Fandom: Supernatural
Features: Castiel (w/ Dean and Anna)
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Supernatural is owned by CW, not me.
Spoilers: Season 4 (Heaven & Hell)
Summary: A glimpse into the mind of the angel Castiel and his feelings toward Dean Winchester. Castiel's love toward Dean may be platonic, but that doesn't make it any less real.
"You did the best you could. I forgive you."
Castiel tilted his head at Anna's words to Dean before she turned to him. "I'm sorry," he said.
"No, you're not," Anna said firmly. "Not really. You don't know the feeling."
Castiel frowned at that, almost wishing it were true. He looked at Dean, a weight on his shoulders settling deeper. He couldn't let this confusion get in the way of his duty, and yet he could think of little else. The angel did his best to bury his feelings, to deny them, but they lingered. Every time he thought of Dean, of the man he pulled from hell and pieced back together, he felt. What, he could not be sure; he'd never experienced emotion like this. But whatever it was, he couldn't shake it.
All he knew was that he wished someone would say those words to him. He yearned for someone to accept his faults rather than what he had now. He was a soldier, an angel of the Lord. He could not afford to doubt his position. And yet, Anna's words solidified something in him. And he wanted for himself something akin to what Anna was giving to Dean.
And that scared him. These thoughts were on the verge of blasphemy. To desire something that belongs solely to humanity was to reject the Grace that God had given him. With that at hand, he may as well Fall. Perhaps he had already Fallen. Either way, he walked a dangerous line, all because of the man he'd raised from perdition.
Of course, the nature of Anna and Dean's relationship had been different. Uriel had told him about their little escapade. And for some reason, knowing this bothered Castiel. Why? He couldn't be certain. These feelings were…new. Uncategorised, as far as the angel was concerned. Castiel didn't want Dean the way Anna had, and yet he felt a loss at knowing Dean had developed such a strong bond to another angel. But just because he experienced no sexual interest in the hunter didn't make his attraction any less strong than Anna's may have been.
The man fascinated him endlessly. His soul, after having been healed by Castiel upon his return from hell, glowed more brightly than any other human soul ever could. To Castiel, at least. It was beautiful. And he admired it. Hell, he cherished it. He knew everything about that man, including his actions when he had been down in the pit. And yet, Castiel still loved him.
Love. What a strange word. But when Dean risked his life moments later to defend Castiel from Alastair's attack, he knew it was the right one. It might not be a traditional view on the phrase, but nothing about their relationship was traditional. Castiel had gone to hell and back for Dean, and he would do it again. And if that wasn't love, he didn't know what was.