"I'm glad you're marrying my sister," Kurogane said, and stopped Fai's heart for a moment with the shock of hearing such a cruelty spill from that mouth.
Kurogane could be surly and brusque, more suited for the battlefield than ballroom, but there'd always been his own special brand of love underneath all the roughness. He was the simple draught in a plain cup, bitter but refreshing when compared to all the sugary cakes laced with poisonous politics in the palace life they'd both been born to.
"How can you be glad?" Fai whispered, unable to believe that Kurogane could feel something so opposite to his own pain, when he knew - believed wholeheartedly still despite what he'd just heard - that they loved each other, and only each other.
"This binds you to me," Kurogane growled, heated and forceful and Fai could see it now; the anger held in check throughout the pompous ceremony that had promised on paper his younger sister to the crown prince of Valeria. That, that was real and familiar and he could breathe again, believe again that despite his confusion and hurt, Kurogane was Kurogane yet, loving and devoted and his. Great sword-calloused hands clasped his upper arms and shook him quickly, firmly, as if to settle his jumbled thoughts and make room for new ones.
"You're the prince; you'll have to marry someday and sire heirs for your throne no matter how your heart wishes otherwise. I'd rather you married Tomoyo than any other woman alive because it'll be my blood you mingle with yours, my line you tie yours to. Your children will be my nephews and nieces. I'll have the right to hold them, speak of them as my family, call them to visit so that I can teach them to fight, have them spend a year in my household to learn about my lands.
No one can stop me from seeing you whenever I wish; all I need say is that I want to make certain my sister is well, and happy in her new home. And with your kingdom allied with us, we'll be so great in power and numbers that we'll likely never need to go to war again. If it comes anyway I'll fight all the better for knowing that our nearest ally is the one person in all the world I trust most never to betray me. Best yet with our families allied I will never, ever have to face you with a sword in my hand and that is worth any sacrifice."
Fai's breathing had calmed somewhat during all this, all this amazing flood of words from a man usually so taciturn and terse, all this outpouring of plainly spoken love and desire after years of silence and secrecy. His pulse still pounded but it was a hard and hearty thudding rather than a racing, shivering, shattering pain against his ribs.
What his heart wanted was simple but impossible. Especially for them, not just because of rank and title but because they were loyal to their families, devoted to their people. It would be a simple thing to go out for a ride and never come back, but impossible because it would bring trouble - war, perhaps - down upon those left behind. They could never shame their parents so, never burden their siblings so selfishly. Such a self-serving happiness as they might grasp for themselves would be more painful than any outright torture for all the guilt it would bring down upon their heads.
"It's not what I want," he still said softly despite knowing all this. The words were so obvious and unnecessary, yet his own heart demanded simple honesty when with this man since he had to smile and lie and pretend with everyone else. And this gift of vulnerability that he gave to none other softened the harsh lines of Kurogane's gaze, made gentle the hands that rose slowly to cup his face.
"I know," Kurogane said, letting his own regret show for once before closing his eyes and resting his forehead against his love's, allowing himself weakness because Fai needed to see how strong his hold was upon his heart. "But it's the best we can have."