Prologue

"This is…ridiculous." Draco Malfoy sneered. Pansy squinted at the thing on their desk.

"What is it anyway?" she leant forwards and poked it. The thing emitted a sharp cry and she snatched her finger back in surprise.

"Quiet, class." Came the nasal voice of their teacher, Severus Snape, as he waved his wand and the last 'thing' soared onto the desk at the back. The room quietened a little.

"You all know what magic can do. Magic can make the difference between someone living and dieing, being ill or being healthy…you know what magic can do. But there are a few things magic cannot do. One of these things is what you will be learning in this class."

With a bored sigh, Snape turned and pointed to the blackboard.

In his own spidery handwriting, two words appeared on the board.

"Future Studies." He rolled his eyes, "Personally, I believe this class is totally pointless, especially for those of you who are more well off, but the ministry…"

Several sniggers passed up and down the room, and Snape cleared his throat noisily.

"Anyway, in this class you will be learning about the future. No, Mr Zabini, not sex, as you lot are already very familiar with that subject, but about jobs, maturing and," his lip curled, "Children."

Once again, many people snickered at this. Draco scowled and leant back in his chair.

"Children?" he drawled haughtily, "How boring." Pansy tittered and smirked.

"Yes, well, I did not volunteer to teach you. Your first assignment will be done in the pairs you have been placed in - no complaining."

Draco folded his arms and tipped in his chair. He glanced at Pansy beside him. He supposed it could be worse. He could have been with Millicent. At least they could have some fun together doing whatever this stupid assignment was.

Snape steepled his fingers, before pointing to the thing on Draco and Pansy's desk.

"Can anyone tell me what this is?" he snapped. Blaise raised his hand. "Yes Zabini?"

"Fat, ugly and squidgy." He replied.

"I though muggle studies wasn't till tomorrow." Pansy hissed. The people around her sniggered, including, to her delight, the young Mr Malfoy.

"That, Zabini, is an accurate description but not what I was looking for. It is a baby. It eats, sleeps, excretes and cries like a real child, which means it needs looking after like one."

He grabbed the one on the front desk by the top corner and at once it let out an ear-splitting scream. Everyone groaned and slapped their hands over their ears.

Snape tossed it to Daphne Greengrass, who caught it awkwardly. She held it at arms length, nose wrinkled.

"It needs to be soothed like a normal baby, Greengrass." Despite the wailing, Snape's voice cut through the noise quite clearly.

Daphne stared at the 'baby', clearly at a loss of what to do. She shot a desperate glance at Blaise, her partner. He raised his wand and jabbed it at the baby.

"Silencio!"

Nothing happened. If anything, the baby cried louder.

"Silencio will not work. It needs to be soothed like a real baby."

Daphne was bright red now; clearly embarrassed by the negative attention she was receiving. Snape flicked his wrist and ended her torment with a silent spell that made the baby fall still.

"Greengrass, Zabini, you have a lot to learn. In your partners, you will be looking after a baby for a week. If the right amount of attention is paid to the child it will grow to be the size, weight and shape of a real baby. If not…well, there will be a test at the end of the week. Next Friday, if looked after properly, the child should respond to and recognise both of you. Remember, this is a team assignment. You must work together or you will not succeed."

"But, sir, this weekend's Hogsmead!" someone yelled. Snape raised an eyebrow.

"Well, you'll have to take the baby too, won't you? You can drop the child off in the Medical Ward during lesson time but in your spare time it is your responsibility. At Hogsmead there is a shop for you to buy baby supplies, such as food and bedding."

Snape folded his arms and glared at his class.

"The couple with the best looked-after baby at the end of the week will be rewarded…" his face twisted into the expression of one forced to admit something very painful, "No Potions homework for the rest of the term."

The whole room fell silent. The Potions master was notorious for giving overdoses of homework and worse detentions if said homework was not completed in time.

As each couple collected their books and baby and headed for the door, they were all thinking the same thing…

How on earth do you look after a baby?

Day One

Pansy and Draco made their way back to the Slytherin common room, wailing resounding in their ears.

"Will you shut that thing up?" Draco snapped angrily. Pansy scowled at him.

"I can't! It just won't-"

"Snape said treat it like a normal baby."

"You do it then!" Pansy, frustrated, thrust the screaming child into the boy's arms. He held it round its middle, uncertainly shifting his hands

"What do you do with a normal child when it cries?"

"Rock it." She replied curtly. Draco shot a glare at a group of giggling first years.

"I'm not rocking it, it's a bag of flour!"

"Oh for heaven's sake, give it here," Pansy grabbed the baby, cradled it in the crook of her arm and gently swayed it. Slowly, the sobs quietened until all that was coming from the baby were hiccups.

"How does it make so much noise without a mouth?" Draco grumbled, leaning over at peering at it.

"Who knows. Do we need to feed it?" she tilted her arms and the hiccups subsided into heavy breathing sounds. "I think its asleep."

"Thank goodness." He grumbled, climbing through the common room door. He ambled over to the sofas, shooed away a few girls in the third year and flopped back on the cushions. Pansy stood beside him awkwardly.

"Where do I put it?" she looked around. Draco shrugged, smirking.

"Do I care? Its staying in your room, by the way."

"My room? Didn't you hear Snape - this is a team project!"

"So I pay for the cot and you look after it."

"That's not fair!"

"Life isn't- hey, hey! PANSY!"

Ignoring Draco's protests, Pansy continued walking out of the room, leaving the baby sitting on his stomach. At the door to the girls' dorms, she turned.

"I'm going to have a shower. You're just going to have to cope without me for half an hour."

Draco stared at the door for a few moments after she left, furious. Then he turned back to look at the baby. It was vibrating slightly in his lap. What was he supposed to do with it whilst she was gone?

He poked it hesitantly and it shifted slightly. It was about the size and weight of a large bag of flour, with knots in each corner of the sack that wriggled like limbs. What seemed to be its face - well, it had three dents for the eyes and mouth and a kind of sticking-out bit that could have been a nose - turned towards him. All in all, Draco thought, it was rather ugly. It made an ugly sound too, he soon rediscovered, as it began to wail again.

It was not in the nature of a Malfoy to get flustered, but that was exactly what Draco did. What had Pansy said? Treat it like a real baby. Rock it.

Desperate enough to try anything, he grabbed it and rocked it rather violently. The baby wailed louder. Draco slowed down his rocking motions and it quietened again, but only a little.

"Come on, come on! Shut up! What do you want?" he muttered angrily. Then inspiration struck him. It was hungry!

He placed it carefully down on the sofa and rushed about trying to find food.

"Food, food, food," he murmured. His eyes lit up as he saw a bag of sweets. He snatched them and held them out for the baby's inspection. "Food?"

The baby continued to cry.

Draco dropped the sweets, scanning the room for anything edible. Nott was trying to smother his own baby with a pillow, so no advice there.

There was a crackle as someone started up some music. The pounding of drums and slamming of guitars filled the room. Draco closed his eyes in relief, no longer able to hear the baby's cries. Yeah, so Pansy would yell at him later for ignoring it, but sweet Merlin, that thing was high-pitched!

Frowning, Draco opened his eyes again. The baby was completely silent. He sat down on the sofa beside it and poked it experimentally. It seemed to be making curious purring sounds, not unlike it had done when Pansy had rocked it.

"You like the music." He said, half to himself. The thing chirruped. A little embarrassed at the prospect of having a conversation with an enchanted bag of flour, Draco cleared his throat.

"So…um, I'm just gonna…don't go anywhere, ok?"

Not given an answer, he jumped up and went to get his homework.

Half an hour later, Pansy emerged again with a scroll tucked under her arm.

"You shut it up?"

"Yeah. It liked the music."

"Oh. Right."

The two of them paused for a moment and watched the flour baby on the sofa. It seemed to be moving slightly, almost breathing, as if fast asleep.

"You know, its kind of cute." Pansy whispered finally.

And if he hadn't been a Slytherin, and a Malfoy at that, plus the fact that it was totally unmasculin…Draco might have agreed with her.

Day Two