Author's Note: I had written this story a few years ago but subsequently removed it from the internet. After receiving a recent PM from a user wondering about the location of this story, I decided to re-upload it. In looking for this story's file, I found a few extra, unrevised chapters which were not made available to readers. If current readers show interest, I may revise those chapters and add them onto this story. Please enjoy chapters 1 through 6 below!
Rest
Chapter 1
Eight months and a report on the HoloNet.
It had been eight months of worrying, sleepless nights, and stress from work and from waiting. Waiting for the war to finish, waiting for the next holocall, waiting for him to come home. Her act in front of others is a product of her self control. If anyone was to see through, they would realize the truth of the matter that she couldn't deal without him; that her life was almost a vague existence, if it weren't for the constant reminder of what he'd unknowingly left her with.
She was cleaning up dinner when the report came on. She smiled when hearing of "The Hero With No Fear" and then frowned when they said "urgent report." Deciding to put the dishes down, she was still as she listened.
"...last seen on Outer Rim..." "...reported missing..." "...presumed dead."
Mechanically, she walked towards the holo and turned it off. Taking a deep breath, heading towards their bedroom and ignoring 3PO's questioning, she closes off the light from the windows and from the door and sits down on the bed.
This is where she loses her control. Releasing her breath, she breaks down into frantic sobs. Feeling a response from her swollen middle, the reminder makes her cry harder at what he's missed and going to miss. Then, clutching the pillow on his side of the bed, she collapses into sleep.
The Council could see the clear advantages of bringing Anakin back without the media prying. He'd been sent to diplomatically reason with natives on the Outer-Rim planet of Bal'demnic but was caught up in an ambush. Later he would say it was at the fault of bad timing, but he knew it was the fault of being at war too long. His mind was unsteady and all he could think about was going home, to where she was.
Funny was that it worked backwards this time; instead of completing the mission (and the ones that would follow) quickly to get back to Coruscant, he failed the mission and ended up being sent there anyway.
Obi-Wan was the one who located him and informed the Council of his fall. He was exhausted and beaten and definitely needed time for rest, so they quietly transported him back to the Temple.
His absence from the fight had the HoloNet coming up with the stories of his death and being "reportedly missing."
After the long hours it took in order to get back to Coruscant, he was finally there. He'd been left to sleep his quarters but he knew he wouldn't rest until he was next to her again.
Sneaking out, he headed directly to her apartment. It was still dark out and wouldn't begin to light up for a couple more hours, so in his tiredness he tried to be as quiet and discrete as he could. Silently typing in the access code and slipping into the living room, he headed straight to the bedroom. Hazily seeing her in slumber through the darkness of the room, he decided not to wake her, so he slipped out of his Jedi robe, took of his boots and equipment belt, and finally relaxed as he fell asleep next to her.
Chapter 2
Discomfort was what woke her.
It was not the normal discomfort that came with being so far along in her pregnancy, though that was probably part of it. Curiously, it was the discomfort that came with sleeping too close to someone for too long; it was too warm.
There was also a heavy weight pressed on her side.
Slowly opening her eyes she saw that she was not alone. There he was, sleeping right next to her as though he wasn't dead at all...
But he was gone, wasn't he?
"A cruel dream!" her mind screamed. She still held his pillow to her chest from last night when she went to rub her eyes. The weight of his arm on her side got in the way.
She definitely wasn't still asleep then.
Her eyes went wide with shock. Moving her hand to his face, she wanted to feel that he was really there before she let herself feel the slightest amount of happiness...
When he woke she was crying in relief.
"Pad...me?" She could see his tired face trying to make sense of it.
"They..." she couldn't find the words. "The... the holo said you were gone..." her confusion and pain was clear. "How is it p...possible... how did you get back?!" He felt her tears on his face as she kissed him and put her arms around him into a tight hug.
Anakin didn't know how to respond; he hadn't been asleep for more than a few hours and his mind was still foggy. He slowly moved his arm up and placed his hand on her face, wiping away the tears.
His voice was rough when he comforted her. "I'm okay Padme. They just send me back for rest."
He felt her head nod against his chest and she gave a light laugh. She was calming down and they both were almost back to a restful state.
"I love you," she mentioned. Leaving a smile on his lips, it was the last sound he registered before falling back asleep.
She too fell back asleep.
Chapter 3
Within a few hours she woke up again to start the day.
Slowly getting out of bed as to not wake Anakin up yet, she went to the 'fresher to shower and prepare herself mentally for later. Oh the things she needed to prepare herself for...
Brushing her teeth, she remembered she had the day off, which meant there was still work to do, it just didn't require going to the Senate or her office to do it. Stepping into the shower she contemplated the main thing that came to her mind: how to tell Anakin...
Naboo, approx. 8 months previously
She was on leave from work for a few weeks, so naturally, she decided to spend them on Naboo.
The transmission came while she was still outside, playing with Ryoo and Pooja in the verdant field behind her parent's house. They had been running around for a while then Sola called them in so they could clean up for dinner.
After washing, Padme returned to the room she had been staying in; she had decided to spend the first week at parent's house and the next week and a bit at the Lake Retreat. She looked to her nightstand and raised an eyebrow at the blinking light on her comlink. After closing the door, she picked it up turned it on to play the latest transmission.
A recording of Anakin came up. "I've five days off for rest. Tell me where do go and I'll be there," her heart raced. "I love you," he ended.
A brilliant smile overtook her face. She quickly messaged him back, but he wasn't there so she just left a recording saying that she was at her parents but he should meet her at Varykino.
Downstairs the family was already gathered around the table. Jobal called for Padme to come and eat.
Setting the comlink down, she headed down the stairs and thought about seeing him at last.
She blushed when Sola asked her why she looked so happy.
-break-
Another recording came and two days later she was waiting for him at the Lake Retreat. She was sitting inside with the windows open, trying to read a datapad and calm her excitement before he got there. The wind was softly rustling the curtains and in her peripheral vision she could see the sunlight sparkle on the lake.
She was having difficulty paying attention to the datapad so she set it down on her lap and closed her eyes. The sound of waves was relaxing... then she heard another sound, a faint splashing of the water. The sound became louder and louder and came to include the buzzing of an engine, until it stopped...
Padme realized that it must have been a waterspeeder, and that it must have been travelling to the retreat, and that it must have just docked, and that Anakin must have been on it...
The datapad dropped to the chair and she raced outside...
Coruscant, approx. 6 months previously
Bail Organa's senatorial ball was starting in less than an hour and the dress wouldn't fit.
Padme and Dorme stood in front of the closet mirror. Padme mumbled something about being confused, not being able to understand it. Dorme was trying to do the zipper on the back, but couldn't get it done past her middle.
"...only bought the dress a few weeks ago..."
Dorme thought Padme's ramblings had to do with the guilt of eating too many desserts.
Giving one last tug to the zipper, Dorme sighed. "It's fine milady. I'll take out the other one you bought, the long one with the empire waist. How does that sound?"
Padme didn't respond right away. Her face was uncertain as she looked at herself in the mirror.
Dorme didn't know how to interpret it.
"Milady, if you're unwell I could call for you..."
Padme focused herself. "No... Yes, Dorme, the dress sounds fine."
Dorme turned to the clothing racks. Padme again looked to her figure in the reflection before getting ready to change.
-break-
The next day she went in disguise to a med droid.
All it took was a quick blood sample. The results simultaneously came back too fast and too slow; too fast for her to finish thinking everything through, too slow for her anticipation.
However, they did come back. She thought she was prepared either way, but her world still turned upside down as she read the sheet.
Positive.
After drying off, she went back through her bedroom towards her walk in closet. Going back to the bedroom she realized how tired he looked. She had to pick something concealing to wear... she didn't intend to surprise him right away and add to his stress.
She threw on a simple dark shift and went to the kitchen to for breakfast. Later they would have a talk...
Chapter 4
Between dreams and consciousness, Anakin slowly awoke to find himself in the bed he had missed sleeping in for months. He remembered everything that happened and then realized Padme wasn't there; she must have been up for a while since the sheets were cold next to him.
He got out of bed and walked out the door, smelling food cooking from the kitchen.
Padme was at the stove, her back facing to him. Stopping before making her aware of his presence, he took a moment to admire her. He has missed her so much during the war he couldn't believe how incredible it felt being around her again. Her long curly hair was pulled into a loose ponytail and he felt at peace as his eyes drifted over her.
She shifted and he noticed something different about her form. Before he could figure out what it was, she turned around and saw him standing there. They took a moment gazing into each other's eyes.
"Good morning," Padme said. They both knew it was a pathetic comment.
He rushed to her and kissed her as if they had been separated for a lifetime.
Breaking apart, their hearts were racing. "Good morning," he cheekily said with a smile.
Padme suddenly realized this was it, within the next couple minutes he would have to know. Faced with actually having to tell him, she didn't know what to do.
Anakin, who was about to go back for another kiss, saw what he interpreted to be confusion on her face. "What is it?"
"I... umm..." It was very un-Padme like; she always knew what to say and what to do. The awkwardness of this moment was out of place. For the split second in time before she could bring herself to say more, Anakin was reminded of another instance where Padme had shown her weakness...
-break-
Naboo,approx. 2 years previously
It was a sunny day. The villa hadn't been restocked in a while so Anakin had decided they should go into town for supplies and to get something to eat.
They dressed in simple civilian garb and headed into a small grocer's. It wasn't very busy, except for an elderly man, conversing with the store keeper at the counter, and a mother holding a baby with two young children running around.
Anakin and Padme walked towards the fresh fruit aisle. Padme began picking through the shuura fruits for the best ones and placed them in the basket. Anakin couldn't tell the difference in the freshness of the fruit, and so he looked around the store.
The mother was trying to get her children to stay patient and wait for her to pick up the few things they needed, but it was difficult as she had forgotten the stroller for the baby, who was now sleeping. She carried the infant, while the older two ran around the store as something to do.
Padme had selected what they needed and Anakin took the basket to hold. Walking to the cashier, the two children ran past. The mother followed afterwards, but wasn't quick enough as the smaller child crashed into a display of assorted canned soups. The boy started to cry in sobs.
"Can you?" the mother asked Padme, holding out the baby.
Padme nodded her head and took the infant.
The mother then set her bags on the floor and proceeded to help the child from the toppled cans.
Padme, however, was entranced by the little child she was holding. Tuning everything out, she looked at the baby's face, entranced by its sleeping innocence and its weight in her arms.
Her mind wandered...
Anakin attention was first on the baby but quickly changed to Padme's reaction to it. After a moment, she looked up at him and she knew they were sharing the same thoughts.
The mother had almost gotten everything back in order. Setting the last can back up, she went back to Padme. Gratefully, she said a thank you as she took the baby back.
Padme blinked her glistening eyes and smiled in return.
Anakin paid for the food. Padme was quiet as they walked outside. Anakin moved the bags into his mechanical hand so his other was free. He took her hand next to his and squeezed it.
"Do you want to go to lunch? Or we could go back now..." he asked feebly.
She shook her head in a sad way. She had to clear her throat for the sound to come out. "Lu... Lunch sounds good."
She was stronger than giving in to the things she wanted. Forcing herself to forget the longing, she shifted her hand to put her fingers through his. She smiled up at him and they headed to an eatery.
-break-
During the quick moment of his thoughts, Padme had moved her hand to rest on her distended middle. He looked down at the small motion, realizing what the change was that he saw earlier. Suddenly, he understood what she was getting at.
His eyes lingered on her middle and the hand caressing it. He tried to focus, tried to come up with any alternative explanations. Dumbfounded, his eyes lifted to her face. She was intently focused on his, looking for his reaction.
His eyebrow lifted. "Padme?"
Chapter 5
"Padme?"
She nodded in answer to his question. She couldn't look away from him, she craved his reaction.
Anakin, completely overwhelmed, took a moment and stared into space. Padme's heart raced; she wanted him to say something but knew it was best to give him time to collect his thoughts. Becoming impatient, she began to wonder if he did understand, but in that second he opened his mouth.
When he spoke, he had trouble communicating his thoughts into words: "… w-wow. Padme… I'm sorry – I mean I'm sorry you're – you've – been alone – and – I'm – I haven't thought – I mean it's wonderful, it's great really. I just – wow, right now –"
She silenced him with a finger to his lips. In barely a whisper, she voiced "I know." His adverted eyes finally went to hers. Having to look her in the eye, he let go of everything he had cosmically stressed about in the past moment and pulled her into a hug.
"I love you."
"I know."
The moment was quickly ruined by the smell of burning from the pan on the stove.
Padme tilted her head back to give him a peck on the lips then turned back to the food.
A pensive Anakin stood still before shaking himself out of it. He went to help Padme.
Once everything was done cooking, Padme declared breakfast ready to eat. She reached up to get plates from a cupboard but Anakin stopped her.
"Let me do it." The door opened and two plates rose up and out and then softly landed on the counter.
Padme bit her lip as she giggled. "Thanks. I should keep you around." He got a kiss on the cheek and they laughed as she served their food. Both went to sit at the table.
The food was not great enough to be labeled delicious, but Anakin still ate ravenously, his utensils marking the plate with scrapes and the air with clashing noises. Padme picked up on this, putting her fork down to watch him.
Anakin was absorbed in his meal. It took him a full minute to realize she had stopped moving. He noticed the smile on her lips. "What?" he asked.
"Nothing," she said with a laugh, "I just can't believe you're back."
He smiled back and his eating slowed afterwards.
Chapter 6
As they woke up late, it was noon by the time they put away breakfast. Anakin and Padme laid together on the couch later in the afternoon. They tried to catch up, but both weren't intent on reliving the past eight months. Padme asked him about his time while he was gone and Anakin was reluctant to share. He covered most of his reluctance, however, and gave her a downplayed story about how most of the time was spend travelling and planning.
"Mostly I just missed you," was how he ended it.
They took a couple moments in silence. Breaking their reverie, Padme took Anakin's hand from where it was laying over her side and guided it to her middle.
"Feel it?"
It took a moment, and then he did. "…Wow." Anakin's mind motored again as he couldn't believe what he had come home to. He didn't think he would get over it and was actually a little frightened, though he didn't know to label it that emotion yet. "When are you due?"
"A little more than a month," Padme answered while skimming their hands across her belly.
As if it was singed, Anakin's hand pulled back. Padme raised her brow, but the beep from Anakin's comlink saved him of any explanation.
*beep!*
"Oh. It's probably Obi-Wan…"
Padme moved to get up. "You should answer it," she said.
"Sorry," he muttered as he helped her reposition. He gave her an apologetic look and turned the transmission on.
"Anakin! Where the Sith are you?!"
Anakin lied. "Sorry Master, I couldn't meditate so I decided to take a walk –"
"Anakin, save your explanations for later! We're supposed to report to the council!" Obi-Wan's angry voice blared out from the comm.
Anakin decided to feign innocence. "Okay, when?"
"Five minutes ago!"
"I'll be there as soon as I can." Anakin disconnected the link. Turning to Padme, he said, "I'm sorry."
"It's okay," she said, though it mostly wasn't. "It sounded important."
"See you later then?"
"See you later then," she half-smiled up at him.
He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and left for his speeder.
Anakin was greeted outside the council chamber door by a very unhappy Obi-Wan. They entered, Anakin apologizing for his tardiness.
The first ten minutes Anakin was present to capture included the various masters talking about the effects politics on the war. Anakin zoned out until they started talking about leads on the latest location of General Grievous.
In those first ten minutes, Anakin's mind went over the things he had learned coming back, though he shielded his thoughts very carefully. He wasn't sure what he felt about his impending fatherhood but he couldn't connect it to anything completely positive… He was excited, but when he thought to the future he couldn't picture anything without negativity. Did Padme's parents know? Did she intend to keep her job? What would happen to him if anyone found out? He should have asked Padme what her thoughts were earlier in the day, but he didn't want to ruin the mood. "I don't think she did either," he thought to himself.
He decided things would have been more ideal if they had waited until the war was done. Right after coming to this conclusion, his thoughts were interrupted by the change in conversation topic.
"On the Outer Rim planet of Utapau, General Grievous has been located," came the voice of Master Yoda. "Sent to destroy him, Master Kenobi and Knight Skywalker will be."
"What?!" Anakin's inner-monologue exclaimed.
Master Windu turned, "Anakin. You have four more days to recover. Please take the time to rest and meditate."
Anakin wasn't moving so Obi-Wan decided to speak up for him. "We will be ready."
The meeting was shortly adjourned. Before Anakin could go anywhere, Obi-Wan stopped him. "Anakin, I know you're still distracted over the last mission." "Oh, was he wrong." "Take the time to meditate now before you do anything else. I know it will help you."
"Yes Master," was Anakin's stoic reply.
Obi-Wan frowned at the formality. "See you later," he said, as they parted down the halls of the Jedi Temple.
By the time he got back it was past dark. The sky was a black-grey blanket, concealing and cloudy, and the lights on the buildings of Coruscant twinkled in parody of stars.
Everything Anakin wanted was past the polluted cover of the sky, the stars to reach for at the infinity of the Universe. Everything he was given was a farce of the truth.
Padme greeted him at the door. "Hello," her happiness shined through her voice as they kissed and embraced.
Anakin was quiet as they walked to the living room. "Are you hungry?" she asked.
"No." Anakin shook his head. They sat on the couch. Anakin solemnly played with the fabric of her gown.
Padme looked to his lowered eyes. Obviously, something was wrong. What had the council said?
She decided to talk about something happy to lighten his mood. "Last week I booked – well actually I was planning it for a while – I've been planning to leave for Naboo. I requested from the Queen to go on leave months ago. Lately, I've just been finishing up all the work I have left and the flight is in a week..." Anakin nodded, still looking down to the material on her lap. "I meant to tell you earlier," she said, "we could leave then?"
Finally, he looked up. Blue eyes blazed into brown. "I can't go. They're sending me back out in four days."
"…What?" Grasping the verity of his statement, Padme became a frustrated furious. "You just got back!" She shook her head, emphasising the point. "Anakin you can't, you can't just come and go like that. Not now. Can't you do something? Should we tell them?"
"I don't know what to do," he quietly spoke.
"You don't want to leave, do you?" she questioned.
"Padme you know it's not like that! I just don't know what to do. Tell me what to do, what you want me to do and I'll do it, but I just don't know anymore," he practically pleaded.
Padme's anger at the Jedi Council was redirecting itself onto another, closer by, source. "What do you mean you don't know anymore? You don't know if you can keep choosing the Order over me? You don't know if you want this?" she gestured to her abdomen. The skin of her neck was becoming red and splotchy at her exasperation.
Anakin hesitated. He knew what he was feeling now, what he'd been feeling earlier. It was the fear of failure. He was terrified of the idea of being responsible for another's life, let alone his wife's safety. This was different than protecting civilians or rescuing a group of people, this was a huge and lifelong responsibility.
He naïvely thought he'd leave the Outer Rim to come back to a stress-free life. It wasn't what he got, Padme here now questioning him. "I don't know. Padme this is too much to handle! I was supposed to come back and everything would be fine and maybe the war would end after the next mission or so. And then we could have moved to Naboo and started a family. Everything… it's changed now. I'm not ready."
Padme subconsciously ignored his fear. How could he not be ready? She didn't understand why he couldn't be strong about this too; he was strong about everything. He was The Hero Without Fear for Force's sake. "Why? We talked about this. We both wanted it to happen... of course we would have preferred different circumstances and a better time... but it's here now Anakin and we can't change it! Do you think this is what I wanted?"
Anakin slightly tilted his head to the side, a half-shake to noiselessly answer her question "no". He skipped over the problem of their impending parenthood. "Padme, there is a war going on!" Anakin raised his arm to gesture in the direction of the Jedi Temple over the horizon. "I meant to come home to visit but now you're... you're this and planning to go to Naboo and I… I want to go with you but they're sending us out. In a few days and…" his words faded.
Padme caught his hesitations, but she was so worked up she couldn't address them. "You think I don't know that there is still a war going on! You think I forgot, every day for the last eight months you were gone?" There was a pause in her speech where she remembered the pain. "You haven't realized how big a strain it's been for me, first you leaving then I was sick for weeks until I realized..." another hesitation, " Then I realized you wouldn't be here for months and I had to hide and I had to work to help end the war but everything I tried to do wouldn't change anything. Then I'd come home from work to hear about you on the HoloNet. Anakin, I'd cling on to every word they said that mentioned your name. The night before you got here… Ani I died. They said you were gone and I almost couldn't handle it."
There was silence.
He couldn't look at her. "Padme, I just got back. It's too much to think about."
Padme took a second to collect herself and finally decided to face the elephant in the room. She took her hand and placed it on his face, turning him towards her. Using all of her strength, she looked him straight in the eyes, "I'm terrified too. The entire time then and still now."
Hearing the sad honesty in her voice, he pulled her into a hug. "We'll figure it out," he whispered.