First Doctor Who story that I've actually bothered to type. Stupid, silly, and bordering on the insane. Alternate Universe, by the way. Rose and Ten are traveling together. Jack's around (as you'll see) He was traveling with them but went back to Torchwood for a while… Rose is at her Mum's house for a visit. May include some mild Jack-flirting-with-Ten. Just for fun.

Disclaimer- If I owned Doctor Who would I be writing fan fiction? No! I'd be making episodes. In my mansion. In Ireland. Not at my desk-made-of-a-door in the good old US of A…

Of all the things, the Doctor expected to happen, this was not one of them. A bizarre and not entirely human noise had drifted down from the TARDIS console room into his bathroom where he was taking a well deserved shower. He'd expected a monster, a demon, something that had gotten itself a TARDIS key.

Clever, Doctor. You just hand monsters TARDIS keys at random. Absolutely brilliant you are… Must be Rose, back early.

Still, on the off-chance that a random, vicious alien had mugged Rose, stolen her key, broke into his ship, and was about to do some great mischief, he leaped out of the bathroom in flannel pajama pants and a worn dressing gown.

Skittering down the hallway in damp feet, the Doctor slid into the console room, Sonic Screwdriver in hand, prepared to face all the world's evil.

Yes, all flee before the might of the glowing blue light! Fantastic! I'm such a poet. Hold on… What's th-?

Swerving left to avoid a moldy biscuit, the Doctor tangled his feet in a bit of violet yarn and was sent flying the last few feet into the console room. The noise was now sounding less demon-ish and more frenzied-searching-ish. As the soggy Timelord pulled himself into a standing position he noticed a dark blue coat on the floor.

That looks awfully familiar… Jack! Hold on… How in the name of Rassilon did Jack get in here? Why did he need to get in the TARDIS anyways? Well, I suppose he may've wanted to come by for a chat… No reason he'd stay here though… Jack'd be more likely to ambush me in the shower…

Fear from that dreadful mental picture tore the Doctor from his rambling monologue long enough to avoid a gravity-defying cricket bat. His matrix-like avoidance spun him around to face Jack, who had one hand elbow-deep in one of his coat pockets.

"For the love of God, how big are these pockets?!" Jack muttered furiously. "You'd think…"

"That you need to knock before coming in the TARDIS. I was taking a shower…"

Jack leaped up in shock, spinning to meet the Time Lord's dark eyes. "I'm… uh… Well…Really? Well don't let me stop you. Do you need someone to scrub your back?"

"Rassilon, Jack! Get your mind outta the gutter for a few seconds and tell me what you're doing with my coat!"

The American cleared his throat awkwardly and slowly removed his hand from a pocket. "Funny story, Doc… You see, there's this thing I need…"

"A thing?"

"Yeah, and I uh, think you may've picked it up and, uh, pocketed it. But see, I need to get it back, because, err… THE UNIVERSE COULD BE IN DIRE PERIL!"

"Really, Jack, there's no need to panic, just tell me what it is and I'll help you look," the Doctor said, with an almost unseen smirk.

"That's fine… R-really. I m-mean it's probably nothing. J-j-just go back to your wash and uhh, the scrub offer still stands."

Noting Jack's panicked stutter, the Doctor saw potential for revenge. Barely able to contain an evil giggle, he plopped casually into a convenient chair.

"Don't be ridiculous, Jack. If the universe is in dire peril, this mysterious object must be found. Go on, keep looking. Just ignore my damp, Time Lord self…"

Jack shifted uncomfortably and mumbled something to the floor.

"What was that, Jack? I really don't mind sitting here, soaking wet, in my pajamas if it saves the world, but to be honest, there's a draft, which I'm displeased about, since the TARDIS isn't drafty, so you must've let it in, 'cept that's the second draft I've felt today and nobody's opened the door, unless you came in twice and poked about…" the Doctor paused for breath and dramatic effect, running a hand through his hair so it stood straight up. Jack shifted again and muttered again, louder this time.

"My ear-piece"

"What's that, Jack?" the Doctor twisted and put his bare feet up on the chair back, wriggling his toes at the coat. "No reason something that goes on your ear could get put in my pocket. You, Jack, aren't telling me something."

The steady drip of water didn't help the fidgeting American concentrate on his carefully constructed lie, and ignoring the fact that the Doctor was in a dressing gown was becoming increasingly difficult. With a muffled, rating-changing curse he growled "Alright, Doc. Just don't uh, do anything you may regret later…"

The Doctor quirked an eyebrow at him, a feat Jack had never mastered and gave a 'go on' gesture.

"Well, see, I was coming over to visit you, right? Thought maybe we could chat, get some food, kill something evil…"

"Get to the bloody point, Jack."

"Right! So there was your coat, right there! You weren't about, and I didn't think you'd mind, so I just tried it on for a second. But I didn't really feel like a Time Lord so I took off my ear-piece and put it in the pocket. And I figured that you probably wouldn't be back for a while, so I put the coat down and left. Only thing was, I forgot the ear-piece so I had to come back and get it," he finished quickly.

There was a long moment of silence.

The long moment lengthened into a long minute.

The long minute was about to lengthen further but a certain Time Lord took pity on the authoress.

"Why?"

"Why not? I mean, come on, Doc! You're cool, and adventurous, and pretty good looking… Not as hot as me of course, but maybe one day. And besides, your coat looked comfy."

The Doctor decided, for once in his life, not to comment. This conversation was getting to bizarre for him. Instead, he picked up Jack's coat and, after wiggling out of the dressing gown, tried it on.

Wow! My first fiction! Minor note, the reason the Doctor keeps calling Jack by name is only to be patronizing. Not because I have an obsession with typing out "Jack"

Go on, press the purple button. You know you want to.