Disclaimer: I wish they were mine but they're not. They belong to the great J.K. Rowling.
Author's note: This is dedicated to LestatLover, a wonderful friend and rabid Sirius/Remus fangirl. Also a big thanks to Avada for betaing.
*has Sirius make big ol' puppy-dog eyes* Please read and review.
The First Snow
Snowflake after snowflake waltzed across the heavens like stars spinning from the sky. They were magical fairies that chased away a sharply cold and dreary world, gracing it with a quiet splendor. The white drops seemed to caress the sky as they spiraled downwards, soothing the aching hopelessness and loneliness winter had inflicted upon it. Grey and tired from the buffetings of unforgiving cold, the earth was finally pitied and smiled upon for the snow was like the gentle arms of a mother that enfolded her child in an embrace that mended the aches of a weary soul.
With a small smile, Remus looked back to the half-finished essay before him and picked his quill back up. He hesitated for a moment, forcing his gaze away from the frosty windows and back to the parchment. Gathering thoughts on the influence of Morgan Le Fey on the present-day wizarding world, Remus hunched over the parchment, holding back tawny locks that threatened to fall across his face as he reread what he had conjured. After looking the essay over again at least four times over, he sat back up with a tired sigh of frustration and chewed thoughtfully on his bottom lip. The quill hovered over the parchment, poised for words….
"Oi, Remus!"
"Yes, James?" asked Remus, not looking up from the essay. The quill scratched carefully across the paper, leaving inked words in its wake.
"What are you doing that for?"
"Because it's homework, James. Teachers assign homework with the intention that we actually complete the assignment." The quill's more rapid, inspired pace slowed to a mere trot.
Sirius's chuckling echoed from the stairwell, the syllables of his laughter growing louder as he drew nearer. "We're well aware of what homework is, Remus." Sirius entered the room and flopped down on the nearest four-poster. Remus noticed that flecks of white still glistened and glowed in that already shimmering dark hair. Remus's eyes lingered on his mass of wind-blown hair but made their way back to the essay in due time.
"What Jamie here is trying to say is why the hell you're doing homework in here when what's going on outside at the moment is the first snow of the season?"
"How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?" asked James in annoyance.
"At least one more time every time, you know that," replied Sirius with a cheeky grin. "Besides, you let your mum call you Jamie."
"Well, yeah, she's my mum!"
Remus looked back out the window at the crystalline flurries that danced in the wind and grinned when he realized they were the very first crystalline flurries he had seen this year…
He looked up towards his friends and his smile only widened in amusement at the sight that greeted him. James, Sirius, and Peter were all dressed and ready for the cold weather. Peter, hovering as far away from the fireplace as possible (and Remus didn't blame him), could hardly be seen beneath all the winter clothing he wore. A grey jacket hid his uniform completely, earmuffs swallowed his head, and a colorful fuzzy hat perched atop his blonde mop. Fingers were covered with stitched mittens that matched his winter hat and a Gryffindor scarf somehow entangled itself around it all. Remus couldn't help but think of the striking resemblance between Peter and a puffy marshmallow.
Sirius and James, on the other hand, looked as if they were trying to get frostbite. Aside from his school uniform, a sweatshirt, and his scarf, Sirius wore only a winter cap which he had managed to make rest jauntily upon his head while James passed on the winter hat all together and instead wore gloves.
Sirius grinned. "I think it's time for a traditional game of Watch-Sirius-Kick-Everyone's-Arse-in-a-Snowball-Fight."
From beneath his wooly hat, Peter nodded enthusiastically in agreement causing the reddish pom-pom at the tip of his hat to wave wildly.
"We'll see about that," James challenged, though he knew he had no chance in winning; he was much more agile in the air than on the ground.
"Besides, the essay won't go anywhere whereas the first snow won't be there forever," Sirius pointed out with a smirk, almost whining. It was completely unlike the smirk he saved for the populace of the Slytherin household; it was much friendlier, welcoming. Every time he would give the "good" smirk, Remus always spotted the tiniest glint in the farthest reaches of Sirius's eyes, and he loved waiting for that quick moment when Sirius's dark pink lips would part a little to reveal some teeth and tongue.
Using his quill as a bookmark, Remus sighed and closed his History of Magic book. He was relieved to have an excuse to leave. He feared being left alone to his own thoughts. "I'll meet you outside then."
~`~`~`~
Eyes closed, Remus turned his face up towards the sky. A breathless smile appeared when the snowdrops fluttered on his closed lids and cheeks and for a moment, he felt utter tranquility settle itself about him. It was cinematic, he could melt into it all at that moment. They were like…no, they were kisses from the heavens. Blissfully cool and soft like the affectionate whispers of a lover.
"Moony! What are you looking for? An invitation by owl?"
Chuckling in amusement, Remus opened his eyes and looked away from the sky, only to get a face full of snow. The air erupted into laughter that danced with the same wild joyfulness as the snowfall. Remus wiped the snow away from his eyes in time to see the obvious owner of the snowball, Sirius, turn to face Peter and James with two more snowballs in his hands and a triumphant grin on his face.
"You have just witnessed the defeat of Remus Lupin, long time champion of snowball fights," said Sirius, puffing up his chest in the imitation of an arrogant war-hero.
Using Sirius's diverted attention to his advantage, Remus scooped up some snow and packed it tightly into a ball.
James snorted in derision, "You cheated, you prat," and was promptly hit with a snowball.
Sirius tossed the remaining snowball up and down, letting it bounce in his hand to show that he was ready to barrage the next person to disagree, "If you have any hope for mercy than you must admit that I, Sirius Black, am the new champion of snowball fights." He paused, looking as if a sudden revelation had whispered itself across his mind. "No…no, not the champion. I have beaten a champion so I must be much greater. I should be the king of snowball fights!"
Sirius was well into his nomination speech by the time Remus, with a large snowball in hand, had snuck up behind him, leaving nothing but footprints and wisps of warm breath that vanished as quickly as they had appeared as his tracks. The wind seemed to help him as it moved along with him, guiding the way. He looked past Sirius and made the subtlest gesture to James and Peter. Both of them spared only a quick glance, their eyes meeting his in anticipation over the prank about to pass. Remus lifted up the snowball ever so slowly, and in one swift motion, shoved it down Sirius' shirt.
"And if you—Bloody hell!" yelped Sirius, beginning a mad dance in an attempt to rid himself of the coldness. If an outsider had looked upon the group now, they wouldn't be able to decide if Sirius was imitating a rabid monkey fed far too much sugar or trying to perform a complicated rain dance with swift kicks and twirling and jumping jacks. When most of the snow finally freed from his shirt, Sirius whirled in anger on a laughing Remus, and, without so much as a word of warning, tackled him.
It wasn't that time stopped, for the world still moved on around them--the snow still fell steadily to the earth, James and Peter's laughter still could be heard, and the whisper of wind still brushed itself over Remus' face, ruffling unruly hair—No, it was more like time stretched out, precious seconds felt more like blissful minutes. And through these lingering seconds, all Remus found himself able to do was stare, stare at snowflakes that clung to ebon eyelashes, at eyes the same shade of blue as the winter sky, at curving cheeks that were reddened from the cold, at lips parted with breathlessness, and at the misty air that passed from those lips. He could feel their hearts beating against one another, one beat echoing the other.
"Admit defeat." Forever ended in two words.
Remus lowered his eyes, avoiding looking at the face that only a moment ago he could do nothing but gaze at senselessly. "You win," he murmured, voice calm even though his mind was screaming at him to get away, to hide. It felt like panic had its hands tightly wrapped around his lungs and his heart was beating riotously in an attempt to make up for his lack of breathing.
Sirius pushed himself up off Remus and held out his hand in an offer to help him to his feet. But it would be too much like holding hands so Remus got to his feet on his own and brushed away the snow that clung to his clothing, infinitely aware of how clumsy each movement must have looked.
Remus ran a hand through his hair, a nervous gesture hidden in the act of straightening his hair. "I have to go."
"Are you okay?" asked Peter, voice muffled.
Sirius cast worried eyes on Remus, "I didn't hit you too hard, did I? I'm sorry
if--"
"I'm fine." But he wasn't fine…breath couldn't escape from his chest, thoughts were forming sluggishly, words were fumbling… "I just remembered that I haven't finished a Runes essay that's due tomorrow."
"I thought you finished that yesterday," said Sirius, eyebrows knitting.
"Oh, I did…but I still have to go through it again, edit it, I mean." Afraid that they would notice how his hands were shaking, he stuck them in the pockets of his sweatshirt
James and Peter exchanged a 'That's-Remus-for-you' look of understanding and then James nodded, "Should of known it would have been something like that. We'll see you later, Remus."
Remus forced a smile, "That predictable, am I?" He lifted his hand in a small clumsy wave. "Right, I better get going or I'll never get it done." He turned and walked away, not once looking back to see if Sirius was watching him leave.
~`~`~`~
The fifth year boy's dormitory was empty, hushed and still because now, everyone was outside enjoying the first snow. The curtains drawn about him, Remus sat on his bed with his knees pulled up tight to his chest. Silence had let muddled thoughts had cleared themselves and now what had, at the time, seemed so impossible made sense.
Something had happened, something that was easy to think, but so very hard to believe. He had fallen in love with Sirius Black. And Remus was sure it was love even though he had never been in love before because love was one of those things you just knew when you found it. And, Remus found, that panic had left him, he loved Sirius and the thought was so…wonderful that he saw no reason to panic. Love was--oh, there were no words to describe it! It washed away pains and fears liked words written in the sand on the sea shore and Sirius did just that. He chased away darkness and cold as swiftly as the morning sun did and, most importantly, he made Remus feel safe.
But no matter what fairy tales said, not every love was meant to be. Sometimes, upon discovering the beautiful princess and the poor cinder girl were one and the same, the handsome prince also found out he did not love her, sometimes the misunderstood beast failed in winning the heart of the young woman, and sometimes the prince's kiss did not wake the sleeping maiden. Those 'sometimes' were the loves never written about because they were the ones no one wanted to hear. People wanted tales that gave hope, stories about love surpassing death and triumphing over the darkest of evils. This meant that thousands of loves went unnoticed…For every perfect love found, how many were flawed? For every great love, how many were meaningless? For every love that began, how many never even stood a chance?
And Remus knew, knew with an aching sadness, that this love would be one of those that remained unknown. Because it was Sirius Black that he loved, charming, clever, and outgoing. Sirius Black who flirted and smiled and joked with the pretty girls at Hogwarts and always had a date at the school dances – all the things that he, a quiet and shy bookworm, wasn't. So what was the point of imagining a first kiss? Of kisses stolen in the shadows? Or of promises that there would never be a last kiss? Why think of smiles meant only for each other? Or envision clasped hands and intertwined fingers? Why dream of a love that smiled its kindness upon the soul, a love that gave a jaded world life again? Why even think of any of that if it would never happen?
But Remus parted the curtains about his bed anyway, looked out at the snow falling from the sky, and just for a moment, despite all of the circumstances, he let himself dream of a love that healed like the first snow.