Title: A Reason To Stay
Author: Strausser
Rating: PG
Pairings: implied Shion/Dohko
Warnings: none
Spoilers: Hades arc
Timeline: Second Chances
Disclaimer: Saint Seiya is owned by Kurumada Masami-sensei. I just love them too much to leave them alone.
Inside the Aries temple was finally quiet after hours of rambunctious Saints celebrated the combined birthdays of Aries Mu, Kyokou Shion and Kiki (this time, the party went off without a hitch). The current ruler of the temple, Mu, was seated in a plush recliner before a dead fireplace, holding a sleeping Kiki on his lap. He had his arm wrapped loosely around his trainee's waist, while Kiki's head was pillowed against his chest. The youngster had eaten way too much sugar that night, and promptly passed out once the final guest had left. Mu did not mind one bit that his lap was occupied; he had too many other thoughts racing through his head.
As he gently ran a hand down his sleeping charge's hair, his eyes stared down fondly. "You'll never abandon me, will you, Kiki?" The child did not stir from deep sleep. Mu sighed. "Of course you will. Once you attain my position there will be no need for my presence. Better for me to leave now to finish your training than to become disappointed later." Such had been his thoughts as of late, thoughts he could not dispel no matter how hard he tried, for as much as he wanted not to believe it, he felt that as time passed, he would become like the discarded toy a child no longer wanted to play with. Still there in the room, but no longer necessary, yet too remembered to be thrown into the trash. Perhaps he would remain on the shelf, collecting dust, watching the child play with all the newer, exciting toys. Mu shook his head slightly to stave off the analogy. That analogy was wrong, for there was no child. Only the toys were important.
"You are being too kind to you charge again, Mu," said a voice from the entryway.
Mu stared and quickly turned his head. "Master Shion." He felt a slight discomfort within, wondering if Shion had heard the words he had spoken just a moment ago. Hiding his fear behind a soft smile, he said, "It's his birthday. Besides, I remember somebody showing me the same kindness once a year as well."
Shion's smile seemed to grow fonder as he took steps into the room.
"Please, sit," requested Mu with a hand extended toward a chair that sat opposite the recliner. Shion took the offer and sat, folding his hands in his lap. They sat in silence for a moment, thoughts swirling around Mu's mind until he could not keep from unburdening his mind. Having somebody beside him who knew more about him than most kept him from keeping his mouth shut. "I'm thinking of returning to Jamir." Once the words were out, however, he instantly regretted it. If he were to tell Shion the real reason for his plight, the elder Saint may think less of him. Any explanation would be better than blurting out the real reason. He would not be able to handle it if his master were to call him an idiot.
Shion's eyes widened, the only indication of his shock at the words. "That came out of nowhere," he muttered.
Mu took in a deep breath to steel himself. The next words uttered were complete fabrication, but he hoped it would do to ease him away from telling the truth. "There is no place for me here in Sanctuary." He watched the reaction, and saw a smile of such sadness touch his master's face.
"We are similar in so many ways," said Shion.
Mu continued, afraid that if he did not, the silence would force words from him his mind did not want him to say, even if, in his heart wanted to. "I do not know what to do anymore. Why stay here if there is no need of my protection? The world is at peace. I would have rather been initiated into the cycle of reincarnation than brought back to live a life I know nothing about." He hung his head, pretending to be ashamed at that last statement. "I know I cannot oppose Athena's decisions, but this is an existence I've never had before. It is frightening."
"I understand your sentiment," said Shion. "I too wanted to enter the cycle of reincarnation, although for different reasons. I can see why you would be scared of a world whose only meaning is in protecting a goddess who no longer needs our protection. You were trained to be a fighter from a young age, and now with no one to fight against, you feel lost. Sanctuary holds no meaning for you."
Mu was shocked to hear those words, able to tell that the words were describing how his master felt instead of confirming how Mu felt. It saddened him slightly to lie to his mentor, but he could not, no, would not allow himself to say truth. Still, his mood lightened slightly to understand that Shion trusted him enough to speak from his own heart.
"Master Shion," he began, "why did you decide to stay? I heard you say similar words to Athena before she brought us back. She offered you reincarnation. Why did you decline?"
Shion sighed, the sound echoing an existence that was bittersweet. "It is true that I felt angered by being allowed to live while all the others I had fought beside during the first Holy War were already reborn, but at the second of my decision, I knew I wanted to stay. Selfish as it may be, and I pray my friends will forgive me, I had to stay." He fell silent, as if thinking about something deeply. Mu did not say anything, allowing his master the choice of whether to tell him the real reason or not. "When one is reincarnated, it is possible that he meets those he knew in his previous life, and even if he does not remember them, they will share an unspoken understanding. But love is not something that can be guaranteed, and I have loved far too long to allow this moment to pass. Even if I was not loved back, I had to take the risk. We were not allowed before; now we are free to do as we please."
Mu smiled knowingly. "You are speaking of Old Master, are you not?"
Shion smiled back. "Yes. Dohko has been my best friend ever since I became a Saint, and through our trials I discovered that I loved him, very much unlike the way I loved the others. Before I had a chance to tell him, we were plunged into war, and after that, he left for Rozan Mountain to guard the seal that held Hades' Spectres, while I became Kyokou of Sanctuary. I never got the chance to confess my feelings. When the opportunity presented itself, I could not let the chance slip through my fingers."
"And what of your confession?" Once out, Mu knew he should not have said it. It was not his business the affairs of his master, no matter how curious he was.
But Shion did not look angry at being asked that. In fact, his smile grew sweeter. "We've decided to take it slow. Dohko was never like me. He was one of the few Saints that found attraction in the fairer sex. But despite that, he loves me. He would have followed whatever decision I made once given the opportunity to be reborn or rebirthded."
Mu felt sad to hear that. "I envy you," he said.
"Oh? Why is that?"
"To have a relationship with someone to that extent must feel exhilarating." The words left a bitter taste in his mouth. He had not wanted to be envious, especially not of his master, but to hear how two people could be so close saddened him on so many levels. Never in his wildest imagination did he think he could have what Shion and Dohko had. Not even if he fell in love. "I cannot imagine what it must be like to have someone who would follow you to the ends of the Earth."
"Oh?" Shion looked genuinely surprised. "I am certain that is not true."
Mu smiled sadly. How little his teacher knew of his life. "There is nobody who would do for me as Dohko did for you." Once the words were out, there was no taking them back. He turned his eyes away, afraid now that he would be forced into voicing his true concerns. The ache in his chest grew heavier; his mouth should have remained closed.
"Mu." Shion's voice was subtle, calm, as if placating a child's fears. "You have not had time to cultivate your relationships with your friends. You share a bond unbreakable. You are all willing to die for Athena, yet you have never wanted to die for each other."
That statement struck such truth within Mu that for the moment he was stunned immobile.
"Give it time," Shion continued. "There will come a day when all of you, all twelve, will not be able to live without each other."
Mu looked at his master, the confusion, he was sure, etched in his face. How could Shion say something like that with so much conviction? Did he know something that none of the younger generation did? That statement could not be true, it could never be true. It hurt just to think that he could hope for such a miraculous day only to find that day never coming to pass. A wave of anger swept through the confusion. Shion was just playing with him, wasn't he? The others could never feel that way, not about each other and certainly not about him.
Forehead creased, Mu looked at the fireplace, his voice clipped and tight. "Thank you for your confidence, master, but rest assured that will never happen."
"How can you say that with such conviction?"
"How can you think the opposite?" He refused to meet Shion's eyes, lest his master see the truth behind the words.
"You do not truly fear a life here in Sanctuary for want of someone to protect, do you?"
Mu gasped. Sure enough Shion had read his mind, without the use of any telekinetic ability. Wanting with desperation to finally tell the truth, Mu took in a deep breath and exhaled loudly. Was it now time for his master to think of him as a complete imbecile?
"No, I don't."
"Then tell me, Mu. What is it that plagues your heart?"
Mu closed his eyes to steady himself. Already he could feel his lips tremble. "I am afraid that the more time we spend together, the more we will realize how different we all are, and that we will grow to hate each other." Mu looked at Shion then, and was taken aback by the sad expression his words had on his master. He continued. "I could not bear it if that were to happen. I. . .care for them, for all of them. I don't know what I would do if any one of them began to hate me."
Shion smiled almost knowing something Mu did not. "Do not give up so easily on them. They may surprise you one day with the depth of their care. Did not today's celebration show you how much they like you?"
"That's just it. Sure, they like me well enough now, but what about one month from now? Or one year from now? I am not the most fun person in the world. Why, even today, I was the only one who did not participate in that ridiculous contest they were having. Even you and Dohko got in on that."
Shion chuckled. "That's because he bet me that I could not beat him, and I cannot allow that kind of thinking."
That ridiculous contest that consisted of a bet on who could balance the most on their heads. How the bet started was anybody's guess, but it escalated into an all-out frenzy where they were trying to balance everything in the Aries temple from plates to chairs, with not much success. Needless to say, it was Shaka who won, but there was a pool going around at the end that favored Dohko, only because of his namesake. Mu had been the only one to step away from the contest, preferring to watch the antics instead of get involved. Once over, Mu found he regretted his decision, but since nothing was said to him, he did not question that decision until he was alone.
"See, master, even you know how to have a good time." Mu really wanted to shut up, but he found that he could not stop. "I'm afraid that they will not want to spend time with me once they discover that the real Mu is not as exciting as everyone else."
"You think you're boring?"
Mu's head jerked up. "No, nothing like that." He paused to consider the words, and realized Shion was right. "Yes. I am boring. Even Shaka has a better personality than me, and he looks to be asleep most of the time."
Shion chuckled. At Mu's stricken expression, he said, "Sorry," and sobered. "Mu. You are all as different as night and day, and yet you manage to get along fairly well as of late. Trust that the others will accept you as you are and never abandon you."
Mu looked down, wanting desperately to believe Shion's words yet still not being able to.
"Give it time," added Shion. "You will see that I am right."
"I want to believe you, master, but. . ." He turned his eyes away, back once again to the fireplace that held nothing but the same darkness he had been feeling within himself. Could Shion be right? Could they all form a bond unbreakable?
"Mu." Shion's voice was clear and powerful, the same way Mu remembered it being when he was training as a child. It caused a rush of fear to race his spine.
"Yes, master?" He tried not to allow his own voice to tremble.
"Even if the entire world turns its back on you, I will always be at your side."
That warmed Mu's heart. To know it and to hear it were two different things, and at the moment it was just what he needed to hear.
"Me too."
Mu started when he heard that voice, the once coming from the supposed sleeping boy in his lap. He looked down to see that Kiki was looking up at him with half-lidded eyes and a crooked smile. A smile could not help but form on his lips. "And how long have you been awake, Kiki?"
"Since Master Shion walked in. But I didn't want to disturb you."
Mu's mouth dropped open as Shion suppressed a chuckle. "So you heard everything I said?" asked Mu, feeling a blush creep to his cheeks.
"Mm, hm. But don't worry, I won't tell." Kiki wrapped his arms around Mu and squeezed. "Even if you're boring, I will never leave you."
The sentiment, as well as the affection of his trainee caused a warmth to spread within Mu, a warmth that overthrew much of the negative feelings he had been harboring as of late. It made him realize that these two, who were closer to him than family, would never abandon him, even if everyone else did. He may still be frightened of being left behind by the others, but with these two at his side, he would never be alone.
"Thank you, Kiki," he said as he leaned down and kissed the child on the forehead.
"And if any of them start to dislike you, I'll Stardust Revolution their butts."
Mu and Shion chuckled.
"Do you feel better now, Mu?" asked Shion.
"A bit. I still feel unease, but I think I'll be okay."
"That's good." He paused. "I believe that once things settle around here this place will have more drama than a soap opera. We will need somebody to keep everyone calm, or we will end up the latest show of FOX. All My Saints."
Mu could not help but laugh at the thoughts imaged by those words. "Athena forbid we become that shallow."
All quieted then. Kiki closed his eyes and snuggled against Mu's chest, while Mu and Shion looked at each other with a fondness borne from knowing one another for so long. Mu could feel his fears dissipating with returned confidence. Shion had been right about once thing: all the Saints were as different as apples and oranges, and it would take effort to make everyone get along as one single unit, but Mu was willing to try, not only for himself, but for those who cared for him as well.
The door to the Aries living quarters burst open, startling all three occupants. In the entryway stood Shaka, dressed in a loose-fitting top and slacks, eyes closed and expressionless. "Mu. We're going out."
Mu raised his dots. Shion raised the dots. Kiki looked up and raised his dots.
"Going out?" asked Mu.
"Milo has not had enough celebration for one day, so he is going clubbing and dragging us all with him. If I have to put up with loud music, smelly bodies and stifling heat, then so do you."
Mu looked to Shion to gain approval to leave. "Go on," said the former Aries Saint.
Mu gently guided Kiki from his lap and stood. He nodded once to Kiki and Shion, then headed toward the doorway. Taking a deep breath, he readied himself for a night of unexpected surprises. It was, after all, still his birthday, and he was determined not to allow his own thoughts bring him down any longer.
----
"You should be in bed," said Shion to Kiki.
"But I just woke up!"
Shion smiled. "No excuses, child." He stood. "Into the bedroom with you."
Kiki hung his head. "Yes, master Shion."
Just as they were about to head into the bedroom, the door to the living quarters opened again. Both Shion and Kiki looked to see Mu return to the room.
"Did you forget something, Mu?" asked Shion with a tinge of surprise.
Mu stepped inside until he was flush with Shion and nodded once. "Thank you, master," he said softly.
Shion smiled, and thought his pupil a bit silly to have returned just to say that. Mu's cheeks began to redden, to which Shion wondered about, until his pupil brought his face close and pressed their lips together in a sweet, gentle kiss. Eyes wide, Shion responded because he found he could not refuse, then stared at his student's scarlet face.
"Forgive me," whispered Mu with his eyes downcast. "I could think of no other way to express my gratitude."
Shion could feel his own cheeks flush. "If you express your gratitude to everyone that way, I fear they will grow mighty fond of you." He thought Mu looked sweet and innocent as those cheeks darkened.
"Let's go, Mu!" called Shaka from outside the doorway.
Without another word, Mu bowed his head slightly and turned to leave the room.
"Ah, Mu," began Shion. Mu looked up expectantly. "You needn't call me 'master' any longer." At Mu's confused expression, Shion smiled. "You have learned all you can from me, and earned my respect as an equal." He paused. "Besides, you are older than me."
Mu's bright smile seemed to light up the dark room.
"Any day now, birthday boy!" called Shaka from the entryway.
"Go," said Shion softly. Mu bowed his head again then turned and left the room.
Shion stared at the doorway with a grin on his face. His little trainee was all grown up, the thought nostalgically sad and happy at the same time. He looked down at Kiki, proud to see that another generation of Aries Saint was ready to assume the required role. When Kiki met his eyes, the youngster smirked.
"And just what is that look for, hmm?" asked Shion.
Kiki put his hands behind his back and shifted on his feet. "Since master Mu kissed you, does that mean you're dating?"
Shion's mouth dropped wide open. "Kiki!"
"That also means you just cheated on Old Master," the young one continued. "I'm gonna have to tell."
Shion narrowed his eyes as his forehead creased. "Don't you dare."
Kiki's smile only widened as he turned and walked toward the bedroom. "Master Mu and master Shion sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. . ."
Shion tried hard to keep the smile from his face as he followed into the bedroom. That little kid was in so much trouble! "Ki-ki!"
--owari
04/09/2007