Hopeless

I stood looking at my reflection in the mirror. This wasn't me; my eyes red and puffy, fat and broken. I was pathetic, monstrous, a bitch. I never wanted to be this way, but there was no denying this was the new me.

Where did the old Leah go? The one who laughed and smiled? The one who had a dad, a best friend, a boyfriend and a family? The one who didn't chase vampires? The one who enjoyed life and had confidence?

She left a long time ago. She will never come back and show everyone how amazing she was.

I had been gone so long, I have fallen apart. The new bitter Leah consumed me. Every time I tried to get better I went five steps back. I would keep falling and failing. There was no saving me.

It wasn't Sam's fault or Emily's. They were in love and happy and I would never truly want to take that away. She was still my family and she deserved all the happiness in the world. And Sam never deserved to be treated the way I have treated him. He never wanted to hurt me or Emily. The spirits decided he deserved a girl better than me.

It wasn't the spirits fault either. They know Sam and Emily deserved each other. They knew I was a mistake, so they humored themselves. They made me a werewolf, maybe to stay with Seth? I will never know. They knew no one deserved to be stuck with a bitch like me, so I will never imprint, or stop phasing or even have children.

I am depressed, there I said it. I don't feel happy or anything anymore. I hate everything about myself; I hate my body, my face, my personality.

I kneeled and stuck my finger down my throat. I could feel my gag reflexes kick in. It was hard especially since I was a damn werewolf. But I emptied all the contents in my stomach and kept going. I had been doing this for months now. I was fat, I hated my body. I wanted to fix it; I wanted to be prettier since no one wanted me. I starved and made myself throw up. It hasn't changed a fucking thing.

I cursed and cursed. I had tears streaming down my face and I began to shake. I bolted out of my house running. I have no idea where I was running to. I ran hard till I finally collapsed near a high cliff. I threw up again. It wasn't taking the pain away.

I saw a shiny object. I bolted for it like it was my addiction. I held the rock and sliced it against my wrists. I kept running it over my tan skin watching the blood splatter against the ground. Life was cruel; every time I would make a cut another would heal instantly.

Life was laughing wickedly at me; I was already pathetic and disgusting enough. The depression wasn't letting me take away the pain in my heart. Whenever I reached for hope, relief or happiness; depression would wrap its misty cloak around me and poison me.

I kept cutting and crying when I suddenly heard a noise.

"Leah what the fuck are you doing?!" A familiar voice demanded. I jumped up and turned around. I saw Jake, Quill, Embry, Jared, Paul and Collin. I back up with my back to the edge of the cliff.

"Just fucking leave me alone!" I screeched sobbing. They all froze with painful expressions on their faces.

"Jared, Embry get to the bottom now!" Jake commanded. They froze for a second before bolting away.

"Go away!" I shrieked throwing the rock at Jake. He dodged it though.

"Collin go get Seth now!" Jake ordered not taking his eyes off me. His words hit me hard.

"No, no, no! Don't get Seth! No! No Seth isn't going to see me like this! No, don't you fucking dare!" I choked out. My body was trembling, not for wanting to phase, but because I was sad and unstable.

Collin still left to get Seth.

"Leah! We love you! Stop!" Quill pleaded.

"Leah please calm down." Paul begged.

"I hate you! Just let me die! That's all I want! Don't get Seth!" I sobbed hard. My body stared hyperventilating. I felt Jake wrap his arms around me.

"No! We are not going to let you harm yourself! You are definitely not going to kill yourself! Where is the strong Leah? We can help you!" Jake gasped trying to hold me still.

"What about the pack or your friends? What about your family? Did you think about your brother, mom or dad!?" Quill yelled.

"My dad is dead! He is dead because of me! Because he couldn't have a normal, happy daughter! Seth and my mom deserve more! They deserve to have an amazing daughter and sister! Not me!" I yelled in agony.

"I don't want to live anymore! Please! Just let me die! I want to die! Please, I need to... please… help… please…!" I gasped hyperventilating harder.

"No." Jake said harshly. I then lost it. Fire consumed my blood, desire clouded my mind, and depression burned my soul.

I flared my body in all directions, kicking and hitting Jake hard. He fought back harder trying to keep me in his arms. He was stronger but I elbowed him in the jaw and he stumbled back into the tree.

Before anyone could grab me I ran towards the edge of the cliff. It was over fifty feet high and the water's current was wild today. Without much more thought I jumped.

I heard people screaming my name. Even though we were werewolves, the jump was still deadly and so was the current. No one would jump after me.

The wind cut through my face and I smiled. It was the most I have ever felt alive in a really long time. It was peaceful until I hit the water. I felt my skin and bones break instantly.

I gasped as I sunk to the bottom. The current tossed me around as if I was a doll. I felt myself sink lower and I felt the water enter my body and lungs. It was awful but it was what I wanted. I saw the sun shine through the top of the ocean.

This is a peaceful place to die. Im away from the world. I'm away from the life I made. I didn't know if I was going to heaven or hell. I figured it was God's choice. I just wanted everyone I have hurt to be okay. I wanted them to continue living with smiles on their faces and for them to keep laughing.

I began to lose consciousness. I felt a warm pair of arms around me. I was gently set down on a soft surface. I heard a voice calling to me. I barley found enough strength to flicker my eyes open.

I saw the face of my angel. It was like I was seeing light for the first time. I felt complete and safe.

I whispered the angels name on my lips before darkness consumed me.