Obviously, everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I'm just a disgruntled fan wanting things to go my way.
There is no Nessie. No Breaking Dawn. No Eclipse. This all takes place in New Moon before Edward ever comes back. If you ask me, axing his character was the best thing she did…Then he came back. I'm all Team Jake. Evidently.
I've never been much for decision making. My response was always "whatever you want" when someone asked me what I wanted to eat, or "I don't care" when asked to choose an evening activity. Not because I'm indecisive… just because anything is enjoyable with good company. I guess I never expected to make life altering decisions at the age of 17. How could I have been prepared?
"There's something I want to tell you, Bella…but I think it's going to sound kind of corny." Jake sighed and hung his head. I knew what he was going to say. He'd said it before. Part of me hated that Jake felt that way about me, because I truly believed that he was wasting his efforts. He deserved to be loved back the way he loved me.
"Just go ahead…" I replied, already contemplating in my head how I would reply in an I-love-you-but-not-in-that-way kind of way.
"It's just that, I know you're unhappy a lot. And, maybe it doesn't help anything, but I wanted you to know that I'm always here. I won't ever let you down- I promise that you can always count on me." He paused and looked into my face with hesitation. "Wow that does sound corny. But you know that, right? That I would never, ever hurt you?"
"Yeah, Jake. I know that. And I already do count on you, probably more than you know."
A smile ran across his face like a child. Carefree and enthusiastic. I should have lied. I should have told him that I don't have high expectations of anyone anymore, so he doesn't need to promise me anything. Something… I should have said anything else. But I couldn't lie to Jake. My Jake. He deserved better than what I could give him, which was a shattered heart held together with some Elmer's. But he also deserved to hear the truth.
"I really think I'd better go home now."
We were just getting home from a movie in Port Angeles. What was supposed to be a group outing was struck to an uncomfortable trio of just me, Jake and Mike after everyone else came down with something. From the clammy look of Jake when he left, he caught whatever had claimed the rest of my friends.
The more I thought about it, the more I wished I had insisted on driving Jake home. He didn't look well. Charlie only seemed mildly interested about my night. I guess that was one thing I really loved about my dad; he never pried. He was content with whatever information you gave him. Not that he was a sucker. As the Police Chief of Forks, he just knew everything before it came out of my mouth.
"Yeah, I heard something was going around. You feelin' okay, Bells?
"For now." I replied shortly, making Charlie raise an eyebrow and retreat from the room. I was still waiting on Jake to call and tell me he had made it home okay.
Five minutes… nothing
Ten… nothing.
Finally, I picked up the phone and dialed the now familiar number. Billy answered after eight excruciating rings, and I was instantly worried and hurt by his demeanor. After telling me that Jake not feeling well and that he didn't need my help, he hung up leaving me cradling the phone in my right hand. I looked down at the dead line, said goodbye to no one, and tried to not think about the awkwardness of the evening.
I woke up the morning after our movie to find myself in the same boat as everyone else from the northwestern peninsula-hugging the bathroom toilet. But my symptoms had subsided the following afternoon and I only assumed that Jake's had as well. When I called him, though, he still sounded horrible.
"Jacob-"
"I've got to go" His urgency matched that of his dad's earlier.
"Call me when you feel better"
"Right…"
I waited for Jake to say bye.
"I'll see you soon?" I finally said, breaking the silence.
"Wait for me to call." He said again.
"Okay…bye Jacob."
"..Bella…." He whispered, and then hung up before I could answer, or even understand. That was the last I heard from him. My calls were either not answered, or brushed off by Billy, who I usually liked, but found myself increasingly irritated with. I went to visit him a few days after the call just to find his house empty. I asked Charlie to look into it for me and found out that Jake had Mono and would possibly be out of commission for a month.
When I called the Black's house a week later, however, it seemed that Jake had been misdiagnosed and Billy claimed he was with some friends in Port Angeles. It just didn't fit. I wont ever let you down…you can count on me. What happened to that guy? Had I finally pushed him away too? Had he seen that I would never be whole and just given up? Honestly, I couldn't have blamed him if that had been the case. I had certainly not given him any reason to stick around… of even be as great of a friend as he had been.
Jake had personally put the pieces of me back together after…Edward…well, the whole Cullen family, really, had left. He was that Elmer's glue holding my heart together. It was fragile, sure. But I thought with some time, it would eventually set up.
Maybe it was just selfish of me to need Jake like I did. He was the only light in the black hole that my life was after Edward. But maybe it wasn't right for me to put that kind of title on him when I wanted nothing more than his presence.
I though of every excuse for Jake not call me. Nothing made me feel better though. Nothing made me feel less rejected.
Although Charlie had specifically forbid me from going into the woods with the recent bear sightings, I was desperate to find the one place that held importance in my now nonexistent relationship. The Meadow.
When I got there, I let the sun fall evenly over my skin, soaking up the heat. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine the setting the way I remembered. Nothing. I was shattered. My only thought was to leave and escape the feeling. As I was pulling myself out of the fetal position, I realized that I was not alone.
"Laurent!" I screamed, realizing that I recognized the man who had just walked into the clearing. Last year, Laurent had been the man, well, vampire, who had warned us about James. As far as I knew, he had been in Alaska with a different clan.
"I did go to Alaska. Still, I didn't expect…When I found the Cullen place empty, I thought they'd moved on." His words brought on a new wave of grief and pain. It was then that I simultaneously noticed his blood red eyes and realized his diet hadn't changed with his year in Alaska. I grew more uncomfortable and he moved closer.
"Do they visit often?" he asked, his question holding more weight than I realized.
Lie The voice came from inside my head. It was one I hadn't heard in months and its presence choked me up momentarily. Edward's voice was something of a lullaby. Soothing and pure silk. Still, this voice in me head sounded urgent. Like he was standing right next to me surveying the danger without being noticed.
"Now and again" I tried to sound nonchalant, but I'm sure it came out as a squeak. "The time seems longer to me, I imagine…"
"Hmm…"
You MUST lie better than that Bella.
"I'll have to mention to Carlisle that you stopped by. He'll be sorry they missed you." I tried to my hardest to keep distance between Laurent and. Every step he took, I took one back, like a dance with one unwilling partner. I asked him about Living with the Denali coven, How he was liking Tanya. His responses were cold. Chilling, even.
"The restrictions are difficult…Sometimes I cheat."
He took a deliberate step toward me, and I was one flinch away from running although I knew it would do no good. Don't move. The voice instructed.
"Did Victoria ever find you?" That evil catlike woman with fire red hair still haunted my nightmares. She had hunted me with James. Before the Cullens killed him.
"Yes." He said, stepping forward again "I came here as a favor to her. She won't be happy about this."
"Uh, about what?" I replied, taking another big step back.
"About me killing you. She wanted to do it herself. Mate for a mate. But is seems you must not mean too much to Edward if he left you here unprotected."
His words tore away at the shield I was waving. Threaten him. The voice ordered.
"You won't get away with it."
"Why not? The scent will wash away. And if Edward really does care enough to investigate, he won't think of me. It's not personal. Just thirst."
Beg.
"Please" I groaned, listening to his assurance that it would be fast and that I was really lucky that he found me, not Victoria. I braced myself for impact. Watching his moves very carefully. His head whipped to the left and he looked bewildered and frightened all at the same time. He muttered something under his breath and began backing away from me. I had to look, but I saw nothing. The treeline was empty, but still Laurent retreated more quickly. Then I saw it. The bear that Charlie had warned me so much about. If Laurent wasn't going to kill me, this thing surely would. It was massive. And black. But it wasn't a bear at all. Its snout was long and angular, with rows of razor sharp teeth sticking out. It growled directly at Laurent. If I had my pick, I would have rather been closer to Laurent. At least that way, I knew how I would die. But there I was a mere ten feet from the massive creature. In my delusion, I studied the way it moved. Circling Laurent like a heard dog. DOG! That was it! It moved like a dog. And the more I thought about it, the more canine it became. But it was not a dog at all. It was a wolf. I had never imagined wolves could be so big.
None of that made sense. Why was Laurent running? It was just a wolf. Just then, two more massive, but not quit as huge as the first, wolves ran to the left of the big black one. Seconds later, two more tore through the opening and stopped on his right. Meaning I was close enough to touch the russet colored one. I gasped, and it looked at me. Its eyes were dark brown. Almost black. It's second of gaze was much too deep for something wild. I thought of my dad, and my mom. Renee wouldn't know what to do. At least Charlie dealt with death before. My mom was still childlike and vulnerable. Then I thought of Jacob. I was immensely glad that I had come here alone, and not drug him into danger as well. But I missed him. And since I thought I was going to die, I let my thoughts fun free.
Jake had been there. He put me back together. He laughed when I laughed, he looked like was going to cry when I cried. He was my sun, in such a dreary place. And as I sat in the meadow, me and Edward's meadow, ready to die, he was all I could think of. I would never get to ay goodbye. I would be the one to break the promise. I would hurt him. I couldn't bare the thought or being the reason he was in pain. What if I could love him back? That wasn't so irrational. I was nowhere ready right now, but he seemed like the natural course of my life. Like if I had never met Edward.
No… The velvet voice pleaded with me. How could I listen to a nonexistent person? "YOU LEFT!" I screamed in my head. He left. And you don't leave the people you love. Especially not people who are danger magnets like me. I'm sorry. It soothed, I had no other choice. I love you Bella. "Don't ever say that again…When you learn the meaning of love you will realize." I had loved him. I had been prepared to die and spend eternity with him. But he left me shaking and broken in the woods. And I was done hurting because of that. Who cares if Edward Cullen didn't want me? He was only the most beautiful, caring, intelligent…. I couldn't think like that. I would live. I had come this far and the pain hadn't killed me. And really, it was all because of Jake. Jake….
I had no idea how much time had passed. The wolves and Laurent were gone, or I thought until I looked up. Pacing around the outside of the far tree bank, the reddish brown wolf that had been closest to me watched my every move. Its gaze followed me as I pulled myself up, brushed off the leaves and grass that stuck to ever inch of my clothing, and began retreating to the opposite side of the meadow. I wasn't afraid. It didn't look threatening anymore. It looked… well… protective. And ironically, a whole pack of wolves had saved me from death.
I tore through the woods, wanting nothing more than to be home. I knew I would have a lot of explaining to do, but Charlie would have to wait. I wanted, no, needed, to talk to Jake.