DISCLAIMER: I do not own Naruto. Kishimoto does.

CHAPTER 1 – THE NARUHINA

Out of all pairings, this is one of the worst in the entire Naruto fandom and is almost as unlikely to occur as the Naruto/Ino pairing. Considering the fact that Naruto thinks that she is weird and is completely oblivious to her massive crush on him and the fact that she stalks him 24/7 and cannot speak to him without fainting, this is one that will never happen.

What Authors Write:

It was a beautiful day in Konoha. The birds were chirping, the village was safe, everyone was happy, and Hinata was stalking Naruto. Again. Hinata was (insert age, cup size, physical features, description as voluptuous teen, etc.) and had a huge crush on Naruto. She was currently hiding behind a bush as Naruto was practicing his taijutsu without a shirt on in the Forest of Death. Why the hell was Naruto practicing without a shirt anyways? Why was Naruto practicing Taijutsu in the Forest of Death when there were other, more accessible training grounds? She didn't care. All she cared about was her Naruto-kun. Naruto was (insert age, physical features, etc.) and had sweat gleaming all over his body. She fainted. When she finally woke up, Naruto was standing over her with his hand over her forehead.

"Hinata, are you okay? I think you have a fever. Your forehead is pretty warm."

"N-n-naruto-kun…" She turned beet red, as she realized that Naruto had his hand on her forehead. Not only that, but he said it was warm! What a romantic moment! She almost fainted again.

"Hinata-chan?"

He called me Hinata-chan! He loves me, obviously. Now, I will confess my eternal love!

"N-n-naruto-kun, I-I"

"What is it Hinata-chan?" Naruto smiled encouragingly, his entrancing sky-blue eyes lighting up like a cesspool of passionate romantic fire as he moved closer to her and gazed into the pale lavender eyes of Hinata's Byukugan.

"I-I have r-r-really a-a-admired y-y-you since the a-a-academy." Taking a deep breath, she whispered, "I-I-I love y-y-y-ou Naruto-kun."

"Really?" Naruto asked haltingly, afraid that this would be a huge joke.

Hinata nodded, to shaky to stammer out a yes.

Naruto being the sexy beast that he is, swept her up into his arms and said to her, "Oh, Hinata-chan, even though I have only spoken to you for a combined twenty minutes and I was been ostracized by the village, had no childhood friends and was beaten up every October 10th while you just watched, I realize that you were there for me all along. I also don't think it's creepy that your hobby is stalking me to raise your self-esteem. Also, I don't like Sakura anymore even though I have loved her since I was six. I love you Hinata-chan!"

Hinata couldn't help it. She fainted.

When she woke up, Naruto proceeded to kiss her deeply and ravage her without protection, even though she was not in a relationship with him and had only spoken with him once before. (insert poorly written lemon scene here that proves that the author is still a virgin).

They continue to suck each other's tonsils out.

5 hours later (because of Naruto's godly stamina due to the Kyuubi)

"Naruto, you were so good!" It was so good that Hinata not only lost her stutter that she had since the age of four, she also felt no pain from being fornicated with for five hours non-stop.

"Let's go get some ramen, dattebayo!" Naruto all but screamed out excitedly, obviously proving his mental maturity and intelligence needed to engage in sexual activity.

They walked off, hand in hand, into the sunset to get some ramen.

And well, the fact that Naruto, a no name orphan that no one likes, just impregnated the (insert age here lower than 13, because the author has no idea that twelve year olds don't have sex) clan heiress of the most powerful clan of Konoha, true love always conquers, right?

The End.

What Would Have Happened:

It was a beautiful day in Konoha. The birds were chirping, the village was safe, everyone was happy, and Hinata was stalking Naruto to raise her pathetic self-esteem. As usual. She was currently hiding behind a bush as Naruto was practicing his taijutsu without a shirt on in the Forest of Death. She fainted. When she woke up, she couldn't move and was hanging from a sticky sack of white material. She tried calling out, but soon realized that her entire body was paralyzed. Slowly, her vision began to darken as the poison began to take effect. Her last coherent thoughts were: "Naruto-kun".

Yes, the infamous spiders of Training Ground 44 would eat well tonight.