Author's Note:The song is Inori-Prayers by Lena Park, (same tune as I raise you up). This is my take on the day after Edward and Bella's trip to Volterra. Recently I've decided to add to it and re-write parts of it. I hope that you like it!
-lillyflower's revenge
From within the depths of my tear filled eyes
Is your everlasting beauty
"How far does this world go?"
Those words from our bygone days
Even on those freezing storming nights
Though you are still out of sight I continue on
Please tell me ocean-crossing winds
That my prayers will pass through time
Beyond the misty horizons
The stars are fabled to lie
"Dawn will surely follow every night"
The sins of my past laugh
I try to embrace your trembling with uncertainty
But I look up at the empty sky beyond reach
I hear the chime that illuminates darkness
Showing you that the path to me is still far
-The first verses from Inori (Prayers) by Lena Park translated. The tune she sings it to is used for You Raise Me Up.
I had just woken up from the most vivid dream I think that I had ever had. It was about him. He had tried to get himself killed out of guilt because he had believed that I had died by exposing himself to humans during the Saint Marcus day festival. I had dragged him away just in time, but the Volturie had insisted that they speak with us. How odd was it that I remembered tall of it? It was weird for my dreams to be so vivid. After deciding that I couldn't sleep any longer I got up and stretched. As I turned to right I was startled to find Edward next to me.
He remainded unphased "Hello love. It's nice to see that you're up." He smiled. Edward was here. Maybe I had dreamed that he had left me.
"What time is it?"
"Two in the afternoon." He reached up and touched my face like he had forgotten what I looked like.
My eyes widened. How had I slept that long? "What! Did I really sleep that long?"
"I thought you needed the sleep. You had a long day."
That's when it all came crashing back. I backed away from him, putting as much space between us as my double bed would allow. Why was he here? He had left to get away from me, so why was he in my bedroom looking at me like he was the one who was heartbroken? "You're here."The words hung in the air for a moment before Edward responded. It looked like he was having some sort of inner conflict.
"Yes I am." Once again he smiled.
"But why? If this is about guilt then-"
"I've discovered that I need you in my life." Then his expression changed. "Why do you think that this is about guilt?" Edward was puzzled.
Now I was the one who was puzzled. "Why else would you be here?"
Edward slowly reached over to tenderly brush a strand of hair out of my face. "I still love you Bella. That's why I'm here."
My eyebrows creased. Why was he doing this? He was either lying then or lying now and either way it hurt just as much. "You told me that you don't love me. I get that Edward. Please don't lie. I don't know if I can take it."
For once Edward wouldn't look me in the eyes. Was he…ashamed? "I lied to you that day. I was prepared to say whatever I needed to get you to think I didn't love you- it was the only way I could think of to protect you. I had always had my doubts about your safety, but after your birthday-"
"That wasn't Jaspers fault!" He held up a hand, signaling me to stop.
"Let me finish. After your birthday I realized that I couldn't ignore it anymore. What if it happened again. You might not be so lucky a second time. It was purely selfish t keep you with me." He paused for a moment, then continued. "But Bella-" His expression was one of pain. "How could you believe the lie so quickly? I was convinced that it would take me hours to convince you that the lie was the truth. I thought that I had thoroughly convinced you of my love for you."A brief flash of betrayal crossed his face, although it was gone as quickly as it came.
Looking away I responded. "I always knew that you were too good to be true- too good for me. I know that I could never deserve someone like you and..."
For the hundredth time he said, "The way you regard yourself is ludicrous." I rolled my eyes.
"Bella, I know that I've hurt you, but I beg for your forgiveness. I still love you, and always will. Nothing can change that. Being away from you was the hardest thing that I had ever done. I needed you like you need oxygen. Without you I was almost as limp and lifeless as I should be."
I fidgeted in my seat on my corner of the bed. It was hard to talk about, even with him here."I don't know if I ...putting myself back together again after you left was the hardest thing I've ever done. It felt like I was being slowly pulled apart. Every fiber of my being was in aching pain. It felt as if…I was falling apart, Edward. I don't know if I could handle that-that-that torture."
"For the first time I felt complete. My love for you was the strongest thing I've ever felt. You left me. You say you love me and that you lied to me for my own good. How do I know that you won't leave me again if it's what you think is best? There's only so much that one being can handle."I wrapped my arms around my chest and winced at the memory.
"I'm sorry Bella. I love you more than anything. I hate the look in your eyes. What I hate even more is that I've caused it. Yes. I did leave for your own good. But I'm much too selfish to do that again. Every moment away from you was pure agony. While you at least made an effort to be normal, I was useless for anything other than hunting down Victoria. I couldn't even function without you presence." Edward's eyes were pleading. Should I believe him? I wanted to so badly. Before this I would've followed him blindly. I had trusted him more completely than anyone else. But after that…I was convinced that he was lying. How could he ever love someone so frail? So…human. The old cliché was right. If it seems too good to be true, it probably is. Edward loving me was defiantly too good to be true. He had mangled my heart to the point where it was barely recognizable.
Despite all of that, seeing Edward made my heart ache. I realized how much I truly needed him here. I couldn't not forgive him. It simply isn't in my DNA. My love for him was too ingrained in me. There is no possible way for it to go away.
Lately I had been listening to a lot of music. At first all it did was make me think about Edward, but then…there was something soothing about it.
I had wanted to voice those thoughts to Edward but for some reason the words wouldn't come out. In it's place a verse came out as a soft whisper. "From the depths of my tear filled eyes is your everlasting beauty. How far will this world go with tidings from our bygone days?"
How appropriate. Even as he was gone and out of reach I could still see his face. As I was crying his face was in my tears. Every night was more treacherous than the day. It was easier not seeing him in the say-not much-but slightly because sometimes I didn't see him in the day. But at night, he was always there. He never left me and always soothed me after nightmares. When he wasn't there I almost never slept, when I did, I always cried out in my sleep from nightmares. When he left, saying that he didn't love me, I think I always knew that I would love him for eternity.
Edward stared at me with a soft expression. Somehow I know that he understood every word I said. I think he even heard the unspoken ones. The ones that I had longed to say but couldn't. After all, Edward Cullen could do anything.
"Bella…you meant every word didn't you?"
"Yes." I would always love him. It was an involuntary promise that left my lips before I filter it. I couldn't help but look into those honey eyes of him.
"I would understand if you can't forgive me. I know I certainly don't deserve it. But please give me another chance." He was begging-it didn't sound right coming from him.
"I forgive you." The strange part was that I really meant it. When he leaned over to kiss me I stepped back a little. When he left things would only get harder. I couldn't do it.
"What is it?"
"When you leave-" before I could say anything else he put a finger to my lips.
Edward took my hands and said "I won't leave you again." He paused. "Let me ask you one thing Bella. Do you love me?"
I took a deep breath. "Yes." He tried to kiss me and this time I didn't shy away.
For the first time in a long time I felt like I didn't need to hold myself together. It felt amazing to relinquish control of my heart. There was an intense, yet unidentifiable feeling present. Was it relief? Love? Happiness? My head was spinning and my emotions were in frenzy. I could barely think with him so close to me. This time I didn't care. I didn't want to think. I didn't want to be logical.
He broke away first, as usual. "Breathe Bella." I wasn't breathing? I released a deep breath.
Edward leaned closer only this time it wasn't for a kiss. It was for a gentle hug.
"I missed you." I whispered.
"I missed you more."
We both smiled as we scooted closer and I put my head on his shoulder. For the first time in a long time we were both content.
Author's Note: Please let me know what you think. A bit cheesy, I know, but I hope you like it anyway. Please review!
-lillyflower's revenge