Title: This is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
Rating: R
Warnings Slash, mentions of sex, jokes about dildos
Disclaimer: I'm not saying any of this ever happened.
Pairing(s): Adam Copeland/Jay Reso [Edge/Christian]
Summary: Adam should not go snooping around in Jay's drawers, or at least not waves things he finds there in Jay's face.
Notes: I joked about this with teammatt once, I'm glad she actually thinks I'm funny.
"Hey, get out of there!" Adam yelled, running up to the laundry basket and shooing the orange and white cat out of it. The cat just stared back at him until he picked the basket up, jumping out as he lifted it and meowing at him before running out of the room. He held the basket with one arm, pressing it against his hip, and examined one of the black t-shirts on the top of the pile- covered in cat hair. He frowned, shaking his head, you put something down for five minutes. Why did they have to have cats?
He sighed, might as well put them away before more cats laid all over them. Especially Sammy, he always felt bad yelling at her since she only had three legs... poor thing.
He finished putting away most of the clothes that were in the basket, hanging the shirts in the closet, his thongs in his own drawer (What, they were comfortable AND no vpl under the tights!) and was putting away Jay's underwear when he suddenly stopped. He has Jay's drawer open, and was putting away the last pair when he saw something. In the back of the drawer, behind the still unopened pack of men's thongs that he'd bought Jay as a gift, something... blue.
Adam put the laundry basket down on the floor and reached into the back of the drawer to grab it, holding it up to examine it once he got it out. It was big, almost comically so, he thought as he turned it over in his hands, laughing. This was going to be good.
"Jay!"
Jay didn't stop what he was doing as he heard Adam yell from upstairs. There was no way, if he wanted something he's have to come down and say it.
"Jaaaaay!"
He stopped and rolled his eyes, putting some lettuce on the stack of ham and bread that was going to become and sandwich, followed by a slice of tomato.
Thump thump thump thump thump... He could hear Adam's loud footsteps coming down the stairs.
"I'm not going to make you a sandwich! I already offered and you said no, so too bad!"
Nothing. Jay smirked, he knew that was it. He didn't see Adam creeping up behind him, eyes wide and grinning like crazy, and he continued to make his sandwich, totally unsuspecting.
Jay felt something poke him in the back but ignored it, uncapping the mayo and sticking his butter knife into it.
Adam poked him twice this time with his new toy, barely containing his laughter.
Jay rolled his eyes and spread the mayo on the top piece of bread and gritted his teeth when Adam poked him a third time, carefully placing it on top of the rest of the sandwich. He turned around before Adam had the chance to poke him again.
"I told you I-" He abruptly stopped talking as he saw what Adam was poking him with.
Adam was grinning wildly, waving a bright blue dildo around, which he poked Jay in the chest with since he had turned around. Jay could only stare in mixed shock and horror.
"Why do you have this in your drawer? Who gave this to you? This is hilarious!" Adam was laughing, highly amused and completely unaware of Jay's reaction as he watched it flop around in his hand.
"I said I wanted a lightsaber for Christmas, is this it? You were hiding it in your drawer for me?" He grabbed the bottom with both hands and swung it around, making the wooshing sounds to go with it with his mouth. Jay continued to stare in disbelief.
"OH! You could get a red one and we could fight!" He slapped Jay in the arm with it for emphasis, but Jay's eyes never left his face.
"Want me to cut that sandwich for you?" Jay's eyes widened as he turned his head and watched in horror as the dildo came dangerously close to hitting his sandwich. He turned back to Adam, mouth hanging open in shock.
"Seriously why do you HAVE thi-" Adam stopped mid-sentence to look at Jay, who had taken his butter knife and was making a slicing motion across his wrist. "Jay what are you doing?"
"Trying to kill myself."
Adam was suddenly very aware of how awkward things had gotten, and he swallowed audibly.
"This... this isn't as funny as I think it is, is it?"
"...No."
"You... This is yours. You use this, don't you?"
Jay stared at Adam like he was the dumbest person in the world, which happened more often that Adam cared to admit.
"Jay I am sor-" he stopped as Jay turned back around, put down the butter knife and grabbed a huge chef's knife from the knife block on the counter. Adam's eyes widened and he backed away, putting his hands up defensively as Jay turned towards him and glared.
"Jay, put the knife down," Adam said, eyes bugging out at full force before Jay took the knife and quickly sliced his sandwich in half. The was a loud 'thwack' sound as the knife hit the wooden cutting board, and Adam swallowed.
"So yeah Jay, I'm going out for a few hours. Hitting the gym. You-"
"That would probably be best." Adam bit his lip nervously at the sound of Jay's voice, and he looked down at his hand.
"Do you... should I put this back where I found it?"
"JUST-" Jay paused and pinched the bridge of his nose, "Just. Leave it."
"Okay." Adam said, moving around Jay to put it standing erect on the counter. Jay looked at it, and then into Adam's face. It fell over onto his side, and Adam reached out to stand it upright again and Jay stared at him again in disbelief.
"JUST GO!"
"GOING!"
Adam peeked at Jay from behind his book as they lay in bed that night. He seemed fine now but you could never be too sure... he watched Jay as he petted one of the kitties in his lap while he caught up on Entourage.
"Jay-"
Jay closed his eyes for a second before turning to Adam.
"Why... WHY would you use a dildo as a lightsaber?"
Adam laughed a little, putting his book down on his nightstand. "I don't know! I saw it and thought it was a joke!"
Jay stared blankly at Adam for that one.
"I mean I just didn't... I don't know! I though I knew everything about you and I didn't know you had one! I've never seen you use it!
Jay looked at Adam like he was crazy.
"I wouldn't mind seeing you use it, actually..." he trailed of before looking at Jay, who continued to stare at him like he was crazy.
"Okay, okay I'm sorry! I just didn't think you needed one, that's all. I mean you do have me." He smirked.
Jay laughed and Adam pouted, making Jay laugh even harder.
"Do I NEED to explain to you why I have one?"
Adam frowned, "I know, when we're apart, I just-"
Jay cut him off with a snort, "Yeah, only when we're apart..." he leaned his head back and laughed, scaring the cat on his lap away.
"Fine you know what?" Adam frowned and sniffed, pretending to be depressed. "I'm leaving, I've been replaced. You don't need me anymore..." He got out of bed, turning to look at Jay in the doorway of their bathroom, "I see how it is."
Jay grinned smugly and waited for him to turn the corner, before reaching into his drawer. He could barely control his laughter as his picked up the toy and put it next to the bed next to him- on Adam's side, the head of it on Adam's pillow, tucked under the blankets. He put Adam's book over it as if it was reading before laughing silently, grabbing his stomach. He covered his mouth and tried to keep a straight face as he hear the toilet flush.
Revenge was sweet.