Lapis stared into oblivion silently, her arms wrapped tightly around Peridot's back protectively. Her face buried on her chest, her gaze low as she lay there silently holding the blonde. Her blue locks tickling her cheek and the gentle caress of Peridot's hand on her shoulder, though asleep it brought Lapis a sense of comfort she didn't know she needed.
She felt like she could lay here forever and forget about her cares and responsibilities. Just living in the moment and doing nothing yet feeling fulfilled. Knowing that Peridot was here by her side. That alone, let her know she would be ok and there was nothing she needed to worry about anymore, because she had someone who understood.
She couldn't describe it in words, but being close to Peridot like this. It wasn't a feeling she was used to, but it was certain;y not one she hated in the least. She felt safe, calm and relaxed. Her mind full of a million thoughts but not one of them sad, she had never felt like this before. She had never had such a strong connection to someone before.
Her affections for Steven were much like a sister and brother, platonic. She saw the younger universe boy as family, a friend. Someone who helped her when she was lost and scared. Someone who helped her realize her inner strength and overcome her demons, facing them and admitting that she wasn't going to let them consume her anymore.
She was done with that part of her life and moving on, allowing her to see life more clearly and enjoy herself. Not from a bleak and miserable aspect as she had before, like walking into a brand new world. Accepting that she had needed help and decided to do something about it. No longer letting herself be the prisoner and break her chains.
But her relationship with Peridot was so much different. Less toxic and exhausting, where she didn't have to have her guard up all the time. For the first time in what felt like forever, she was happy and comfortable. Realizing what it truly meant to like someone, where you trusted them, where you could do nothing and yet be happy with that.
With Jasper, she had become cold, distant and bitter. Lashing out at everything, constantly on guard and having emotional and mental breakdowns. Never feeling like she could breathe or was in control at all. She pointed out Lazuli's flaws, saying how small and scrawny she was put had a powerful slap or words. Though she could not stand up to Jasper physically, she knew what to say to hurt her.
Doing what she could to break down Jasper's walls and make her feel insecure and broken. Wanting her to feel how trapped and angry she felt, just like how Jasper made her feel. Showing she wasn't going to tolerate it anymore and two could play that game. Wanting to see how far she could go until Jasper would break down too.
Causing Lapis to become distant, cold and forced herself on Lapis. Making her do what she wanted and go where she wanted, never giving Lapis a chance to even speak her mind. Their sexual relations with each other was just as awful, it had been angry and hateful. Lapis often taking a shower, drinking or going out whenever they were done. Anything to remove the feeling from her body.
Feeling like Jasper took something from her, she had lost her first to someone she hated. In return, she took out her negative emotions and threw them right back at Jasper to vent. She loved to belittle her and hurt her pride, laughing at her loyalty to her idol and how she should just date her instead. Hitting at Jasper's pain and loss the same way Jasper hurt her by taking away her voice.
Though she knew it had been wrong, it gave her a sense of power. Showing Jasper she wasn't some passive little doll she could push around and mock. Showing how venomous and cruel she could when she tried. Though that had only made things worse, at the time it had been a way for her to deal with the situation the only way she knew how.
But now everything was different, she was different. Peridot never expected anything from Lapis, just wanting to see her smile genuinely. Even if her jokes were corny or whatever she came up with wasn't that impressive, it was the thought that counted. She was a nerd and the best in their class, yet at the same time was clumsy in an adorable way and somewhat naïve. But she was Lapis's little dork, not realizing how happy she made her.
Peridot gave her personal space when she needed it, but always lingered nearby to ask if she was ok. Even texting her during the day occasionally and checking up on her when worried. Showing Lapis, she did care, she was just awkward about showing her feelings. Their evenings consisting of watching marathons on the couch together with a bowl of popcorn.
Lapis felt she could be herself around Peridot, for the first time in her life laughing genuinely around someone. Able to feel joy and make jokes out of situations without hesitation. Knowing that Peridot would always have her back and though awkward and not always in control, she would always be there when she needed someone on her side.
Being with Peridot she had begun to realize the flaws in her relationship with Jasper. Comparing it to the one she had built with Peridot, realizing what she had been missing all this time. She had deserved better, she didn't have to put up with Jasper's shit. She hadn't known that then as she hadn't been strong enough, but she did now. Which had led her to reuniting with Peridot and their romance.
Suddenly, she felt the body beneath her move and a yawn escape the blonde's lips. She could feel the light beaming through the curtains, semi blinding her. But she had slept enough, and it was time to face the day. As she adapted to her surroundings, she just about died when she looked down. Despite having been with the blue haired girl for 2 years now, she still felt her heart race whenever she was around her.
Lapis had her arms around her hugging her tightly. Listening to her heartbeat within her chest, her soft blue hair tickling her chest. That wasn't to say Peridot wasn't enjoying Lapis being affectionate. Lapis was like a little kid, stubborn and silent but secretly affectionate deep down. But if she was being honest, it was a relief to have a partner who was semi flat chested like herself.
They both had nice chests even if they were on the small side, but they could relate to each other. Not having to feel ashamed or jealous of what each other had, as they were similar in size. They were now more comfortable than they had been in the honeymoon faze, calling each other nicknames to the point others joked them as a married couple.
However, she could sense Lapis was in one of her serious moods again. Whenever she went quiet or stared off into space, it was easy to tell she was having a flashback about her past. It almost always usually happened when she was thinking about Jasper. Having been a past ally or associate of Jasper's, she knew just how strong and brutish the bigger woman could be.
She knew that the relationship had been toxic, leading to Pearl, Garnet and Amethyst to intervene in order to keep them apart. Garnet even almost beating Jasper to a pulp if Pearl hadn't stopped her, later taking Lapis to a hospital. Though it hadn't been easy in the aftermath, and Lapis had needed therapy for a while because of it.
Jasper had been a brute in every sense of the word. Lapis having to put herself in harms way to protect Steven from Jasper as he openly stated how he didn't approve of their relationship saying it wasn't right. She had been a bully and treated Lapis like a toy, controlling her with psychological manipulation to make her stay and do what she wanted. Pulling her around and not letting her out of her sight.
She hadn't respected Lapis at all, near the end after therapy Lapis had confronted Jasper on what had happened. Openly stating to her how what they had hadn't been healthy whatsoever. But Lapis had let it happen because she let Jasper boss her around. In return she had taken out how much she hated Jasper for making her suffer and venting out on the crystal gems for using her the way they did.
Peridot shifted, hesitating on how to address the situation without saying anything that may bring back unpleasant memories. "Lapis? You ok?" she asked apprehensively. She had learned over time to avoid trigger words that may upset Lapis or bring back bad memories. Knowing that when Lapis went quiet, it was never usually a good sign.
Though it had been well over 2 years since that part of Lapis's life and her abuse. The two of them starting a relationship together and making a life, both sharing an apartment together. It would be hard for Lapis to completely recover from the scars yet. Though nobody could really understand what Lapis went through but herself, they could help her and make the healing process easier.
Lapis silently tightened her grip on Peridot, even now Peridot was showing she cared. Being patient with her and trying to confront her on what was bothering her, but being careful about how she worded it. "I just…. I love you Peri" she replied tenderly. She really did mean it, Peridot was her cute little dork. She was someone she could be herself around and didn't feel the need to hide her feelings from.
She could make dark jokes from her past around her and Peridot even laughed along with her. She didn't judge her for what she went through, but asked that she simply confided in her when she needed someone and to trust her. Knowing Peridot would never treat her that way or put her through what Jasper did, for she was special to her.
Peridot blushed, not knowing what to say as a response. She wasn't used to this serious side of Lapis, as she was often scared by it. But she loved Lapis too, never thinking she could feel so strongly for anyone and relate to their problems. Lapis was a deep, conflicted, sarcastic and yet funny young woman when she was comfortable around someone. Yet she carried her own set of issues with Peridot accepted and tried to help her move past.
She swallowed nervously, her cheeks redder than Steven's favourite top. She had never been good with matters of the heart for she had never opened her heart truly to anyone before. "I… love you too" she replied shyly. She had never been good at voicing her feelings due to being a bookworm and solely concentrating on her studies.
A small smile then spread across Lapis face upon hearing these words. Somehow, they were just what she needed to hear right now. Easing the storm inside her heart and bringing out the sunshine. She then snuggled closer to Peridot affectionately, while Peridot awkwardly pulled the bedsheet over their bodies. Not wanting to get cold and preserve the heat between them.