Writing Netherlands for the first time and I hardly read fanfics about him anyway so sorry if he seems too OOC!

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia. full stop.

Matthew Williams was broken, his sole purpose and driving force in this world had left him. Alone. Gone. Probably happier than I am now, he scoffed.

He and Lars had been friends for more than five years and lovers for more than two.

The Dutch boy, though his appearance might be deceiving, actually had a soft side. One he usually only revealed when he was with Matthew. He was kind to Matthew and they both had similar likes and dislikes.

He was always sweet and protective and protective towards Matthew. Small gestures like giving him affectionate smiles to getting his and Lars's favourite tulips that would always paint any grey day in rainbow colours.

But it had all changed after a while. Matthew could not exactly remember when but somewhere along the way of their blissful relationship, Lars suddenly grew more cold and distant from Matthew. It was gradual but when Matthew had finally noticed, he brushed it off as the extra work load from his job. Matthew knew Lars's boss and from experience, he also knew that he was very demanding towards his employees.

Moreover, Lars had also recently moved apartments, which meant even more stress on his part.

Matthew had casually asked Lars about it one day after their routine of having dinner at each other's apartment at least once a week.

"Hey, Lars." Matthew asked while he was giving the other a shoulder massage.

"Hmm…?"

"Is anything worrying you lately?"

"No, why do you ask?" The other blonder replied, the muscles in his back tensing unconsciously.

Because nowadays you just seem so far away. Matthew wanted to retort. But he bit his lip from doing so, tears starting to form in his eyes.

"Because you just seem…tense all the time, eh. Sure your boss isn't giving you a hard time?"

Matthew tried to sound as sincere as he could.

Please let him say that it's his work. Please. He silently begged in his mind.

Lars's muscles tensed up again.

"Not really…But I guess Rutte did get me to do a couple more things and work overtime for quite a bit more recently. Maybe that's why."

"Oh, okay."

Matthew didn't feel completely reassured by Lar's words though and half-heartedly kneaded his shoulder blades before getting up slowly.

"Wait…" Lars suddenly started.

He wrapped his arms around Matthew's waist and pulled Matthew gently down to sit his lap.

"You know I'll never hide things from you right?" Lars said softly, nuzzling Matthew's earlobe.

"Yea…"

"So there's no reason to doubt me. I love you."

He made his point clear by pressing his lips against Matthew's, the other's mouth opening to welcome him. Matthew pulled apart and rested his forehead against Lars's, staring into his clear icy blue eyes.

"Love you too." He murmured, melting against Lars's touch once again.

For a while, Matthew felt safe and protected in his familiar arms, as if nothing could ever come between them. It was as if nothing matter anymore. It was just Lars and him, in their own little world, in his apartment. It was happy. Well, at least for now.

…

The signs were very small and subtle, unintentional. It was slow and almost un-noticeable that Lars was deceiving him.

Lars would suddenly not be able to make it for their weekly dinners, only calling the same evening in which they were scheduled to have it. He would apologise profusely to Matthew but that didn't help anything. Matthew was left alone and disappointed for the night, not even in the mood to eat the dinner he had made for them.

That was just one thing. He would start avoiding Matthew for long periods of time and suddenly coming back and saying he was sorry and that he just had stuff to deal with.

Matthew put up with his shenanigans for a while but he had enough of it. They started fighting so much more frequently and once the Dutch male even slapped him out of rage.

Matthew hugged Kumajirou close to him while he cried. He couldn't stop himself from doing so. He just had a big fight with Lars and between them two, he was pretty sure that would be the last one- they were breaking up.

Earlier that afternoon, he had finally snapped and confronted Lars about the woman he had seen him with. Initially he had acted as if it was nothing, just a colleague, and a friend that he knew. But then Matthew said he had caught them kissing.

That's when he finally decided to come clean and fess up. Yes, he had cheated on him. But he had his reasons.

He said so many hurtful things to Matthew, so many… he said that yes, he did love Matthew, but that love, had slowly faded away and was replaced by something else; irritation.

The things he had loved and adored about Matthew now irked him so much. The way his blonde hair almost reached his shoulders, the childish look he would sometimes have on his face. It led Lars to realise that, even though he might love Matthew, they would never be able to have a successful life and future together.

Matthew was just so…fragile. It was like he could break any moment. He didn't need that. And a family, Matthew couldn't provide him with a family. Well, they could adopt. But what was the point of it? He wanted kids that was his own flesh and blood, kids he knew that he would love and cherish all his life.

Basically, he wanted to lead a normal, happy and successful life. And from there, he realised that being with Matthew couldn't let him lead one. But a woman could.

So he started seeing a Belgian woman named Karlijin. His own sister was half-Belgian after all.

He had stood there while the Dutch ripped out his heart and tore it into shreds.

He was useless. No one wanted him. No one needed him. His tears soaked into his shirt but he didn't care. Lars had left in a rage immediately after he had said what was needed to pull them apart. He didn't care anymore. By that time, Lars's words had already sunk in and were practically digging into his brain.

He had no one left. Even Lars had left him for another. He was that useless. No one needed him in this world and no one cared. He was just another useless being taking up space, air and resources.

His whole body was numb from the pain and heart break.

He didn't even feel it when his old friend Raze came out to play with him again. In fact, he felt even more relieve to see Raze breaking the thin skin of the underside of his arm and the liquid that flowed out afterwards. It was relief. It brought him a feeling of euphoria and supernormality, knowing that he himself could control what he did to himself and that no one could stop him.

He hardly went out of the house after that, didn't answer Lars's missed phone calls and messages, he had left everything they had behind. He could take it no more. All the pictures and gifts lying around the house, they were gotten rid of.

Matthew had dragged himself out of the house because he had finally run low on food. He was currently living on a supply of coffee and leftovers from who knows when and decided that he would probably die of starvation soon if he didn't stock up on flour and maple syrup. And whatever else he might need.

Not that he minded dying from starvation right now though.

He had been so naïve. Thinking that once he met Lars, everything would be alright. Thinking that he would finally have a nice life with someone he loved. As a child, Matthew had come from a troubled family. His dad worked hard at his job but his mom was a drug abuser. When his mother had been put in prison for drug dealing, his dad had no way to support their all his 4 kids, so Matthew and Francis had been sent to live with their aunt in France.

After all that family drama, he finally had a peaceful live again. But he had gone through a lot and was a much more sensitive person. He graduated from university with a degree in Literature and moved to America after that.

He had met Lars at the Canadian Tulip Festival in Ottawa and it just so happened that he lived in New York as well. Through Lars, he found a new perspective in life, new friends and a great new country and environment.

But it had all turned out wrong. So wrong. Matthew sighed in dismay as he pulled his sweater hood up to block out the world and the tears started to fall again. His thoughts of going to the corner shop all abandoned as he sat down on a bench at the side of the road.

He cried more as he recalled all that had happened with Lars again. He felt so useless and weak. He rolled his sleeve up and examined the fine thin lines of the cuts on his arm. Some of them were fresh; some of them were disappearing altogether already. He wished he could just go back to his apartment now and stay there forever. No one would notice anyway.

"Hey Birdie!" came a loud voice with a German accent.

Matthew hurriedly tried to roll his sleeves back down to hide the scars on his arm.

"Hi." Matthew said, his voice raspy and hoarse from the crying and sounding just above a whisper.

"What's wrong?" Gilbert questioned, concern written over his pale features.

He took hold of Matthew's chin and suddenly tilted his face up, which caused Matthew to give a small gasp in surprise.

"Your eyes… You haven't been crying have you Birdie?"

Matthew didn't know how to respond and just stared at his shoes, feeling Gilbert's eyes bore into the back of his head.

"It isn't Lars is it? 'Cause I haven't been hearing much from him either." Gilbert asked.

Matthew remained silent for a while before finally answering.

"We broke up." Matthew whispered, his tears starting to well back up again.

Gilbert could only stand there stunned. "W-what? When? Where? How?"

" A few days ago. A-at my apartment. We had a fight. I found out he was cheating." Matthew said those words with no trace of emotion at all, which made Gilbert wince.

He couldn't bear it anymore. He didn't care if anyone saw him, heck he didn't even care if Gilbert saw him crying. His sobs racked his thin body, the sadness and pain of it all washing back on him again.

Gilbert sat down beside Matthew and pulled him into a hug. Matthew didn't respond and he let him cry on his shoulder.

"Come on Birdie, let's get you home. Looks like you could use some awesome company." Gilbert gave Matthew a smile before coaxing him back up.

Matthew sniffled a bit before a blush spread across his face.

"S-sorry for ruining your shirt." Matthew said meekly.

"Nah, it's okay. That's what friends are for right? Come on." Gilbert slung his arm across Matthew's shoulders as he guided him home.

And for the first time since he and Lars broke up, Matthew felt lighter and even a bit happier. Maybe someone did care after all.

AN: Bwahaha. Okay, that was kinda awkward. o_O Anyway, so basically Matthew and Lars are in love, they break up, Matthew crumbles into teeny pieces and wants to die and then BAM! Gilbert comes and stuff.

First time writing light hearted (okay, there's some pretty dark stuff here as well) bits...

Karlijin- an OC character, NOT Belgium.

Canadian Tulip Festival- A real tulip festival in Canada. Started with the Dutch showing gratitude to the Canadians after they sheltered Princess Juliana for some years during the Nazi occupation of Netherlands in WWII by sending the Canadians 100,000 tulip bulbs. And every year they send them a ten thousand bulbs or something and so it evolved to the Canadian Tulip Festival.

...it's weird how I say I hate Nethl/Can and then go ahead and write them. (but always has to end with PruCan :D)

Hope it wasn't too weird!

Reviews are love!