A/N: Yay…another story with my two favorite characters, Balthier and Vaan…although I like Balthier better. Any guy who can manage to be that hot while dressed like he is has major skill.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Final Fantasy people…I just…deviate from the official storyline.

Balthier settled himself on the edge of Marquis Ondore's desk and vaguely listened to the argument between Princess Ashe and her uncle, the Marquis. It was so good to get off the Leviathan and get back to friendly ports, but listening to the two argue was rather dull. Finally, Balthier sensed a lull in the conversation and jumped in.

"What is the going rate for rescuing princesses these days?" Balthier murmured as Ashe stalked off. "Food would be a start, the good stuff, mind you."

"That can be arranged, but it will take some time." The marquis replied.

'Time enough for a bath, I hope," Balthier retorted.

Ashe left the room, a disappointed look on her face. Balthier knew she was going to do something rash, but he still had some time, or at least he hoped so. He desperately needed a bath. And he could think of someone who needed a bath far more than he did.

Balthier looked over at Vann and smirked.

"What?" Vaan asked self-consciously. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Oh, no reason," Balthier said airily. "Come on, Vaan. Let's enjoy the Marquis' hospitality.

Vaan perked up, expecting something to eat. "Okay," he said cheerfully.

Balthier led the way and gestured toward an open door. Vaan stepped in, saw the large, delicately carved bathtub and hastily scrambled backwards.

"Balthier, what's going on?" Vaan asked worriedly.

"We're getting you cleaned up," Balthier said calmly. He put a hand on the doorframe, blocking Vaan's escape.

Vaan looked terrified. "But-but…I hate baths."

"Yes, I can see that. Come along. We'll get you a good scrub."

Balthier pushed Vaan into the room and shut the door behind them. Vaan tensed suddenly, looking like a cornered animal.

'Just relax," Balthier assured him. "It's quite painless."

Vaan puffed out his cheeks indignantly. "I don't need a bath. I'm fine the way I am.'

Balthier raised an eyebrow. "If you insist with that attitude, I'll never let your grubby little paw touch the controls on my airship."

That got Vaan's attention. "You mean, if I take a bath, you'll let me fly the Strahl?" His eyes shone with hope.

"It's not a guarantee, Vaan," Balthier cautioned him. But if you don't take a bath, you get no chance whatsoever. It's up to you."

"Oh, alright," Vaan huffed.

Balthier chuckled. "Smart lad." He headed down the hallway to inform Fran to keep the princess occupied for awhile, fetched two towels and the headed back to the bathroom.

Vaan squeaked in surprise as Balthier opened the door. "Balthier!" Vaan growled, ducking behind the tub.

"Nothing I haven't seen before," Balthier said airily. "Now, it won't do you any good to take a bath without water.' He leaned down and turned on the faucet.

Vaan glared at him. "Now go away so I can take my bath."

Balthier held out his hands defensively. "I won't look. I promise." He turned around and waited until he heard the sound of Vaan sliding into the water.

Balthier turned back and smirked at Vaan's heated glare. "Why are you still here?" Vaan demanded. 'I can take care of myself."

"I sincerely doubt that," Balthier murmured. "By the looks of you, you haven't washed in years."

Vaan scowled. "I know how to take a bath."

Balthier leaned back against the wall. "I'm just supervising, making sure you use soap and shampoo, not just water. Although, even just a dip in the water will do wonders for you."

Vaan sniffed at the soap and scowled. "It smells like a girl. I'm not using it."

Balthier crossed the room and scooped up the bottle of shampoo and poured a liberal amount over Vaan's hair.

'Hey, I told you I can do it myself,' Vaan hissed.

"Keep that up and I'll have to get in there with you," Balthier teased.

Vaan's face turned bright red. "N-no, don't you dare! That's gross."

"Then I suggest you use this," Balthier said, nudging the soap.

Vaan sighed heavily and rubbed a little soap on his hands. He wiped his hands across his chest and glared at Balthier. 'Happy?"

Balthier sighed. "I knew it was going to come to this." He undid the clasps on his vest and shrugged it off.

Vaan squeaked. "N-no, don't do that! I'll use the stupid soap, okay?" He furiously scrubbed at his chest.

Balthier unbuttoned his shirt and set it aside reverently and then he began undoing his pants.

Vaan yelped and clapped his hands over his eyes.

'What's the matter, Vaan? Am I hideous, deformed, repulsive, ugly?"

'No," Vaan muttered.

"Am I overwhelming you with my irresistibly charming personality and handsome physique?"

"No," Vaan growled. "I just won't want to see you naked."

'Why not? You've seen a naked man before."

"No, I haven't,' Vaan muttered.

"Not even yourself?"

"That doesn't count," Vaan hissed.

"Oh really? Well, if it makes you so uncomfortable, I won't get in with you. I'll just stay here to assist you."

Vaan uncovered his eyes and scowled. "If you're not getting in, why don't you put your clothes back on?"

"I'll be getting in right after you, so there's no need to bother."

Vaan sighed heavily. "Why do you have to torture me so much?"

"Turn around, Vaan. Let me get your back," Balthier commanded.

Vaan did as he told and arched into Balthier's touch. Balthier rubbed at Vaan's tense shoulder muscles and smirked as Vaan sighed in contentment and closed his eyes.

"See? A bath's not so bad after all," Balthier said cheerfully. "If I didn't know better, I would have to say you were actually enjoying this."

Vaan cracked open an eye. "It's because I don't have to look at you anymore.'

Balthier rolled his eyes. "I'm not that bad looking, am I?"

"No, it's just…I'm not interested in men, okay? If you were a girl, maybe it wouldn't traumatize me to look at you."

Balthier snickered. "You have so much to learn, Vaan."