Remedies
Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or its characters. And please do not attempt anything I write about Bella doing. No matter how good it sounds….
Prologue
I stared at myself in the mirror. My dreaded reflection stared back with lifeless eyes. What am I going to do? It has been five weeks since he left. Five weeks. I clutched my chest.
Let me start again. It has been five weeks since I died. Torture licked at me on a regular basis. My body ached. My mind ached. I hadn't opened my mouth intentionally for as far as I could remember.
I didn't know what was happening to me. My thought process had taken a mind of its own, answering for me when spoken to, and eating and sleeping for me when nature called. I completed the necessary school work and never complained about chores. I was polite and did what I was told.
I was a mess.
I will never get over what has happened to me. It is irreversible and will forever burden me. I have lost the most genuine love I would ever find. And for distractions, none the less.
I needed to fix this. Somehow, I would make myself better. I was determined. But then again, I had told myself I was determined the day after this had happened. But what did I do? Slip into a coma, that's what. In fact, this is exactly what it was. A coma. A loss of consciousness. I was not aware of what was going on around me. I was only concerned with the dull, fiery ache coming from my heart. My decaying, quiescent heart. It needed to be stimulated. If I could send a big enough shock, maybe I could wake up and start feeling, seeing things the way I used to, beautiful and full of mystery.
No. Did I really want to wake up? I was already feeling the worst pain imaginable in this vegetative state I called my life. If I were even more sensitive and aware, would the agony intensify?
I sure hoped not. If that were to occur, I most certainly would have to die.
Although at the beginning I often contemplated suicide, I never dreamed of committing it. I had a family for God's sake. But, lately, I had been wondering how much longer I could endure this.
I had to take action somehow. It was my only hope. At least until I could muster the strength to live a better lie.
But what? I had never put this much thought into it before. I had absolutely no idea what to do. The only thing I had been concentrating on this whole time was the horrible nightmares and struggling not to forget.
Surprisingly, this was the only thing I was sure of anymore. I did not want to forget. I did not want to remember either, but forgetting would be infinitely many times worse.
I looked at myself in the mirror again, frightened. My appearance reminded me of…….them. I dared not think the name. My sallow face and purple, nightmare-strained eyes were enough to sadden even me. As if I wasn't already depressed….
I tore my thoughts back to my previous train of thought. What to do? There were so many dangerous, forbidden things….that would definitely send my body a long-awaited jolt of electricity.
Don't do anything reckless or stupid, Bella. His words flooded my memory with the most amazing shade of red.
"No!" I screamed. He will not cripple me!
I punched the mirror, shattering it with my force of fury.
The shattered glass before me gleamed in the sunlight from my window. My bloody knuckles oozed down my hand.
The jagged pieces gave me the most amazing idea……..